- Joined
- Dec 12, 2019
- Messages
- 287
I instagram closed this girl 2 weeks ago while out and about with my friends. We ended the conversation then with a plan to drink some borovničevec (liquor) she has.
She was abroad for this time and texting was nothing special really. I asked her to go out one time, she was still abroad, continued playfully and set a meet again a week later. We texted in Serbian (she's Serbian Hungarian and I speak a bit Serbian) so I won't translate those texts because of a lot of language contextual humor.
We met at a bar near my place. I kept the vibe social and upbeat, then we started going into deeper topics and found a lot of common ground. She was a classical pianist, me I'm a composer, she's studies neuro psychology, I'm of course interested in psychology as well. I sprinkled teases and chase frames here and there like ''someday you can be as cool as me'' ''so you're a beach kind of girl'' - obvious misenterpretation, all contextual again... Started building some touch like holding her hands when I make a point and she reciprocated later with same moves back. All good.
One other thing I did in this conversation was sexual reframing with help of comparing it to process of creativity:
''I believe everyone has his own voice (when making music, art) people are just not brave enough to listen to it. You're under influences of your favorite artists and want to subconsciously copy them, thinking this is what I want. Sometimes you consciously try to make it in one style because you seek approval from certain kind of audience. Like I said it takes courage to listen to yourself. Kind of like when you're improvising in the flow of the moment, there's this moment of the flow taking you somewhere but your thoughts just for a second go ''no that's not right, this is right'' and there's where you fall out of it.
All of that is not so different to life in my opinion. We all live under influences of societal norms. You may dress a certain way, listen to the kind of music, go for the type of guy, all of which is influenced by your friends, family, media, society in general. But not always is this in alignment with your true needs. Sometimes your needs and societal norms clash.
Imagine you meet a guy and there's a spark between you. You desire him, but he's not the usual type of guy you would go for. He makes a move and at the same time you desire him badly and think ''what would my friends think''. You see this is very similar to creativity. I truly believe you should put your needs firs and not let opinions of others get in the way.''
She ate it up.
At this time I seed the pull to my place with showing her my music, because I want her opinion on a piece I'm working, but she misinterprets it as me going to send her the piece. Back to social conversation, I bring the mood back up with humor and teasing. We get another beer, she is very interested in my music and I just keep talking about that. To be honest, I kept talking about it more then I was asking her about herself, which is a mistake usually but hey she seemed very interested. I seed the pull the second time, saying we can later get some beers or wine at my place which is near. She says that she's full of beer but would gladly drink some shots and then we can go to her place where she has borovničevec as we talked about and then continue somewhere around there.
I agree, we take a shot at a bar and leave to her place. It's a 10min drive with a city bus. On the way I lift her up and carry her, just for fun. We talk about psychology on the bus, mainly about the way I see men and women different and how we shouldn't treat them for depression the same. Sure it's fine to love yourself but a lot of times it would be good for guys to slap the shit out them, tell them to man the fuck up and put them in adversity from which they would become tougher and eventually happier. Or from biological view, hormonal balance - hormones being emotions basically - is different in genders, men need testosterone. Even though she dissagread (I know I may be even talking shit about this, but hey it helped me) I framed myself as more dominant.
We come to her place. She at first said that we'll just go in, drink a couple of shots and come back down. I put on a couple of my songs as I promised to show them to her and I think this was key to staying in longer. She was intrigued by them and asked me to play more. During that I made my first move. She had her hand resting on the table and I slowly caressed her palm like that. Just for a moment.
We went to the balcony where I lit a cigarette. Here I did a variation of @Teevster good/ bad sex gambit.
''What kind of guy do you like?''
''hmm... I don't have a type really. Depends haha why are you asking?''
''Just curious.''
Left silence here expecting her question back.
''What kind of girl do you like?''
''Knew you're going to ask me. Kind of like you, depends. But I value connection between me and her. Sex (she smiled when I mentioned sex) is better when both sides are both present. Not just mutual masturbation (she laughed), no I don't like that. I like it when I share my reality with her reality, we both forget about everything else and just enjoy that shared moment in time. That is the kind of girl I like.''
''You said it so well, so true, I agree.''
I left silence there. I had an intuition to stand up, give her my hand as an invitation to dance. I did. And from technical point of view also good move using the peak of compliance and arousal I just built.
