Socializing Smooth ways to shut down passive aggressive comments

[Searcher]

I see most times with some guys using passive aggression or backhanded complements in social circles.

Now I have tried calling them out by responding like these and everytime it ends up looking like I am the overreacting person (I don't use an irritated tone) and am taking everything as a slight against me.

For example -

Me - "What do you mean?"
Them - makes a "WTF face" and changes topic.
(Any attempt to bring back the comment will result in further ignorance.)

Me - "Did you just insult me?"
Them - What kind of a person do you think I am Insulting people?
Me - You are being passive - aggressive and are backing off now.
Them - Dude, When was I passive-Aggressive? You are taking everything as digs. Relax


Now I feel ignoring passive-aggression in a social group will get the sneaky guy to continue his tactics (tried it and had that happen). and will be apparent to anyone that I let disrespect pass.

I feel if I respond back with my own passive-aggression than even I look like a sneaky person and get dragged down to the other persons level.

Some examples of some passive aggressive comments are -

Guy - That shirt is really nice but I don't think it suits you very well.
Guy - Didn't know you could do it.

An example of a video where responding with directness to passive aggression is shown below. (This is an exaggeration as the woman did react with a threat. But still the point remains that Ben was being passive-aggressive throughout, in fact the people present there called it out but overall the woman ends up looking aggressive and reactive compared to Ben shapiro).

 

[Will_V]

Every time I see this type of question I get the sense that there is a bit of an issue with reading what actually happened.

When you ignore someone or call them out in a way that is actually unreactive, it's virtually an insult in itself. It doesn't need further action, unless the other person is very very good at frame control. In fact, when you are actually under full control and relaxed, anything more than ignoring or giving the slightest of rebukes feels like an overreaction.

But what likely happens is that you react non-verbally, perhaps look confused, unsettled, or hurt, they see that, and then regardless of what you say or do, or how apparently chill you are, they know instinctively that they got to you and that what you are doing now is nothing more than a contrived response that is at least somewhat false. Maybe this isn't the case for you, but most of the time it is, because the really difficult part of rebuking someone non-verbally is actually believing that nothing happened that warranted further action - which is necessary to have a convincing frame.

I see most times with some guys using passive aggression or backhanded complements in social circles.

Now I have tried calling them out by responding like these and everytime it ends up looking like I am the overreacting person (I don't use an irritated tone) and am taking everything as a slight against me.
For example -

Me - "What do you mean?"
Them - makes a "WTF face" and changes topic.
(Any attempt to bring back the comment will result in further ignorance.)

Me - "Did you just insult me?"
Them - What kind of a person do you think I am Insulting people?
Me - You are being passive - aggressive and are backing off now.
Them - Dude, When was I passive-Aggressive? You are taking everything as digs. Relax

These reactions are not bad, but a) you need to do them in an actually relaxed way - not needy or reactive - and b) you need to use them to create a continuous thread of backpressure. So if they do it again, you can say something like "there you go again, how many times do I have to point this out to you? You're trying really hard" which importantly re-validates and stands by what you did/said previously, and almost goads them so that if they continue they are virtually accepting your negative frame. Also, if you are actually using very little energy to respond, and they are using a lot, it is impossible for their actions to not start looking needy as time goes on, since after all they are the ones making the first move.

Now I feel ignoring passive-aggression in a social group will get the sneaky guy to continue his tactics (tried it and had that happen). and will be apparent to anyone that I let disrespect pass.

It is much more likely that it was apparent to other people that you reacted, but did not know how to respond effectively, rather than it being that you simply 'allowed disrespect'.

Some examples of some passive aggressive comments are -

Guy - That shirt is really nice but I don't think it suits you very well.
Guy - Didn't know you could do it.

An example of a video where responding with directness to passive aggression is shown below. (This is an exaggeration as the woman did react with a threat. But still the point remains that Ben was being passive-aggressive throughout, in fact the people present there called it out but overall the woman ends up looking aggressive and reactive compared to Ben shapiro).

I think the main issue here is that this guy was trying to come off as a woman, so grabbing Shapiro by the back of the neck, which is a pretty masculine and aggressive move, undermined his entire persona. Besides, initiating physical aggression is a massive escalation, and you can't really do it without looking very reactive and uncalibrated.

 

[trashKENNUT]

I see most times with some guys using passive aggression or backhanded complements in social circles.

Now I have tried calling them out by responding like these and everytime it ends up looking like I am the overreacting person (I don't use an irritated tone) and am taking everything as a slight against me.
For example -

Me - "What do you mean?"
Them - makes a "WTF face" and changes topic.
(Any attempt to bring back the comment will result in further ignorance.)

