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FR  Shy Amazonian

ThePhoenix

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Nov 14, 2017
Messages
315
It was last Tuesday. I was at the closest megamall, in the same outing that later produced this FR about an ultra-cutesy girl "working on herself."

In the attached big box store, I spotted a girl a fair bit taller than me (I'm around 5'8"), fairly dark, in an afro puff. Glasses tho - big turn-off, but it was getting late and I hadn't swung once. She was one of those somewhat Amazonian women as opposed to slender-tall. I tend to go for somewhat more slender-tall (but still curvy), but this is really not bad either; as I write this I'm curious what it'd be like to sleep with one. Maybe overweight but it was hard to tell in the thick coat she had on. Her fashion was conservative. Not exactly my type, but I've made myself a deal: if you're gonna stick with black girls, you can't be too picky with them.

I seem to recall that her glasses had somewhat thick, dark frames, possibly black. Just read a claim that this is a categorical indicator of a "joyless feminist or bipolar." Can anyone else remark on this? Am I doomed here? LOL!


The Approach

She was in an aisle with books, reading one of them. (For the record, I'm not into nerdy girls - I used to be one myself, FFS; I was just scanning the whole store!) I entered from the other side. Half-feigned interest in a book 8 feet from her for probably well under a minute. (I tried several times to read the back, but my brain actually would not, out of fear of letting the girl get away.) Put it back, closed the rest of the distance and squeezed her elbow.

I should probably try looking slightly away or something as I touch the girl, so that she looks first, but I keep forgetting. So, I was probably looking. Not sure if I was facing her.

She looked and I gave it half a second before saying "hey." When she answered I told her I like the afro puff. (I like to refer to their hairstyles by name.) She nicely thanks me and goes back to her book, but the way she did the latter didn't feel like "go away" - seemed more out of shyness, and/or not expecting anything more. I think she may have done this at one or two further points as well, but I'm not sure.

She's very soft-spoken. Her mannerisms (as well as appearance) are a big contrast to those of the cutesy girl; she's quite restrained in her expressions. Her character seems reserved. I'm actually not ideally into shy women, but again, at baseline 9%, pickiness would destroy me.

"Tell me your name."

She's so quiet I don't even hear the first time. lol! I get her to repeat, turning towards her more. French name.

Confirms she's a student. Was psych but changed to accounting/business admin/soemthing like that. Asked what made her change. Liked her accounting class. Asked what she liked about it. Putting together business proposals. For yourself or for someone else? (Qualifying ambition.) She's not entrepreneurial quite yet. Maybe later. I'm a bit playful with this, leaning back with a smile and sidelong glance.

Also half-queried on her liking books. This was a bit of a filler. They're a change from text books, she says.

If memory serves, at some point I realized I hadn't introduced myself, so did so whilst gesturing for her hand, which I held momentarily between fingers and thumb. Need to remember to let this linger more. She said it was nice meeting me. May have put this in the past tense.

I think she almost returned to her book, but I didn't want to leave it at that, so I proposed coffee.

She's looking forwards, not at me, smiling, not saying anything. I playfully smile and remark that she's smiling. May have given her a little poke. She still doesn't say anything but smiles more.

I have my phone out and make a contact. Put in her name and ask if I spelled it right. Forgot a silent letter. Passed it to her. She typed her number into the name field, strung right after her name. Nervous maybe? She fixes it and takes a bit of time with the last part.

We part ways and I tell her, enjoy the text books!

Non-verbals and voice were largely unmonitored but probably a little better than on prior approaches, just out of being a bit less nervous.