She starts dancing slow with me from the first moment we're dancing face to face. I tease her a bit, then kiss her, pull away, repeat, take her to bedroom, get an objection ''but we can't do anything, my roommate might come any moment'', I ignore that and proceed as she was obviously aroused. She locks doors and that's it, you get the rest.
Unfortunately it didn't end so passionately. As I'm inside her she tells me to stop as she's hurting. I back off completely and give her head, slowly getting her comfortable with my fingers inside her. Try again and it still hurts her. Weird because she was quite we but her vaginal opening just didn't get relaxed. I back off for real this time and tell her.
''It's all good, that stuff happened to me before and I know how embarassing it can be. I see that you're clearly desiring me and hey sometimes the mind and the body just don't work together. It's frustrating, I know, but it's all cool.''
She's apologizing, being very sorry. Tells me she was just with another guy (hich I don't know exactly what that ment - did she just break up with someone or had ons with someone... I'm leaning on ex boyfriend because there were some pictures on her insta of some guy... I can't know that) and then she tells me that when she saw me she expected we would go out as friends (true that when I met her built no sexual frame whatsoever as we were hanging in a group with guys). I tell her that I didn't expect this as well (truth and lie at the same time... I though she had a bf based on that pic from her insta, I wanted to just have fun tonight, but at the same time I told myself I will follow the process, because who knows). I tell her we can be friends and that it's all fine with me, that she shouldn't be sorry.
She proceeds to give me head passionately. I never come just from getting head but this was the best I've got so far. We cuddle and I tell her we shouldn't let this down our mood and that we should get a drink outside and then call it a night.
We get shots at a bar downstairs her building. I bring mood back to social. I see she's tired, tells me she slept just 4h the night before, so I make it quick. As we're walking back to her apartment she leans on my shoulder like I'm her daddy. God, I've missed this feeling. We make out in front of her door and I go home.
Next morning I text her.
''i enjoyed yesterday
hope your hangover today is not that big''
''sameee no no not at all I'm not hungover, already went to the store and everything'' sends me a pic of smoothie she did ''smoothie for breakfast and all '' i react with a heart emoji
''the infamous hungarian fruit soup aka smoothie'' she reacts with a heart emoji
She was abroad for this time and texting was nothing special really. I asked her to go out one time, she was still abroad, continued playfully and set a meet again a week later. We texted in Serbian (she's Serbian Hungarian and I speak a bit Serbian) so I won't translate those texts because of a lot of language contextual humor.
We met at a bar near my place. I kept the vibe social and upbeat, then we started going into deeper topics and found a lot of common ground. She was a classical pianist, me I'm a composer, she's studies neuro psychology, I'm of course interested in psychology as well. I sprinkled teases and chase frames here and there like ''someday you can be as cool as me'' ''so you're a beach kind of girl'' - obvious misenterpretation, all contextual again... Started building some touch like holding her hands when I make a point and she reciprocated later with same moves back. All good.
One other thing I did in this conversation was sexual reframing with help of comparing it to process of creativity:
''I believe everyone has his own voice (when making music, art) people are just not brave enough to listen to it. You're under influences of your favorite artists and want to subconsciously copy them, thinking this is what I want. Sometimes you consciously try to make it in one style because you seek approval from certain kind of audience. Like I said it takes courage to listen to yourself. Kind of like when you're improvising in the flow of the moment, there's this moment of the flow taking you somewhere but your thoughts just for a second go ''no that's not right, this is right'' and there's where you fall out of it.
All of that is not so different to life in my opinion. We all live under influences of societal norms. You may dress a certain way, listen to the kind of music, go for the type of guy, all of which is influenced by your friends, family, media, society in general. But not always is this in alignment with your true needs. Sometimes your needs and societal norms clash.
Imagine you meet a guy and there's a spark between you. You desire him, but he's not the usual type of guy you would go for. He makes a move and at the same time you desire him badly and think ''what would my friends think''. You see this is very similar to creativity. I truly believe you should put your needs firs and not let opinions of others get in the way.''
She ate it up.
