Should I interact with a girl publically on Facebook?

[4AllEternity]

This is a question in general, but it's inspired by my current situation. I've taken a girl who's a few years younger than me (I'm 23) on a casual date for coffee. I met her online and after a little bit of back and fourth segued to texting, etc, etc. However during our first text conversation via text she asked to add me on Facebook. Normally my policy is no facebook until we've had sex, or at least had a really solid, tension filled date (I feel it breaks the mystique and frames me as more of a potential long-term boyfriend than a lover), but she insisted after I playfully deflected her request. So I gave it to her while still keeping a balanced tone ("Only if you promise you're only a little bit crazy "). Anyways, the date went well and I definitely made a sexual impression, but I could not feel any way in which to maneuver it into traveling back to one of our places (both of us did a bit of a commute to meet).

We've chatted briefly each day since (she initiates), and I've noticed she's making jokingly sexual posts, which based on her timeline does not seem to be her norm. I'm guessing she's trying to get me to engage her in these joke posts, since she's been very eager to chat with me. Either way, they definitely present an opportunity for a more sexual-innuendo filled conversation, but this brings me to my question:

Should I respond to one of these Facebook posts that seem to be directed at me, or would publicly commenting on her Facebook push me far into the "boyfriend zone"? My concern is that once we start a back and fourth on her posts, her friends will get involved, and as Chase has taught well, friends getting involved early on can kill any chance at becoming lovers first. I'm on the fence as to whether it would be a harmless opportunity, or something that could significantly alter the dynamics.

 

[Franco]

4AllEternity,

Should I respond to one of these Facebook posts that seem to be directed at me, or would publicly commenting on her Facebook push me far into the "boyfriend zone"? My concern is that once we start a back and fourth on her posts, her friends will get involved, and as Chase has taught well, friends getting involved early on can kill any chance at becoming lovers first. I'm on the fence as to whether it would be a harmless opportunity, or something that could significantly alter the dynamics.

Nope! I would definitely avoid responding to any posts that aren't entirely directed at you (which in Facebook terms means, she either private-messaged you or she posted it on your timeline).

Not responding to these posts actually can "up" her interest in you -- why are you not responding? Are you losing interest in her? Have you found someone else? Is she not trying hard enough? These are all the types of questions that can run through a girl's head if she likes you, and it will definitely make her put more effort into investing in you and trying to "win" you over.

I would just ignore any public Facebook posts and invite her for the next date when you're ready, and I would do it by text.

- Franco

 

[4AllEternity]

I definitely am inclined to agree with you, one question however. In this case it's not so much that I'm looking to regularly interact over facebook, but that in this case I sensed a specific in for some sexual-innuendo joking. The reason I'm tempted is because while there was definitely sexual attraction on our 1st date, she's definitely not so confident with sexual flirtation, at least in person. This causes some difficult for me initiating any more than extremely subtle sexual humor lest she shell up. I feel like this is a good "in" in that regard, that she's dangling in a non-commital way (not directly initiating).

Any thoughts? If you remain certain that I should keep the Facebook front silent, any quick tips as to how I can subtly introduce a more sexual frame to what we have going, before I take her on a second date (I'd like to get her thinking about the possibility of sex prior, so that things are a bit warmer for when I see her in person). I'm not looking for anything exhaustive, and of course I know to keep the text game to a minimum.

 

[Franco]

Any thoughts? If you remain certain that I should keep the Facebook front silent, any quick tips as to how I can subtly introduce a more sexual frame to what we have going, before I take her on a second date (I'd like to get her thinking about the possibility of sex prior, so that things are a bit warmer for when I see her in person). I'm not looking for anything exhaustive, and of course I know to keep the text game to a minimum.

You're getting ahead of yourself. Your sole focus right now should be on getting her out on a second date; then you can start thinking about how to proceed with sexual intent. There's no guarantee that she agrees to a second date, and the more she thinks you'll chase her on Facebook, the more she'll slot you into a chasing/orbiter role.

It's your responsibility to warm her up to the idea of sex in person. This can simply be done by leading her correctly, and then escalating/kissing/touching when you two are alone. A girl doesn't need to be outwardly sexual to desire sex -- she might just be the shy type who's not as keen on displaying her sexuality in public, even though it will be there as soon as she's behind closed doors and you're deep inside her.

- Franco

 

[4AllEternity]

Haha, wise words. Well, I'll see about getting a second date landed, and then I'll brush up on my escalation tactics prior. Many thanks.