Smith's journal

[Smith]

After my exam today, I immediately went out to talk to some girls. After watching Justin Wayne literally steal a girl away from his student to show him what he should be doing, I was blown away. He got the girl on an insta-date, then make out. The student was like "fuck..that could have been me". I think the lesson there was the student was missing an escalation window. After Justin Wayne saw the girl was receptive, he immediately told her to give him a hug, after more chit chat, he led her on an insta-date. This got me thinking how many times I have missed small escalation window like this.
So things I'm focusing on are physicality, compliance tests and emotionally involve her in the conversation. I was reading a post on RSD about Max hotseat. It was a valuable post. http://www.rsdnation.com/node/510893/forum
Physicality = calibration. Not sure what he means but I'm guessing he means using it to gauge a girl's receptiveness. Then if u want to emotionally involve a girl into a conversation, start saying more "we" and "you". These are the two things I'm lacking, and I think they're important in getting a "maybe" girl.

1st girl - I had to ditch my friend to go talk to her. Opened strong. I think the conversation fall flat when I was too eager to relate to her.
Lesson: emotionally involve her int he conversation more from the onset, and be more physical, i.e. high-five or pull her in for a hug.

2nd girl - opened indirect-direct. Turned out she was here on exchange and was leaving soon. I told her I'm a little disappointed because I'm leaving on Saturday, so I tried to ask her out. When I persisted, she was thinking and really on the fence about it. I touched her arm when I'm being playfully persistence and I think she was turned on by that. She told me "too bad we didn't meet early enough". I think I could have pushed through and made her change her schedule but I didn't persist enough.
Lesson: persist one more time.

3rd girl - Was going to open indirect, but she seemed receptive so I switched to direct. She immediately started asking me questions. We vibed. During the conversation, I told her she has a good vibe and told her to give me a hug. Then we vibed a little more and I asked her if she's free tomorrow. She said she has an exam in the morning then asked me when and where we should meet. I thought about it and figured might as well get her to confirm it now then later over text when her emotion might change.
Lesson: go for the hand-holding and keep testing for more compliance.

 

[Smith]

Watched Justin Wayne's the domino effect and think he was right in having a structured process and checkpoint for physical escalation, and getting the girl to verbally admit she likes you.

I was out running some errands today. First two girls were warm up.

The third girl I hesitated but still did it anyway.
She was sitting down on a bench so I walked up to her and complimented on her style. She has her stuff right next to her, so I can't sit close next to her. We chatted for a bit to build some basic social comfort, then I told her she has cool vibe and she gets a hug. I followed RSDTodd's advice on physical escalation, which is to offer the escalation instead of forcing it onto her, so I just extended my left arm. She stood up and leaned forward to give me a hug. Everything seems to be good here.

I can't remember the sequence of where things were going, but I think I used the date qualifier too early when her interest level is not there yet. She was still smiling. Next time, I should start out with small qualifier, such as are you adventurous? before I moved on to hard qualifier.
At one point, I felt like hand-caressing her, so I grabbed her hand and told her this is more romantic. She's smiles. This transition could have been smoother, but she was sitting a little too far away for me to make it look innocent. Next time I will just tell the girl to give me her hand or innocently offer my hand during the conversation to see if she takes it. After hand caressing her for about one minute while talking, she pulls her hand away to open her water bottle.
When the conversation energy starts to die down, in my mind, I was thinking "how do I pump up her energy again?", which made me look try hard to be funny. Then after I came home, I saw Todd's video on why being funny doesn't get you laid. I could see her losing interest, i.e signs of her losing interest : she starts to invest less in the conversation.
I continued to flirt with her and used the date qualifier again, which was a mistake because it makes me look gamey. She replied "if we do go on a date..because I'll be quite busy this week". Looking back I could have qualified her on being adventurous when she told me she has traveled to Canada.
My flirting also wasn't gradual and I usually compliment on girl's body too fast. And you should always flirt with her as a reward when she's investing in you.
I also tried to verbally escalate the conversation topic sexually. I think I also did too much "push" during the conversation in the end without "pulling" her in, or my tone was not right. Next time I'll add "I'm joking. That's actually adorable." It reminds me of one of the post on the boards about push pull. Right now, I think about it, sometimes I have too much fun "being a dick" and that pushes the girl away. I think that's about the time she's gone cold or even colder lol.
Then I told her let's go for a walk. we walked a bit before I offered to give her a goodbye hug.
Texted her 4 hours later. she replied "Hey it was nice chatting to you too but I don't want to give you the wrong idea."

Lesson:
- Use qualifier gradually and sprinkle them in during the conversation. Don't use them too much. Use the more obvious qualifier when she has invested more.
- Flirt gradually as well, and flirt when they say something that impresses you, so it doesn't seem "gamey".
- focus on building more romanticconnection and use "we" more.
- Chill out and let her invest in the conversation.
- Keep be more physical.
- balance push-pull. It's not necessary and add "I'm joking." if she's not laughing and seem insulted.

P.s. I found Justin Wayne's The domino effect quite useful. If you want to watch it, I suggest you download it on Torrent instead of paying hundreds of dollars because he repeats some of the concept here on GC.

 

[ray_zorse]

This sounds like really great stuff, it's stuff I don't currently do (my qualifying her is pretty incidental, I don't really set out to do it), and the idea of getting her to admit she likes you, I think sounds quite strong. It's a bit like what Chase suggests of anchoring good emotions in her mind by pointing them out to her. I like your structured escalation, I kind of do this but in a somewhat more haphazard fashion. Also check out Seppuku's journal, he has a process where he moves through touching her hair, stomach touches and various other things, and again it sounds like this structured process is getting really strong results for him.
Ray

 

[Smith]

Haven't updated for a while because I was in Sydney with my gf, and now I'm in Taiwan visiting my family. Met a cute taiwanese chick at the airport in HK during transit. I was actually feeling tired, but suddenly became really motivated when I think about all the positive consequences. I haven't been reading and focusing on pick up for a week, and for some reason I feel really relaxed without constantly stressing about this shit. Surprisingly, my fundmanetals are getting better. I'm speaking slower and more relaxed. It feels good to let go and not get too technical about pickup.

