Hi guys,
First I want to say thank you so much to Chase and the rest of the team for all the great information you put out there. You’ve truly changed my life and now I am able to get the women I want consistently, and encounter far fewer problems with them than in the past.
However, this one girl has rattled me. This will be a long one so apologies in advance.
We were dating for 2 and a half months. I'm 28, she's 22, and she'd only ever slept with 2 guys before me. The first guy was a 3 year relationship which she got out of 9 months ago... this guy was physically violent towards her. When we met, she was in the middle of a court case and he was being sentenced. She admits she still has some issues from this relationship (understandably), which I'll get into later. The second guy she'd slept with was a drunken one night mistake, and she said she cried about it afterwards. She said she places quite a lot of value on sex and won't sleep with a guy unless she really likes him. I was the third guy she slept with. We ended up sleeping together after 4 dates in 1 week... thanks to Chase's 'date compression' article. She said afterwards she really liked me and was planning to make me wait for at least 2 months! Thanks to what I've learned on GC I was able to rock her world in the bedroom
Over the 2 and half months we were seeing each other she would always come to my place (45 minute drive) because she doesn’t have her own place and I do. She always wanted sex and she was very affectionate towards me. However, there were a few rocky moments when we were physically apart. Although we agreed not to date or sleep with other people, we didn't put the 'boyfriend-girlfriend' label on it. I always got the impression that she didn't fully trust me, which was partly down to her insecurities from her abusive relationship, and partly because I was very laid back and I think she thought I saw us as a casual thing. Maybe I came across too aloof at times. I guess I was the opposite of your typical needy guy... we would text most days, but not every day. The thing is, she started to flake and this flakiness got worse as time went on. She would always apologise and want to rearrange but I didn't call her out on it, I just acted like it was no big deal. But the more flaky she became, the more reluctant I became to commit because I felt she was mistreating me.
Anyway, it got to the stage where she ended our relationship 5 weeks ago. At the time, she said she wasn’t ready to enter into anything, after the ordeal with the abusive relationship. So I let her go, and didn’t contact her at all.
She texted me only about 4 days after the break up, saying she owes me a drink and would like to meet up and talk about things. She suggested the coming weekend. I said ok, I’m available Friday night or Saturday. She replied with ‘actually I can’t do either, can we make it the following weekend?’ (This is the kind of flakiness I’m talking about – why suggest this weekend if you're busy?) So we agreed on the following Friday.
From the date she got back in touch to the proposed date we were going to meet up and talk, which was just under 2 weeks, I didn’t contact her at all. Maybe this was a mistake, but my thinking was that she dumped me, she wants to talk it over, she’s said she’s unavailable for the coming weekend, so I can’t be acting like everything’s normal until we’ve had this chat. She sent me a text after a week of no contact saying something along the lines of ‘you don’t sound keen to talk, I thought you would have at least said hello’. I replied that I still want to talk, but I can’t go back to acting like normal until we have done so.
Anyway, the Friday comes around and she calls me asking to postpone… 2 hours before we’re due to meet (we had confirmed the night before). Her reason? She’s tired. She said she’s absolutely exhausted and falling asleep in her bed as we speak, and doesn’t think that’s a good state to be in for this talk. She asked if I can do Sunday instead. I said I’m free in the afternoon but let her know that I thought she wasn’t treating me well, so I'm not sure I even want to talk anymore. After all, she was the one who wanted another chance after she dumped me… and she doesn't want to take that chance because she's tired?! So I said I’d sleep on it and let her know.
Then the next day I thought I’d give her one more chance, so I texted her saying I’m still free Sunday and would be open to talking. I didn’t get a reply until late Sunday evening. She said she’s really sorry, she saw my text, forgot to reply and then her dad’s birthday took over on Sunday. I had had enough, so I ended it, saying it doesn’t seem like she’s ready for anything, or at least not with me. She said she really did want to see me but agreed that she's not in the best state of mind.
So I start moving on with my life. Not dating anyone else, because I had other priorities – I was trying to get a new job at the time so all my time and energy was focused on that.
