Smith's journal

[Smith]

LR: too high value?

I met this girl on Monday I think. It was a quick interaction but qualified and connected with her. When I texted her to set up a date, she took 6+ hours to reply, but this morning she texted me first asking me where we should meet. I told her to meet outside the cafe. That seemed like a good sign.

I was a little late, but saw her waiting outside already. Put my arm on her back as I greeted her. She seemed a little nervous. I lead us to the counter to order coffee and sat down at a quiet corner in the cafe. My usual spot was taken, so I had to choose another bigger table. I choose my seat first, and she was about to sit across me. I told her to sit closer because that's a little too far, and she complied. Anyway, some vibing went on. I wrote down 3 things on my hand before the date that I should focus on during the date, and they were "qualifying", "us vs world, love, sexual topics", "pause, slow, calm presence". Even though I wrote these things down, I was still staying present to the moment and not thinking about them. I trusted myself that I would do these as the opportunity present themselves. Not long after, we started flirting with each other. About an hour into the date, I suggested we go for a walk.

As soon as we got outside, she asked me where my apartment is. I pointed to it, but we were already walking in the opposite direction. I was tempted to just change direction and went straight back to my place, but figured there's no rush. I'll just walk around and loop back. I started holding her hand as we walk. Sensed she was kinda half into it, so I let go, and we talked for a bit more. Deep dived a bit. Then as we got closer to my place, we started holding hands again and now she's more into it. I slowly changed the conversation to games of thrones as a way to invite her upstairs. She just followed me and no question asked.

As we entered my room, she commented on how big my bed is. I just calmly played it off, even though I probably could've put some sexual innuendo into it, but I felt like comfort first. I turned on my computer and started playing games of throne so things don't feel awkward. Then I started talking to her. When she's mid sentence talking about something, I felt like kissing her so I leaned in and she kissed me back. It felt amazing. We made out for a while then we had sex. I tried to do a lot of foreplay. During the sex, my boner went away for a bit because I had to pee lol I was afraid going to the toilet would ruin the mood, but it didn't. She was smiling when I came back.

After we had sex, I felt her legs shaking.
Me: "your legs are shaking"
Her: "yea you tired me out"
Me: "really? that was just round one lol"

We talked a bit more to connect. I asked her what's her best sex experience. She told me I'm the second best...haha liar. I could tell she wanted to say I'm the best, but didn't want to give me the satisfaction. Then she started saying I'm a player and joked about how I pick up girls like this. Tbh, it kinda bothered me, but I get it. She needs me to take the blame so she doesn't feel slutty. I flipped the script and accused of her picking me up and she laughed and agreed. Anyway, she suddenly asked for the time and said she has to go to a party. I teased her that she actually wanted to stay. She laughed and jokingly said na she has to go. Now in restrospect, I probably could've done better here and stopped the chase framing because now my value is too high and she's going into autorejection. She stayed for 10 mins after that and sit up in bed. I teased her "I could tell you really want to stay". Then she started putting her clothes on lol Comfort. Comfort.
I let her put her clothes on, and she went into the bathroom to get properly dressed. When she came out, I hold out my hand while looking on Youtube to pick a song. I told her to come dance with me. I played the Great Gatsby orchestra music at the background. I loved this track and thought it was fitting for the moment. We danced for a moment and she teased me again for being a player. I told her to shut up and not ruin this moment. Then I walked her out. As we're walking out, I started proposing possible plan in the future. It was around 6pm. We kissed and hugged goodbye. I'm not sure when I should text her. A part of me thinks I should text her the next morning because she's at a party, but I felt like that could be too late (more than 12 hours) and she might autoreject. Another part of me thinks I should just text her around 10-11pm, and that would make it 4 hours since I saw her.

 

[Smith]

I just finished one of my exams today. Still have more to go in the next month, but nothing I can't manage. I have chatted up a few girls here and there but it was just to keep myself from going crazy because I've been working 10-12 hours a day. Any human interaction is good lol. I have seen the girl from the last journal entry one more time last week. We had amazing sex but I can't help feeling "needy" at times. I noticed I was really insecure when she left my place and kept thinking she's going out to bang more dudes. This never used to bother me and it really tested my inner game because I haven't feel this way for a girl for a really long time. I know this girl is "special" in the sense that she's the type I used to think is "out of my league", but she's also not that special, because I have met girls who are funnier and better in other departments. I also found it hard to get back into the nice flow in seduction because I've been working so much, and it's making me more chase-y and seeking reaction when I text this girl. In the beginning, I thought it's because I'm in scarcity right now due to work, but looking deeper inside myself, I realize it's much more than that. I'm feeling this way because this is a much deeper insecurity that I haven't solved. So a few days ago, I found a guided meditation video on healing your inner child when I was feeling depressed and needy. This is by far the most powerful guided meditation I have came across so far. I cried every time I meditate to it, and afterwards I always feel comforted and reassured. The feeling of neediness is gone. This has helped me a lot in terms of my general confidence.

Yesterday, I texted that girl to meet up again in the morning and she didn't reply after 12 hours, so after meditating to the Youtube video I was talking about, I felt a lot better and didn't really care if she replies. So I sent her a funny text around 11pm without thinking too much about it and went to bed. I swear sometimes when you think too much about a text, it looks planned and unnatural! Then this morning, I saw her double texted me and agreed to grab pizza but her weekend's pretty packed with camping and stuff then she asked me about my schedule. I told her I could do tonight or tomorrow night if she's free to avoid the weekend. Then she told me she's feeling sick and don't wanna spread it to me. I was feeling rather tired of chasing her and would be quite happy to cut her off, so I texted her

Me: "yea I dun't want your germs =p lol jks stay warm."
She replied one hour later, "Hey! my germs are awesome >=( But yea we could do pizza when my germs are gone. I promise I'll bring better wine =p".
The wine she brought was terrible last time.
I replied 3 hours later "haha yes please! good wine helps me study and do all the other things"

Thought about adding a winky face at the end, but decided that the message itself should be suggestive enough.
She didn't reply after that, but I don't really care about it now. I feel okay to cut her off. "Reward people who want to be in your life. Stop chasing and putting value on people who don't want to be there."