Me - "Did you just insult me?"
Them - What kind of a person do you think I am Insulting people?
Me - You are being passive - aggressive and are backing off now.
Them - Dude, When was I passive-Aggressive? You are taking everything as digs. Relax


Now I feel ignoring passive-aggression in a social group will get the sneaky guy to continue his tactics (tried it and had that happen). and will be apparent to anyone that I let disrespect pass.

Some examples of some passive aggressive comments are -

Guy - That shirt is really nice but I don't think it suits you very well.
Guy - Didn't know you could do it.

An example of a video where responding with directness to passive aggression is shown below. (This is an exaggeration as the woman did react with a threat. But still the point remains that Ben was being passive-aggressive throughout, in fact the people present there called it out but overall the woman ends up looking aggressive and reactive compared to Ben shapiro).

It's evil.

This acts is very evil. It's manipulation + using the public + gaslighting + social climbing.

I sincerely cannot help even if I have the answer. Here's why.

It's not so easy as anyone can just write a post and everything is solve. because really, the environments change. The good news is that the patterns are there. The bad news is that the attacks are so so grey and every situations is unique. Like TikTok commenters or that old creepy guy hanging out near your house, and see you everytime you bringing back a girl home, you just never know when the attacks fly.

@Teevster , @Skills , Hector, @Chase and Velasco are the people to go to, for advice.

The reason I tagged this guys is because Teev used to work as bouncer if I'm not mistaken. He probably seen as much asshole-y behavior. Skills does a lot of night game, based on my limited knowledge. He pretty much sees, knows and encounter a lot of adversarial conflicts because that is just how nightgame is.

Hector was the only guy in the forums that is able to recognize the asshole-y behaviours of what I noted in a post and he empathize what had happened. He has transcend the asshole-y of clubbing per se... and is able to recognize such evil behaviors.

Chase has also transcend asshole-y behavior. Velasco was a former member where he has the adversarial mantra around everything, where every little thing is a frame battle. It reminds me of Chase's article on that the girls you date, clouds your judgement. The environment clouds your judgement as well.
Velasco would have definitely help you

TLDR: Yea, I hope the other guys will respond.
tHis is a nuance battle. It really is in today's world. And I hope all their answers. Everyone chips in to this post. And we have more sophisticated tools and grow stronger mentally. Those acts are evil, very evil.

Bless everyone
z@c+

 

[Teevster]

The reason I tagged this guys is because Teev used to work as bouncer if I'm not mistaken. He probably seen as much asshole behavior

Where do you have this from? It is not true. I have never worked as a bouncer. I have never even worked out in my whole life... and i am not particularily tall.

Are you sure you are not mixing me up with cody lyans?

 

[trashKENNUT]

You sure you are notiximg me up with cody lyans?

NoooOOo

*runs*

 

[Chase]

Some examples of some passive aggressive comments are -

Guy - That shirt is really nice but I don't think it suits you very well.
Guy - Didn't know you could do it.

This is standard status jockeying.

See this article on getting above it -- if you're not playing the game yourself, you will find you have less and less to worry about people trying to play it on you:

Archive: Ultimate Social Calibration: Stop Climbing the Social Ladder

I just read a fascinating article today that brings scientific research to bear on the topic of an old post I made that went on to be featured on some popular dating and seduction websites. The content still resonates and is still relevant today, and so I've reposted again here for you to see...

www.girlschase.com

Within the context of that article: treat comments like these as faux pas, as if the guy making them does not realize he is actually lower status than you, rather than higher status. Once you get down the correct nonchalant eyebrow shrug / slightly amused look (because he doesn't realize how tryhard he looks doing this), you'll be well on your way.

Chase

 

[Skills]

I see most times with some guys using passive aggression or backhanded complements in social circles.

Now I have tried calling them out by responding like these and everytime it ends up looking like I am the overreacting person (I don't use an irritated tone) and am taking everything as a slight against me.

For example -

Me - "What do you mean?"
Them - makes a "WTF face" and changes topic.
(Any attempt to bring back the comment will result in further ignorance.)

Me - "Did you just insult me?"
Them - What kind of a person do you think I am Insulting people?
Me - You are being passive - aggressive and are backing off now.
Them - Dude, When was I passive-Aggressive? You are taking everything as digs. Relax


Now I feel ignoring passive-aggression in a social group will get the sneaky guy to continue his tactics (tried it and had that happen). and will be apparent to anyone that I let disrespect pass.

I feel if I respond back with my own passive-aggression than even I look like a sneaky person and get dragged down to the other persons level.

Some examples of some passive aggressive comments are -

Guy - That shirt is really nice but I don't think it suits you very well.
Guy - Didn't know you could do it.

