Slight cognitive dissonance on relationships/dating/pick up?

[JuLz_shining]

Sorry to start my posts off unrelated to the thread and more about myself but I aim to better my writing skills (as well real life communication more with the freedom of school) mainly to be concise and more well received. I notice most of you gentlemen are quite well spoken and seemingly kind and supportive as a community here.

I have some cognitive dissonance around pick up and "love" in terms of monogamous relations guess how I've been raised to believe is right-I think this comes out in certain in-congruencies portrayed because I don't like to lie and I sometimes say too much - as evidence; this post - not the most concise or eloquent. I am trying to make an effort to get more experience in being cognizant in what I am saying and lessen my interaction's inhibition so I've been slowly building more reference points. What I sometimes wonder is that learning these techniques I know can change mindsets but I don't know if it's always for the better if it doesn't have the wisdom to go with the knowledge... I don't know; I understand women have more experience flirting for the most part with more social minds however does us getting girls constantly take away from feeling connected to/trusting a particular woman? Could there still be attractive girls who discern from guys who get around or are they just naturally attracted and if so how can you establish an open relationship of honesty and trust if we decide to be monogamous could we both manage even after physical attraction may fall/how to avoid it if not. I guess what I mean is; is looking logically at relationships with discrimination possibly lessening or extincting options? But I also know sitting around idly won't help anything and that if I can get any girl and have experience with women I can perhaps go back to maintain a monogamous relationship when I meet one if I wish to stay with. I have like two opinions and feel that the new one chase has opened my mind to seems less controlling and am just finding it hard to articulate to others as concisely and effectively as possible.

I am finishing school this week (not a cool post secondary like with frats etc) for audio engineer although want to get into other things and am currently trying to start off a business marketing a eco-friendly clothing line in north america. I feel I'm coming back to my roots and original goals in life and this place has given hope in being myself rather than what certain indoctrinating influences have instilled but am gaining greater awareness and grateful for opportunities arising at this stage in life for what I want in business and being able to attract a mate if/when I choose etc. With school finishing and my life able to move forward after my accident (I plan to leave home for a while to work on life skills, health (which is of great interest to me) as well as have my own space perhaps in a new town to work on seduction so pardon my excitement in sharing. I'm not familiar with the forum so if there is an intro we are to make or not I can move/remove this info. I just am excited to put more time in getting better as I've had a rough few years since I had an accident and have been physically and mentally recuperating and rebuilding with fundamentals and beliefs while trying to come out of my more soft spoken past although haven't had a hard time making guy friends haven't managed/been interested in much social circle game and find this site great in changing one's perspective to one more constructive than victim mentality/eff the world type of othering. I understand a lot of the concepts but wish to put them into practice in a strategic manner while managing women's expectations and emotions. I relate to Chase and probably many of you who are on these forums and look forward to sharing and learning from each of you just as I have from Chase. I have also felt to have a stubborn or large ego which has served me quite well in combination with empathy which I may have hardened in my high school years but am opening up again in terms of my emotion and lessing my ego by trying to understand people without judgement yet discern if they are of high value (although these commodity terms sometimes rub people the wrong way when not effectively put in context however I and many can see it's relation).

I know Chase grew up devoutly religious and I was raised with similar values although not part of a particular sect I like to believe in a spiritual/universal life force that connects us. For instance the post on astrology not being able to explain certain consistencies.. I guess we gotta make stuff happen to an extent but sometimes things just fall into place people just click and it's meant to be? or is that too new agey and am I stuck in an old way of thinking? I don't know if I want to give up that faith but I know I'd like to up my odds at attracting the "right one" when I meet her (if that's required) and if she doesn't come around I guess with realizing how great sex can be I don't think I should deprive myself of the short term satisfaction any longer while being able to manage women's emotions and not get too complacent with one I feel infatuated with. I guess I'm have a hard time differentiating whether we've ruled out a greater connection that can be made and maintained or is that impossible as we are just biological beings with psychological/physiological responses to stimuli. All I'm thinking is it shouldn't be ruled out until I know all committed girls can be gotten because some may hold true values, or a connection with a feeling of greater purpose and a love for a person that can't be forgotten just based on a little fight, short coming and the fact a charming seducer in pursuit can cause infidelity then this possibility is what's somewhat tainting my view of relationships. If comprehendible, any insights on calming this dissonance or even your take on the matter would be greatly appreciated.

I don't know what this intro post is for or if it's appropriate here. I guess I just wanted to say hi and perhaps get some insight from others towards any of these mindsets I may hold if I make any sense. I hope to perhaps network with some great minds, improve here in writing, speaking as well as over txt/IM tactics to concisely convey my ideas in a savvy manner. It seems this is the place where savvy dudes conglomerate and I look forward to our enriching interactions.

Thanks for your time!

 

[Light]

Welcome to the forum buddy.

You will no doubt find many great people here with both wisdom and knowledge as well as experience to help you grow.

 

[Nuncle]

Hi Julz

I have always been rather cynical about "fairy-tale" monogamous relationships, but this cynicism was somewhat muddled by media influences (film, TV, music, magazine articles, interviews) but reading pick-up material has solidified this cynicism completely. And I must say I have not personally been very re-assured by some recent, more monogamy-friendly material that has appeared on this site.

I had a room mate who was a very strong, confident, handsome, masterful guy and one time his hot girlfriend sneaked out of his bedroom and had quick sex at 3 in the morning with someone who was crashing on our sofa (I heard it!)

Acknowledging women's randy, more animal side can be very disturbing but it's absolutely a good thing to have a clear head about such matters I think. And the Madonna/Whore distinction is absolutely an artificial one in my painful experience. "Madonna" types might love really dirty stuff in the bedroom, and equally "whore" types have objectively just as many sweet, interesting, complicated sides to their personalities as any other girl.