 

[Smith]

Exams are approaching, but thought I should give myself a break today and went on an afternoon rampage. I haven't been chatting up girls as much as I used to in the last couple of weeks. Partly because I'm busy, and also because I've been seeing the girl in the previous post regularly, so the drive to go out wasn't that big. The funny thing that happened today is that I initially was just aiming to talk to one girl, but ended up talking to probably 7-8. I realized I was a little rusty in my conversation, and I was motivated to get that right. I talked to one not-so-attractive girls and I still couldn't really develop a connection with her, so that's when I realize my problem is my conversation. They all reacted pretty well when I stopped them, but things just started to go cold as the conversation goes on. One problem initially is not pausing enough, but then the issue becomes finding a common interest or relating to her while maintaining a chill out and relaxed vibe. I think my neediness to improve may be the problem here. I wasn't seeing each girl as a person but more like target practice...Maybe that's what felt off. However, I think I started to slow down in the end. I kinda have to force myself to talk to the average looking girl just because I know I needed the practice and there aren't many cute girls around. Exchanged numbers with two girls in the end. I almost forgot some girls are just terrible or shy at socializing, and you almost have to keep exploring new topics. Otherwise, it was a fun break from study. Need to be more present to the moment next time as well to stay relax. This also reminds me to not get trapped by "what to say". I should put my focus back to non-verbals because I remember this was what worked the most. Sexual vibe > conversation

 

[Smith]

This will be my last post on here, and I'm out of this forum for a while. Lately I've realized that I need some time alone from all this bs and just enjoy life, dating and be ok with myself. Went on a date yesterday. It was fun in general. She has a great sense of humour. Kinda sarcastic. I tried to put my arm around her when we're walking but she moved away rejecting it. Then later I asked her "do you like holding hands" and go for the hand holding before she answers. (probably shouldn't have even asked, but I was afraid of another rejection) Then an interesting thing happened. She hold on tight but then a couple of seconds later, she said "i'm uncomfortable with this", then I let go and didn't let it bother me, and quickly move on talking about something else. Maybe it's because she's inexperienced (19 yo) or she has daddy's issues. Anyway, I'm done with analyzing why she did that..As Jim Rhon says - "It's a mystery of the mind". So much of pickup is analyzing what and why she did that...I'm done with that. It's putting a burden on me.

Then my fwb came over, and we had a lot of sex. It's strange sometimes I can't even come because I got tired so I stopped. It actually makes me last longer in a way because it seems like we had multiple rounds even though I only came a couple of times. This made me feel good for a while, but just before she left this morning. I feel "weird", like the toy has been taken away and now the child inside me is feeling sad. Now I realize I just sank into a lower "taking" energy vibration. It's a good thing I was self-aware to a degree and didn't do any stupid shit to seek validation. How fucking strange is this? I just had a night of passionate sex and I'm still feeling NOT ENOUGH. This blows my mind.

I'm going to stop looking through this forum and answering other people's posts. I'm writing here so I can commit myself to it. I'm just going to focus on my own path for a while and be happy with myself. I'll be looking at social heartistry, Tyler and menprovement for guidance from now on.

 

[Lawliet]

It was good to have you around, bro. Sad to see you go.
Take care!

Lawliet

 

[Rage]

Hey Smith,

I think it’s healthy to take time off from the boards and I find it likely that we all eventually leave or eventually grow out of it or something at some point.

Just wanted to say all the best and to stay healthy in the future; I find with myself lot of the time I need time off the various things am working on and/or need to reassess or revaluate my original goals, plans and general paths of things I'm doing in my life.

Chase told me this once and I agree: that the guys who are working towards greatness, working to become great men and do and achieve high level things, necessarily have a very hard road in front of them. It can be brutal mentally physically emotionally psychologically and having some balance in life helps to ease that strain but in ways it never goes away is always there and you have to keep facing it.

Not sure what’s getting you to go off the boards dude, but I’ve felt similar sentiments in the past before. Sometimes I want to go on and contribute and enjoy reading a lot on here but other times I don’t care to and don’t want to or need to and may largely spend months away from them. Part is where I might be emotionally psychologically etc. in my own life and where I might be with my own goals.

Part might be who’s on the boards for the months and who’s contributing and posting (lot of the time there are many odd guys on here, and that probably stops the veteran posters or familiar guys from wanting to be on more often). If the environment is healthy constructive and going in a positive direction/generally a positive atmosphere you feel at ease and enjoy being on more. But if it’s more filled with complainers or noobs who can’t bother to do anything practical or read an article or two, or just in general too negative and/or gloomy an atmosphere you feel less keen to be on.

At the end of it all I think the boards are an individual place where each of us as sort of lone wolves looking to live out our lives and fulfill our destinies come to better ourselves and get value from. Get as much value as we can. We give value freely, but probably implicitly also understand that by giving to random people we get the value back from all kinds of different and unforeseen directions.

Guys typically come to the boards to gain massive value. When that value starts to dwindle or depreciate you do question why you’re on here so much, and probably do cull your time back a fair bit. And I suppose that’s natural and understandable and healthy.

Perhaps it is like any other sets of friends and any friendships: you stay friends all the time while you get value reciprocally from each other. While the value balance continues the friendship continues; when you or the other person start getting less value, naturally unconsciously and almost instantly you drift a fair bit in the directions where you each individually happen to be headed at that time.

All I can say after that my friend is that whichever direction you’re going I hope for the best for you and that you go far and become who you want to and achieve what you wish to

Drifting’s kinda natural, leaving and setting sail at anything and everything is at some point natural and the guys that continue to do this (continue to go off on journeys to lands unknown and bid friends adieu for the next trip to unknown lands and the next and the next) are the guys who are fundamentally and at the root of all things, committed to their own growth. Above all else, above even relationships or service to others or seeming obligation to family friends or other systems.