So I immediately talked to this chick who walked past me at the airport. Opened her and asked her if she speaks English. I was very in the moment, and followed the Domino effect. Build basic social comfort first, then high fived her. Then I looked at my watch and suggested we go for a coffee. I have no idea where the cafe is but started walking anyway. So I started touching her back and arm during the conversation, and the vibe is good. She seemed into me. I started dropping some sexual frame when she told me she's a lawyer. Anyway, after walking for five minutes, it seemed like there's not even one single cafe at this part of the airport, so we walked back to where we meet, which is my gate. My flight is in 20 minutes. She suggested to wait with me at my gate. I agreed and lead us to a place to sit.

We sit close together and that made touch easy. (right now as I'm typing this, I'm watching a taiwanese drama where guys are picking up girls in a bar very awkwardly using pickup lines..cringe). More vibing ensued. RSD Max's principle of "passive attraction" came up my mind, so I just relaxed and wasn't trying hard to "game". Just have a flowing conversation with some sexual undertone. We shared our inspirations, and I told her I love inspirational quotes. She said I probably have a lot of ideas in my mind. I smiled and said "yes...dirty ideas". She smiled back and asked what kinda of ideas. I told her "oh I don't think u wanna know ". I feel like NJ, smoothly seducing the girl.
I think at one point, she told me she would be glad to be my friend. I laughed and told her no I'm not just looking to be your friend
Her:"but I have a bf"
Me:"*Paused* I'm not looking to be your bf too"
She smiled and maybe was shaking her head haha. I can't remember.
I moved on the conversation.

Anyway, we vibed for a bit more. I showed her Maroon 5's new video where Adam's ass is showing off. I playfully painted a scenario that if Adam Levine walked in right now, would she go with him? She laughed and said yes she would probably go away for some "fun".
I was about to "burst the sexual innuendo" and started some blatant sex talk, but my instinct told me not to, because I had a feeling that keep going with the innuendo would make things more fun and mystrious
Me:"some crazy adventure huh "
Then we talked about Adam's tattoo and we started touching each other at places where we should have our tattoo. She touched my neck. I touched her thigh and back. I told her about this girl I know who has a rose and butterfly tattoo on her ass, and that it was sexy.

I wished I had a place to pull her because the vibe was good, but everyone around me was boarding my plane, so we exchanged fb and maybe going to meet up later this week before I left Taiwan. To solidify this, I wanted her to romantically invested in our meet up, so I asked her where she is going to take us. At first, she said there's a wine exhibition she's going with her friend. I was a little worried about having to meet her friend without a wing, but I said "cool, wine should be interesting". But she immediately changed her idea and wanted to take me to some restaurant.
I got up, grabbed my bag and asked her to give me a hug.

Take away lesson:
1. next time I will go for the hand holding to solidify the romantic connection.

 

[ray_zorse]

Nice one, sounds like you are really getting some of the rough edges off, my buddy radeng has been pointing out to me cases where I'm overgaming as well, holdover from when I was a low-value man trying to be a PUA haha, now that my mindset has shifted to keep up with my new status I need to focus more on smoothness, least effort, passive attraction (!hadn't heard of that before but it's a good description), and being a bit more romantic/attainable. Although you're a lot further along on your journey it seems like there are some common threads, you will be one smooth motherfucker when you get all your current works-in-progress laid down

Just out of interest, if you're both Taiwanese why were you speaking English and not Mandarin? Is your *immediate* family NZ based?

Ray

 

[Smith]

Haha thanks Ray! I moved to NZ years ago, so I'm more fluent in English than Mandarin, so I found it hard to "seduce" girls in mandarin because my mandarin is a bit rusty, and I barely speak mandarin except to talk to my parents.
In the past, I had tried to talk to Chinese and Taiwanese girls in mandarin, but the conversation just doesn't flow. I would rather be more "exotic" and speak English, and make her more invest in the conversation.

 

[Smith]

An insight post. so I haven't been chatting up girls when I'm out and about in Taiwan because I'm always with my cousin or my aunt. I found myself starting to fall into scarcity with the girl I met at HK airport. I started to imagine how great it would be when we meet up...etc. so I fb messaged her yesterday and she replied saying it would be good to meet up next week and asked me what kinda food I like...well I'm leaving next monday. I was contemplating on what to reply and figured I would have a higher chance of getting her to come out earlier if I get her to invest more in the meetup, and also from my past experience, I have never had a good date when I let the girl decide where to go for our date. Almost NEVER. Maybe I'm paranoid, but something about letting girls to decide where to go put her in the power from the onset. So I ignored her question on what kinda food I like, and suggested a cool restaurant I have been wanting to visit. It's opened by a famous chinese musician....and well fuck me. she saw the messaged and didn't reply haha. Then I remember maybe that restaurant could be too "date-ish" or bf-ish, but fk it. I was coming from a place of inviting her because I genuinely wanted to go. or maybe she just doesn't wanna go to that place haha.

Now I think about it. I could have asked her where she lives and google a restaurant near her area. But she lives in a city 40 mins by train from my city, and I have never been to that city. Knowing the streets of taiwan, I could easily get lost haha. But who knows, if she really does have a bf, my chance could be low anyway. I could feel the attraction begin to expire for this one. Logistic is pretty shit from the beginning, and this girl is my type, hence all the fantasizing and me wanting to make this work. Anyway, wish I had more time at the airport and made that romantic connection with her because it seemed on at that time. Maybe I could have risk it and skip a step in the domino effect and do the same pageology and get her to admit she likes me and wants to see me again, since attraction is often subconscious. I'll see if she replies tomorrow. If not, then I'll send her another message telling her I'm leaving on monday, and do a parting shot.

