FU Simple one

[Inbocca]

On the 4th of July I was working a day shift and this gorgeous redhead came in to grab lunch with her mom. She arrived first and went straight for the bar and started chatting me up. At first I thought she was just being friendly but after a while, I could tell she was pretty into me. We were flirting back and forth and building the connection, and I found out she worked at the bar at the end of my plaza. Eventually her mom showed up and I dropped out of the conversation, still trying to balance upscale-service and sexy (not an easy balance btw). When she took off, I kind of pulled her aside and asked if she'd be down to hang out after she got off, she smiled and said she got off at 8. I ended up having to close that night and flaked on her.

Never thought anything of it again until yesterday when she came in - alone - saying she'd been dreaming about how good our chips were (yeah sure you were ). She was pretty much my only customer for a while, but when I had some others she would joke around about how I needed to stop doing my job and talk to her. The whole time we we were talking and flirting and the conversation only hit a low point once and bounced back immediately. She hung out for a couple of hours. Vibe was strong, and her signs couldn't have been any clearer. She mentioned she was taking her dad out for dinner that night but she had the next two days off. So many opportunities to grab those digits, but I passed on most of them, just letting the interaction run its course. I knew in the back of my head that I should grab them on a high note but I just figured I'd grab them at the end and that would seem more natural.

Eventually I could tell she was getting fed up of my dicking around and began getting ready to take off. She gave me this look like "this is your last chance dude" and I was literally about to get off my shift. I asked her what she was doing before dinner with her dad and she said she had to go home and get changed. I reaffirmed she had tomorrow (which was today) off and said told her I get off at four, and she should totally come by after so we can hang out. She gave a big smile and said "okay!" and left.

She didn't show, which I can't say I'm surprised. Aside from flaking on her, I've failed to grab her number twice now. You don't usually get second chances with girls like this and I definitely effed it up. I know she works on Sunday so if she doesn't come in before then, I'll probably swing by and try to pull a miracle out of my ass. The good news is, at least I'm not chasing!


Areas for Improvement:
- Number pull on a high note. The first time I felt weird about asking for her number in front of her mom, but can see the folly now. This time I have no idea what I was thinking. But it was clearly not leading with intent. I was not doing my job and it's super clear why things happened the way they did.
- Being a total pussy. It's fear and anxiety holding me back. Just gotta muscle through that until whatever it is in me realizes there's so much more to lose by doing nothing. Hopefully this does the trick; blowing it on this girl over something so minor, I could kick myself.


That's all she wrote for this one. Feedback always appreciated. I've been working on my newbie assignment on the side for the last couple weeks - restarting it after how much time it's been. I had a pretty big hangup and I'm taking the rest of the weekend off to get some things in order, but I hope to finish it up in the next couple of weeks.
Cheers,
Inbocca

 

[foggy]

Hello my dearest Inbocca,

Yeah, situations like these suck...where you know you could have easily made a move and succeeded but you were being held back by irrational fear/anxiety. Worst feeling ever. Just like you said, you will have to muscle through situations like these until you realize theres so much more to lose by doing nothing. I used to experience fear with each step of my game, whether it be approaching a girl, getting a girl's phone number, inviting a girl home, etc. But after I slipped up multiple times in each step, I knew I could no longer deal with the negative emotions I would get from not taking the risk. They build up over time for me, too. If I don't invite a girl home with me, who is clearly into me, then I feel shitty feelings plus the other shitty feelings from all the other times I neglected to invite a girl home with me who was into me. It just becomes not worth it to not take the risk.

Your attainability is probably rather low with her, so keep this in mind for the next time you guys talk. But you're probably not in that bad of shape. You were asking her to hang out, so it's not like you were showing 0 interest at all right?

 

[Inbocca]

backstory,

Thanks for the support. I've been reading your journal and it just clicked the other day that I remember when you were just starting out. You've definitely come a long way man, glad to watch your progress. I know that this kind of thing was a big obstacle when you first started. That irrationality has been a plague on my newbie assignment, so I hope this lesson will start yielding better and faster results.

She's invested more than I have at this point, so even with her flaking it brings things closer to a balance. I'll make a better effort next time I see her.

I can see what you mean about attainability; starting to wonder if that's a recurring theme for me...

 

[Mystique]

Hey man
Inbocca wrote:

On the 4th of July I was working a day shift and this gorgeous redhead came in to grab lunch with her mom. She arrived first and went straight for the bar and started chatting me up. At first I thought she was just being friendly but after a while, I could tell she was pretty into me. We were flirting back and forth and building the connection, and I found out she worked at the bar at the end of my plaza. Eventually her mom showed up and I dropped out of the conversation, still trying to balance upscale-service and sexy (not an easy balance btw). When she took off, I kind of pulled her aside and asked if she'd be down to hang out after she got off, she smiled and said she got off at 8. I ended up having to close that night and flaked on her.

