I'm posting this here because, honestly, I'm a beginner
This is related to a woman I work with and it's platonic but I feel like it's a good foundation to handle frame control and dealing with women.
She's type-A, strong quick to judge a situation or person. Extremely good at being on-top-of-things. I like working with her because she's good at things I'm not and vs. versa. That being said, we get along better when she's not leading.
Situation:
I'm late in the morning (even 1 min) and she complains and becomes difficult to deal with. This sets the day off of me reacting to her strong, judgmental, negative mood and being on the defensive early on. (Not good)
Her frame: Since I'm a business owner and I'm late, she can't give anyone else a hard time for being late. I'm not dedicated, etc...
My perspective: I'm working to be more consistent, it's always been difficult, Personally, I kinda buy-in to her frame, but I'm doing the best I can
My progression over time for handling this:
1.) Defending, making up excuses, her getting frustrated. Her: angry, bitter, shaking head
2.) Agreeing, apologizing, somewhat defending my larger character and promising to do better. Her: she's heard it before, starts bringing up past failures
3.) Reduced apologizing, avoid the subject, silent treatment. Her: Silent treatment back, ongoing attitude and resentment, gets worse till I break it
4.) Still agreeing, not apologizing, breakthrough: qualified her as not being constructive Her: Backs off somewhat
5.) Don't acknowledge, apologize, or explain my being late at all. If she tries to have attitude, skeptical look, if she persists tell her to knock it off. Her: On to positive topics within 20 min.
It would be awesome to know what the next step of this progression might be . I've put in a lot of work behind the scenes to reduce my lateness (which was consistently a problem over years) but since I'm trying to abide by the law of least effort, I don't bring it up. I obviously don't want it to appear as investment. This is, however, a value that I have (wanting to be reliable/on time for things) so I'm getting a nice congruence attitude-lift.
Has anyone had similarly recurring issues with women that they've worked through? How did you progress through the middle-stages? What would be the master-level way to handle this (besides just not being late)?
This is related to a woman I work with and it's platonic but I feel like it's a good foundation to handle frame control and dealing with women.
She's type-A, strong quick to judge a situation or person. Extremely good at being on-top-of-things. I like working with her because she's good at things I'm not and vs. versa. That being said, we get along better when she's not leading.
Situation:
I'm late in the morning (even 1 min) and she complains and becomes difficult to deal with. This sets the day off of me reacting to her strong, judgmental, negative mood and being on the defensive early on. (Not good)
Her frame: Since I'm a business owner and I'm late, she can't give anyone else a hard time for being late. I'm not dedicated, etc...
My perspective: I'm working to be more consistent, it's always been difficult, Personally, I kinda buy-in to her frame, but I'm doing the best I can
My progression over time for handling this:
1.) Defending, making up excuses, her getting frustrated. Her: angry, bitter, shaking head
2.) Agreeing, apologizing, somewhat defending my larger character and promising to do better. Her: she's heard it before, starts bringing up past failures
3.) Reduced apologizing, avoid the subject, silent treatment. Her: Silent treatment back, ongoing attitude and resentment, gets worse till I break it
4.) Still agreeing, not apologizing, breakthrough: qualified her as not being constructive Her: Backs off somewhat
5.) Don't acknowledge, apologize, or explain my being late at all. If she tries to have attitude, skeptical look, if she persists tell her to knock it off. Her: On to positive topics within 20 min.
It would be awesome to know what the next step of this progression might be . I've put in a lot of work behind the scenes to reduce my lateness (which was consistently a problem over years) but since I'm trying to abide by the law of least effort, I don't bring it up. I obviously don't want it to appear as investment. This is, however, a value that I have (wanting to be reliable/on time for things) so I'm getting a nice congruence attitude-lift.
Has anyone had similarly recurring issues with women that they've worked through? How did you progress through the middle-stages? What would be the master-level way to handle this (besides just not being late)?