An example of a video where responding with directness to passive aggression is shown below. (This is an exaggeration as the woman did react with a threat. But still the point remains that Ben was being passive-aggressive throughout, in fact the people present there called it out but overall the woman ends up looking aggressive and reactive compared to Ben shapiro).

^ this is never ever ever ever going to stop.... Specially seducers will get it WAY MORE.... so you better learn FAST how to deal with this..... It will ALWAYS happen in the field, work, social circles, girls you are seeing etc.... I did a comprehensive post on this:

Socializing - Why do seducers get picked on with amog, fights, disrespect....

So you are wondering why do people are picking on me with fights, sometimes rude comments, some times bad looks, some type people nitpicking on you.... Well is very simple (some times is strangers or even people in your circles women and men alike).... It is an inner frustration with the lack...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[Alpha13SC]

I think it you opened another thread with this thing, and wrote something there. It seems it's a bit of a situation for you.

The thing is that there could be multiple reasons why this happens also also multiple solution for you.

It may a low self esteem which is making you taking almost everything as an insult. If you think is this, the approach is to work on your self image so that nothing can actually touch you. And if somebody saying something like "this doesn't suits you" well, it could actually mean a good thing because now you can quit them and choose something better or just don t give a fuck and be like "maybe. But I like them so fuck it".

Second, it may be your group. Your group of friends shouldn't be insulting you, making bad remarks or something like this. It's a toxic environment and almost always is putting you in a defensive position. I ve been there, and always I needed to be with the guard up. It's a good learning lesson to keep it up to it. But it's more of a short term solution, since your friends and social group should help you grow.

At my previous job there was a guy, douchebag but got a lot of female attention, narcisistic, and so on, I think you all know it. He actually seems a lot like me, but I was younger and I didn't want to insult and degrade people. It was an open office and our team was like 20-30 people. Well, guess what, I did my own group and was "the alpha" there, coming with ideas to hang out, cracking the most jokes, doing fun things. He had also his own group, but it was more toxic and actually included some of my people. We didn't get along, but in a way it was mutual respect.

We went to a teambuilding organized by own. He was somehow making jokes about another guys from there, but now with me, because I was returning them. At one time, both drunk we could have actually got into a fight, but after 10 mins we were the best friends, like bois will be bois.

When he left the office, I was in a more relaxed state.

IMH, your dialogue is not really a problem, since you could tell anything you want as long as you're coming from the right position.

@Will_V said something in another thread that I like very much.

If you're coming from a place of strength, you'll come as strong.
If you're coming from a place of weakness, you'll come as weak.

Analyze what's your state when you're dealing with this? If you're coming from a place of strength, people shouldn't be having shit with you and if you're telling them that you felt insulted, they will back off or maybe being dismissive, as some form of social climbing. You can try that as well, being dismissive with them.

But if you're coming from another place than that which indicates others are outframing you, then you should be focusing on you/internal state/reputation/self image and so on. Because a line/what to reply/etc is impacted by how you're saying it and who s saying it, not always by the words.

There are different approaches. Think about Eminem and how much other guys are dissing them. He doesn't give a shit because they don't count. That is the place you want to reach. If there is something that could actually damage your image/reputation/your role in group, etc, then that should be a moment when you should be responding.

Alpha13SC

 

[Searcher]

Thanks and much appreciation for all your responses.

As I see I will have to work on my delivery.
And I guess being part of a toxic social circle is a stage I will have to go through in the journey to get a better social circle as a better social circle requires that I have a high degree of self development as well.

 

[Rakehell]

Yeah

^ this is never ever ever ever going to stop.... Specially seducers will get it WAY MORE.... so you better learn FAST how to deal with this..... It will ALWAYS happen in the field, work, social circles, girls you are seeing etc.... I did a comprehensive post on this:

Socializing - Why do seducers get picked on with amog, fights, disrespect....

So you are wondering why do people are picking on me with fights, sometimes rude comments, some times bad looks, some type people nitpicking on you.... Well is very simple (some times is strangers or even people in your circles women and men alike).... It is an inner frustration with the lack...

www.skilledseducer.com

What @Skills said. Very annoying. I’ve gotten this most of my life before I even learned game. Fact is envious people will try to put you down in all facts of life. They’ll make demands, ignore you outright, and other weird social ladder climbing behaviors.

I find myself distancing myself from older friends constantly because they regress into weird behavior. It helps when you’re confident in yourself, otherwise I’d just leave communication with these people to the bare minimum as it can burn your self esteem.

edit: it’s a weird dichotomy of wanting your approval/and tearing you down. It’s hard to understand when you dont view yourself as all that special. Eventually you have to start owning whatever makes you different, otherwise they’ll use it as a rationalization to belittle you and make themselves feel better