 

[Smith]

Just an update on the last girl, she replied a couple of days ago, and wanted to invite TWO of her friends....not one..TWO! (I got a feeling that she wanted to show off to her friends)
honestly, I wasn't keen on this at all and I didn't have time to meet her because of other plans that came up, so I experimented with things a little bit. I don't think it could be a comfort problem, because we talked for almost 40 mins in the initial interaction and the vibe was good. It's likely to be the bf issue. Anyway, I knew the mistake was to invite her out on a dinner date instead of just grabbing a drink, because she took one day to reply, which means she thought hard about it. So I replied with something like u seemed like a cool girl and I find u attractive blah blah blah, but if you were going to invite ur friends, I'm not going there to watch u guys gossip. Then she replied something polite and didn't get my joke. From her response, I saw where my mistake was...I gave her too much value in my message when she hasn't earned it. It's like giving away free validation. Then I remembered Justin's rule on flirting..flirt with her when she has impressed you and quickly move on the conversation so it's subtle and not a big deal
Kinda gutted about this girl, but flying back to the western world tomorrow. Haven't game for a couple of weeks.

 

[Smith]

Yesterday I flew from Taiwan to Sydney via HK. I chatted up a girl each at Taiwan and HK airport. I was feeling nervous when I tried to talk to the girl at Taiwan airport. Then as more people filled the waiting room, the pressure seems to build up in my mind. I relaxed myself and took it one step at a time. First step, sit close to her, so I sit one seat away from her.
second step, open situationally. I asked her if she's from HK. Her english is not good, but she light up immediately. After some comfort building, I told her to sit next to me, and she complied. The conversation was going well.Then she showed me a picture of her and her fiance when I asked her what kinda guys she likes. She wanted to add me on fb, so we added each other.

Then on the plane, I was seating next to two cute HK girls. I thanked god because he finally answered my pray. They chat a lot and I hesitated a little, but manage to start chatting with them. It was good practice to keep up my conversation and flirting skills.

At the HK airport, I started to feel nervous again even though I knew I was going to leave this place in 30 mins. Then finally as I was queuing up to board the plane, I chatted up the girl in front of me. I hesitated in the beginning because of other people around us. We chatted and some vibing ensued. I suggested we grab a drink once we landed, and exchanged facebook. Then suddenly I was pulled aside because of visa problem, which was just a misunderstanding. She has already moved up in the queue. I decided to go catch up to her. We checked each other's seat, and it turned out we seat right next to each other. I laughed because what are the chances that we sit next to each other in a Boeing 747. But she started to turn cold during the flight when I started to sexualize the interaction verbally. She doesn't seem to be comfortable with sexuality. I lost interest and she turned cold.

After I arrived in Sydney, it was 9am. I chatted with another girl at central station who was waiting for the same train, but I didn't continue the conversation during transition onto the train, so it died down and we sit at different place. After I got home, I took a nap and cooked lunch, then head to the city to have some fun. I was feeling a little less in state after I took a nap, so I kinda regretted it. I remembered Tyler said that for some reason, sleeping can put u back to your baseline state.
I can't remember all the girls I chatted with, so I'll just write down the memorable ones.
The most memorable ones are two girls who walked away immediately after I tried to move them a few meters.
Girl 1
I was pretty warmed up when I met her. Opened her indirect direct. She was warm and receptive, but I was a little bored in the conversation. After about 3-4 mins, I suggested we moved to the shade because of the sun. She declined because she was waiting for her friend, so I suggested we move a little to the side. So I turned around and walked towards it without waiting for her answer. Then I turned my head, her friend's here and she's already walking away without looking back. hahaha wtf? I walked away as if nothing happened.

Girl 2
She was a little cold in the beginning. (A pretty common reaction here in the CBD. I know it's not personal, because people get stopped by charity workers, homeless people a lot. It makes u learn how to persist, otherwise most of the time you'll get "cold blowout", where they don't even acknowledge u, which can be extremely harsh for newbies ) She kept walking as I opened her, then she stopped to ask me for direction. I told her I don't know since it's my first day here, then she started to warm up. We chatted for a bit. Deep diving and teasing here and there. Just when I thought the vibe was good. I told her let's move over here, which is only a couple of meters to the side. I started moving and didn't wait for her answer, but I heard she said "pfft", then I turned my head and she already walked away like the girl above. lol? what happened here? not even a "sorry I gotta go".

For Girl 1, I think I could've try again later when I didn't get compliance the first time, instead of asking her for a similar compliance immediately (The "no ladder"). For girl 2, I'm guessing maybe next time I could maintain eye contact while moving her but this shouldn't be that hard right? Maybe I just screen them out early?

Then another pattern I noticed is girls not stopping, and I found that when I gave them compliments, it doesn't have the impact I thought it would have. They would usually just say "thanks" and ignore u. I think next time, I'll calibrate my directness based on the girl's reaction.

There's an interesting reaction I got a couple of times when a girl is not stopping. Right after I told her "excuse me". She looked at me and gave me a sexy smile. I think this was the law of state transfer at work, because it was already night time and I was starting to have fun.
Me: "I know it's random" I smiled back.
Her: she smiles "yea it is"
Then I told her she's cute. She was pretty receptive.
I tried to stop her by planting my feet, but she seemed to be in a rush. The conversation was going well until it started to get awkward because I kept walking with her. She was also giving me the hot girl blase. I could have been more self-amused. I could have teased her and gave her a false time constraint early in the interaction to avoid this.
I think next time, if a girl is walking and not stopping. For the aloof ones, I'll use a less direct compliment, then immediately teased her why she's in a rush and gave her a false time constraint. I think that's what I'm missing right now. For the receptive ones who's in a rush, I'll do the same but give her a more direct compliment.Now I think about it, I should follow the same rule for girls who's stationary as well Can't wait to try this out tomorrow!Remember Todd's rule "Be as direct as you think you can get away with"