At this time I seed the pull to my place with showing her my music, because I want her opinion on a piece I'm working, but she misinterprets it as me going to send her the piece. Back to social conversation, I bring the mood back up with humor and teasing. We get another beer, she is very interested in my music and I just keep talking about that. To be honest, I kept talking about it more then I was asking her about herself, which is a mistake usually but hey she seemed very interested. I seed the pull the second time, saying we can later get some beers or wine at my place which is near. She says that she's full of beer but would gladly drink some shots and then we can go to her place where she has borovničevec as we talked about and then continue somewhere around there.
I agree, we take a shot at a bar and leave to her place. It's a 10min drive with a city bus. On the way I lift her up and carry her, just for fun. We talk about psychology on the bus, mainly about the way I see men and women different and how we shouldn't treat them for depression the same. Sure it's fine to love yourself but a lot of times it would be good for guys to slap the shit out them, tell them to man the fuck up and put them in adversity from which they would become tougher and eventually happier. Or from biological view, hormonal balance - hormones being emotions basically - is different in genders, men need testosterone. Even though she dissagread (I know I may be even talking shit about this, but hey it helped me) I framed myself as more dominant.
We come to her place. She at first said that we'll just go in, drink a couple of shots and come back down. I put on a couple of my songs as I promised to show them to her and I think this was key to staying in longer. She was intrigued by them and asked me to play more. During that I made my first move. She had her hand resting on the table and I slowly caressed her palm like that. Just for a moment.
We went to the balcony where I lit a cigarette. Here I did a variation of @Teevster good/ bad sex gambit.
''What kind of guy do you like?''
''hmm... I don't have a type really. Depends haha why are you asking?''
''Just curious.''
Left silence here expecting her question back.
''What kind of girl do you like?''
''Knew you're going to ask me. Kind of like you, depends. But I value connection between me and her. Sex (she smiled when I mentioned sex) is better when both sides are both present. Not just mutual masturbation (she laughed), no I don't like that. I like it when I share my reality with her reality, we both forget about everything else and just enjoy that shared moment in time. That is the kind of girl I like.''
''You said it so well, so true, I agree.''
I left silence there. I had an intuition to stand up, give her my hand as an invitation to dance. I did. And from technical point of view also good move using the peak of compliance and arousal I just built.
She starts dancing slow with me from the first moment we're dancing face to face. I tease her a bit, then kiss her, pull away, repeat, take her to bedroom, get an objection ''but we can't do anything, my roommate might come any moment'', I ignore that and proceed as she was obviously aroused. She locks doors and that's it, you get the rest.
Unfortunately it didn't end so passionately. As I'm inside her she tells me to stop as she's hurting. I back off completely and give her head, slowly getting her comfortable with my fingers inside her. Try again and it still hurts her. Weird because she was quite we but her vaginal opening just didn't get relaxed. I back off for real this time and tell her.
''It's all good, that stuff happened to me before and I know how embarassing it can be. I see that you're clearly desiring me and hey sometimes the mind and the body just don't work together. It's frustrating, I know, but it's all cool.''
She's apologizing, being very sorry. Tells me she was just with another guy (hich I don't know exactly what that ment - did she just break up with someone or had ons with someone... I'm leaning on ex boyfriend because there were some pictures on her insta of some guy... I can't know that) and then she tells me that when she saw me she expected we would go out as friends (true that when I met her built no sexual frame whatsoever as we were hanging in a group with guys). I tell her that I didn't expect this as well (truth and lie at the same time... I though she had a bf based on that pic from her insta, I wanted to just have fun tonight, but at the same time I told myself I will follow the process, because who knows). I tell her we can be friends and that it's all fine with me, that she shouldn't be sorry.
She proceeds to give me head passionately. I never come just from getting head but this was the best I've got so far. We cuddle and I tell her we shouldn't let this down our mood and that we should get a drink outside and then call it a night.
We get shots at a bar downstairs her building. I bring mood back to social. I see she's tired, tells me she slept just 4h the night before, so I make it quick. As we're walking back to her apartment she leans on my shoulder like I'm her daddy. God, I've missed this feeling. We make out in front of her door and I go home.
Next morning I text her.
''i enjoyed yesterday
hope your hangover today is not that big''''sameee
no no not at all I'm not hungover, already went to the store and everything'' sends me a pic of smoothie she did ''smoothie for breakfast and all '' i react with a heart emoji''the infamous hungarian fruit soup aka smoothie'' she reacts with a heart emoji