So she just broke up with a boyfriend...

[quiteastory]

Hello everyone.

So there's this case... I have an insanely hot colleague that I know professionally. We rarely see each other, like once-twice per year on industry events, but when we talk... sparks are all there. Whenever she sees me, her face warms up and she bursts with energy. Shy excited girl, so much my type. She "coincidentally" always ends up standing next to me, so I assume the attraction is mutual.

I just heard she got out of a long relationship. I'm not sure how to take a shot with her. From one side, girl after so long relationships are often emotional mess, so she could take some rest. On the other side, attractive women like her get sucked into another relationship quickly, because they attract a lot of competition. I'm not really afraid of blewing it, she's just a girl after all, but I want to play this scenario the best way possible.

I thought that I can write her, shoot some causal shit and just ask her out. I'm not a fan of beating around the bush, it's all or nothing for me.

What you guys think? Thanks

 

[Will_V]

Hello everyone.

So there's this case... I have an insanely hot colleague that I know professionally. We rarely see each other, like once-twice per year on industry events, but when we talk... sparks are all there. Whenever she sees me, her face warms up and she bursts with energy. Shy excited girl, so much my type. She "coincidentally" always ends up standing next to me, so I assume the attraction is mutual.

I just heard she got out of a long relationship. I'm not sure how to take a shot with her. From one side, girl after so long relationships are often emotional mess, so she could take some rest. On the other side, attractive women like her get sucked into another relationship quickly, because they attract a lot of competition. I'm not really afraid of blewing it, she's just a girl after all, but I want to play this scenario the best way possible.

I thought that I can write her, shoot some causal shit and just ask her out. I'm not a fan of beating around the bush, it's all or nothing for me.

What you guys think? Thanks

If you already have her number, yeah you'll want to chat a bit, build a little rapport, then soft close to see if she's receptive to meeting up. If she bites, schedule a date. There's plenty of articles covering texting on the main site.

 

[quiteastory]

If you already have her number, yeah you'll want to chat a bit, build a little rapport, then soft close to see if she's receptive to meeting up. If she bites, schedule a date. There's plenty of articles covering texting on the main site.

I don't have her number, only SM.

Should I bring up her boyfriend subject like "hey I've heard you've broken up, let's hang out"? Or should I be more subtle, shoot some shit and just ask her out if the energy is there?

 

[Will_V]

I don't have her number, only SM.

Well, I don't use social media (except whatsapp, if that counts), so can't be really specific, but I don't think it'd be much different than text. Of course if it's linkedin or something you'll want to be more discreet.

Should I bring up her boyfriend subject like "hey I've heard you've broken up, let's hang out"? Or should I be more subtle, shoot some shit and just ask her out if the energy is there?

No, you definitely don't want to bring up the boyfriend. Just treat her like she's on the market and you want to hang out and get to know her more. If she's not open to it she'll make that clear, but judging by her behavior she's probably going to be happy to hear from you.

I'm not often in the position of contacting a girl I'd met weeks or months previously in a work/social circle setting, but the way I'd do it is something like:

- Introduce yourself and make sure she knows who you are and where she met you
- Refer to the last time you met her and connect it with some basis for making contact with her now, e.g. you were reminded of her by something. Doesn't need to be anything substantial, but it clarifies to her that you don't have a specific agenda for contacting her now, and lets her relax.
- Ask her something (preferably again related to the time you met her) like "how's that XYZ project going?" or whatever so it's easy for her to answer and begin the conversation.

 

[quiteastory]

Well, I don't use social media (except whatsapp, if that counts), so can't be really specific, but I don't think it'd be much different than text. Of course if it's linkedin or something you'll want to be more discreet.



No, you definitely don't want to bring up the boyfriend. Just treat her like she's on the market and you want to hang out and get to know her more. If she's not open to it she'll make that clear, but judging by her behavior she's probably going to be happy to hear from you.

