Should I Carry a Cake and Start a Mini Party?

[Troy]

Should I Carry a Cake and Start a Mini Party?

School starts for me tomorrow and I was thinking how to provide value to my classmates and acquaintances who treat me with respect. I decided that I would bake a Christmas cake today and carry it. I want to be a executive chef, baker, and bartender in the future and the experience would be helpful.

So practise makes perfect. I have some doubts about carrying a cake to school to share up however. Sure it would bring good vibes and I would be adding value. But there are some students who treat me with no respect until I have something they want. The last time I carryed a box of pizza to school to share up I was literally forced to give a slice to a guy who insulted me at every chance he got. I am friends with his friends and he came and sat next to them. And since they value him, I thought it would be anti-social and stupid for me to give everyone else pizza except him. So I shared with him.

Over the Christmas holidays leading up to New Year I got a feel for the persons who really valued me. The lovely persons that remembered to tell me " Merry Christmas and Happy New Year ". And on the opposite side of the spectrum were the friends who I thought were friends who didn't wish me any greetings. Of course I'm not waiting for people to greet me first; I too called and texted some people.

Here's the thing! I have a few numbers of girls in my phone that I consider friend's. I realized that if I don't text them I'll be forgotten, like we never met. I made one more attempt this New Year and sent out a " Happy New Year " text. And from Wednesday to now they haven't replied. It's not like they forgot because I hinted to them 3 times before that they can text me to see how I'm doing and I made them realize I was always the one to text first. And I know they didn't forget their friends on Christmas.

Should I Carry a Cake to Share With Real Friends?


It has hurt me before when I provided value and was ignored when I had nothing afterwards. So I'm cautious about giving to those who only will use me then ignore my presence. For the persons that greet me, text and call me I want to say thank you by having a gift for them tomorrow. They really deserve it. The trouble is with mixed groups where I have one or two friend's there and someone in the group who is against me. And that person who is against me shows more value as a friend to the group. You get what I'm saying. I don't want the group to look at me saying "Troy was really nice to bring cake for us but he didn't give John any and John is like SO IMPORTANT TO US. That's weird ."

I don't want to do things the anti-social way and write some list of who to give and who not to give. The cake is a big enough to share for 50 people. But am I supplicating? Or providing real value? The girls that ignored my texts and never initiate conversation, should I ignore them when sharing the cake? And doing mini parties like this is out of my comfort zone. However I feel it will be good training ground to teach me how to start unexpected parties. And best of all is I won't have to worry about flaking since everyone will be at school. What are your thoughts guys?

Troy

 

[ray_zorse]

Hey Troy did you bake the cake? I would have done it. And of course give some to everyone -- tool or not. This makes you the bigger guy, and it's least effort -- you want to appear that you cannot even remember who tooled you in the past, as it's so unimportant and has no impact. You might want to analyze some of those interactions to see if you are handling them right tho, some of the guys might have suggestions for anti-tool defense. (Standard advice is not to react, just be bored).
cheers, Ray

 

[Troy]

Hey Ray,

Yeah I baked the cake. I didn't carry it though because I was unsure; I didn't see a reply yet so played things safe. I like your idea that I should give some to everyone. God says to share with your enemies.

When you say I should probably analyse these interactions, what do you mean though? I don't fully understand. Should I ask guys where I'm going wrong directly?

And finally, I don't want to appear try hard to bring cake on another day when the New Year excitement has worn down. I don't want to bake a cake and out of no where come to school and say it's for one and all. What do you think about this? I could wait till my birthday in April and plan a big party with my friends at school. What do you think; bake a cake and carry it one day for no specified event? Or wait till my birthday.

Troy

 

[ray_zorse]

I meant that if some guys have been insulting you in front of others and generally tooling you, then react as well as you can in the moment...

(Which means either having a bored look and basically just shrugging it off and continuing as if they hadn't spoken, or otherwise dismissing it... or if you think there might be something there that can do you damage, either addressing it directly in a non-defensive way or just throwing it to the group... according to my hazy recollection of Chase's articles)...

and then after the interaction is over, think about how you might better have responded to the challenge... and post a summary on here to get others' reactions and advice.

I'm not that good at dealing with shit tests, insults or other challenges so I'll def be following my own advice here.

As to the cake I'd suggest to bring one for a friend's birthday instead, if it's your own bday it might look a bit needy (unless you are secure in your social circle)... I have done this a lot since I also love baking and it has become a bit of a tradition in the office.

cheers, Ray