Should you - and if so, how - stay emotionally detached from the girls you like?
- Thread starter reeax
- Start date
There is no need to do that if you like the girl. Just be honest with her if you really want to meet more women and it's not your goal to date a girl you really like long term.
Surprisingly, women will understand. Don't hurt them by setting the wrong expectation and then suddenly leaving. Also don't ghost/become distant/cold etc. That's not how lovers treat women. Be honest with them. Tell them how you feel and let them understand what you need.
www.girlschase.com
Surprisingly, women will understand. Don't hurt them by setting the wrong expectation and then suddenly leaving. Also don't ghost/become distant/cold etc. That's not how lovers treat women. Be honest with them. Tell them how you feel and let them understand what you need.
Don't Hurt a Girl: The Importance of Expectations
Sometimes, it seems like an impossible to world to live in when you're trying to follow the mantra of “don’t hurt a girl.” The people on TV tell you you’re no good if you sleep with a woman only to realize she isn’t the girl of your dreams. But if the woman realizes that herself - that you...
www.girlschase.com
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@reeax dude! If you like her and she likes you back why would you go cold and distant? You can keep these girls around as FBs, FWBs. They usually have a shelf life of 3 month - 2 years but dudes here have kept girls around longer.
These relationships are usually on and off as they get frustrated they can't tame you, leave and then usually come back.
If you manage the relationships wisely and keep motivated to approach you'll have more confidence and usually more success because of this which will speed up ya learning dude. I understand losing motivation, especially if you can't meet girls at the level of the girls ya currently dating.
@aliparpar is right with expectations, both yours and the girls. The whole thing is keep your eyes on the prize and if the prize is to meet more girls put time aside where you will meet girls dude.
These relationships are usually on and off as they get frustrated they can't tame you, leave and then usually come back.
If you manage the relationships wisely and keep motivated to approach you'll have more confidence and usually more success because of this which will speed up ya learning dude. I understand losing motivation, especially if you can't meet girls at the level of the girls ya currently dating.
@aliparpar is right with expectations, both yours and the girls. The whole thing is keep your eyes on the prize and if the prize is to meet more girls put time aside where you will meet girls dude.
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Heard it put this way once, "you can feel needy, but you should avoid acting needy".
It's totally fine and actually a great thing to have an emotionally connection with women. I think guys into pickup tend to forget that relationships can be very fulfilling and great life experiences.
The problem is when you have emotional investment in a girl that is not interested or starting to become distant and then you start chasing her. That becomes a bad cycle of unattractive behaviors causing her to lose interest faster.
Knowing and understanding what attractive behaviors look and feel like, is what lets you feel those emotions and have great connections in your relationships and still stay on top of your game. You can be romantic and emotionally invested in a woman, but avoid souring it by letting yourself go off the deep end and becoming unattractive in it.
edit:
Just realized I didn't really answer your question.
As for you making progress, why do you want to move on from a girl you like? I agree with @aliparpar , you might be surprised in what's possible.
It's totally fine and actually a great thing to have an emotionally connection with women. I think guys into pickup tend to forget that relationships can be very fulfilling and great life experiences.
The problem is when you have emotional investment in a girl that is not interested or starting to become distant and then you start chasing her. That becomes a bad cycle of unattractive behaviors causing her to lose interest faster.
Knowing and understanding what attractive behaviors look and feel like, is what lets you feel those emotions and have great connections in your relationships and still stay on top of your game. You can be romantic and emotionally invested in a woman, but avoid souring it by letting yourself go off the deep end and becoming unattractive in it.
edit:
Just realized I didn't really answer your question.
As for you making progress, why do you want to move on from a girl you like? I agree with @aliparpar , you might be surprised in what's possible.
Last edited:
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it far from reduces your progress. It may seem like that from many PU perspectives. But rather, it is exactly the place for very important learnings to be had removing ignorances with women. This is a space where you can get to know them enabling access to whole new levels of things. Where masks drops and the exchanges will enable more, more easily on some areas.
needless to say im not talking about falling a sleep in the relation. you wanna
- actively explore them
- expand your understanding of women there and their responses to you, the connection interplays.