Post-Approach

On the way home I was debating whether to give her an intro text. In my best experiences thus far, pre-GC, I actually wasn't too quick to text. But in those cases I had some callback humour which made it easy to overcome the "who is this" hiccup. Any callback I could use in this particular case was weaker, so I decided to go for quick, around 9:20pm same day. She answered within a minute or two!
me: Hey Hey Leonie.. it's Phoenix. Save my #

her: Ok

I was occupied on Wednesday, so wrote her back on Thursday, 3pm:
me: How's Miss possibly future entrepreneur

her: Hey I'm good. I'm actually at work and I don't keep my phone at my desk [Was she actually trying to justify a less-than 2h delay in answering? Wow.]

me: Ah ok. So, was that a juicy novel u picked up?

her: Yea I really enjoyed it

me: You'll have to share (; What r u up to 2morrow?
My last message was 6:30pm. She didn't answer, so I just left it over Friday, and then sent this on Saturday, 4pm:
me: Hey Hey Leonie
She didn't answer. All sorts of possibilities occurred to me, and it bugged me not knowing. Not that I'm that concerned over this particular girl, but I don't like not understanding them as a class.

Maybe I didn't generate enough rapport/comfort over text? I've always thought text is a bad medium for that and should be used mainly just to arrange in-person meetings.

Also noted that this is the second time this year I've hinted for a meet immediately after texting something that had a potentially sexual interpretation. Both times they went silent. Is this a bad thing to do? Or is it that this should be ok but I have not been sexual enough in person and so appear incongruent?


Re-Engage

Seppuku reminded me in this answer that I shouldn't drop the girl too long, so I decided to write her today (Tuesday).

I think GC doesn't tend to suggest being clever in open/re-open texts, but in my own prior experiences I've generally been more likely to get responses to this than on more pedestrian texts, such as the above which she didn't answer. Now, this could be that I need to create more value in person. I don't know.

I didn't have anything beautifully crafty (love it when I do cuz it usually hooks), but I decide to try anyway, and indeed she does answer after a few hours. My use of humour is also to reassure her that I'm not pressing for anything at this point:
me: 'Sup Leonie? U should use ur new skills to start a co. to publish juicy novels!

her: Lool I don't think my writing skills are that great. But thanks for the compliment
Good that she answered, but wasn't expecting that answer. She misinterpreted. Probably not fatal, but I really had to think about my answer. (This is why you should never have more than one or two drinks in night game!) She had framed my message as a compliment I hadn't intended, but at once I couldn't fully retract it without risking auto-rejection.

I actually drafted a reply which would have been okay, but opted to not send it right away since I didn't want to reply much quicker than she had been replying. Good thing, because in the meantime I thought up something much better, and a little sexier, and so instead sent this an hour later:
me: Had been thinking publisher... but if u can write them too... hmm this sounds good {; [I realize this isn't totally logical since she downplayed her writing skills, but here I am trying to appeal to emotion rather than logic.]

her: I would be better as an editor. I love reading. Although the hard part will be having to pick which book to publish. Gotta still watch for the bottom line
Nice. She's investing. I'm actually torn between going silent or rewarding her for the investment. I had a good follow-up to this but it assumes we're on the same page as to what "juicy" means. I'd want a follow-up that invokes the sexual undertone without depending on it. Thought of one but it could be taken quite wrong unless I get too wordy. So I just leave it. Last couple times it was her who went silent, anyway.

I don't plan on contacting her tomorrow unless she initiates. I hope that doesn't hurt things, but I don't feel like initiating contact on a day which epitomizes men supplicating to women.

I'm not nearly experienced enough to read how this seduction is likely to go. I'm especially not used to girls anywhere near as outwardly shy as her. But she's been fairly receptive. I wonder, is she going to go into "good girl" mode and put up monstrous LMR, or is she a freak waiting to be unleashed? Hmmmm...
 

Seppuku

Tribal Elder
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Joined
Aug 25, 2014
Messages
1,149
Hey Phoenix,

First, this is great in itself. You approach girls and get phone numbers. You're on the right path!

Not exactly my type, but I've made myself a deal: if you're gonna stick with black girls, you can't be too picky with them.
This is a good step, too. It is a good thing to broaden the horizon and be more open minded. You access a bigger universe, plus, you may have some positive surprises over time. If I look at the last three new girls I got, the most beautiful of the three (HB8.5) turned out more selfish and bitchy. The one who's more average looking (maybe HB7) is very cool to hang out and fucks super good. I much prefer her than the pretty selfish bitch - at least for a casual relationship.

