Shooting at an empty net

[Lotus]

The amount of threads titled and regarding getting girls with boyfriends is beginning to become a bit silly.

Stop wasting your time shooting at goals with a goalie when there are millions of goals that have none. So what if 90% of the guys have no idea what they are doing and the girls are just settling.

That just proves how low the bar is to get the single women.

I'm not sure why we are even advocating to do it, which some people are. It's something that should be saved for level 4 members looking to push the envelope.

-Lotus

 

[Franco]

Lotus,

I agree.

My hypothesis here is that guys keep getting the "best" signals from girls who have boyfriends because -- guess what? -- that's what girls with boyfriends do! They send the most blatant and obvious signs of interest because they still want to feel desired by other men, and at the same time, there's little risk of loss of reputation because they already have a man to go home to if nothing comes of flirting with a new man.

The biggest issue I see here is how far guys are pursuing these girls. From my experience, if a girl tells you she has a boyfriend, and you don't take her home during that first day/night you meet her, then it's not going to go anywhere. Attempting to take numbers from girls with boyfriends is almost a surefire way to close any opportunity you might have had with her, if there even was one. This is why it's actually somewhat of an "advanced" technique to take home girls with boyfriends -- you have to know how to move quickly and capitalize on the opportunity right then and there.

So, if any guys find themselves attempting to sleep with girls who've stated they have a boyfriend and who did not sleep with them upon first meeting, then I would suggest dropping the girls and moving on. Plenty more prospects to make good headway with. =)

- Franco

 

[Thedoctor]

Good thread here, guys.

I'd add 2 more to this:

1) Any chick that works in the service industry like waitresses, bartenders or even strippers. Really hard for beginners to tell the difference between genuine interest or flirting for tips.

2) "So there's this one girl" threads - The irony here is that you usually need to be more advanced to properly fix the situation, but once you do get more advanced, you probably won't want her anymore.

-John

 

[normajean106]

The amount of threads titled and regarding getting girls with boyfriends is beginning to become a bit silly.

Stop wasting your time shooting at goals with a goalie when there are millions of goals that have none. So what if 90% of the guys have no idea what they are doing and the girls are just settling.

That just proves how low the bar is to get the single women.

I'm not sure why we are even advocating to do it, which some people are. It's something that should be saved for level 4 members looking to push the envelope.

-Lotus

Lotus,

I agree.

My hypothesis here is that guys keep getting the "best" signals from girls who have boyfriends because -- guess what? -- that's what girls with boyfriends do! They send the most blatant and obvious signs of interest because they still want to feel desired by other men, and at the same time, there's little risk of loss of reputation because they already have a man to go home to if nothing comes of flirting with a new man.

The biggest issue I see here is how far guys are pursuing these girls. From my experience, if a girl tells you she has a boyfriend, and you don't take her home during that first day/night you meet her, then it's not going to go anywhere. Attempting to take numbers from girls with boyfriends is almost a surefire way to close any opportunity you might have had with her, if there even was one. This is why it's actually somewhat of an "advanced" technique to take home girls with boyfriends -- you have to know how to move quickly and capitalize on the opportunity right then and there.

So, if any guys find themselves attempting to sleep with girls who've stated they have a boyfriend and who did not sleep with them upon first meeting, then I would suggest dropping the girls and moving on. Plenty more prospects to make good headway with. =)

- Franco

Actually, no. That's not why I'm doing this. I haven't gotten a single sign of interest from her (not in terms of attraction at least), yet I'm pursuing anyway. But before I get into this...

I'm sure you both have probably read my recent thread with the oh-so generic title of "Hooking up with a girl who has a boyfriend." I wasn't thinking when I wrote the title, and even if I was, this is a common type of thread I will admit, but there really isn't an overabundance of them. I flipped through the last five pages and I'm the only one out of 125 threads to bring this topic up (which makes up about 0.008% of the board lol). So unless you picked page 36 on a whim one day and found a plethora of these threads, then I'm certain this is directed at me (along with the other threads involving this topic in the past). Really though, you could have just told me about this in my thread and I actually would have listened to what you were saying since I am new to the boards.