- follow the trails of your own sense of things to more nuance
Just a few lines that hints a direction of things...
Theres a great chance to deepn things more here which is a huge key for solidity in some areas.
Last edited:
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I know the general sentiment is "love is all you need." I think your emotions need to be somewhat subservient to your goals.
I deliberately tamped down my emotions with early girlfriends when I was a seduction novice to keep my emotions going out of control. I had gone from "never gets laid at all" to "sleeping with girls who are completely out of my league" and my emotions were going haywire. I was ready to wife up the first gorgeous girl who went to bed with me. I even had trouble getting attached to rather plain girls I shagged in the very beginning, when I was coming from not having women in my life at all (so you can imagine when I managed to bed a very good looking girl how nuts my emotions went).
I actually went through this whole emotional thing where I was explaining to a girl I'd been sleeping with who wanted me to commit to her how much I wanted to be with her but I couldn't give up learning seduction when I was just in the beginning of it and I had to learn this (meanwhile she was just staring at me blankly like "what the heck is wrong with this man").
I kept that relationship anyway but continued dating other women, had other relationships, and eventually your emotions settle out. Now the emotions I get in relationships with women are much lighter and gentler, and I usually do not have to do much/anything to keep them steady.
However, early on, I was:
I eased these restrictions on myself eventually. But I kept them in place my first few years in seduction.
The way I'd heard it framed was, "Act the way you'd act if you were already an enormous stud with women."
Newbie seducer Chase was not an enormous stud with women, and I did not want to act like a newbie, nor did I want to get pulled into the same newbie traps 97% of novice seducers do, where they start dating a girl who is out of their leagues, then fall head over heels for her and hang up their nascent seduction careers and miss out on all the gains they would've made had they stuck with it:
www.girlschase.com
I'm somewhat hesitant to advise guys to "do as I did."
Because I know a lot of guys just want to find a nice girlfriend and have a nice relationship.
I put myself through a lot of emotional turmoil, denying myself the chance to go whole-hog into early relationships where I had girls I was just crazy about. I still went through plenty of positive emotions in those relationships and had a lot of great intimacy and memories come out of it, but I never stopped picking up and if I had I'd have been the poorer for it. I had many times in those days where I'd look back and think, "It would've been nice to indulge in those emotions, but I am so glad I pushed on."
Really depends on what you want.
But if reaching a higher height with your seduction capabilities is an objective, or seeing how far you can push it in terms of the caliber of woman you can get, it can be a worthwhile trade-off tamping down your early emotions to keep your nose on the skill-building grindstone.
Or you may just prefer to go whole-hog into those wild emotional experiences -- depends on the man, depends on the objectives.
For me, sacrificing wild emotional in-love experiences for skill advancement and a better position in life was a worthwhile trade. For other men, with different life goals, however, it may not be. (and truth be told, those wild in-love feelings you get with those first few girlfriends who are just WAY out of your league and you are coming from a place where you didn't know if you'd ever really get girls like that... you are not going to get emotions that extreme with a woman again. It's like Christmas or Easter as a kid -- you are not going to have those emotions to that extremity again once you're past that age. So if you really just want to indulge in the emotion and bask in the pleasure of having this girl you are absolutely crazy about, maybe do that? I dunno; life's short. On the downside, you do run the risk of being more into her than she is into you, so you may also be risking the horrible emotions of getting dumped by someone you're crazy about who doesn't feel the same way... so, again, I dunno. Emotion. Every man must make his own call)
Chase
I deliberately tamped down my emotions with early girlfriends when I was a seduction novice to keep my emotions going out of control. I had gone from "never gets laid at all" to "sleeping with girls who are completely out of my league" and my emotions were going haywire. I was ready to wife up the first gorgeous girl who went to bed with me. I even had trouble getting attached to rather plain girls I shagged in the very beginning, when I was coming from not having women in my life at all (so you can imagine when I managed to bed a very good looking girl how nuts my emotions went).
I actually went through this whole emotional thing where I was explaining to a girl I'd been sleeping with who wanted me to commit to her how much I wanted to be with her but I couldn't give up learning seduction when I was just in the beginning of it and I had to learn this (meanwhile she was just staring at me blankly like "what the heck is wrong with this man").