But to be more and do more it does take that individual growth. And being a man who lives to the fullest of his destiny and dreams means making that uncomfortable leap time and again.

Perhaps you visit and stop by at times here man, and I’m sure there will always be a few friends who still remain and are available and eager to chat. I’ll be one of those folks.

All the best Smith, until next time,

Rage

 

[Smith]

I think it's time for me to start journaling again. Just read Chase's article on Quit Fearing Romance and I realize I've been sort of dating down most of the time except the last girl. It's good to say my motivation is back! I went out today for another daygame session at the mall, but oh man I got burned so bad. It crushed my ego so hard that after getting blown out for several times in 1.5 hrs, I stopped caring anymore, which was good, but then I had to go to pick up my sister from school. I think my vibe was just wrong and needy, because I was having such a hard time even getting into an interaction.

I think the reason this daygame session sucked so much may be because I watched Justin Wayne's and James Marshall's new infield videos and I tried to copy what they did and it ended up coming off as incongruent. But then I remember Todd said that everytime you're learning something new, just accept that you're going to SUCK and your results will be worst.

One funny blow out was with this girl who was waiting in line to get an ice cream, I thought I would just go talk to her after she bought her ice cream, so I stood around just chilling. After she bought her ice cream, she walked towards my direction.
Me: "hello" I stopped right in front of her.
She looks up and down at me, and walked around me....OUCH! hahaha
Me: "Do you even speak english?"
No response. hahaha.

Then another cold as blown out was this girl who had a sexy walk. I tried to do it James Marshall style but it didn't work out. I walked next to her.
Me: "hey"
She looked at me.
Me: "I love how elegant you walk." I was feeling a little shaky
Her: "thank you" with a flat voice.
lol wtf..then some chit chat. found out she works at a clothing store in the mall. I think I tried a little too hard to get her to smile. I thought I saw her ALMOST breaking into a smile, but she kept a serious bitch face.

I tried to chat up two girls at the bookstore. I heard them talking in some other language but they look thai, so I just guessed if they're from thailand, but turns out they're from phillipines. Then they told me they're doing nursing. I was about to say "oh that's sexy", but instead I went the safe route and ask boring questions. That's probably where I lost them. Next time, just say whatever the hell you want and screen out girls who are not compatible.

Then there's another awkward interaction at the supermarket, but the lesson was important.
Me: "Hey..*point towards the pork rib* Do you know any good recipe with this?"
Her: "oh where are you from? I'm vietnamese, so I think you marinate it and put it in an oven?"
I made the mistake of miscalibration and decided to state my intent.
Me: "Actually I thought you're cute and love your style ...and I didn't know what to say so I just ask you about the pork rib" I smiled but looked down as I said this, which probably wasn't good.
She smiled but then it quickly became a cold expression...what the hell is happening today?
Then she started to move away... I walked with her and started to build some rapport, but she became colder in her response. Then she said she has to go back and get some bacon. what is it today I'm just turning women into cold hard stones everywhere I go LOL

Then I saw a girl I tried to stop yesterday but she blew me off coldly. I thought I'll try my luck again. She's looking at seeds.
Me: "Hey! so you do gardening?"
She turned around and saw me. This time she smiled though.
Her: "Yes...Do you know where I can get some plastic bags?" She was holding a lot of stuff. She's starting to walk away again.
Me: "yea. you look like you could use a hand there haha I think you missed your chance. The trolleys are outside."
She smiled and she's gone. lol. Now I just have to bump into her again.

There was one good interaction. Even though I kinda fumbled in the beginning, I quickly recovered. I think from that interaction, I need to make the conversation more emotionally relevant to her and use more "us doing things together" frame.

I almost forgot the time and was planning to hammer it out until the bitter end. But I have to go pick up my sister from school.

Things i need to work on next time:
- follow the process - be social first. I went out today and only talked to girls I'm attracted to. As a result, I wasn't even socially warmed up to carry a conversation and I was projecting a needy vibe because I want to get into an interaction so bad.
- Once I'm in the interaction, I need to make things more emotionally relevant to both of us, and also just speak what's on my mind. If it pisses the girl off, great! It wasn't meant to be.

I'm traveling to Melbourne in Jan and I'm thinking about doing Melbourne mini residential in Jan with the Natural lifestyle. It would be good to see live action and get some feedback quickly instead of trying to figure this shit out myself. I already send them an inquiry. Hopefully, it won't cost too much =(

 

[Rage]

Hey Smith,

I think the reason this daygame session sucked so much may be because I watched Justin Wayne's and James Marshall's new infield videos and I tried to copy what they did and it ended up coming off as incongruent. But then I remember Todd said that everytime you're learning something new, just accept that you're going to SUCK and your results will be worst.

I saw this happen to myself dude; I think my fix for it was just to meet more girls more days a week, and work to observe things that I think I should fix take notes and work to fix them.

Pretty much focus on going out a lot and getting the unconscious better fundamentals and process and stuff that comes with that; and then focusing on reflecting and taking note after.

Also I made it a point for myself that if I look at anything from someone infield Ill try and make sure its only a guy that has a very similar style/vibe/personality to me. I found one pickup guy like that, so if I watch anything infield ill just watch reruns of his stuff and not really anyone else.

Other than that sounds all right man, like you're getting back in the swing of things; know that you had said you're pretty busy with your schedule lately so its like what you can make out of that time you have available to you after all the other things I guess huh?

Cheers,

Rage

 

[Smith]

Hey Rage,

Thanks for the tips man! Glad I'm not the only one experiencing this. I stopped watching Justin Wayne's pick up video a few months ago and it worked out for the better, but this morning I decided to give him another shot again...His style/vibe just doesn't really work for me.