I'm not often in the position of contacting a girl I'd met weeks or months previously in a work/social circle setting, but the way I'd do it is something like:

- Introduce yourself and make sure she knows who you are and where she met you
- Refer to the last time you met her and connect it with some basis for making contact with her now, e.g. you were reminded of her by something. Doesn't need to be anything substantial, but it clarifies to her that you don't have a specific agenda for contacting her now, and lets her relax.
- Ask her something (preferably again related to the time you met her) like "how's that XYZ project going?" or whatever so it's easy for her to answer and begin the conversation.

Thanks for this detailed answer

I will not mention the boyfriend, just chat a little bit and see if she's receptive. I personally think that girls met when they're in a relationship are a unique category of women. You need to be neither a colleague or a boyfriend candidate, more like a fleeting, exciting mystery that randomly pops up in her life wanting nothing in exchange. This way when she's on the market again and she asks herself "who I want to date?", you'll be the 1st one she thinks of.

Not sure if I estabilished that with this specific girl, but I used this strategy on a different one and guess what... she reached out to me yesterday, asking if I want to hang out, I said yes. She was dressed in a sexy way, so I could already tell she broke up with her BF which she of course "randomly" mentioned later on. Women are so damn funny

 

[Will_V]

Thanks for this detailed answer

I will not mention the boyfriend, just chat a little bit and see if she's receptive. I personally think that girls met when they're in a relationship are a unique category of women. You need to be neither a colleague or a boyfriend candidate, more like a fleeting, exciting mystery that randomly pops up in her life wanting nothing in exchange. This way when she's on the market again and she asks herself "who I want to date?", you'll be the 1st one she thinks of.

Not sure if I estabilished that with this specific girl, but I used this strategy on a different one and guess what... she reached out to me yesterday, asking if I want to hang out, I said yes. She was dressed in a sexy way, so I could already tell she broke up with her BF which she of course "randomly" mentioned later on. Women are so damn funny

Generally speaking, it's not a good idea to try to build sexual tension or sexual interest via text. Especially if you haven't met for a while. That's not to say it can't work, but it's going to be a lot more hit and miss. There's so much nonverbal communication in flirting that's completely absent, and it's very easy for the vibe to be misunderstood when all you have are words.

You typically want to get her out on a date and then gauge where things are at - try some innuendo, see how she responds to tension or different kinds of touch, etc.

I generally follow the approach outlined in various GC articles which is to keep text focused on logistics. I'll experiment sometimes, but more often than not when I get good results it's when I'm building a little bit of rapport and then doing a soft close for a date, and ramping things up when we're together.

 

[empath]

Since she is your colleague its already a warm approach, so you have more leeway than a cold approach.

Also, because it's a warm approach and she is in your company you should be more indirect to avoid any reputation risk.

I would ideally do a very short fun date first and check of compliance, break touch barrier, causally ask her about relationship and let her tell me about it, depending on the vibe either comfort her or move to different topic and keep fun vibe.

Have another date where if there is sufficient compliance make things sexual through non verbals, invite her home or I go to her home and escalate.

Try to keep things low-key and keep testing for compliance.

Girls who have recently broken up are ripe for fast sex. Only reason I am doing 2 dates are because I want to keep things risk free and save myself from any reputation damage and keep things like it just happened because i don't think you are aiming for a long term relationship with her.

Lastly, I would he flexible if first date gives me opportunity for pull I will pull her then and there.

Also, I will choose a romantic spot for date like a beach, river or park where you can walk and sit and have an intimate vibe.

 

[quiteastory]

I'm pretty sure this one is a solid GF material. We also don't work in the same company, we're "just" in the same industry.

"I would ideally do a very short fun date first and check of compliance, break touch barrier, causally ask her about relationship and let her tell me about it, depending on the vibe either comfort her or move to different topic and keep fun vibe.

Have another date where if there is sufficient compliance make things sexual through non verbals, invite her home or I go to her home and escalate."

This is a solid plan! Thanks!