I kept that relationship anyway but continued dating other women, had other relationships, and eventually your emotions settle out. Now the emotions I get in relationships with women are much lighter and gentler, and I usually do not have to do much/anything to keep them steady.
However, early on, I was:
- Making myself turn my thoughts to other women I was pursuing whenever they would drift toward some girl I'd fallen for
- Forbidding myself from ever fantasizing about sex with a girl I'd fallen for
- Pushing myself to go out and approach even when I only wanted to see a girl I was attached to
I eased these restrictions on myself eventually. But I kept them in place my first few years in seduction.
The way I'd heard it framed was, "Act the way you'd act if you were already an enormous stud with women."
Newbie seducer Chase was not an enormous stud with women, and I did not want to act like a newbie, nor did I want to get pulled into the same newbie traps 97% of novice seducers do, where they start dating a girl who is out of their leagues, then fall head over heels for her and hang up their nascent seduction careers and miss out on all the gains they would've made had they stuck with it:
Why Do Guys So Often Take Girlfriends Right After Major Pickup Breakthroughs?
Like clockwork, a guy makes a breakthrough in game – then gets a girlfriend. And before he solidifies his gains, the gains are gone. Why’s this happen? I talked to Hector the other day about a phone coaching student of his. His student had just begun to break through a barrier he’d been stuck...
www.girlschase.com
I'm somewhat hesitant to advise guys to "do as I did."
Because I know a lot of guys just want to find a nice girlfriend and have a nice relationship.
I put myself through a lot of emotional turmoil, denying myself the chance to go whole-hog into early relationships where I had girls I was just crazy about. I still went through plenty of positive emotions in those relationships and had a lot of great intimacy and memories come out of it, but I never stopped picking up and if I had I'd have been the poorer for it. I had many times in those days where I'd look back and think, "It would've been nice to indulge in those emotions, but I am so glad I pushed on."
Really depends on what you want.
But if reaching a higher height with your seduction capabilities is an objective, or seeing how far you can push it in terms of the caliber of woman you can get, it can be a worthwhile trade-off tamping down your early emotions to keep your nose on the skill-building grindstone.
Or you may just prefer to go whole-hog into those wild emotional experiences -- depends on the man, depends on the objectives.
For me, sacrificing wild emotional in-love experiences for skill advancement and a better position in life was a worthwhile trade. For other men, with different life goals, however, it may not be. (and truth be told, those wild in-love feelings you get with those first few girlfriends who are just WAY out of your league and you are coming from a place where you didn't know if you'd ever really get girls like that... you are not going to get emotions that extreme with a woman again. It's like Christmas or Easter as a kid -- you are not going to have those emotions to that extremity again once you're past that age. So if you really just want to indulge in the emotion and bask in the pleasure of having this girl you are absolutely crazy about, maybe do that? I dunno; life's short. On the downside, you do run the risk of being more into her than she is into you, so you may also be risking the horrible emotions of getting dumped by someone you're crazy about who doesn't feel the same way... so, again, I dunno. Emotion. Every man must make his own call)
Chase
- Joined
- Apr 2, 2018
- Messages
- 485
I think this is how I would be if I were to meet a girl who I found to be TOO great and has all the qualities I want. Long straight hair,gorgeous face ,nice rack and rump ,intelligence,good career, kind girl. I would probably fall in love too hard and consider marriage if I found her so amazing which is not ideal for someone so raw and young.I know the general sentiment is "love is all you need." I think your emotions need to be somewhat subservient to your goals.
I deliberately tamped down my emotions with early girlfriends when I was a seduction novice to keep my emotions going out of control. I had gone from "never gets laid at all" to "sleeping with girls who are completely out of my league" and my emotions were going haywire. I was ready to wife up the first gorgeous girl who went to bed with me. I even had trouble getting attached to rather plain girls I shagged in the very beginning, when I was coming from not having women in my life at all (so you can imagine when I managed to bed a very good looking girl how nuts my emotions went).
I actually went through this whole emotional thing where I was explaining to a girl I'd been sleeping with who wanted me to commit to her how much I wanted to be with her but I couldn't give up learning seduction when I was just in the beginning of it and I had to learn this (meanwhile she was just staring at me blankly like "what the heck is wrong with this man").