Just think of us men. Many of us are (or see ourselves as) sweet, nice, romantic, caring etc but at the same time like the idea of quick, meaningless sex with a young hottie and will lose any sense of morals if we get a chance to do this.

The below kind of reflects my view of things as it stands at the moment (not that I am super-experienced):

http://www.bristollair.com/2008/inner-g ... out-women/

 

[Franco]

Nuncle,

I have always been rather cynical about "fairy-tale" monogamous relationships, but this cynicism was somewhat muddled by media influences (film, TV, music, magazine articles, interviews) but reading pick-up material has solidified this cynicism completely. And I must say I have not personally been very re-assured by some recent, more monogamy-friendly material that has appeared on this site.

I had a room mate who was a very strong, confident, handsome, masterful guy and one time his hot girlfriend sneaked out of his bedroom and had quick sex at 3 in the morning with someone who was crashing on our sofa (I heard it!)

Good discussion to start here, although I'm going to give some points that will probably make you think about it more.

First off, all of these things you list about your friend (very strong, confident, handsome, masterful) are all great qualities that a guy SHOULD have, and they are all qualities that will certainly get a guy laid -- and probably even a girlfriend. However, what keeps these girls loyal and actually coming back? Really good fucking sex. Can you say with absolute certainty that your roommate was giving this to his hot girlfriend? My guess is no; (and even if your roommate claims he is a sex god, can you actually take his word for it?) just like men, women crave mind-blowing, orgasmic sex. So as much as you can be the "perfect" guy in every other way, if you aren't "masterful" in the bedroom, then eventually your girl is going to become curious about what sex will be like with other men... preferably the men that her friends tell her about that gave them rip-roaring orgasm after orgasm. If she isn't getting that from you, you better believe that she's going to get curious. It's fair to say that women won't feel the need to be absolutely loyal to you unless you are satisfying them in EVERY single way, including sexually. I'm under the belief that women can (and will) be loyal to a man if you really fulfill all of their needs, and that especially includes their need of good sex in the bedroom.

SIDENOTE: My girlfriend of 9 months still randomly sends me texts about how horny she is during the middle of the week and how badly she wants to see me. She says she masturbates in her car on the way to work when she thinks about me.

Now, none of what I said above is necessarily a surprise if you read all of the articles on this website. But assuming you do everything I said above, and you are still skeptical, then here is something to consider that hasn't been brought up on this website (and forum) yet: how bad is it really if your girlfriend has sex with another guy while she's still "with" you? I had to give this one a lot of thought on my own at one point. Do you want to know my opinion these days, personally? Go right ahead. Indulge in whatever emotion you think you are feeling at the moment because that's what you're going to do anyway.

...but when you find out that that guy isn't better than me in ANY way, whether that be sexually, emotionally, rationally, etc., then you'll know what type of man you really have standing next to you. And chances are... you'll never cheat again.

Now, I don't expect my girlfriends to cheat on me (and as far as I know, none of them have or have even an inkling of desire to), but if they did, I am so damn confident that they would be disappointed in themselves and come straight back to me that I don't even worry the slightest bit about it. I know that I'll probably never find out about it because it would be a "one-time" deal for my woman to realize that I am the best, and once she realizes that, I will forever be the best.

So anyway, this is an entirely different perspective on this topic, but I don't really think about whether or not my girl has thoughts about cheating on me. I already know she's crazy, deeply in love with me when she's around me, and if she were to somehow be seduced on some off-chance on an outing of hers, I have no doubt that the man would not even come close to measuring up to me, and it would probably just result in her loving me much more than she already does -- if that's even possible.

Just another way to think about things.

- Franco

 

[Light]

Big words Franco... Big Words... I LOVE IT!

That is precisely how you should think!

 

[Whizzy]

Interesting insight Franco, I was recently pondering the same things myself and loved the ideas

 

[Nuncle]

Hi Franco

Thanks for the perspective from the other side of the fence.

Guess I should start getting to grips with the adapted missionary then!

 

[JuLz_shining]

Ok great thank you for the insight gentlemen esp nuncle and franco. I've read a bit of the articles on positions here and see mention of the adapted missionary and an wondering if I can find an example or explaination.

 

[Nuncle]

You grip the tops of her shoulders, allowing you to get in a good thrust!

 

[JuLz_shining]

You grip the tops of her shoulders, allowing you to get in a good thrust!

Thanks, I remember now.

Also awesome post again, to Franco for the rational mindset of even if she did happen to cheat was like light said; some "BIG WORDS" to keep in mind for abundance of women. How many deep polygamous relationships would one be able to manage at a time with your current style of living and how long do they last typically? I know the length/numbers are fairly vague and quite possibly constantly changing due to a wide variety of factors but I get the impression you could maintain most as long as desired.


Also Chases' post on monogamy works was of great help in reassuring me that monogamy isn't as brutal as it seems and can infact work as well as the factors that can help to make it work. The link is: Yes, Monogamy Works - viewtopic.php?f=7&t=4786

JuLz

 

[ray_zorse]

Read the article on what to expect from an FWB relationship. It says there will come a point where she is getting pretty definite she requires commitment. I mean lets be fair, the clock is ticking for most women under 40~45 and once she prioritorizes settling down with a reliable man & having kids, over lover value, danger/excitement, the chase and great sex, its not fair to keep her, you'll both be dissatisfied in the long run. So the name of the game is to plan your r/ship to put off that point as long as possible, then either go to monogamous (at least to try it out) or let her go with your blessing.
cheers, Ray (haven't actually reached that point myself so it's theoretical to me so far)