I think my motivation is coming back stronger now that I'm not seeing anyone, and I don't think I'll settle until I can reach the level where I can consistently get the type of women I want in my life. But yea I'll try to do some pickup after work now if I finish a little early, even if it's just talking to one girl. The bad thing about my location is that there's no good foot traffic except the mall, but that's not gonna stop me I'll just deal with it and make it work.

 

[Smith]

Went to the mall after work today. I knew it was about to close, but I went anyway even though I was pretty tired and could've used that as an excuse to go home.

I started by being social at first and chat with a middle-aged woman at a bookstore. Then I stopped a girl outside the store. I think last time my daygame session didn't go well is because I wasn't present to the moment as well. I watched James Marshall's interview with a Tango teacher, and the masculine energy is always feeling the feminine energy then adapt like tango dancing. So I followed this today and slow down a lot while pausing to assess where the girl's at. Slowing down helps a lot to get me into the present moment. Also don't think when you're out. Put all the techniques and stuff aside stops you from getting into your head.

So I stopped this girl at first and she seemed a little surprised and on the fence, so I didn't just bust out my direct opener. I asked her where she's from and she starts to relax a little, then I compliment her. I think what I need to work on next is my conversational skills. Sometimes it goes nowhere, and I think the reason is I'm not qualifying enough and I'm not expressing my own opinions enough. Often in the conversation, I'll focus a lot on getting to know her, but today I have an epiphany that the reason my interaction dies down is because I'm not expressing what I think and what I feel about what SHE's saying or if I like her.

Then I stopped another girl at the car park. It was very awkward because she was about to get into her car and it couldn't have been more strange. She was very shy and didn't say much. I'm glad I took action on that one lol.

Things to work on
- slow down and pause to see how she's responding.
- Qualify her. Find out what she thinks, how she feels, what she likes..etc, but at the same time don't forget to tell her what I think and how I feel about what she's saying.

 

[Smith]

Went out today for daygame at the mall. I feel like I have a small breakthrough today. I always feel a little unease direct opening girls in a store or any close space, where there's no instant escape, but today I decided to just keep following Jame's method of approaching - breath into my balls and feel it, and slow down when I open then adjust to her reaction to make her comfortable.

One interaction worth noting was this girl who was very sexy. A few minutes before I just tried to chat up another lady in the store who turned out to be married, but the way I handled it was good, so I was in a good mood. Be able to slow down and stay comfortable is so important. Anyway, it was very hot today, and this girl was wearing a white fish-net sweater (I don't know what it's called) and a black bra underneath. Initially, I was a little scared, but I decided to give it a shot anyway. When you're in a department store, it's hard to stop girl from the side when there are clothing racks everywhere, so I resorted to calling her from behind, and this seems to work well in this type of situation. Also give her some space as well so she could see you coming.
Me: "Excuse me!"
She turns around. I smiled and walked up to her
Me: "I just saw you....I love how sexy you look" Keeping your opener short with pauses works so you can deliver it slow works really well. I was reading her reaction. Seems kinda neutral mixed with a little surprise.
I tried to stay calm and present throughout the interaction and that kept me grounded. Initially I introduced myself, but she didn't give me her name. I didn't let it bother me or ask her what her name is. (A mistake I have made a lot of times, it shows too much eagerness in the beginning when she's not comfortable enough yet) I shake her hand and stay calmed and relaxed. We started talking. I didn't say much and that kept her investing in the conversation. She told me she's doing civil engineering, which I was really surprised and I told her my stereotypical image of an engineering student and how I thought she would be doing something artistic or fashion when I first saw her. I slowed down my speech a lot by relaxing and being present. I feel like we were in a bubble and I forgot I was in a department store for a second. At one point, I commented on her ring and asked her if she's engaged because it's in the middle finger. Honestly, I don't know what finger you put your ring on when you're engaged.
Me: "Oh that's a nice ring...is that the finger you put on when you get married?"
Her: "Oh it's from my bf. or ex-bf."
Me: "haha u don't remember which one's which?"
Then she started to tell me that she's unhappy in her relationship and that her bf is like a little boy. This usually means her bf is showing lack of leadership.
Me: "ahh so you feel like you want a real man now." Usually I would make a joke like, "well hey.. today's your lucky day", but it didn't feel right or not congruent with the vibe of the interaction.
Her: "yes"
Then she doesn't want to talk about it any more, so we changed topics.
I guessed her age and she was surprised I guessed it right. We started talking about cats for some reason. I told her I love cats and I didn't want my exgf to get dogs. I think she was really captivated when I said I love cats lol then I found out she actually has two cats. I told her to show me pictures of her cat on her phone. I stood next to her. Now I think about it, I should've been more bold and stand closer and put my hand behind her back.

Then I asked her out on an instant date, but she said she has to go shopping and meet someone at 6. It was only 4pm, but I thought it would be better to just drop it now or I have to win the frame battle and maybe she does have to do her shopping because she seemed rather in a rush when I stopped her.
One thing I have learned from rewatching videos of Jame's and Liam's is to stay calm and give the girl some space to participate in a decision. It's called being a gentleman seducer.
Me: "some other time then?" I paused
She thought about it
Her: "yea we could exchange numbers"
Then we talked for a bit more and part ways.
Send her an icebreaker text an hour later. She replied literally immediately with only a "=)". lol I'm guessing that's better than nothing. an emoticon speaks a thousand words. She's DTF guys!

After that, I went to a bookstore and chat up one of the staff. She asked me if I need any help. I consciously slow down and asked her for a recommendation.
Her: "so what kind of genre are you looking for?"
Me:"oh you know...the cheesy romance kind" I said it with a smirk.
Then we started chatting about Nicholas Spark and Fifty shades of Grey. I think I should've grabbed her number, but because I go to that bookstore pretty often I thought I'll just leave it at that and build up a good relationship with the staff. During the conversation, there was another cute girl walking by and looking at us because we were laughing and having a good time. Later I tried to find her in the store, but she was with her mum.