With such huge signs of interest you could have shagged her that same day, but oh well... things were beyond your control and you couldn't see her that night

Never thought anything of it again until yesterday when she came in - alone - saying she'd been dreaming about how good our chips were (yeah sure you were ). She was pretty much my only customer for a while, but when I had some others she would joke around about how I needed to stop doing my job and talk to her. The whole time we we were talking and flirting and the conversation only hit a low point once and bounced back immediately. She hung out for a couple of hours. Vibe was strong, and her signs couldn't have been any clearer. She mentioned she was taking her dad out for dinner that night but she had the next two days off. So many opportunities to grab those digits, but I passed on most of them, just letting the interaction run its course. I knew in the back of my head that I should grab them on a high note but I just figured I'd grab them at the end and that would seem more natural.
Eventually I could tell she was getting fed up of my dicking around and began getting ready to take off. She gave me this look like "this is your last chance dude" and I was literally about to get off my shift. I asked her what she was doing before dinner with her dad and she said she had to go home and get changed. I reaffirmed she had tomorrow (which was today) off and said told her I get off at four, and she should totally come by after so we can hang out. She gave a big smile and said "okay!" and left.

Heaven gave you a second chance man. She came back for you, totally dtf. Even grabbing a number was unecessary, you should have just taken her home. She said she wanted to go home and change, you should have told her she looks perfect with what she's putting and in fact she's breathtaking. That you wanted the both of you to spend some more time together before she meets up with her dad and you can't just let her go yet. You would have ended up smashing, maybe not for long cause she has to meet her dad. But who says she couldn't have cancelled on her old man ;-)

She didn't show, which I can't say I'm surprised. Aside from flaking on her, I've failed to grab her number twice now. You don't usually get second chances with girls like this and I definitely effed it up. I know she works on Sunday so if she doesn't come in before then, I'll probably swing by and try to pull a miracle out of my ass.

Yup, you can't expect her not to autoreject, you didn't pace her reality. You should go look for her and pull her out of autorejection. Tell her how amazing you think she is and how the both of you have this great connection. And how you might have come off uninterested unintentionally because you've been stressed up by work and are terrible with time management so it was hard for you to fix a time for you both to spend together (or any excuse you can think of that makes sense and has truth in it). Tell her you're going to make it up to her by spending the whole day with her and you already even quit your job so the both of you will run away and start a new life together.

The good news is, at least I'm not chasing!

No offence man, (I know it's meant as a joke) but this sounds lame and defeats the purpose of the mantra "don't chase" which is showing neediness/desperation and not not making moves or showing interest in a girl that's head-over-heels fallen for you. I never knew that our dear mantra could be used in such a way that it'll sound distasteful

Areas for Improvement:
- Number pull on a high note.

If she's totally into you throughout your interaction, screw number closing in a high note. She's already sold on you, just grab the number.

- Being a total pussy. It's fear and anxiety holding me back. Just gotta muscle through that until whatever it is in me realizes there's so much more to lose by doing nothing. Hopefully this does the trick; blowing it on this girl over something so minor, I could kick myself.

You're getting there, that strong resentment you have against your failures plus persistence is gonna take you far. We all make silly mistakes, as long we learn from them we'll be fine

 

[Inbocca]

With such huge signs of interest you could have shagged her that same day

She said she wanted to go home and change, you should have told her she looks perfect with what she's putting and in fact she's breathtaking. That you wanted the both of you to spend some more time together before she meets up with her dad and you can't just let her go yet. But who says she couldn't have cancelled on her old man ;-)

I was thinking the exact same thing just minutes after she left. She was pretty specific about the times she had to leave and asked when I got off. I wouldn't be surprised if that was at the very least in the back of her mind. I love women for how much they put up with men missing their blatantly obvious signals.

Tell her how amazing you think she is and how the both of you have this great connection. And how you might have come off uninterested unintentionally because you've been stressed up by work and are terrible with time management so it was hard for you to fix a time for you both to spend together (or any excuse you can think of that makes sense and has truth in it). Tell her you're going to make it up to her by spending the whole day with her and you already even quit your job so the both of you will run away and start a new life together.

An over-the-top romantic approach like that would totally blow away any low attainability I've managed to build up. I'll give it a shot and see how it goes. Thanks for the tips!

 

[foggy]

Tell her how amazing you think she is and how the both of you have this great connection. And how you might have come off uninterested unintentionally because you've been stressed up by work and are terrible with time management so it was hard for you to fix a time for you both to spend together (or any excuse you can think of that makes sense and has truth in it). Tell her you're going to make it up to her by spending the whole day with her and you already even quit your job so the both of you will run away and start a new life together.

An over-the-top romantic approach like that would totally blow away any low attainability I've managed to build up. I'll give it a shot and see how it goes. Thanks for the tips!

Mystique, I like the idea you're putting out there: be way less of a challenge.

However I feel what you're telling Inbocca to say is way too over the top for this situation. Here's the underlying message it will convey to the girl: "I'm sorry!!!! Here's a logical excuse for why I didn't manage your emotions properly!!! Please forgive me for being wishy-washy!! I'll do anything to get you back!!!"

