Should I ask or demand compliance from people?

[Kaida]

For a while I’ve been teaching myself to get more comfortable asking for compliance from people. It didnt come naturally at first, but I’ve become less sensitive to it now.

Now, I’ve noticed whenever I ask for compliance it’s always a question. Like “Can you pass that to me”. I’ve been doing this unconciously, likely because making it a statement comes off as more dominant and is more likely to face resistance.

I understand there is a certain voice tone to use when making compliance demands, and I’m pretty good at it, but I still face more resistance than if I just ask.

I realize I may be missing out on some extra dominance points by only using questions.

Question is, especially with girls, should I be using compliance demands or can I just stick with questions?

 

[Fuck This]

At your age you still need to be above ALL things respectful.....Ever notice how teachers who are sticklers for respect and discipline address the students as Mr. and Ms.? They are arguably in a position of authority by default, and their obvious politeness is more of a show of adherence to a code of conduct and an expectation of you to do the same.

Compliance out of respect is earned, not demanded, and resentment form demanded compliance will bite you in the ass later when you may not be in a position of power. People will reciprocate respect, and people watching can sense that respect. It is the ultimate social proof. Basicallt treat people the way you want to be treated. When you use politeness and a pleasant tone if someone rejects your request, they look like the uncalibrated idiot. Especially when you handle it in an amused fashion...

 

[Conquistador]

Typically using imperatives: "pass me that", etc in a casual, matter-of-fact tone works best. Depends on the situation. But there are infinitely many ways of inflecting a request, question, command, or anything in between.

Possibly part of the compliance issue might be that dominance is a state of being, not a set of behaviors. A dominant frame or others' acknowledgment leads to behaviors. Don't stress it, just focus on building yourself into a more dominant person.
Also, the hierarchy on high school is hard to climb. Operates on stupid rules. Just stay outside of it and focus on the future, i.e. college (most likely).

 

[Searcher]

With women in the beginning you can ask for compliance in way that its not a demand or a request, more like a question.

However with everyone else it is always best to be polite.
You sound very young so the whole demanding thing might work in high school.

However if you demand people who have options and have the least bit of self respect, it will immediately be a “NO” and they will also start looking at you as an uncalibrated fool.

even with people who don’t have options, it will cause resentment to be piled up.

Feel free to check put these articles for more information.

How to Word Your Requests So They Never Get Rejected

In “Should You Buy Gifts for a Girlfriend?”, Troy asks about how to word your requests such that they stand the highest likelihood of success with the lowest likelihood of rejection. He says: “The right way shows consideration and gives a command at the same time. So in the right way I’d ask you...

www.girlschase.com

Faux Pas of the Sociaux Nouveaux

Social calibration is one of the toughest things to learn, because it’s one of those things where if you haven’t yet become aware of a certain aspect of socializing, you may be completely oblivious to mistakes you’re making or people you’re offending or alienating. I want to take a look today at...

www.girlschase.com

Hope this helps

 

[Kaida]

At your age you still need to be above ALL things respectful.....Ever notice how teachers who are sticklers for respect and discipline address the students as Mr. and Ms.? They are arguably in a position of authority by default, and their obvious politeness is more of a show of adherence to a code of conduct and an expectation of you to do the same.

Compliance out of respect is earned, not demanded, and resentment form demanded compliance will bite you in the ass later when you may not be in a position of power. People will reciprocate respect, and people watching can sense that respect. It is the ultimate social proof. Basicallt treat people the way you want to be treated. When you use politeness and a pleasant tone if someone rejects your request, they look like the uncalibrated idiot. Especially when you handle it in an amused fashion...

Yall seem to be getting me wrong - maybe I wasnt clear enough in my initial post.

When I say demand, I dont mean being overly commanding tone and rude. I know thats not good .

I’m simply talking in terms of word choice. If I choose to demand compliance, its still going to be in a socially gracious way, with a warm smile and eye contact followed by a “thank you”. I’m not trying to have that frat boy uncalibrated asshole personality lol.

So I’m saying, if I’m asking someone to hand me something for example, should I say “Can you hand me that?” or “Hand me that.” (Both said with warm voice tone and with a smile.) The goal is warm, but dominant.

 

[Kaida]

How to Word Your Requests So They Never Get Rejected

In “Should You Buy Gifts for a Girlfriend?”, Troy asks about how to word your requests such that they stand the highest likelihood of success with the lowest likelihood of rejection. He says: “The right way shows consideration and gives a command at the same time. So in the right way I’d ask you...

www.girlschase.com

Faux Pas of the Sociaux Nouveaux

Social calibration is one of the toughest things to learn, because it’s one of those things where if you haven’t yet become aware of a certain aspect of socializing, you may be completely oblivious to mistakes you’re making or people you’re offending or alienating. I want to take a look today at...

www.girlschase.com

Hope this helps

Second article was perfectly on target. Thanks!