Anyway, I spend the rest of the day writing up the client file for a coaching session with TNL. They really want a lot of details, which I feel like they're really trying to help. I also watched James and Liam's 21Convention videos again, and wow I can't believe I'm learning new stuff again or rather it's resonating with me on a different level now. One new thing I want to implement next time is to stand close to the girl early on as a way to test how receptive they are, and do it unapologetically while owning my intent. It never occur to me that standing close to a girl is a very subtle way of testing if she's receptive without making it seem like a big deal if she moves away.

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

Hey Smith,

I have been reading your journal. It sounds like you are making excellent progress. On the latest I am really interested in hearing how it goes with civil engineer. I have two comments. First always get the phone number. I have screwed myself before by thinking the girl will be at her place of work only to have her quit or just not be there when I am. (Katie in my journal told me like 5 times that she would be back at Thanksgiving. I thought she would be at her work but she wasn't. She works at a University in another state but returns home on the long holidays and the summer. She works at a local gas station during these breaks but wasn't there during Thanksgiving. I didn't get her number. Now I regret it.) When you do ask for a number at work try if possible to isolate her so she doesn't have to do it in front of coworkers and customers. Ask her for help with something. This takes a little preplanning.

The second thing is regarding approaching girls with their parents are relatives. This takes some balls but you may be surprised at the outcome. There are several reports in here of guys who end up having the parent help him along instead of cock blocking. Worst case you get cock blocked but you may actually get encouraged. Some parents will recognize how Alpha a guy has to be to do this and consider you a potential mate for their daughter. Also some parents are looking to get their daughters set up with a guy. I have very limited experience with doing this so I can't give much advice. My one possible encounter is with Gypsy and maybe her dad. He may have just been her employer but she works at a small coffee shop in a small town so it is highly likely he is her dad. Anyway he was totally neutral when I approached her. He definitely knew I was hitting on her and he was cool.

Keep up the good work.

SGent

 

[Smith]

Went out daygame today again. But I'm a little tired now to write in detail. Let's just say I'm more in the moment now and my interactions are better, but the numbers are still flaky. If a girl don't react well the moment I opened her, i.e. when I only said "excuse me!" and she looked at me weird, I'm learning how to calibrate to that and give her space to say something. Anyway, I texted the civil engineer girl yesterday. Here's the text exchange:

Me: "Hey XX, hope ur day's going well =) thinking about grabbing that coffee sometime! what's your schedule like?"
Her: "Hi Smith, I just passed my full licence test today. I am not sure if I will go somewhere to enjoy my holiday with some friends."
Her: "And I am looking for a part time job as well.=("
Me: "Congrats on the test! =) I think a road trip with your friends sounds great! well I'm free tomorrow and Sat night if you're down to relax from your busy schedule."
Her: "Smith, I am so sorry...anyway, I have a boyfriend. It is not suitable for me to stay with another guy, but we can be friends =)"

well this kind of makes me a little pissed, but at the same time writing a text like "Hey I thought you're not happy with the guy, what happened?" is not going to help either. She'll just lie her way through anyway.

so I might just send her
"No worries...I understand your struggle with ur bf =) I'm not looking to replace him, but good luck!"
then delete her number.

Actually what makes me pissed is that I didn't escalate on her. It's the fact I didn't really give my best shot. I will do it next time. I need to learn to keep pushing the interaction rather than grabbing numbers and bail in the interaction.

I've been in contact with my ex-lover from singapore, and I'm thinking about flying to Singapore for a few days when I'm in Melbourne, but I would be really pushing my budget and I think my parents would be very mad if I told them I want to go to singapore too. My dad wasn't exactly happy when I told him I'm getting life coaching in melbourne. I was talking to the girl on whatsapp today and she said she can cover the rest of what I can't cover. My instinct is telling me flying to singapore for the sake of seeing this girl is very risky to my emotion and I have to be really outcome independent if it doesn't work out, which means I may be financially sacrificing a lot of money. Right now, I'm still thinking about it. My gut feeling is really telling me don't go, because it's a high investment from my end....

 

[Smith]

So I booked the tickets to Singapore and she sounds excited and I got her in charge of buying food and she jokingly replied "and condoms too". But then her investment level seems to dropped today... I knew this was coming. I stopped replying her snapchat immediately, but now the fear of maybe I made the wrong decision is starting to creep up on me. "what the hell have I done? ' I thought to myself. Is this another level of insecurity that's unraveling right now? What if..*insert worst case scenario of being abandoned? What if she hooked up with another guy before I arrive in Feb ? I have to accept that is a possibility and I am dealing with a girl with high sex drive. Accept the girl for who she is, not who u want her to be.
Maybe my attainability suddenly increases, so I need to give her radiosilence now until she starts investing more again. If this doesn't work out the way I wanted to, going to Singapore would probably be the greatest test of my inner strength. I welcome that challenge aaarrrggh!! Bring on the pain!!

Anyway, went to the mall today after work! Had fun. I talked to a girl I went on a date with last year and fked up after the date by texting her I like her. It was a challenging situation but it proved how important it is to stay calm. As I was about to open her, her aunt (only found this out later) also came into the interaction at the exact moment!! It was very confusing for everyone lol she thought I was the buyer she was supposed to meet up with. They were speaking some other language. Then I have to explain to both of them I was there to hit on her. I sit through the pressure until it seems like she was telling her aunt to go away in another language. Then we talked again. She started to remember me but I told her I could barely remember her, which is true. We exchanged numbers again.

 

[Smith]

I was so tired from work today, (almost fall asleep during lunch break) but I still went to the mall to meet girls. I'm pretty proud of that. On the way there, the traffic was bad and I thought about going home, even though the mall IS on my way home. I watched RSDMax's video on negativity yesterday and I realized I'm still sort of addicted to my negative personality. "Oh sweet I approached her in the toughest situation....but she didn't stay to chat. Damn it!" "That was a pretty good interaction and we exchanged number....but I feel like the sexual tension wasn't enough." All these thoughts lead to negativity in a subtle way.