Now, your FR. Some remarks:

1. Are you sure she picked up on your reference to "juicy" novels? It seemed ineffective. Don't be afraid to use more obvious sexual humor. Examples of things I've used in the past: "I need to introduce you to my friend Paul", or "a little more fat around the hips are just adding to your charms", or "do you have big boobs? Because I don't mind a little breastfeeding before sleeping" - all in appropriate context of course.

2. Things I would normally like to see: (i) her initiating texting, and (ii) her reaching the "hook point" i.e. the point where she starts asking personal questions to you. These are normally robust signs of interest. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it doesn't show in the convos you reported.

Nevertheless, it's been going on for too long already - because of the Valentine thing, sure - so now you must push things forward. The VDay is behind, so now you should quickly float the idea of grabbing drinks, and gauge her reaction before proposing some logistics. If you get anything else than "OK", you can disengage a little then focus on grabbing the next phone number. You want to avoid the "chat trap".

In any case, this is good job!

Seppuku
 

ThePhoenix

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Nov 14, 2017
Messages
315
Hey Seppuku,

Thank you for the feedback!

Seppuku said:
1. Are you sure she picked up on your reference to "juicy" novels?
No, I wasn't sure at all. This made it harder to progress, because I had thought of something that got a bit more suggestive - something about those novels being easy to judge based on effects they have on a girl's anatomy, - but I got stuck and couldn't work anything out because I wasn't even confident that she knew I was talking about those novels in the first place.

Seppuku said:
Don't be afraid to use more obvious sexual humor.
Yeah, just generally being more sexual with women is a big sticking point. It's not like I don't want to be! But sadly I was very heavily socialized to be harmless, which is a hard thing to de-program. That also makes it hard to calibrate exactly where to do what, because the baseline I'm adjusting from is literally zero. This is arguably my biggest problem, possibly even harder than avoiding women. At least the steps required to stop avoiding women are self-evident, so I have been able to make decent progress there.

Something I really love is when a woman says something that can be misinterpreted in a sexual way. However, I almost never catch such things on time in person - which I think is in part due to my brain being conditioned out of being sexual. On text I have more time to look for them consciously, but even then I don't usually find them, when I even think to look. Probably rather than look for the perfect opportunity, I need to be much more shameless in twisting their words!

When I was training hard and had some nice pics up on FB, one particular cutie from an ex-job posted a rather unabashed compliment. Many guys would probably have said "thanks" or something. Not exactly sexual humour, but I said "My trainer warned me about girls like you". Her reply: "He was right!" Got her on a date soon after. (Prolly would've had a happy ending had I read your "The day I finally got it" back then; she tried to pull me to her home after about 10 minutes, but I was clueless/harmless/brainwashed.) But that was a bit easier from the get-go because she had given me a big IOI literally out of nowhere; I find it a lot harder to mess with girls in the more typical scenarios.

Seppuku said:
"I need to introduce you to my friend Paul"
haha, I read that one. Brilliance! By the way, is there any particular reason you used the name "Paul"? If it's some kind of cultural reference, it's over my head. But it certainly made the "Pauline" bit super convenient!

Seppuku said:
"do you have big boobs? Because I don't mind a little breastfeeding before sleeping"
lol. I couldn't find this one on the board. Curious how soon you pull out something like this!

Seppuku said:
... - all in appropriate context of course.
Yes. Alas, my brain has very little sensitivity to the appropriate context, oweing to having been essentially taught to never be sexual. I guess maybe it's one of those things where you have to go too far before you know where far enough is - like how I went through a brief "asshole" phase when I realized "nice guy" wasn't cutting it.