Another memorable interaction is with a japanese girl. I fucked up this one by being too uncalibrated. She was a bit aloof in the beginning, but I can't remember what I did, she started to warm up. I tried to give her a high five and she left me hanging awkwardly for a few seconds lol. I think she may have tried to hold my hand when she high fived, but I didn't want to be too forward...Now I regret that decision lol. Be as direct as you think you can get away with. Then after chatting with her for about 5 minutes, I feel like it's time to move her. I suggested we go grab coffee for 5 seconds. She laughed and said another time, but I knew all too well that another time is a fantasy 99% of the time. I grabbed her hand and tried to walk towards the cafe. Even though she was holding onto my hands tight, she still wouldn't move. Then I logically tried to convince her to get coffee with me. I think I could have kept holding hands with her. I didn't want to be too pushy because of the 4 times rule, so we exchanged number and she wanted me to call her so she has my number. Now that I'm reflecting on this, I think I could have keep vibing with her more then try again in a different way. The end of the interaction was awkward, and that's probably the final blow needed to ruin this chance lol. A small part of me started to get needy and wanted MORE out of this interaction, so I kept chatting even though it's time to end the interaction, so she had to end the interaction awkwardly. A lot of mistakes and missed opportunity for this one. Pretty gutted. I didn't feel the need to send an ice breaker because the damage can probably only be undone via a phone call. I tried to call her 5 hours later around 9pm, but she didn't pick up. I will send a text to ask her out tomorrow night.

There was also a thai girl I was too physical with and that fucked it up. A little uncalibrated on my part. She told me she just got a massage, so I playfully squeeze her shoulder and that freaked her out a bit. I backed off and chilled for a bit and she started to warm back up again. I was walking with her, so I had to grab her number quickly. No response to ice breaker.

For about an hour, I decided to practice game at the supermarket. One girl stood out. She was picking out chocolate, so I opened situationally. Teased her for a bit and build more comfort. Sensing the time is right, I decided to go direct and told her she's actually pretty cute. She was flattered and receptive. Asked her if she's single. She said yes and asked me if I'm looking for a relationship. I told her casual/open. She was smiling. We both pick a chocolate, and I told her we should exchange number. She happily agreed. I texted her 3-4 hours later instead of my usual 2 hours. No response yet. hmmm I was quite confident for this one.

This actually took ages to write, but I think there was some valuable insight on my sticking point, i.e. showing as much intent as you can get away with.

 

[Smith]

I just spent almost an hour typing what happened today, then my computer malfunction and I lost everything, so I'm just going to type down the important lessons today.

1. Be congruent. Say sorry and tell her you don't mean to be rude or random if you feel like it.
2. Todd's way of opening girls who are walking. Find out why they're in a rush. Tease them for making u exercise. Give her a time constraint because you find her interesting but u know u don't have time to keep talking to her. I found it hard to get them to invest in the conversation when they're walking. Need to learn to handle the pressure of silence or use Jame Marshall's line "what would u like to know about me?" to flip the script. There were two interactions today, where two girls were initially into me and we were walking together, but then they stopped investing in the conversation giving me nothing to work with. I cracked under pressure and started to ask them more questions. It was value draining, and I could tell they were going cold.
3. Cross my arm and leaning back soon after the start of the conversation. I found girls start to invest more and qualify themselves when I do this.
4. Keep being as direct as you can get away with.

I'm starting to think I get flaky numbers because girls see the picture of me and my gf on the home screen of my phone. Yesterday, after a good interaction, a girl noticed the picture when we were exchanging fb and she said "oh so u already have a gf?" Even though she wasn't single, the fact she noticed it surprised me because I thought people can't see it clearly behind the widgets and app icons...guess I was wrong lol. No wonder girls I have spent good 10-15 mins developing good sexual chemistry with and I was confident that we'll met again flake on me or don't even respond to my ice breaker.

 

[Smith]

Went on one instant date yesterday and one today. They both went in a similar direction, which is going nowhere, but I noticed the thing that was mainly missing is flirting. I physically escalated but didn't match it with verbal escalation. I could have been more direct verbally, so the physical escalation feels natural. For the first girl, I moved her a few meters soon after the conversation following Franco's advice and don't break the circle, then I started holding her hand while leading her to go on an instant-date. I literally told her let's go on an instant-date. I felt she was quite receptive in the beginning. I was going to be spontaneous and take her to this ice skating rink in a park, but then I realized it's out of my budget, so I changed my mind. She saw this and was disappointed. From then on, it was downhill. The excitement was gone. Also, when she said she's lazy, I jokingly said I hate lazy people, but I think that push was uncalibrated and I could have physically pull her in to balance it out. I tried to hold her hand again, then she said "give me a reason why haha". I told her "because it feels good". she said "That's not good enough." I let her win the frame battle on this one. I probably could have flip the script and asked her "so what's a good enough reason? Tell me why I should hold your hand" Then She stopped investing into the conversation and was quiet. I wasn't sure if I should just keep talking and being self-amused, or let the tension build. I think next time, I'll let the tension build, especially if we had been talking for a while.

The second girl was probably a "maybe" girl, and again, I tried to physically escalate but not backing it up with some form of flirting, except some sex talk in the beginning. She was resistant to hand holding when I suggested we go on an adventure, but she came with me anyway. Then when we're drinking coffee. I started some sex talk, but she was not really "into it". I think I verbally escalated a little too far in the beginning, so that's why she wasn't comfortable. I could have started with some light flirting first. I suggested we go for a walk, but I just didn't feel like it was "on". She wasn't investing much in the conversation and I felt like she's not interested. And after reading Drexel's article today, I think I was right, but the only way to prove it is to escalate. So I tried holding her hand again and she was resisting and said "we just met". Then I ran out of time and had to go to the airport. On the way to the train station, I complimented her on her hair, and she gave me a shy giggle that was adorable. Now I realized how important verbal escalation/flirting is. Being as direct as you think you can get away with both verbally and physically, but follow a process.