Anyway, I arrived at the mall and give myself 30 mins to bang it out. At first, I noticed my mind was thinking "there's not enough hot girls to talk to because the mall is closing." Once i realized this, I lowered my criteria for who to engage in. Be social first. You fking need it. So I gave two girls compliment, but they were surprised and my energy was kind of low. My mind would label it as a "blow out", but the reality may not be like that. I ignored my thoughts and laugh to myself. Then I saw this Brazilian girl in a department store. I hesitated a bit then she started walking. I walked around and ahead of her so I can stop her from the front. My energy was still a bit low. I tried to breath into my balls to relax. I stopped her and complimented on her pants. She couldn't quite understand me and told me she doesn't speak much english. I stayed calm and spoke slowly. I couldn't help but feel the social pressure of people around us watching, and noticed my tendency to speak fast. I slowed down and relaxed. However, my conversation just wasn't quite there yet, probably because I'm still not in that social state yet. One thing I noticed when I'm not in a social state is that I tend to filter myself or try to be completely sure what I'm going to say before I open my mouth, and that blocks my flow. I should just start speaking as soon as I'm thinking and don't worry about how the sentence is going to end. I'm usually like this when I'm in my best state anyway. So conversationally, I wasn't doing well, but what I did well was holding the tension with silence. I remember from watching Liam's video in 21 convention that guys usually have the tendency to nod their head too much to whatever the girl says, and I start to notice I actually do that too. wtf lol. I nod my head too much when I'm listening to my boss and beautiful girls, pretty much people who I have subconsciously placed as having a higher "status". So during this interaction I had to consciously just focus on my breath and stay present. I told her I love Brazilian girls because they're very passion. (Honestly, I didn't know what I was going to say about brazilian girls, and the word 'passion' just pop out of my head as I spoke). She asked me what's passion? I repeated the word a few times with a smirk and slow voice. She said no she's not very passionate, then I teased her so you're pretty boring huh? then she tried to qualify herself as very passionate. Then she asked for my name. We shook hands. I moved a little closer, but still not close enough. Sadly, the conversation died down, because I just wasn't in a social state yet to even carry on a conversation. I raised my hand as we say goodbye, but she gave me a high five. Her hand feels so soft. I was kind of turned on. Looking back, I missed a window to move her a little to the side.
Lesson: Be more polarizing and start being playfully physical from the beginning. Move closer to her to create tension and make it natural to touch her.

 

[Smith]

I don't know why I'm feeling a little down these days, even though I'm going to be visiting three countries in January. I SHOULD be excited! I realized I'm trying a little too hard with snapchats and now the girl from singapore replies really slow. Going to tone it down and stop over-compensating. Is she the reason I'm feeling down about my trip? Maybe. I don't know how I feel anymore. Right now, my instinct tells me I won't want to see her when I'm in singapore because my feeling for her is changing now, and THAT scares me....well at least that's how I feel about her at this moment right now. Maybe THIS IS THE EXACT LESSON I need to go through, and it's happening for a good reason. Maye there is something profound in this experience. I sure hope so.

I went out for daygame today and yesterday by pushing myself to take action. Quite proud of myself for that. Got some flakey numbers, even though I thought the interactions were pretty good. Had a really flirty interaction with an engaged Japanese women yesterday, which was fun. But man... the grind is so hard. I try to stay present and positive, but god damn it....the good emotion from a good interaction just doesn't really do anything for me now. I don't think I'm seeking validation or approval... I think I'm seeking a romantic experience that can make me feel alive. A girl who can completely engage all my senses. well, as always, it feels pretty good to write it down and share it.

p.s. had a really interesting blow out today and when I looked back it made me realize that girl can tell what you want before you even speak a word. I saw this girl walking out of a bookstore. I caught up to her and because it was my first interaction of the day. I was still warming up. It was very crowded, but I thought fuck it.
ME: "excuse me" walking next to her. She doesn't seem to hear me. I lightly touch her arm.
She looked at me and moved away. Slightly scared. I waved hi and smile a bit.
ME: "kinda random" She walked slower and walked behind me then walked past me.
HER: "I'm engaged"
lol wut?? I didn't even say shit.

 

[Smith]

I wasn't planning on going out to the mall again today because I feel like I've been going there too much haha (maybe that's just another excuse?) but my family is all going out to eat and I didn't want to cook so I went with them. and man I am so glad I did haha
I sit down somewhere at the food court after part ways with my family so I could go do my "shopping". I meditated for 5 mins then I just picked my ass up and took action. First interaction was a warm up. I tried to keep talking until she has to go. It was great I pushed it as far as I could! The second interaction was better. She was interesting and only graduated high school, which is a rare combination. I breathed deeply at times during the interaction and projected a relax vibe. I moved closer to her as we talk, and touched her lightly on her arm as I felt like it. When we were talking about where she's from, I told her "you know you actually look very russian" I smirked. She was surprised. "Yea, especially your eyes" then I gave her sexual eye contact. "Oh stop it" she looked shyly and smiled. After talking a little bit more, we exchanged numbers. I was about to go talk to more girls, but I got a text from my dad that we have to go. I think what I did well in this interaction was getting in close and qualifying her and connecting with her.

I also want to improve my lifestyle more. Toastmaster is on christmas break, so one less activity that I enjoy. I worked 4 days per week. the rest of the time I go out, read, gym, play some games and watch movies. I biked to the gym today even though the weather was shit. I'm glad I pushed through and didn't skip gym.

Another thing about the Singapore girl. She's investing less now, and I feel like fking chasing her. I have to strongly control my urges and calmed myself down. Everytime this happens to me, I try to look at the big picture. This is just one girl in my life. There will be plenty more girls in the future and much better experiences! This is JUST the beginning! If this girl were to get into a relationship with me right now, how would I feel? I would probably feel like I'm betraying myself because I'm not reaching my full potential... This was such a big revelation. Now I stop caring less now. I watched Tyler's video on having fun, and it makes me realize I'm taking myself way too seriously with this girl. Don't sink into lower consciousness!and I need to enjoy small things to build up my positivity.