Seppuku said:
2. Things I would normally like to see: (i) her initiating texting, and (ii) her reaching the "hook point" i.e. the point where she starts asking personal questions to you. These are normally robust signs of interest. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it doesn't show in the convos you reported.
Good observation. I would ideally want to see that. Although I've gotten girls out (coffee date type thing) who didn't show much of this on text either. I tend not to be too talkative on text myself, as I've generally felt it's best just to use it to get the date.

Actually one thing I notice in your interactions you've posted is that you often seem to have semi-substantive exchanges with the girls on Tinder/Instagram/... before the actual meet. A fair bit more messages than I'd be inclined to, but I'm not sure if that's because my inclination is wrong, or because of differences in situation, such as these being girls you've never met in person and so maybe needing some more connection, or even just logistics.

I also wonder if Leonie's interest level being suboptimal is due to weakness in the approach, or weakness in the text exchanges. I gotta take some time out to get Tinder set up and figured out, as it kind of isolates these two steps so it might be easier to diagnose sticking points. I like day game, but it is perhaps more complicated to diagnose problems because there are more simultaneous confounding factors at play. (Then again, Tinder also adds its own confounders.)

I'll try to move this to a date quickly. Will report back on how that goes.

Phoenix
 

Seppuku

Tribal Elder
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Joined
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1,149
"My trainer warned me about girls like you". Her reply: "He was right!" Got her on a date soon after.
Great! It's a chase frame, that works well too!

My friend Paul: purely arbitrary, ordinary name. Try Charles or Jack. And yes, some girls laughed (when they eventually discovered who Paul is) and referred to theirs as Pauline or Paula. (Here, Charlotte or Jackie).

Well I just pointed these examples as what I managed to pull by text with a girl I never met. A little extreme, but certainly a good reference point to what is possible to get away with, when the vibe is right, in terms of getting sexual. It is not necessary to go as extreme as this - but when you manage to pull it smoothly, taking her to bed when you meet her becomes a piece of cake.

Actually one thing I notice in your interactions you've posted is that you often seem to have semi-substantive exchanges with the girls on Tinder/Instagram/... before the actual meet. A fair bit more messages than I'd be inclined to, but I'm not sure if that's because my inclination is wrong, or because of differences in situation, such as these being girls you've never met in person and so maybe needing some more connection, or even just logistics.
It's because I meet them online and require a little more connection. If you met her first in the real world, like here, you already got a chance to make a first impression in person.

I also wonder if Leonie's interest level being suboptimal is due to weakness in the approach, or weakness in the text exchanges.
Not sure. But your girl is a shy type, that it also a factor to keep in mind. She may be interested, but still feel shy. I just say it would have been positive to see points (i) and (ii). The only way to know is to try and ask!
 
the right date makes getting her back home a piece of cake

ThePhoenix

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Nov 14, 2017
Messages
315
Seppuku said:
Not sure. But your girl is a shy type, that it also a factor to keep in mind. She may be interested, but still feel shy.
Yeah, I figured that might come into things. Most of the experience I do have is with women that were not exactly shy... indeed often quite the opposite. So I'm not well calibrated to her.


On Thursday I was a bit concerned to contact her early in the day as it might seem like I had skirted VDay on purpose. (In fact I did, lol.) However that meant I didn't get a chance to write her until 7pm or so, at which point I sent this:
Hey Leonie! So, has our editor-in-chief scouted any more sexy novels?
Figured I'd give myself something to play with later by disambiguating "juicy," but short-term was planning to transition to suggesting a meet once I had her engaged.

However, thus far she hasn't answered. Although it's not a day yet, I somehow suspect she won't.

Interest level indeed seems a bit low, unless it is the shyness. Or maybe I came across as harmless in person (I don't think I was that bad, but who knows), and now my suggesting anything sexy is incongruent (which would make this a lost cause). Being shorter than her might not help either, although I've gotten blatant escalation windows out of taller girls much hotter than this one.

Was halfway thinking that if she doesn't answer by later today, to write "Don't worry, I won't tell (;"

I don't think the delay from avoiding VDay helped anything. Next year I think I'm going to lay off new girls in the 2 weeks leading up to it.
 
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