Yesterday, I met one of the coolest girl who I was happy to befriend with. I found out early that she's a lesbian, and we started some sex talk. It turns out she was straight before but turned gay, and she told me the sex is even better. We talked about how to foreplay and stuff. I have never met a girl who's this sexually open with me this fast. I qualified her on that. We exchanged WeChat and she gave me a tight hug in the end.

 

[Smith]

Been a while since I update this, and don't think I'll do this much often (or much longer) anymore. http://therawness.com/reader-letters-1-part-4/ I highly recommend people to read this blog. It blew my mind because it resonates so well with my experience and from what I've seen on this forum. I have never thought about pickup this way, which is why I've decided to read less about pickup and come on the forum less. I've been doing this for just over a year now. While learning this stuff has helped me become more confident, sometimes I still can't feel 100% at ease with myself in an interaction. So I'm trying to break down all the times when I was completely at ease and all the other times I wasn't, and it boils down to the frame I was coming from - fear of abandonment. Its symptoms include fear of rejection, fear of judgement, fear of expressing yourself. I think working on overcoming my insecurities could have been my primary goal from the beginning, instead of going out and make getting laid like a big deal. Not saying all those times going out were wasted, it was still better than not doing anything, but now I have a clearer picture of where I'm heading.

The interactions in the past week have been great when I came from the frame of "play is moment by moment pleasure". I feel like girls can open up to me easier without probing when I'm in this state. Today in the supermarket, I was hit with the "pick up" mind frame again. That fear of judgement from people around me hit me, which I haven't felt for the past week. I only managed to say "hi" to a girl, who smiled and said "hi" back but she shy away and didn't give me time to initiate a conversation. She probably reflected my energy. I meditated on this feeling when I got home and had a breakthrough on my mindset, which you probably have heard before, i.e. girls are on your team. Don't treat them like enemies, i.e. overcoming LMR. They like sex too. If you feel nervous about pulling the trigger, just remind yourself this.

 

[Smith]

Went on a date today. Before the date, I was sleeping with this girl who I met a few months ago. She was traveling and happened to be in town before going back to her country. I'm so glad I hit her up last week, because she had lost my number when she changed phone. Anyway, I was drained and literally don't wanna have sex anymore. I texted my date a couple of hours before to confirm and everything was good. Just a little background on how I met her. I was walking through a park and had to stop her by walking through a mud puddle. I thought that was funny so that's what I said. She thought this was a dare, but I reassured her. I was free flowing and having fun. Asked her if she was single in the end, and she said yes but she's not looking for anything. I told her I'm not looking for anything serious. She said she's still not looking for anything. Then I said "oh well, we can grab coffee and see where it goes. No pressure." She asked me " are you sure?" I said " yea haha I don't really care". Then we exchanged number.

The Date
I watched Nick Spark's 21C on how to get sexual, and I have been trying to focus more on my feeling and state rather than my "verbals". So just before the date, I'm trying to put myself into a sexual state but just couldn't because I was tired from having sex last night and this morning. I saw her waiting outside. I greeted her and touched her arm, which she reciprocated. The conversation was good in the beginning. I really just focused on being present and getting aroused, which was quite hard.

I found a table to sit, even though there were some used cups and dishes on it, I still choose that table because at least she'll be sitting diagonally rather than opposite me. The cafe was quite crowded so we didn't have much of a choice. I moved the stuff away and sit down. Conversation was quite platonic in in the beginning, but I know that the content doesn't really matter. I was focusing on my eye contact and voice and tried to picture her naked. Nope. Still not aroused. haha. I don't know why.

I was getting a little bored and we've been chatting for about an hour. We touched on a few "dating" and "relationship" topics. I was starting to get nervous about inviting her home. I realized I was in a "taking" state of mind, and this is still something I'm working on, which is to work on my self-esteem and figure out in my head that leading is a form of unconditional expression of my desire. Anyway, the waiter cleaned our table. I put on my scarf and told her let's go. I grabbed her hand, and she asked me where we were going. I said let's go watch that TV show we were talking about. I let go of her hand, and just laughed but kept walking. She followed. I moved on the conversation.

Back at my place, I kept the conversation flowing. She was initially standing up, but then sit on the edge of my bed. I turned on the computer. Searched for that TV show, but the links weren't working, so I put on the music and turned on the TV. I pull my chair and sit opposite her. I'm still trying to put myself in a sexual state. During the convo, I tried to hold her hand again, but she stood up to readjust her seat on the bed so she let it go. I didn't let it bother me. We started talking about our own dating experience, and that was interesting. I asked her "how many bfs do u have?" She jokingly said, "I have 10". "oh so u don't mind having another one then?", I replied. She laughed.

I found out that she doesn't really have a lot of dating experience. She told me she "hook up" with a guy now and then last year and dated someone for a short time back in high school. Who knows what she means by "hook up" and "dating"? We talked about the dilemma of a girl liking a guy but can't be too forward and stuff like that. Then after another hour of talking, she said she has to go. I grabbed her hand and told her let's do this again. She said "ok, I'll have to check my schedule". Told her to give me a hug, and that's all. Looking back, I think I should have sit next to her back at my place, which would make escalation easier. I thought about kissing her, but it didn't feel "right".

From my past experience, if a girl doesn't hold my hand and I tried to kiss her, I know for sure that the kiss will be rejected. (except one case, and that's the girl I slept with yesterday...but that's a different story, she gave me a blatant sign of interest). So that's why I wasn't sure if kissing her would be too fast and unnatural.