 

[Smith]

Went out to the mall for 30 mins after work. Lately I can't sleep well and I'm so tired. Can't wait for Christmas when my work ends. First interaction was a short compliment. The second interaction was in the bookstore. I hesitated for a few seconds then found myself in a conversation with her. I don't even remember walking up to her because I was focusing my breathing. I told her I thought she was cute and I wanted to say hi. She was a little surprised but I stayed calmed. She introduced herself and asked for my name. Overall it was a good interaction. Deep dived and qualified her, e.g. "are you a good pianist?" and relate to her. When she asked me if I like studying what I'm doing now. For a moment there, I was going to say "yes", but my body was feeling the opposite. Then I told her how I feel about it, and told her what I really wanted to do. It was a very genuine moment for me, and it would've been quite the opposite of the image my ego is trying to maintain, i.e. "a guy who's loving what he's doing." I tried to move closer to her during the conversation in baby steps, but she seems to unconsciously move away. Then I told her "Hey let's go out sometime." She gave me a sexy smile. I could tell she was turned on.
Her: "That's very straightforward. but sure we can hang out sometime."
Then out of nowhere.
Her: "are you a player? because I'm still trying to suss out what kind of guy you are."
Me: "haha yea I pick up girls at the card section every monday....do you like players?"
Her: "no who likes player?"
Me: "I thought everyone likes players" I smirked.
Me: "do I look like a player?"
Her: "no"
Me: "there you go"
I didn't really address her concern here and kind of jumped around it. Maybe I should have said something empathetic, like "yea we're all afraid to get burned sometime...are YOU a player?"
Anyway, we exchanged numbers. But the goodbye was pretty awkward. I think that might have fucked things up. She gave me like a shy/scared goodbye gesture. At that moment my mind was interpreting it as the vibe I put out was too awkward, but now looking back, maybe she was just trying to say goodbye, but she wasn't sure how. So I turned my body away as if I'm getting back to do my own stuff.
Her: "I better get back to my shopping...that was pretty random. Have a nice day !"
She hasn't reply my icebreaker. I hope that goodbye didn't really screw things up haha. Otherwise, that would've been a solid interaction. I was clear in my intent and she loved it despite the player bs.

 

[Smith]

My date rescheduled today to Fri a couple of hours before we were going to meet. Told her no problem, and I went to the mall to daygame for about an hour. Had some warm up interactions talking to girls. I'm getting into the habit of telling girls "I'm still glad I came talk to you" if they "reject me". It really puts me in a nice state and puts a smile on their face as well. I feel like my interactions are getting better. Girls are qualifying themselves to me more, and I'm more calm during the interactions.

There are three memorable interactions. Two of them in the bookstore. I hesitated to talk to the first girl because I thought I had already talked to her before, but after seeing her face clearly, I went for it.
Me: "excuse me"
she turned around. I looked at her calmly in the eye. I did this instinctively and didn't realize how powerful that was until afterwards. The power of following your body.
Me: "I love your hat"
Her: "Oh Thank you!"
I continue to have this calm eye contact with her. I felt like I was completely drinking her in. I introduced myself. Deep dived and talked to her for a bit. Then she told me she has to go to the checkout, so I asked her out. She said yes and took my number because she doesn't have her local phone with her. She didn't put my name in, so I asked her "do you remember my name?" then she put it in.
Her: "I'll text you later"
Not sure if she'll actually follow up or if she'll be too scared to reach out.

The second interaction...I felt like I was in love. After the first girl went to the checkout, I browsed around for a bit and picked up some books. I saw this girl browsing casually around, so I walked past her and placed myself around her. Then in my periphery, I saw her look my way and she walked past. so I walked around hoping we would bump into each other face to face and we did. We made eye contact and she smiled. We walked past each other then I turned around.
Me: "excuse me"
I looked at her calmly in the eye again. just appreciating how she looks.
I complimented her. (can't remember exactly the word I said)
Her:" oh thank you! no one has ever approached me this way"
Me: "yea I saw you walk past and absolutely loved your smile"
she lights up even more. There were a couple of people around us talking about pens and stuff, but it felt like we were in our own bubble.
she was eager to fill up the conversation and I probably accidentally cut her off a couple of times. Next time, I should calm down even more. Then before she said she has to go, I asked her out. She told me she has a bf.
Me: "well I'm still glad I came talk to you."
She thanked me again. It was a nice moment.

The next girl I followed into a sport shop. I waited until she was alone in the aisle.
Me: "excuse me"
she was walking away and looked back, but she kept on walking.
Me: "hey excuse me" I waved at her.
Her: "oh me?" (see fellas, most of the time girls aren't blowing you out. you blow yourself out)
Me: "yes you" I smiled. I maintained a calm eye contact that seems to draw girls eye onto you.
Me: "I saw you walking past..."
Her: "walking past?"
I sensed that she was japanese, so I introduced myself in japanese.
Her eyes light up and told me she's here to learn english. Then I complimented on her style. She was surprised, but I stayed calm mostly because I've seen it thousands of times.
Me: "what are you doing here?"
Her: "I'm just killing time before I go to yoga." she points towards her yoga mat.
Me: "ahh I see...I love girls who do yoga"
Her: "Oh really?" she seems attracted
Me: "yes they stay in really good shape."
Her: "*talked about how long she's been doing it"
Me: "how does yoga make you feel?"
Her: "It makes me feel relaxed and calm, but it's really hard"
Me: "I see..I do meditation"
Her: "meditation?"
Me: "yes you sit somewhere quiet...." I said it in a sexual tone.
Her: "somewhere quiet.."
Me: " and you think about nothing"
Her: "ahh"
Then we went on to talk about her plans in the future. I moved closer to her during the interaction because I felt like it and touched her occasionally on the arm. I told her to guess my age and it turns out I'm 2 years younger than her. I asked her if she has ever dated a younger guy. She said "no". I teased her "well today's your lucky day".