No contact for a couple of weeks. Then a couple of days ago she texted me saying ‘I know I shouldn’t be saying this but I’ve just seen you looking very gorgeous in new photos on Facebook’. I said thanks. She then asked how I would feel about giving her one last shot. Although I still like her, I said that I don't think I can go there again. She asked why, so I called her last night. We spoke on the phone for an hour. I explained about how her flakiness had caused me to think she didn’t respect me or my time. She totally admitted all fault for that, and said how much she regrets mistreating me and that it’s so unlike her. She thinks the reason she was being flaky is because she wanted some form of commitment out of me. She thought I just saw it as something casual, but she saw a long-term future. This is what caused her to break up with me. So we were in a vicious cycle of her being flaky, which caused me to put barriers up, making her feeling unwanted, which caused more flakiness. We both agreed that this is the kind of open communication we both should have had all along. And at this point, I was reconsidering my stance.
Now here’s the big part which knocked me… she admitted that she’d slept with someone else while we were broken up. And not just once, but 4 times. We were only broken up for 5 weeks before she re-initiated contact for the second time. She said this guy was someone she’d known for years, and he contacted her through Facebook and made her feel wanted, which I hadn’t. They went on a few dates and then she slept with him. She says he doesn’t mean anything to her and that he doesn’t compare to me.
I know she was single so she had the right to do what she wanted, but I do still like her and obviously it hurts a lot. I’m not sure I can move past it. She presumed I would also be out sleeping with girls, since she thought I didn’t care about her much. She thinks she’s made a mistake and wants me back. She’s really sorry for the way she's treated me. I didn’t want to make any snap decision either way, so I said I’ll take some time to think.
Now that I’ve written this all out, it doesn’t sound good… but I did see her as relationship material, and I think that both of us not communicating well enough is the cause of all this. She’s very keen to try again and I believe her when she says she would never cheat and regrets her behaviour.
What do you reckon? Am I crazy for considering taking her back? Now that we’ve both explained our behaviour I feel like things would be more open and honest if we tried again. But I’m genuinely not sure if I could move past the fact that she’s slept with someone so soon after our break up. I would appreciate some outside perspective, since it’s very easy to get bound up in feelings.
Thank you.
First I want to say thank you so much to Chase and the rest of the team for all the great information you put out there. You’ve truly changed my life and now I am able to get the women I want consistently, and encounter far fewer problems with them than in the past.
However, this one girl has rattled me. This will be a long one so apologies in advance.
We were dating for 2 and a half months. I'm 28, she's 22, and she'd only ever slept with 2 guys before me. The first guy was a 3 year relationship which she got out of 9 months ago... this guy was physically violent towards her. When we met, she was in the middle of a court case and he was being sentenced. She admits she still has some issues from this relationship (understandably), which I'll get into later. The second guy she'd slept with was a drunken one night mistake, and she said she cried about it afterwards. She said she places quite a lot of value on sex and won't sleep with a guy unless she really likes him. I was the third guy she slept with. We ended up sleeping together after 4 dates in 1 week... thanks to Chase's 'date compression' article. She said afterwards she really liked me and was planning to make me wait for at least 2 months! Thanks to what I've learned on GC I was able to rock her world in the bedroom
Over the 2 and half months we were seeing each other she would always come to my place (45 minute drive) because she doesn’t have her own place and I do. She always wanted sex and she was very affectionate towards me. However, there were a few rocky moments when we were physically apart. Although we agreed not to date or sleep with other people, we didn't put the 'boyfriend-girlfriend' label on it. I always got the impression that she didn't fully trust me, which was partly down to her insecurities from her abusive relationship, and partly because I was very laid back and I think she thought I saw us as a casual thing. Maybe I came across too aloof at times. I guess I was the opposite of your typical needy guy... we would text most days, but not every day. The thing is, she started to flake and this flakiness got worse as time went on. She would always apologise and want to rearrange but I didn't call her out on it, I just acted like it was no big deal. But the more flaky she became, the more reluctant I became to commit because I felt she was mistreating me.
Anyway, it got to the stage where she ended our relationship 5 weeks ago. At the time, she said she wasn’t ready to enter into anything, after the ordeal with the abusive relationship. So I let her go, and didn’t contact her at all.
