Slowly Falling Back into A Dark Place

[David Adams]

First post in the journal (I should've had one Eve before the forum's name was changed lol.

The weird thing for me is how much fast progress I was making with this content coupled up with having somebody to feed off (EXTREMELY IMPORTANT IF YOU WANT TO LEARN FASTER) plus utilizing a different personality type. It was crazy and exciting.

Only problem was the same one I have right now. I wasn't getting the kinds of girls I actually wanted...

But back then it was easier. I didnt really much standard back then. I just wanted to get laid and have fun with girls. But now i have been through a few girls and i have found that everything with these kind of girls feel... empty.

Another thing that really changed my views was when i was getting close with a "love at first sight" girl i used to have when i was younger but wasn't ready for skill-wise. My time with her was better than all the other girls combined and she saw straight through me.

She told me that my personality was way different than before and that she wouldn't choose me if I was like this those years back.

I had her then list out what she actually appreciated about me and she was mostly honest about it. Didnt do anything to turn me into a bitch.

I knew these traits would be special to me because she is my type and cultivating those special traits (which is supposed to be normal for me but I think I lost it) is the key to getting girls I most want.

It's a struggle finding them though but I guess I'm just not trying hard enough though. I suspect it's my suburb (I love it in the city but it's way to expensive with everything that is against us in this country) and not I'm not from USA lol.

But yeah, trying harder and being more curious instead of down in the dumps trapped in my room just watching movies or playing games. Those things don't entertain me anyway.

I'm hardwired to constantly want success in real life things and if I don't have success for too long, those thoughts haunt me until I do. I think normal people can turn those thoughts off or ignore it. I can't.

I think it's a blessing.

 

[David Adams]

So I am back after a long time. It's been a few months and I actually have the time and the energy to write. So this last few months have turned me right into something else. I'm not the same person that I was when I wrote that first journal entry. Spiritually, I have making a lot of progress. Also, I found more of myself and who I am because of a book I read by Troy Francis. How to Be The Asshole That Gets Hot Women. Something like that was the title.

I have been meditating and I actually have a diary now. I have a job, although it sucks, but at least I have some money and I'm not umemployed anymore. My girls situation has not really improved but I am more confident about it now. Since last month, I have actually been speaking to girls more. Just simple conversation to see whether or not she could be interested. Like in our taxi's here in South Africa, people get squeezed in quite often and then the girl's legs touch yours or it seems like her head is really close to your shoulder and then you talk to her and her facial expressions say the complete opposite.

Needless to say, I haven't been talking to girls like this in a long time. I was actually about to smash a chubby girl at my previous job but deep down it felt to me like I just did that due to my lack of options. The ugly ones are single and the hot ones are taken or they have kids already. I don't like sleeping with girls who have boyfriends. I have learnt my lesson very clearly there. But I feel like things are going to improve.

You see, I used to have these really toxic friends. The type that aren't getting success but rag on you when you are having success with a girl that they don't find attractive enough according to their tastes. Screw that. For almost 4 years I have been trying to shake them off me and all of a sudden, it all just happened. Like right now, I am alone in my room. I would not be able to say this 3 months back. No way. They enter in the morning and leave at night. Late at night. How do we deal with that?

Now I have got my freedom but now I don't have any options because it's just the same old girls around me. The city is one hour away from me via transit so, of course, walking is definitely not an option. I'm almost in a good place with my finances. Just needs a little bit of tweaking here and there. My health is getting back up. I quit doing rap music. All these things happened with I got my into contact with the inner-soul. And it's great. I'm writing and I'm not wasting time. It's just not a big deal to me anymore.

I can express myself better and not want to say something but I can't say it if it doesn't rhyme first. I find myself to be a chill dude and pretty cool. I was the leader of the social circle. But I don't have the social circle anymore so now I have to be cool on my own. Doing things solo. What an adventure. It's a challenge and I accept it openheartedly. I will get myself back and do things at an even larger scale. All we need is time and effort and patience.

Alright, that will be all from me today. Check you next time. 7.

 

[David Adams]

I feel way better now than I did last time. I'm actually talking to girls and I am hungry for them. I have never felt like this before. I am all over the place just seeking feminine energy. My walk is different. My body language is different. This is just a big change. And I feel the looks and the stares. One girl this afternoon walked up to me to pass but as she gets closer, I take off my hat in a slow and deliberate and she looks me from bottom all the way up and smiles and bites her lip. Damn man. That was some of the sexiest sh*t I have ever seen. I was supposed to a girl come over today but then it got ruined because I had to work late and also because I got home and found that I had to go out on a mission. Got home too late for that and I don't know if she will come out again but now it doesn't feel that bad because I also got other fish to fry. This feels amazing. I have never been feeling like this before. It's like my sex-drive just came to life now that there are no more distractions. It's just me and me. Totally retarded lol. Anyway, yeah, that's how I feel at the moment and it is great. Peace. 7.

 

[David Adams]

So I am back with the first entry here for the new year. I'm just glad that I'm not going into this year with nothing like last year. This has been quite a long dry spell and after almost infinite procrastinating, I have actually started doing things again.

Last week I got two phone numbers and I was approaching since November on transit whenever I could or if I saw girls who actually looked cute. Not as many approaches as I would like but it's an upgrade from the last few years where either a girl would fall into my lap because my alpha social circle status or I would just be distracted by other pursuits.

Although they has been one thing that has been bugging me. Girls are not responding to me the way they used to when I was a teenager. I was a lot more menacing back then and looked and seemed a lot more menacing then I am now.

In 2019 I started cooling down and now with the missions and responsibilities I have, it has made me even more stoic. Everything is a battle, if not a war. Fighting for time, freedom, fighting off friends to avoid distraction, just trying to be in my own space.

And now I'm just a ghost of who I was. But not to worry because my instinct tells me that the reason they are being like this is the same reason why my face feels so heavy and why I feel so comfortable. Feeling comfortable like this is not a good thing.

I think it must be because I'm not SMILING. It just has to be. Back then, dating back to 2015 when i was learning to flirt from WikiHow, I always made I my duty to SMILE. Girls loved it and I was great at targeting victims for my charms.

It's harder now but it was hard too back then. I was battling with self esteem problems and the works. Now I'm dealing with depression and a sudden big increase in my sex drive. Even just talking to a girl makes me hard.

Last week, a girl who came to pop in and see me told me that it felt like I was undressing her with my eyes and that she could feel my hard dick when she hugged me and that she felt wet that moment.

So yeah, my vibe is getting turned on (not a pun bro) and I'm getting closer, inch by inch. I've noticed that compared to having a girl already, getting out of a dry spell is ridiculously hard and infuriating.

But I told myself that I want to learn this skill for the better. I want to make more money and I actually got fired from my job yesterday, happily. So I should try getting a bit of a better job so that i have more access to girls as well.

The way i am going now gives me hope. I will make it out in the wild abyss. Bet me.

Pierre, the Bubblegum Dandy
222/7