Back to what I was saying before, the reason why I am pursuing this girl who has a boyfriend is because:

1) She is a bit of a rare gem. I'm going to have to wait a while to find another one like her because my type really is that rare (ESPECIALLY where I live).
2) It seems like her boyfriend takes her for granted, and she could be doing a lot better. I honestly believe I'm doing her a favor.
3) I need something to pass the time. It's boring as Hell and it really sucks knowing that if I want a relationship/affection from a girl, I have to pursue women I'm not really interested in.

So yeah, there are millions of other girls, but there aren't millions of girls who fit my standards. I don't have that many standards actually, it's just the girls who do hold my standards are perhaps literally one in a million (where I live at least).

Another thing is that, there is actually another way to successfully woo a girl with a boyfriend. Yep, it's a giant pain in the butt, but it works. And it isn't popular here either.

I know you guys have probably heard this (a lot), but a girl bases most of her decisions on emotions, no? Well, if she feels crappy around her boyfriend but amazing around another guy, who do you think is going to end up with her? The main thing is just deep diving and connection building, which turns into investment. If she sees what I high value guy I am and realizes she can trade up, chances are, she will. Yeah, it takes months to pull off, but the pay off is worth it.

So in the mean time I'll definitely be looking for other girls (that's just stupid holding myself for a person who may not ever be attracted to me). I'll probably be in and out of relationships even. However, I'm not going to sit back and watch another guy take a girl for granted when she could be a lot happier with me. (Though, if they truly love each other (which I sincerely doubt), then I'll back off.)

In short, no, I will not stop wasting my time on a girl who is taken. In fact, as I do this I've been gaining a lot more confidence in myself, so it really isn't a waste of my time at all. You can complain all you want and put me down even, but you should know that for a maverick like me, it'll just fuel my passion and push me closer to success.

 

[Franco]

normajean,

I'm sure you both have probably read my recent thread with the oh-so generic title of "Hooking up with a girl who has a boyfriend." I wasn't thinking when I wrote the title, and even if I was, this is a common type of thread I will admit, but there really isn't an overabundance of them. I flipped through the last five pages and I'm the only one out of 125 threads to bring this topic up (which makes up about 0.008% of the board lol). So unless you picked page 36 on a whim one day and found a plethora of these threads, then I'm certain this is directed at me (along with the other threads involving this topic in the past). Really though, you could have just told me about this in my thread and I actually would have listened to what you were saying since I am new to the boards.

I actually have not read your thread, and my comments were in no way a direct reference to you. I apologize if it came across that way.

I believe Lotus is being genuine in his statement about these types of threads becoming more common recently -- although I don't read every thread on this board, I do skim them often enough to see the titles of most threads. I have to agree that it seems to be a rather popular topic as of late!

- Franco

 

[Bboy100]

After my one experience pursuing a girl who has a BF, I have to say that I totally agree with this post. But to be fair, I also have to point out that there are quite a few posts on GC which suggest that we should be indifferent to a girl's relationship status...

I actually wrote a super long FR about a girl with a BF a few weeks back. Personally, I've never been with a girl who I knew was spoken for (with the exception of the one from my most recent LR, who didn't tell me until after we hooked up). And what I can say is that the flirting is addicting. Especially when you get hard to fake signs like dilated pupils, close proximity, not mentioning that she has a BF for a very long time, even when it's appropriate for her to do so. And tbh even now, I think I hypothetically could have slept with her. But as Franco mentioned, this is pretty advanced stuff. So I'm not surprised at all that I failed.

Also, prior to GirlsChase, I would never have even considered trying to get together with a girl who has a BF. I would have assumed it to be super unlikely/a waste of time. The thing is...there are quite a few articles on here which talk about how girls with BFs are often easier than girls who are single. And there are others still which suggest that a women's relationship status is completely irrelevant because relationship status does not correlate well with availability. Finally, the whole concept of "lover/provider" can mislead people to believe that since the BF is usually taking on the role of "provider", she is necessarily looking for a "lover" as well. Obviously, this is false. But that can be unclear sometimes. Especially to those who don't take the time to read the material carefully.