She texted me only about 4 days after the break up, saying she owes me a drink and would like to meet up and talk about things. She suggested the coming weekend. I said ok, I’m available Friday night or Saturday. She replied with ‘actually I can’t do either, can we make it the following weekend?’ (This is the kind of flakiness I’m talking about – why suggest this weekend if you're busy?) So we agreed on the following Friday.
From the date she got back in touch to the proposed date we were going to meet up and talk, which was just under 2 weeks, I didn’t contact her at all. Maybe this was a mistake, but my thinking was that she dumped me, she wants to talk it over, she’s said she’s unavailable for the coming weekend, so I can’t be acting like everything’s normal until we’ve had this chat. She sent me a text after a week of no contact saying something along the lines of ‘you don’t sound keen to talk, I thought you would have at least said hello’. I replied that I still want to talk, but I can’t go back to acting like normal until we have done so.
Anyway, the Friday comes around and she calls me asking to postpone… 2 hours before we’re due to meet (we had confirmed the night before). Her reason? She’s tired. She said she’s absolutely exhausted and falling asleep in her bed as we speak, and doesn’t think that’s a good state to be in for this talk. She asked if I can do Sunday instead. I said I’m free in the afternoon but let her know that I thought she wasn’t treating me well, so I'm not sure I even want to talk anymore. After all, she was the one who wanted another chance after she dumped me… and she doesn't want to take that chance because she's tired?! So I said I’d sleep on it and let her know.
Then the next day I thought I’d give her one more chance, so I texted her saying I’m still free Sunday and would be open to talking. I didn’t get a reply until late Sunday evening. She said she’s really sorry, she saw my text, forgot to reply and then her dad’s birthday took over on Sunday. I had had enough, so I ended it, saying it doesn’t seem like she’s ready for anything, or at least not with me. She said she really did want to see me but agreed that she's not in the best state of mind.
So I start moving on with my life. Not dating anyone else, because I had other priorities – I was trying to get a new job at the time so all my time and energy was focused on that.
No contact for a couple of weeks. Then a couple of days ago she texted me saying ‘I know I shouldn’t be saying this but I’ve just seen you looking very gorgeous in new photos on Facebook’. I said thanks. She then asked how I would feel about giving her one last shot. Although I still like her, I said that I don't think I can go there again. She asked why, so I called her last night. We spoke on the phone for an hour. I explained about how her flakiness had caused me to think she didn’t respect me or my time. She totally admitted all fault for that, and said how much she regrets mistreating me and that it’s so unlike her. She thinks the reason she was being flaky is because she wanted some form of commitment out of me. She thought I just saw it as something casual, but she saw a long-term future. This is what caused her to break up with me. So we were in a vicious cycle of her being flaky, which caused me to put barriers up, making her feeling unwanted, which caused more flakiness. We both agreed that this is the kind of open communication we both should have had all along. And at this point, I was reconsidering my stance.
Now here’s the big part which knocked me… she admitted that she’d slept with someone else while we were broken up. And not just once, but 4 times. We were only broken up for 5 weeks before she re-initiated contact for the second time. She said this guy was someone she’d known for years, and he contacted her through Facebook and made her feel wanted, which I hadn’t. They went on a few dates and then she slept with him. She says he doesn’t mean anything to her and that he doesn’t compare to me.
I know she was single so she had the right to do what she wanted, but I do still like her and obviously it hurts a lot. I’m not sure I can move past it. She presumed I would also be out sleeping with girls, since she thought I didn’t care about her much. She thinks she’s made a mistake and wants me back. She’s really sorry for the way she's treated me. I didn’t want to make any snap decision either way, so I said I’ll take some time to think.
Now that I’ve written this all out, it doesn’t sound good… but I did see her as relationship material, and I think that both of us not communicating well enough is the cause of all this. She’s very keen to try again and I believe her when she says she would never cheat and regrets her behaviour.
What do you reckon? Am I crazy for considering taking her back? Now that we’ve both explained our behaviour I feel like things would be more open and honest if we tried again. But I’m genuinely not sure if I could move past the fact that she’s slept with someone so soon after our break up. I would appreciate some outside perspective, since it’s very easy to get bound up in feelings.
Thank you.
