Marriage Single Dad Laughing - 16 Ways I Blew My Marriage

[PinotNoir]

This has been buzzing around the internet lately (even though it's old, 2012), and it actually seems like pretty good advice for the most part (some of it... it depends):

http://www.danoah.com/2012/10/16-ways-i-blew-my-marriage.html

I've never been married, but may one day. And if it happens, I'd hope that I:

1. Keep things romantic (I'm desirable to her; she's desirable to me) and a little spontaneous/interesting
2. Keep things positive between us
3. Settle arguments maturely (and possibly quickly and discretely)
4. Be honest with each other in a nice way
5. Keep having sex
6. Am never being controlled ("lesser" or "slave husband") in the relationship (i.e., "You can't do this because I forbid it." "You have to do this and this, etc.")

(No particular order)

If #6 ever happened I'd imagine that ending in divorce pretty quickly...depending on what the demands are...

#4 would mean that we don't nitpick at each other over every little thing. But, if she does start to gain weight, I'd definitely suggest she start running with me.

The guy mentions the other points in his article. #1 deals with holding hands, having romantic dates still, and doing romantic things together (vacation, picnic, etc.).

What do you guys think?

Even if you will never get married (monogamous) in your entire life, how would you keep things flowing smoothly? For this thread, think of it as more of a brainteaser and puzzle, rather than a bloody sore.

Or just what are your thoughts on the article? Bad? Good?

 

[daviddreamer]

I think it is a solid article. I am also about to get married in a few weeks and with that comes the acknowledgement that unlike a regular LTR where you could end things if she "got out of hand" now its more of a "deal with it". And unlike in LTR where you don't have to compromise too much you now have to in a marriage and there is consequences like divorce that could really screw you...

But I think what happens is to a lot of guys in marriage is that they
-Lose attractiveness
-Start getting "pushed around" and letting her control
-Get complacent with there partner
-Stop improving themselves

And I have come to the conclusion that even in marriage you have to have Abundance Mentality to keep the fire burning...though it will never burn as passionate as it did before. Maybe some sparks every now and then.

 

[Marty]

But I think what happens is to a lot of guys in marriage is that they
-Lose attractiveness
-Start getting "pushed around" and letting her control
-Get complacent with their partner
-Stop improving themselves

That is the traditional view, but often, the truth is a lot rawer and more visceral:

Coolidge effect

Basically it just gets boring for the man. Not to put too fine a point upon it. Even if she's the sweetest, loveliest, most delicate little thing imaginable.

 

[daviddreamer]

Marty,

Do woman also suffer from this effect?

 

[daviddreamer]

And maybe suffer is the wrong word lol. We are meant to spread our genes.

 

[Marty]

Do woman also suffer from this effect?

Not in my experience.

 

[daviddreamer]

Do woman also suffer from this effect?

Not in my experience.

So shouldn't maintaining a happy marriage be easy for a guy as in lets say this effect could help you maintain abundance mentality?

 

[Marty]

So shouldn't maintaining a happy marriage be easy for a guy as in lets say this effect could help you maintain abundance mentality?

No. If the woman is constantly in tears because her husband is always spending time with other women, then no, that is not a happy marriage.

This shouldn't exactly be a revelation to you. It has been the subject of countless legends, dramas, novels and movies since the dawn of civilization. It is a basic aspect of the human condition.

 

[daviddreamer]

So shouldn't maintaining a happy marriage be easy for a guy as in lets say this effect could help you maintain abundance mentality?

No. If the woman is constantly in tears because her husband is always spending time with other women, then no, that is not a happy marriage.

This shouldn't exactly be a revelation to you. It has been the subject of countless legends, dramas, novels and movies since the dawn of civilization. It is a basic aspect of the human condition.

I should have clarified myself. By abundance mentality I don't mean running around spending time with other women...that is a recipe for disaster. I mean in the sense that confidence is always high, you're always improving yourself, and you're always maintaining your sexyness and cool in, god forbid, the event that your marriage goes downhill for whatever reason.

I am aware of the coolidge effect when I read some articles on the Yourbrainonporn series. Its one of the reasons I haven't watched pr0n since 2013 I quit completely.