Should I break up?

[James D]

Hey guys,

A few months ago there was a little gathering at my university. Some students came back on campus and it was some kind of reunion.
While at the gathering, I text my girlfriend and ask her to come cause the vibe and all is nice.

She comes and recognizes one of her good friends. Irish guy, one year older than us. Apparently they are really good friends. She introduces me, then proceeds to strike up a conversation with him.

I mingle around but keep an eye on them. They were really getting into a deep conversation.
Some time passes and they both get up and leave.

I immediately noticed. I was hurt to be honest because she did not even signal me. Then, I stood up and followed them, keeping a distance.

They made their way to the residence on campus. The guy waited down while she went up to her room.

Then she came down and gave him one of her fancy chocolates. It was one of 7 expensive chocolates she got for her close peers, me included. I remember she telling me that she has one more chocolate to give.

They hug and the guy leaves.

My girlfriend rushes back to the gathering, without noticing me on her way back. She starts texting me and asks me where I am.

I told her I'm hurt because she left with another guy.

She appeared to be genuinely shocked that I was hurt and told me things like:
"But you were having so much fun. I thought I'd just go and get him the chocolate and come back."

I told her that it's fine that she wanted to give the chocolate but that as my girlfriend, she should let me know before walking out with another guy.

She accepted but kept telling me she had no idea that it would hurt me.

Personally, seeing her walking out with another guy made me feel she chose another guy over me which hurts a lot.

I don't suspect she will cheat or anything (and having followed her, I know her story is 100% true)

Am I being too sensitive when I think that the least she can do is signal her boyfriend before walking out in the dark with another guy?

She keeps telling me it won't happen again and that in the moment she had no idea that such a thing would hurt me.

A few notes on my girlfriend:
She's the artistic, stay in door girl
Never parties, drinks or smokes
Not so socially savvy. The reason I was at the gathering first and texted her to join me is because she does not really like social situations.

To summarize:
-She says that the reason she was in such a deep conversation with her friend was because they were talking about a mutual friend of their's breakup
-She says the reason she could not wait to give him the chocolate was because the guy is never around on campus (he leaves very far and comes rarely)
-She says that she has few friends and did not want to miss that chance of talking and getting him that chocolate. She wants to maintain the few friendships she has.
-She says she genuinely did not think that not signalling me would hurt me.
-She seems not to understand that no boyfriend wants to see his girl walk out with another guy with zero explanation. It gives room to too much overthinking.

On my side:
-I did get jealous when she was spending all of her time there catching up with him.
-I got very hurt when she just walked out, especially because she gave no explanations. My mind went on overdrive for a few minutes, until i realized she was giving the chocolate.
-I know she said the truth (I saw it)

Since then, she tried her best to mend things. She tries not to give me any doubts and even told me that her friend texted her to meet for lunch but she cancelled.
And she went back to being a great girlfriend.

Even now, she's back with her family abroad and makes me surprises by having my favorite foods delivered to me at my doorstep.

Am I just being to oversensitive about this incident?

 

[Richard]

In my opinion, yes, you're being overly sensitive.

As a man, you shouldn't worry about what your girlfriend is doing BECAUSE what reason is there to worry? Women don't typically leave men unless the guy no longer fits their needs (and a woman's ultimate need hardly ever changes) or because the relationship grinds to a halt after a guy no longer wants to keep investing more and more energy/time/resources into the relationship but that, generally, takes years to happen. So - unless you feel like another man is better for her or you have some kind of underlying insecurity about her/women then you really shouldn't be worrying about what she does because you should be running on the assumption that you're the best man for her

Women love to probe for drama (even if it's not their intent) because it gives them very easy answers; in this case, your girlfriend saw part of your jealous side and the side of you that "hurts" because she chose to talk to another guy. If this is a one time incident it probably isn't a big deal (evidenced by the fact that she thought you wouldn't care and she went back to being a great girlfriend) BUT if she's picked up these signals before or they show up again later then she'll reach a point where she'll feel like another man is a BETTER option and will start to explore and look for something else. How many times/how often it takes will totally depend on her own relationship experience but it's pretty much true that the more needy you act with a woman the higher the chances are that she eventually finds a better option.

If anything, I'd consider this a misstep and just let it go. She doesn't seem to have cared about it too much so you shouldn't either or else it just comes off as needy again and you'll make other guys look better, by default

 

[Skills]

No, she didn't do anything wrong, just curious why she needed to give him the chocolate

 

[James D]

In my opinion, yes, you're being overly sensitive.

As a man, you shouldn't worry about what your girlfriend is doing BECAUSE what reason is there to worry? Women don't typically leave men unless the guy no longer fits their needs (and a woman's ultimate need hardly ever changes) or because the relationship grinds to a halt after a guy no longer wants to keep investing more and more energy/time/resources into the relationship but that, generally, takes years to happen. So - unless you feel like another man is better for her or you have some kind of underlying insecurity about her/women then you really shouldn't be worrying about what she does because you should be running on the assumption that you're the best man for her

Women love to probe for drama (even if it's not their intent) because it gives them very easy answers; in this case, your girlfriend saw part of your jealous side and the side of you that "hurts" because she chose to talk to another guy. If this is a one time incident it probably isn't a big deal (evidenced by the fact that she thought you wouldn't care and she went back to being a great girlfriend) BUT if she's picked up these signals before or they show up again later then she'll reach a point where she'll feel like another man is a BETTER option and will start to explore and look for something else. How many times/how often it takes will totally depend on her own relationship experience but it's pretty much true that the more needy you act with a woman the higher the chances are that she eventually finds a better option.

If anything, I'd consider this a misstep and just let it go. She doesn't seem to have cared about it too much so you shouldn't either or else it just comes off as needy again and you'll make other guys look better, by default

Thanks Richard.

 

[James D]

No, she didn't do anything wrong, just curious why she needed to give him the chocolate

They were friends at the beginning of the year.
They kinda drifted away when she got together with me.

I think she wanted to give him the chocolate because she was in this mode of "I want to let all of my friends know I appreciate them".
She suffered from friend losses in the past so she wants to ensure the few she has like her and stay.

 

[Fuck This]

Had it been a female friend you would have had no problem with it correct?

Did she ever give him sexual IOI's?

Listen I went to my gf's High school reunion a couple summers ago and she is 10X hotter than she was back then. She saw guys she hadn't seen in 20 years. They sure noticed her and they noticed me too. When she got into a conversation with one of them I made sure to find someone else to talk to. Especially those girls who were the Cool Bitches in her class, who were dying to know who this "new guy " was that dressed better than everyone in the room. (I was the only guy in a suit).

By the end of the night i determined which one of her guy friends were actually cool and we really hit it off talking about shared interests. And my GF was really horny after that night out because she felt like she had the hottest, most popular date there that night.