 

[Smith]

Should've sit next to her on the bed and let sexual tension develop...omg this burn so bad. To be honest, I haven't been on a "date" for probably a couple of months, so I was a bit rusty. I can't imagine how disappointed she must feel, coming to my place but not getting any =p ... I can't remember the last time a girl came to my place and I didn't even make a move. That was so long ago. I think the problem was I let the idea of "rejection" got the best of me. I'll remind myself to come from a place of "sharing" and giving without any attachment to outcome.

My fwb recently just got a bf...so no more hot sex on Fri night..Now I'm pretty motivated to go out and create experiences again.

 

[Smith]

Did something that feel natural today and I couldn't believe what was happening for a minute, so I missed the opportunity. After reading the article on how to manage your life, I realized that lately I'm depressed is mainly because my study has been falling behind, so today I hustled hard in the morning. Used my break to do more work. I was feeling good and on my way home for lunch, saw this girl walking out of a motel. Turned around and stopped her. She looked a bit skeptical at first, but opened up afterwards. I found out she was leaving tomorrow, so I said that's too bad with sexual eye contact and voice. This wasn't even intentional because I was just feeling my body. Lately, I have come to realize how important eye contact, voice, vibe and touch is, and that made talking to girls a lot easier since I don't really have to think of anything to say because it really doesn't matter. The conversation was fun and flirty. I was enjoying myself. I told her I forgot her name.
Her: "It's XX. I know it's hard to remember."
her name reminds me of the first girl who broke my heart.
Me: "not really. it reminds of the girl who broke my heart"
Her: "haha sorry."
Me: "Are you a heart breaker too?"
She laughed
Me: "Do you know any XX(my real name)?"
Her: "yea a few"
Me: "Are they like play boy types?"
Her: "no they're actually quite gentlemen"
I paused
Me: "I feel like I'm going to break that stereotype"
She smiled again.
I think I'm starting to follow my natural instinct to escalate. I started touching her arm gently without thinking. After we exchanged info, and promised to meet up again when she comes back god knows when! I instinctively put one arm around her. A part of me realized what my hand was doing, and my brain had a moment of doubt trying to get logical by thinking whether it's the right move, but I let that thought go and just follow my feeling. So I pulled her in, she rested her head into my chest, and said "thank you". Then I let my hand down and now we're holding hands like lovers. I didn't even plan this and that feeling was amazing. I was getting aroused. We both smiled at each other. Now I regret not setting up a date later that day...Then I said goodbye because I'm running late and I promise to put my study on top priority. Now I understand what Nick Spark means when he said you can not be thinking about how to get sexual. Be present to the moment is so powerful.

50 mins later, I texted her ice breaker. She replied immediately, but then stopped replying when I tried to get her out. It was worth a shot anyway.

 

[Smith]

So I did eventually meet up with the girl from the last post =) But I was too busy the last few days to write it down. She texted back around 9.30pm saying it's a little too late. But I persisted, since we live one minute away from each other. She was a bit elusive over text replying with emojis but I persisted in a non-needy way. I had to use a time constraint saying it's only for 10 minutes then I'm going to bed.

I thought about greeting her with a hug, but it didn't feel right at the moment. I could tell she's not comfortable yet. I started walking and talking, and she followed. Some warm vibing ensued. Our campus is quite beautiful at night, and she told me she hasn't seen it yet at night, so I lead her there. I started holding her hand as we walk and used a more sexual tone of voice with pauses.

We walked around and she showed me a place she used to live. The conversation gradually shifted to "us". I told her to be my girlfriend for 30 minutes then we have to break up. She laughed. When we were talking about relationships, she asked me how do I let a girl know I like her. I said I just do what I feel and kiss her. As we're walking back towards my place, she stopped outside the driveway and was a bit hesitant. I persisted in a playful way and led her into the dark driveway. We looked up, and the sky was full of stars. I didn't even know this view existed! We both stopped to admire the view. I wasn't in a rush to get her inside and wanted to enjoy this moment. After a few more moments of talking and building comfort, I said let's go inside. She said she has to go home soon because of her flight tomorrow but followed me anyway.
I thought about walking straight to my room, but it was a Tues night and I didn't wanna disturb my flatmates (there had been complaints about the sex noise coming from my room lol). So we chilled out in the living room. I hesitated to make my move, but eventually pull her in to kiss her. She was resisting a bit, but still smiling. It was a light kiss on the lips.
She shyly said: "you like me huh?"
I chilled out a bit more, and tried to do it again, but this time, I stopped right in front of her face with our nose touching to see if she'll lean in. There was a few seconds of tension then she backed off. My friend walked into the living room, and was surprised that I brought a girl home. He did his thing and left us alone. I saw a ring on her hand and jokingly proposed to her. We played around for a bit and there were some playful roleplay about getting divorced later, but we still have to do our honeymoon in europe because we already paid for it.
It was getting late..about 12.20am, and I had classes early next morning. She said she has to go, but I persisted a bit. Then I let her go.
Not sure how she feels about the whole thing, and I was very eager to get some feedback. After she left my door for a few seconds, I decided to catch up to her.
I yelled her name. She smiled and turned her head around. I walked slowly towards her, and waved her back.
Me: "quick question" I paused for a long time because I didn't know how to phrase it so it doesn't sound like I was "practicing". I genuinely enjoyed hanging out with her.
Me: "what do u think about me?"
Her:"hmmm"
Me: "like how can I improve my next marriage?"
Her: "hahaha"
She thought for a long time
Her: "You're a nice guy!"
I gave her a funny expression prompting her to expand.
Her: "haha we met at the wrong time. You're fine the way you are."
Me: "hahaha awww thanks!"
Her: "maybe we can keep in touch"
Me: "yup I'll send you the divorce paper"
Her: "haha noo I don't want that"
Me: "fine no divorce then"
Her: "that's better =)"

Next morning, I texted her, and got a warm reply. She thanked me for a fantastic night.
I felt like I'm getting better at developing sexual tension and let the girl invest.