To be clear, I don't think there's anything wrong with what's written in said articles. I'm just playing devil's advocate

 

[Lotus]

normajean,

The thread was not directed at you. In the past month or so there seemed to have been an increasing number of posts regarding girls with BF's and guess what none them have resulted in lays. I've been meaning to post about it for a couple weeks but never got to it, your post just happened to be the straw that broke the camels back. I didn't even read it I just saw the headline and it reminded me.

I apologize if I offended you, but again this wasn't for you specifically

-Lotus

 

[trashKENNUT]

Everyone,

i agree with Franco for ten thousand times, the first response post. haha

Zac

 

[normajean106]

normajean,

I actually have not read your thread, and my comments were in no way a direct reference to you. I apologize if it came across that way.

I believe Lotus is being genuine in his statement about these types of threads becoming more common recently -- although I don't read every thread on this board, I do skim them often enough to see the titles of most threads. I have to agree that it seems to be a rather popular topic as of late!

- Franco

Nothing to apologize about. I'm just saying that some guys (especially me) could be doing this out of self satisfaction (and for her pleasure of course) and not because they feel like they are rescuing the girl or because they think the girl's attraction to them is authentic (though, I'm starting to wonder if I'm the sole exception).

normajean,

The thread was not directed at you. In the past month or so there seemed to have been an increasing number of posts regarding girls with BF's and guess what none them have resulted in lays. I've been meaning to post about it for a couple weeks but never got to it, your post just happened to be the straw that broke the camels back. I didn't even read it I just saw the headline and it reminded me.

I apologize if I offended you, but again this wasn't for you specifically

-Lotus

Yeah I'm aware that this wasn't directed at me (and when I said "read," I meant the title, not necessarily the content). I figured that since I was the last to make a thread about this topic, this was indirectly in response to that and that it was grouped in with the other threads that talked about this.

Believe me, I have thick skin. I only addressed the OP to explain my stance on the issue and advocate for the (few) men who are chasing after girls with boyfriends for legitimate reasons.

Albeit, the last sentence I wrote may have been a bit dramatic (I couldn't resist; it sounded so underdog-ish in a cool way), but I wasn't offended.

 

[Frost]

Finally, the whole concept of "lover/provider" can mislead people to believe that since the BF is usually taking on the role of "provider", she is necessarily looking for a "lover" as well. Obviously, this is false. But that can be unclear sometimes. Especially to those who don't take the time to read the material carefully.

Yess that's gold. I've actually been struggling with the concept a bit, after reading the book "What Do Women Want" (and at the same time some of Drexel Scott's material lol) and while it's true that women have a wild sexual side which is always looking for a lover, the lover and provider roles are not always mutually exclusive, and the proof I think would be women who are in relationships that are satisfying both emotionally (more of a provider guy territory) and sexually (lover guy here).

And the timing couldn't be any better for the new article that was just released about What to Do When She Cheats on You. Some of the reasons that were stated are lack of emotional satisfaction, lack of sexual satisfaction and curiosity (or the desire to be validated by someone else). In the book I mentioned above, there is a whole chapter about how women are turned on by the idea of being desired. Sparking lust in men is part of what gets women horny, especially when you take into consideration how many female sexual fantasies involve many men taking turns to fuck her, or one man fucking her while many others are watching (sometimes masturbating). Which brings me to my point: if a women is in a relationship that's becoming stale and boring, and she finds a man who happens to spark her interest and at the same time wants her, then I think we have a recipe for cheating. Keep in mind that women base their decisions on emotions most (if not all) of the time, which means that while she may have never thought about the possibility of cheating, she might do it in certain situations if it feels right and the guy seducing her knows what he's doing, because remember that if she senses that the guy is unsure not leading effectively, uncertainty will creep in and she might abort (which I believe leads back to what Franco said in the first reply).