should i cut contact with my family

[Ree]

one of the biggest takeaways from gc that i got,is that everyone is replaceable.
a oneitis,a crappy friend,a bad business partner.
my mental health has improved tremendously ever since i internalised this truism.
i am a last born,my two brothers were A students.
as a kid i was a D student.
i had to go to school without shoes/books/anything as my parents saw spending any resources on me was a waste of money.
in church my mom once went to the front of the church to thank God for her two sons.
the pastor inquired as to wether she had three....well she had three,but i guess she only wanted to thank two.
as we got older it became apparent that i wasnt quite the dummy,
i was the first to move out,and at 29 i am easily the most financially succesfull in the family.
i think the lack of attention manifested itself in me trying to look for approval.
i bought my mom a tv,a fridge,...im the only one who remembers her birthday,i buy her gifts and stuff...but she never really appreciates it.
infact i always feel like if i do anything good for the family they become jealous instead of happy
now last month i managed to get some family land that we had lost.(everyone had actually given up on it)
i invested heavily to get it back from the goverment,and my father sold it.
the lack of gratitude was overwhelming.
the buyer pays us every month,when i distribute this money
my brother (who didnt contribute a cent to get the land)always bitches about the rate at which the money is coming,or the amount at which i sold it.

my other brother and my mother never speak out(i get the feeling that they are just avoiding conflict.but keeping quiet during an injustice is taking sides with the oppresor)


chase has an article where he says if you help people do not expect them to be eternally indebted.

i am wondering,does this rule apply to family?
and the same way we cut off crazy girls,social vampires.low value guys...should we when a family is a source of anguish instead of a source of comfort..should we cut them off too?

just get a new number,go to a new land,and start a new life...with a brand new name

 

[Sandman]

Reaaly tough question bro.

I think it's necessary in some cases but you have to search deep within your soul, is their influence on your life toxic or not, would you be happier with them or without them?

I'd still say if they need you, be there for them but limit your interaction with them in order to limit that bad influence.

Hope everything works out^^

 

[readjusting]

I’d leave but still give them money to live.

 

[Bboy100]

This is a complicated topic. It's not as simple as cutting off a value sucking friend or a girl you're no longer into. Being isolated from your family CAN directly affect your own mental health. It might leave you empty inside. While it may not necessarily be the wrong move given the circumstances, I think you have some reflecting to do as to what the pros and cons of cutting them off would be. What effect would it have on your life? Seriously think about it. We don't know your life and your unique situation and the emotions you feel around your family. So none of us will be able to give you solid advice here. It's up to you to reflect on this and ultimately, decide on your own.

 

[JayP]

The guys have pretty much summed it up well. It's a tough situation, but if they are toxic in your life, limit your interactions with them.

My mother and father divorced when I was nine, and I hated having to pick sides about everything, the families, who loves who, did I have something to do with this? My mom was there for me; my father was only trying to make himself look like the caring parent and would pretend he cared for us just to screw with my mom and us. Something in my heart just keep bothering me, telling me that while hanging out with my dad was making me feel good (thinking he still loved me and was there for us), I knew it was a lie. What caring person would intentionally sabotage a relationship of a boy and his mother if he knew the mother cared for them?

That was when I knew to cut him off. I knew it wasn't genuine. True love shouldn't come with those conditions to put on a facade. Just because you're my father, doesn't mean you can treat me as a weapon for hurting someone else.

My brothers, my mom, and I have had to cut off the rest of our family too because they were toxic and only cared about looking like caring people, when instead they were just taking advantage of us (I'm the first generation of our family born here in the U.S., the rest of my family was not. There was a lot of jealousy and resentment there, in addition to them just being assholes.)

Give yourself some time away from them. See how you feel after no contact with them. Maybe a week, a month, or even a year. You'll have your answer then.

Check this out, too. Helped me out a lot:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6oV4hwVqGc