I also went on a date on Monday, but didn't write it up because I didn't want to over analyze it yet...but I texted that girl today and got pretty cold response. I honestly don't know what happened...except that missed escalation window around the end of the date, which now proved to be fatal.
Even though this girl would resist when I shift the conversation into "us", but we were walking like lovers holding hands around the end of the date. I think that missed escalation window in the end really screwed me up.
I need to make this mindset "This is already awesome. This is already epic. But I wanna see where this can go" by RSD Max ingrained into my mind.

 

[Smith]

FR+: virgin mary

After fucking up a couple of times the last few weeks, I learned some big lessons about calibration, deep diving while keeping up the fun flirty vibe and escalation. I'm glad these lessons were painful and uncomfortable haha Today I stumbled upon how to develop that sexual tension with my eye contact during my date. It's strange how I have been doing it wrong before and trying to force it. This time I try to stay present to the moment, and it just happened.

I meditated for about 10 mins before my date and that really helped a lot. I was more grounded and low energy. I arrived at the cafe on time, then she texted me she's on her way. I was thinking whether I should walk around and not wait, but decided against it. I leaned against the wall and try to meditate again. Saw this chick with her bf(?) checking me out as they walk past. The bf looked at me too. It was kinda strange lol.

I saw my date arriving
Me: "Hey how's it going"
Her:"good ! sorry I'm late. Have you wait long?"
Me:"na not really only a couple of mins...but coffee is on you"
Her:"really?" she thought I was serious.
Me:"haha na just kidding..unless you want to "

After reading Sepuku's journal and his physical escalation process, I decided to follow more or less the same. I put my arm on her lower back as she walk into the cafe. She opened and closed the door after me. While we're waiting in line, I put my arm on her shoulder and she subtlely leaned into me. The sexual tension is there.

we both ordered our coffee then sat down. Whenever I started to feel tense around my body, I focused on my breathing and stayed present again. This helped make my voice more grounded during the conversation. My main goal is to have that chill and fun vibe and only then deep dive as the conversation flows. I keep touching her arm now and then during the conversation. I noticed during the conversation that I was projecting sexual intent with my eye contact. I wasn't aware of it at first, but my eye lid was slightly lower and eye contact was soft. Then she started to mirror me as well. I tried to start some sex talk, but she wasn't comfortable with it so I didn't escalate and only kept things slightly sexual. After about an hour, I decided to change the topic to movies and invite her to watch a movie. She was a bit surprised that we're going to watch a movie, and kept asking me "are you sure?" I said "yes" and lead her to my place. As we cross the road, I started holding her hand and she held onto mine tightly. Good sign. Then she said "but I'm not sure if that move is still in theatre"
Me:"oh we're going to watch it on my computer....I live right here"
Her:'really?" now she's really surprised lol
I kept walking and lead her upstairs to my room. She asked me if I have any flatmate and hesitated outside my bedroom door.
I stayed present to the moment and maintained that relax eye contact. I took off my shoes and opened my door
Her: "just watching a movie right?"
Me:" yea"
Then she took off her shoes .
Me:"what else are you thinking?" I said this in a slightly amused smile to throw that shit back to her
Her: "oh nothing"
lol
I opened my computer, choose a movie and linked it to the TV screen.
She was staring outside the window.
Me:"is this a little too fast?" I got close and hold her hand
Her:"we just met" she looked away shyly, then sit down on my bed.
I decided to chill out for a bit and make her comfortable.
So I sit next to her and talked about some random stuff. She laughed. I put my arm around her and she started to lean in.
I started holding her hand again and playing with it. She was playing with mine as well. Then I pulled her in to kiss her.
She gave me the "this is too fast" speech. I said no worries, I know it's a little fast.
Rinse and repeat for about 2 and a half hour. She wouldn't let me undress her, and I learned that she's a virgin....I was really turned off by that because virgins are hard work and even if you do get to have sex, it probably won't be that great. I prefer someone who knows what they're doing and are sexually open. I told her about what I like. She told me no sex before marriage but asked me some things about sex. I told her sex is not a big deal and she shouldn't wait because it's so fun. I asked her what her fantasy is, but she wouldn't tell me. I told her mine is sexy nurse, and she laughed because she's a nurse too. There were some heavy make out, but I couldn't even get her to take off her top. I was starting to lose interest and wanted to do my assignment. I got up and she said she has to go home now. We gave each other a hug and she thought I was going to walk her downstairs, but I didn't lol Not sure if I want to invest more time on her.

Things I did right
- sexual eye contact. Feel your body, lower your eye lid a little and project.
- meditation and stay present. So powerful but so hard to do at times.
- Gradual increase of touch and more sensual
- Creating a fun and chill out vibe as my priority and then connect with her.

 

[Smith]

Lately, I've been going back and forth between study and meeting girls. Now I think it's a good balance to talk to some girls per day, but not spend too much time on it but do it as a way to keep up the momentum. I have to say it's fun to make mistakes you used to make, and Max's word came into my head today. "It doesn't matter if you're one year in, two years in, or ten years in...sometimes you'll still make the same mistakes again and learn the same lessons again." One mistake I made today was interrupting the girl when she's investing and qualifying herself...I just couldn't bite my tongue and hold it in haha because at that moment I was like "fuck it. what i have to say is funnier". Then because her english is not very good, she couldn't understand what I mean lol. Then I found myself carrying the too much of the conversation later on and it got harder for her to invest. She would leave pauses and thought about her answer for way too long probably maybe because her eng is not that good? I also have to get rid of the habit of answering with "yea" or "cool" too fast after she replied, it doesn't give her space to expand her answer. I found myself automatically say these words slightly too quickly and unconsciously, especially when I'm not in a zen state. I found it much better to stay silent and have a relaxed facial expression, like I'm meditating and not even trying, then let the girl invests. I'm always intrigued when psychiatrists/counselor have that ability to stay silent and let their patients talk. That power is amazing. I went to see a counselor two years ago because I thought I was depressed. The counselor barely said anything and I just opened up myself. If you know the psychology behind this, please let me know! I'm very curious.