I kept that relationship anyway but continued dating other women, had other relationships, and eventually your emotions settle out. Now the emotions I get in relationships with women are much lighter and gentler, and I usually do not have to do much/anything to keep them steady.
However, early on, I was:
- Making myself turn my thoughts to other women I was pursuing whenever they would drift toward some girl I'd fallen for
- Forbidding myself from ever fantasizing about sex with a girl I'd fallen for
- Pushing myself to go out and approach even when I only wanted to see a girl I was attached to
I eased these restrictions on myself eventually. But I kept them in place my first few years in seduction.
The way I'd heard it framed was, "Act the way you'd act if you were already an enormous stud with women."
Newbie seducer Chase was not an enormous stud with women, and I did not want to act like a newbie, nor did I want to get pulled into the same newbie traps 97% of novice seducers do, where they start dating a girl who is out of their leagues, then fall head over heels for her and hang up their nascent seduction careers and miss out on all the gains they would've made had they stuck with it:
Why Do Guys So Often Take Girlfriends Right After Major Pickup Breakthroughs?
Like clockwork, a guy makes a breakthrough in game – then gets a girlfriend. And before he solidifies his gains, the gains are gone. Why’s this happen? I talked to Hector the other day about a phone coaching student of his. His student had just begun to break through a barrier he’d been stuck...
I'm somewhat hesitant to advise guys to "do as I did."
Because I know a lot of guys just want to find a nice girlfriend and have a nice relationship.
I put myself through a lot of emotional turmoil, denying myself the chance to go whole-hog into early relationships where I had girls I was just crazy about. I still went through plenty of positive emotions in those relationships and had a lot of great intimacy and memories come out of it, but I never stopped picking up and if I had I'd have been the poorer for it. I had many times in those days where I'd look back and think, "It would've been nice to indulge in those emotions, but I am so glad I pushed on."
Really depends on what you want.
But if reaching a higher height with your seduction capabilities is an objective, or seeing how far you can push it in terms of the caliber of woman you can get, it can be a worthwhile trade-off tamping down your early emotions to keep your nose on the skill-building grindstone.
Or you may just prefer to go whole-hog into those wild emotional experiences -- depends on the man, depends on the objectives.
For me, sacrificing wild emotional in-love experiences for skill advancement and a better position in life was a worthwhile trade. For other men, with different life goals, however, it may not be. (and truth be told, those wild in-love feelings you get with those first few girlfriends who are just WAY out of your league and you are coming from a place where you didn't know if you'd ever really get girls like that... you are not going to get emotions that extreme with a woman again. It's like Christmas or Easter as a kid -- you are not going to have those emotions to that extremity again once you're past that age. So if you really just want to indulge in the emotion and bask in the pleasure of having this girl you are absolutely crazy about, maybe do that? I dunno; life's short. On the downside, you do run the risk of being more into her than she is into you, so you may also be risking the horrible emotions of getting dumped by someone you're crazy about who doesn't feel the same way... so, again, I dunno. Emotion. Every man must make his own call)
Chase
But just like you did I come from such a place of scarcity that the reason I do is because it would be a lot less stress for me just to accept a loving kind girl who is visually and emotionally appealing to me. I realize that I don't need to bang a lot of girls to be content with my life. I kept comparing myself to the standards of advanced guys like you and the other writers who have slept with a lot of women. I kept thinking I needed to be like you guys since I read about you all the time and get excited,but all I wanted was the results and not the work it takes to get to that level. But I realize now I just want enough female attention in the form of a quality gf and if that ends I would then want to accumulate some more experience.
I do think it was a lot easier for you because you had a one sided monagamy relationship so you could bang as many girls as you wanted while having your main gf to hold you down. Most guys cant pull off the onsided monagamy so they have to choose between sticking with one girl or avoiding a relationship with her so they dont stay too comfortable. Or they stay in a relationship with her and continue to sleep with women on the side so they make gains,but I don't think you advocate for cheating lol
Always. Honeymoon period ends and you'll see her b.s, shake your head, and yearn for that perfect woman all over again.