- Joined
- Dec 20, 2012
- Messages
- 84
Haven't been here for a while. Still have approach anxiety. Still fuck up moving girls, especially those that are above average (ie cute, hot and sexually fullfilling). However, after putting in all the work (and still working on it) I'm having some of the best times of my life thanks to you guys.
I learned something that I found works really well for myself, so I thought I'd drop by to share it with you guys. This is making the topic 'her' at all times... Such a simple concept that I already knew from making deep dive easy with girls, but I've made it the centerpiece mind concept with everything I do with girls and it's great! Maybe to some of you guys this all is common sense, but if you are very introverted by nature, this might change the way your interactions go with girls forever.
To get the idea of making it all about her, I'd analyse my own actions and think when I'm doing this and that, is there a virtual arrow pointing on me, or is it on her? Who is the focus here. If I find the arrow is pointing towards me, I know I have to redirect my behaviours and thoughts in a way so that the arrow is pointing at her. Doing this makes me get away with so much stuff! Even stuff you'd normally advice against doing. ie talking about emotions with a girl you haven't slept with or sending her 'needy' messages through facebook. Whatever. All that evil stuff does no harm as long as the arrow isn't pointing at you. Always point it at her, even if she isn't with you.
I'll give a few examples to explain this shift of focus:
- After slipping up, doing something stupid while being with a girl. Or worse, doing something stupid to her. Simply don't defend your actions. Once you start defending your actions, the arrow is on you. No, instead tell her that she made you do that, because you get clumsy around cute girls and she is obviously way too cute
... Arrow on her.
- If she gets mad at you for saying something to her, again don't defend your actions and don't try to meta frame it or whatever, which is like trying to make that arrow pointing at you fade away just a little, but it is still there. Instead simply ask her what she didn't like about what you said. There we go, arrow is on her and you might be starting a deep dive just there. Good stuff.
- When you 'can't stop thinking about her', don't think 'oh my god I feel like shit, I want this girl so bad' blabla. Yeah, common advise here to meet more girls and you should. However, the arrow is on you here. Stop doing that. Embrace the fact she is hot and smile about that she makes you feel like that (arrow on her). What happens is, instead of putting her on a pedestal, you are putting her in the 'girls are silly and cute' category, simply by shifting focus on her instead of you.
- Let's say you can't resist the urge to send her a love message, don't be afraid for coming of needy. However, instead of sending her a text that you like her, or worse, that you love her, send her a text that she makes you feel nervous. Here the topic switches from you thinking about her, to her doing something to you. It makes the difference of you being creepy with your message, to her smiling and loving to receive that message from you.
Well, you get the point by now I guess. It's not always easy when you start out shifting focus. Probably first have to analyse your past actions and think about how the arrow was on you and how you could have shifted it to her. Once you get a hang of it, it comes natural with any new actions you take.
I learned something that I found works really well for myself, so I thought I'd drop by to share it with you guys. This is making the topic 'her' at all times... Such a simple concept that I already knew from making deep dive easy with girls, but I've made it the centerpiece mind concept with everything I do with girls and it's great! Maybe to some of you guys this all is common sense, but if you are very introverted by nature, this might change the way your interactions go with girls forever.
To get the idea of making it all about her, I'd analyse my own actions and think when I'm doing this and that, is there a virtual arrow pointing on me, or is it on her? Who is the focus here. If I find the arrow is pointing towards me, I know I have to redirect my behaviours and thoughts in a way so that the arrow is pointing at her. Doing this makes me get away with so much stuff! Even stuff you'd normally advice against doing. ie talking about emotions with a girl you haven't slept with or sending her 'needy' messages through facebook. Whatever. All that evil stuff does no harm as long as the arrow isn't pointing at you. Always point it at her, even if she isn't with you.
I'll give a few examples to explain this shift of focus:
- After slipping up, doing something stupid while being with a girl. Or worse, doing something stupid to her. Simply don't defend your actions. Once you start defending your actions, the arrow is on you. No, instead tell her that she made you do that, because you get clumsy around cute girls and she is obviously way too cute
... Arrow on her.- If she gets mad at you for saying something to her, again don't defend your actions and don't try to meta frame it or whatever, which is like trying to make that arrow pointing at you fade away just a little, but it is still there. Instead simply ask her what she didn't like about what you said. There we go, arrow is on her and you might be starting a deep dive just there. Good stuff.
- When you 'can't stop thinking about her', don't think 'oh my god I feel like shit, I want this girl so bad' blabla. Yeah, common advise here to meet more girls and you should. However, the arrow is on you here. Stop doing that. Embrace the fact she is hot and smile about that she makes you feel like that (arrow on her). What happens is, instead of putting her on a pedestal, you are putting her in the 'girls are silly and cute' category, simply by shifting focus on her instead of you.
- Let's say you can't resist the urge to send her a love message, don't be afraid for coming of needy. However, instead of sending her a text that you like her, or worse, that you love her, send her a text that she makes you feel nervous. Here the topic switches from you thinking about her, to her doing something to you. It makes the difference of you being creepy with your message, to her smiling and loving to receive that message from you.
Well, you get the point by now I guess. It's not always easy when you start out shifting focus. Probably first have to analyse your past actions and think about how the arrow was on you and how you could have shifted it to her. Once you get a hang of it, it comes natural with any new actions you take.
