Should I NEXT this one?

[snipefield]

Greetings GC Universe!

2 weeks ago, I went on a date with a girl I met on campus. My pickup was efficient and she was impressed and flattered by my compliment opener said so during the date).

We met at right after class at 5:10 PM and got to a coffee shop around 5:20 PM. She told me 20 minutes in that she was going to the gym with her friends at 7. She also told me while we were talking about jobs that I seem to be someone who's good at convincing people (which maybe suggests that she was expecting me to convince her to change her plans...?).

Conversation was decent. No sexual talk, just mostly platonic, but she was engaged. I planted seed of making pizza together sometime, and she was receptive.

We walked to her car from the coffee shop at around 6:10 and she offered me a ride. I didn't invite her upstairs because didn't want to seem needy and didn't see what I would invite her to do (no plausible deniability)..... Didn't escalate in the car....

Text exchange next day:

me: Hi ... it was fun chatting with you yesterday ). Let's meeet up again stime over this long weekend

her: Yeah I agree! I've got some work to catch up on and some friends bvirthdays tonight but I'll let ya know!

Never heard from her, so texted her the following week mid-week:

me: Hey! Amazing weather, pity work's starting to pile up. How's your day going?

her: I know! It's killing me! It's good so far! Pretty busy but good. You?

me: Good, making sure I keep abreast of the material. I still wanna hang out, it'd be fun to make pizza together

her: Oh I do too! I'm sorry I worked e commerce all weekend long. I'm also working again this weekend and going hiking but I'll let you know

her: {a minute after the prev. text} I can always make time for pizza haha!

me: ) well in that case, how does late afternoon / eve tomorrow or Fri work pizza lover?

Never heard from her since then - that was last Wednesday. By coincidence, I meet her at the gym today. She caught me off guard.

She gave me a half-hug and casually asked me about exercises that I do. Then she tells me that she's waiting for the next class which is at 6:45. I stupidly take out my phone while saying:

me: What time is it now? {looking at cell clock} Oh, you've got some time

And then she just basically wanders off without saying bye. I thought of telling her to sit with me since I was resting between sets, but it just happened too fast, I stalled. I realize this one is pretty much a goner, but where do you think I veered off?

It's interesting how I started to beat myself up right after our interaction and felt the two feelings that Chase & Co warn against- BITTERNESS and the urge to CHASE. It's insightful and a little painful to observe these feelings in yourself...

Look forward to the advice.

 

[ray_zorse]

I reckon it seems like a "lover -> boyfriend" or "second chance" type scenario, something went wrong during the date or the drive home, such as the conversation was too platonic or possibly a missed escalation window (did she seem like she was okay to bounce from the coffee shop earlier with enough time to pull her home to fuck... or did you get any unusual eye contact when she dropped you off... or any indication she expected a pash or similar?), but she decided you had sufficient boyfriend value to warrant a second chance and moving slowly...

So was lukewarm but somewhat receptive on the date #2... but this seemed to have cooled off, maybe due to just not having made a strong enough impression, or due to some other events in her life? Her behaviour at the gym was a brush off... what would be more experienced guys' thoughts?

I fuckin' hate when they catch you off guard and in a low state. It's just not fair. Hehe. NEXT.

-Ray

 

[JimmyB]

To me it just sounds like the first date maybe didn't go great. Maybe it went fine, but you weren't her type or it just didn't go great. Sounds like she accepted your date in the first place because you were able to kind of coax her into it - something not many guys can do in the first place, so that's a good thing. Hence she says you "seem to be someone who's good at convincing people". So it's not that she went against her will, but I think more so that she went on the date to feel it out.
When you come across mostly platonic and no sexual undertones, this would likely put you into the nice guy friend category. You don't invite her in, so you never even attempt a move. From her standpoint you're a nice guy. So...next day you send her your "hi...it was fun chatting with you yesterday. Let's meeet up again stime over this long weekend" message and get a pretty deflective response - she just doesn't see much between you two, likely just not going to work out.

I don't think it's anything you did - probably you just weren't her type. She felt it out on the date, it didn't work out, you both move on. Texting a week later is fine as well I think to try and make something happen, but it didn't turn out.

When you start trying to move things along with a girl, the bitterness and urge to chase can come up because you feel like you did something wrong and maybe if you just set it right, you'll be ok. A lot of times things just won't work out between you and a specific girl, and instead you'll go out and find one you do click with and go from there

JB