so embarrassed at myself, failed mating attempt

[mindful]

what's up guys,

Just had a date with a girl. I won't get into the details beforehand but she ended up coming back to my place. Put on some music and she was sitting in my computer chair. Talked for a good 20-25 mins before I made a move. Now she was sitting in the chair and I was standing next to her (once I was ready to make a move). Went for the kiss and she turned and gave me her cheek. I played it cool, pulled back and started talking some more. Then a few minutes later I went to kiss again. Started kissing, and then she was like "oh i gotta go at 11pm" and checks her phone. It's 11:05 PM. She starts to stand up and we kiss some more. I tell her to stay 5 more minutes. She says ok and we go to my bed (right next to the computer chair).

On the bed we are kissing and I get her on her back. I'm kissing her and kissing her neck. I feel her tits and pull one out and start licking and sucking it. Shortly after she starts to say she has to go again. I asker her if shes having a good time , etc using a yes ladder. She agrees to it all, we start kissing again but she still is getting up at this point. She is now standing on the edge of my bed and we kiss some more but she still pulls away and says she needs to go home since she has a 40 min drive. I tell her again that it's saturday and still early but she isn't biting. Should I have told her to just stay over??

Anyways I feel the air deflating out of me at this point. Really thought I had this girl honestly. She gets to the door and puts her shoes on. We kiss a little more but I don't do it in a way where I'm trying to get all I can get. I play it cool all the way through but she ends up leaving. I knew in that moment that I will probably never see this girl again. I told her to text me when she gets home.

What do I do in this instance? I've never failed at escalating once a girl was back at my spot. I think I waiting too long when I got her back to my place to escalate. But either way, I don't know if I can even recover from this... wanted to definitely see her again.


Any advice? Do I let this settle for at least a week before pursuing again? I read the article on second-date attempts and chase recommends inviting her out with your group to an outing but I don't really have that kind of opportunity since I'm new still and don't have a solid social circle.


I think I took too long to get her back to my place. We met at 7 PM and didn't get her back til 10ish. I figured since it was Saturday we would stay out a little longer... but I should have had her back at around 9:30 the latest.

 

[skin_man]

Most times if a girl is putting up resistance like this, it's merely a frame wrestle - she wants to have you lead or outframe her into continuing.

I've had girls do tell me they won't spend the night and then with a 'centered ' attitude, i made them get relaxed enough to spend the night.

Here's what you did wrong: you watched her reactions and got thrown off.

Lesson: Except the lady runs out of your apartment, you're still golden. You may not feel like its going well but escalate then draw back, then again, then draw back.
Each time getting heavier with the touch and kiss. If she walks to the door, lead her back to the bedroom. If she gives reason to leave, offer to pay her cab home when it's after "another hour". If she's running to meet up with something, tell her it can wait. All of this must be said calmly and in a neutral tone.

Exceptions: if she gets to the door and opts to leave without saying goodbye, then let her leave.. From your tale

She gets to the door and puts her shoes on. We kiss a little more

She got to the door and still kissed you goodbye... You still had an 80%chance of sealing the deal there.

My 2 cents.

It happens so relax. Only text her to see you for another reason like a meal or a house chore. If she bites, reschedule.. If not, flirt with other women and bang THEM instead.

Enjoy

 

[PrettyDecent]

mindful,

It is hard to say, because once you get that kind of LMR it is very difficult to beat it. The problem either came earlier in the interaction OR it didn't matter what you did, you just weren't getting laid on date 1 (it could be for whatever reason: your sexual vibe isn't totally there and you'd need a couple dates to get with her, she has a hard rule against first date sex, she's on her period, etc.)

Because you're still experimenting with treating LMR and game in general, it's good that you pushed it for the practice alone.

As you progress with your seduction skill, you'll start to know when to back off and just go for a second date instead. That's what I would've done with this girl after maybe the second attempt. You need to move fast, but only as fast as the girl is comfortable with. That is the art of escalation.

Anyway, don't feel bad about it bro! All of the experienced guys on these boards have faced that situation 100+ times. You're racking up the data points necessary to becoming a better seducer.

Nick

 

[mindful]

Thanks for the replies. I do well with getting most my dates back to my apartment after a first-date, but haven't gotten LMR in a while. So, the past few times I've experienced it and I honestly am not that good at handling it. Usually I'll get a little but not A LOT. I'm going to brush up on some articles and practice what to say haha. It's not as down-pat as my date convos.

 

[PrettyDecent]

Ah, woops, my reply must've come off a little condescending.

Anyway, my go-to LMR strategy is to back off until I start getting a recognisable signal to move forward again. Like, she might just start making out with you again, or she'll say some dirty statement or statement of sexual intent (like, "actually, I might be staying a little longer"). But if you keep trying to move it forward without those, you come across needy or pushy. That's because it comes across as chasing rather than escalating together.

I do understand that other people are more belligerent in their LMR strategy (like I used to be: full steam ahead!), but the rate of returns are noticeably lower in the long run, in terms of how many girls you'll be sleeping with.

Nick

 

[mindful]

Ah, woops, my reply must've come off a little condescending.

You're fine bro lol. It's a fair assessment, I usually only post here when things go wrong in my seduction to get some valuable insight on mistakes (along with some advice for others when I feel qualified).