And I would tread with caution over the over-the-top romantic approaches mentioned in that article too, Inbocca. She's probably annoyed with you, and the cutesy stuff will just make her more annoyed. Also if you weren't being romantic before, then don't go into the interaction being overly romantic. That's a 180 degree flip from how you were acting before and she'll know you're doing it in reaction to her going into auto rejection. That's just bad.

Just be straight up and decisive with her. Say something like: "We're going to hang out the next time you have free time. You're cool and we click. Give me your number and we will sort it out." while looking at her lips. Then, hang out with her and fuck her right in the pussy.

This article goes into further detail of what I talked about in this post: https://www.girlschase.com/content/ultim ... -girl-back

 

[Mystique]

Backstory wrote:

Here's the underlying message it will convey to the girl: "I'm sorry!!!! Here's a logical excuse for why I didn't manage your emotions properly!!! Please forgiven me for being wishy-washy!! I'll do anything to get you back!!!"

Lol. When delivered properly, it in no way sends that kinda message. It's supposed to be delivered in this half romantic, half playful way (with some exaggerated facial ecpressions and hand gestures) that would show her you're still interested in her by teasing her (you wouldn't tease her if you weren't interested). I've had a rethink, here's my advice: you go in and act all cool and flirty, if you sense autorejection (which I believe you would) then you pull out the autorejection reversal stuff I already typed. So here's how it's supposed to be.
You walk up to her and use Backstory's advice:
Backstory wrote:

"We're going to hang out the next time you have free time. You're cool and we click. Give me your number and we will sort it out."

A slight change though, instead of trying asking for her number to sort out meeting up ask her then and there when she'll be free and once you have a meet up agreement, collect her number.
Using Backstory's advice, if you sense some hangups, she isn't totally into you like before, autorejection, etc then use my advice.
Mystique wrote:

Tell her how amazing you think she is and how the both of you have this great connection. And how you might have come off uninterested unintentionally. Tell her you're going to make it up to her by spending the whole day with her and you already even quit your job so the both of you will run away and start a new life together.

If you noticed, I left out the excuse about not being able to make proper time management cause of your job. Backstory was right, it won't look good on your part. When delivering the "you're amazing, we have a connection and my lack of interest was unintentional" part, be romantic about it. Once she's warmed up a bit you can then deliver the second half "let's runaway part". Be playful about it and use some nonverbal exaggeration. Once she's sold on it, go back to how you've been interacting with her prior to this happening.
Backstory wrote:

And I would tread with caution over the over-the-top romantic approaches mentioned in that article too, Inbocca. She's probably annoyed with you, and the cutesy stuff will just make her more annoyed. Also if you weren't being romantic before, then don't go into the interaction being overly romantic.

Being romantic isn't a bad thing as long as you're not romantic all throughout your interaction and you mix it up with a fair good amount of asshole and being super decisive and leading her. There are certain situations in seduction where you have to be romantic and autorejection is one of those situations. Another situation I can think of is during lmr or when she thinks you're just a player. Being romantic isn't cutesy stuff... if it were a looser delivering that line it's a different case, but here we have a strong, attractive and decisive guy trying to make the girl he's interested in feel special. Being romantic is not a bad thing at all.

Also if you weren't being romantic before, then don't go into the interaction being overly romantic. That's a 180 degree flip from how you were acting before and she'll know you're doing it in reaction to her going into auto rejection. That's just bad.

For pulling her deep down from the hole of autorejection, he's allowed to be romantic and not rigid/unemotional. Once she's out, he can move back to however he always interacts with girls.

 

[Inbocca]

Minor update: went to this girl's workplace for lunch and got her number. I didn't even have to bust out the over the top stuff, she seemed happy to see me there and tried to find time to loiter at my table. I made sure to order very little so it was clear I was there for her. It seemed to fix the attainability issue because she invited me on a trip to Rocky Point next week and instead of the check she gave me her number (I asked if she bought my food or her manager did - they've bought my food and drinks there before - and she gave me a sly look and said "does it matter?"). Didn't even need to ask for the number lol. I asked her what time she got off tonight and told her I'd pick her up around then. She seemed kind of surprised but not opposed to the idea. When something happens, I'll write a new report. Thanks for the advice mah dudes. Until next time.

 

[Fuck This]

Minor update: went to this girl's workplace for lunch and got her number. I didn't even have to bust out the over the top stuff, she seemed happy to see me there and tried to find time to loiter at my table. I made sure to order very little so it was clear I was there for her. It seemed to fix the attainability issue because she invited me on a trip to Rocky Point next week and instead of the check she gave me her number (I asked if she bought my food or her manager did - they've bought my food and drinks there before - and she gave me a sly look and said "does it matter?"). Didn't even need to ask for the number lol. I asked her what time she got off tonight and told her I'd pick her up around then. She seemed kind of surprised but not opposed to the idea. When something happens, I'll write a new report. Thanks for the advice mah dudes. Until next time.

So is there an LR for this one?

 

[Inbocca]

Nah. She flaked that night and I haven't heard from her since. Sent out a feeler text on Friday, no reply. Calling it a dead lead.