Then after more chit-chat, I asked her out.
Me: "I like how you do yoga and *something else I can't remember, let's grab coffee sometime."
she excitedly said yes. she took out her local phone. (It seems like Jap people have two phones when they travel) We exchanged numbers. She even took down my number and put my name in. She told me she just topped up. I asked her "do you text?", she said she does. I asked this to gauge if she's a texting person. I've learned not to walk away immediately after taking down her number, so I stayed to ask her what her japanese name means, and teased her it sounds like a food...a very delicious food I asked her what her schedule's like in the next couple of days.
Her: "umm...I think I have plans. do you mean thurs and fri?"
I took a deep breath, because I noticed I was projecting a nervous vibe.
Me: "any day really" I smiled
Her: "I'm free next week"
Me: "alright we can do next week"
A few more seconds of chit-chat.
Me: "I'm glad I came talk to you. we should see each other again. I'll text you"
Her: "yes text me!" she was looking at me very eagerly.
Me: " alright give me a hug" It was a light hug. Not what I had hoped but I was following my instinct.

Texted her an icebreaker "Hey XX! cool meeting you. =) hope u got to relax at yoga"
No reply. This is interesting. Probably the second time this has happened this week. I thought it was a pretty solid interaction. Hmmmm.

 

[Smith]

I went on a date yesterday. I deleted this girl's number last week because when I asked for her schedule. She said "I don't know". Then 3 days later, she texted me again, and we met up yesterday. Her english wasn't very good, so it was hard to dive deeper in the conversation, so it is mostly fun talk. I started touching her on her arm and back because I was feeling aroused. Then when I put my hand over hers during our conversation, she moved away. I just acknowledged it and laughed it off. Then I started to talk about sex and how long guys last. Then during a pause after our sex talk, she asked me "where do I live?". It was a clear sign to get out of there....but I'm living with my parents now and don't have a place to pull. I asked if she wants to go for a walk at the park. She was pretty compliant and we walked to our car, where I tried to hold her hand again. She rejected that, but still got in the car. The park was a short drive. When we arrived at the park, I put my arm around her and she rejected that too, but still follows my lead. We lied down on the grass and just looked up at the sky. I jokingly told her to move closer to keep us warm because it was cold and she didn't want that too. No problem. I'm starting to get used to it, and I need to get used to doing this. Just following my masculine instinct. Then she asked if we could get back to the car because it was too cold. I agree, then we walked back to the car. I thought about ending the date, so I drove her to her bus stop. We waited in the car for her bus to arrive. I'm still having fun talking to her. We played truth or dare, and talked about our sexual fantasies. She was laughing but I think she's not comfortable showing her sexuality, because I showed her a funny youtube video on "how to have sex on an airplane", and she stopped it halfway when they were pretending to have sex even though she seemed to love it. Then she asked me to walk her to the bus stop. The PUA part of me thinks "no only chodes do that", but another part of me thinks maybe that's her frame of how dating should be. So I agreed and wanted to see how this turns out. I went for the handholding again, because I thought it was a nice moment to end the date like that, but she moved away again.
Then when we were waiting at the bus stop, she asked me "Do you live with your parents?". I told her "yes, temporarily". I think if I had a place to pull, this probably would've turned out differently. I need to find a way to make car sex work in the future. She texted me after the date thanking me for waiting with her. I told her no problem I enjoyed hanging out with her.
Right after the date, I saw a cute girl waiting outside a cafe. Right there I was thinking...."what if we create an amazing experience together?" Then I went for it. Turns out she's waiting for her bf, but I was glad I talked to her.

Then my date today flaked again for the second time and wanted to reschedule. I don't know what it is about her. Maybe her excuse is genuine. Or maybe she's too scared to come out with me because of success barrier

So in the afternoon I went out daygaming at the mall. On my drive there, I was thinking "man game is hell of fun". When I walked into the mall, I saw my high school crush working in a stand. I haven't talked to her for 5 years. She saw me walking in and it took her a few seconds to recognize who I was. We smiled at each other and started talking. I already know she has a bf, so I thought I would just be social. She was still pretty cute. I teased her she hasn't changed a bit, except maybe shrinked a little and gotten smaller. She laughed and maybe got a little self-concious too because her voice gotten smaller and I couldn't catch what she's trying to say. She said my voice has gotten lower, which is good to hear lol even though I don't feel any difference. Glad my hard work is paying off haha. We reconnected a bit and I was just icy calm and being playful with her. I noticed she started to move in her chair a bit more, and almost fall off her chair. Maybe I'm reading too much into this but I watched James Marshall's video this morning about holding pressure and not moving your body around, then you'll usually notice the girl starts to move around more. Anyway, it was good talking to her. Thought about asking her out again, but she already has a bf she seem pretty happy with. I don't wanna repeat my high school experience again lol.

After that, I talked to a cute blondie. It's funny now that I'm used to talk to chicks like this, my brain is not flooded with thoughts like "damn she's hot". It's now just pure appreciation of beauty and having fun. Anyway, I think I asked her out too soon. Even though I grabbed her number, it's probably going to flake. oh well, I'm making progress now and I'm happy with that.

I noticed that when I open with a relax and slow vibe and say what's congruent, even girls with bfs will be receptive to that. Probably because I'm coming from a genuine place of giving. There was this one girl today, who was really flattered by my compliment. I have learned to give genuine compliments now by being congruent and tell girls what I like about them. I think that has a huge initial impact. After talking to her for a bit, she said she has a bf, but if she was single she would really want to get that coffee with me. I teased her "well that doesn't matter" and she laughed, but I asked her "are you in love with him?", and she said yes. I told her I'm glad to have come talked to her and we said goodbye.

An update on the singapore girl, I'm not sure where things stand, but I'm going to assume it's still good. And it's fking snapchat anyway. who fucking cares? It's not a good medium to build connection. I'll call her now and then.