 

[Smith]

Today I had some spare time after lunch, so I thought I would make good use of this time to talk to some girls. I walked around the campus, thought this girl looked kinda serious but ended up stopping her just before she's about to cross the road. She seemed receptive in the beginning, but I didn't qualify her or deep dive her enough and the vibe felt rather social. Honestly, I wasn't in a social state and had a bit of trouble starting the conversation. I was probably a little too high energy, and also a little "lost" in the interaction, like my intent wasn't clear because I wasn't moving things forward and getting to know her. Whenever I have thoughts like "I don't know what to do now" in an interaction, it's usually because my intent was too wishy-washy or I wasn't attracted to the girl. In this case, I think it was the latter.

I hesitated a little bit, but then chatted up another girl on my way back to school. She seemed kinda neutral when I stopped her and she kept on walking, so I walked with her for a little bit then we crossed the road. I didn't wanna go where she was going, so I stopped. I took note from my last conversation, so I remembered to focus on qualifying her and connect with her.
Me: "so what do you love to do?"
Her: "hmm surfing."
Me: "yea typical samoan"
Her: "hahaha"
Her: "which way are you going?"
Me: "I'm going this way."
Her: "I'm going up the hill.. you should have stopped me earlier then we can walk and talk."
me: "oh are u in a rush?"
Her: "I have to get home then come back for another lecture."
Me: "what time is your next lecture"
Her: "3pm"
Me: "pfft that's plenty of time"
Her: "haha I know"
Me: "well I can't stay long. I have to go in 5 mins"
Then I change the topic back to what we were talking about. She told me she likes to surf. I teased her she must be a professional and said she must coach me. She laughed and said sure. I think one thing I could have done better here is relate to her about my favourite sport - tennis. I remember Todd's daygame webinar on girl's blueprint. If she's into sports, then I probably should share that aspects of myself as well.
I reckon I didn't deep dive enough here and I jumped the topic onto what she's studying. (Lately I have been doing todd's drill on push-pull and mini-cold read, so I haven't been doing the exercise of free-association as much. As a result, my conversation wasn't flowing as well as it used to..oh well, lesson learned here )
I tried to do a push-pull/qualifying her here on the spot
Me: "I love that you surf...but I'm not so sure about how good you are"
She gave me a shock look.
Her: "I told you I'm not a professional haha"
Then after more chit-chat and teasing we exchanged number to get coffee.
Me: "are you free this weekend?"
Her: "hmm I'm not sure because i have labs"
Me: *skeptical look "in the weekend."
Her: 'yea"
Me: "so you just sit around and play computer games"
Her: 'na I don't really play computer games....do you?"
Me: *pause "it's kinda geeky" I smiled
Her: "no I don't think so"
Me: "well like war games"
Her: "oooh that's very interesting"
Me: "yup you can join my squad or something...as long as you promise not to shoot me in the ass " (didn't realize how geeky and sexy I sound here lol)
Her: "haha sure"
Me: "how do ya spell your name?" putting her number and name in my phone
Me: "does that have any meaning in spanish?"
Her: "I don't know...my mum gave it to me. I forgot what it means"
Me: "is it a dirty word?" cheeky smile
Her: "why would my mum...awww thanks!"
Me: 'haha na your name's lovely"
Me: "ok I gotta go...nice meeting you"
Her: "yup. you too"

I felt like I was jumping a little all over the place, but that seems to be good enough. Will have to get used to mixing push-pull naturally in my conversation.

 

[Smith]

Celibacy Report:
Today was a pretty miserable day if I'm being completely honest with myself. I'm craving sex and wish game was easy. I couldn't even get myself to enjoy socializing today. On top of that, my big exam is coming up in a few weeks and I also need to sort out flights for a trip in a few months, which is going to cost me a fortune. All these is driving me crazy. Good thing is I don't really care if my date flake this weekend because I have so many things I need to do. I tried to meditate to get myself out of this low vibrational energy state, then I watched one of Tyler's video again. Something he said hit me hard and it was enlightening to see myself behaving the way I was. I was in a "taking" state, so everything I did feels draining, including talking to girls. I wrote some words on my hand as a way to remind myself to get into high vibrational energy. If you have a sticking point in your game, writing it on your hand when you go out, it helps a lot. The key to start a great day. Do gestures of unconditional giving.

Anyway, talked to some girls the last couple of days. Something I need to improve on is to stop thinking ahead or trying to force things during a conversation and be comfortable with the silence. There was this interaction that was going pretty well. I walked her to her bus stop, but I think I could've taken her on an instant-date because that was what my instinct was telling me but I didn't have time. There was a little bit of flirting, when I told her I love you in thai. She teased me and said I'm very forward. We exchanged number when her bus was about to come, then because we were too slow, her bus left so she had to wait for another one. I panicked for some reason because the conversation was dying down, and I tried to force my way back into it. So I started rambling about the first thing that came to my mind. It's good to do this sometimes, but I was doing it from an attention/validation seeking frame of mind rather than a self-amused frame of mind, and I ALSO CUT HER OFF when she's about to speak. ARRGH can't believe I done it again. PAUSE. GOD DAMN IT. Then just as I predicted, her investment into the conversation dropped. Probably should have stay present to the moment and come from an unconditional giving frame of mind. Should've told myself "she already gave me her number. we like each other and going to meet up again. Just relax." Anyway, her focus seemed to be not wanting to miss her next bus, so I told her I had to go. She gave me her hand but I said "na let's hug. We don't do handshakes." She laughed and hugged me. Anyway thought that was pretty awesome, except the last part of the interaction. Texted her today to set up a date, but she said she's pretty busy for an assignment until next tuesday and suggested that maybe we can meet up after that. Thoughts like "omg I really can't be fucked. this feels so draining." came up again. I had to immediately cut it off because it's coming from a totally wrong mindset.