Social Calibration Step Up Series

[sneaky_charm]

Hey Troy! Great work tracking your mistakes. I did most of them before, too. And even now, I do some at times. The best part is, you have started improving at an early age, so you will reach great social calibration way earlier than most others will!

A few things:

You said that you were filling the gaps with your opinion when the girls were talking. Try not to give your opinions. I have found that opinions, criticisms, complains, disagreements, advice and condemnations are the worst things you can contribute to a conversation. If someone really needs your opinion, then they will ask you. Even then, try not to give your opinion the first time it is asked. If they persist, then you may.

After reading your situations, I can tell that you are an introvert, and find social situations extremely taxing. You get anxious. I know because I have been there, too. Now I've improved a lot, but sometimes I go back.

What you need to do is stop caring about what other people will think too much. Also, affirm and visualize yourself talking to everyone confidently. Affirm something like "I am confident in every social situation, and everyone I talk to likes me." Do it every morning and night.

In addition to that, you have already noted that you should not repeat your statements. A related thing is never repeating your questions. If you have asked something, and the person has not answered, that generally means that he or she does not want to answer that particular question. So NEVER ask that question again.

I recommend that you read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie after your exams are over. I also recommend How to Talk to Anyone. Both the books are amazing. I urge you to buy both right after your last day of exam is over. At this moment, I think you need the latter more than the former. The book has so many techniques that will help you keep conversations going without even adding anything on your part. And people will love you for that!

Anyway, congratulations again. Keep going. A lot to learn and reflect upon from your posts!

 

[Troy]

Self-Analysis: Why Journaling Is Good for Faster Improvement



On reading Sneaky_Charm's post today I was inspired by what he had to say and I learnt a couple of things from him ( Thanks bro!). I had a post thrown back a while now on this and he said the right thing that I'll quote to expound on.

Great work tracking your mistakes. I did most of them before, too. And even now, I do some at times.

Ever since I begun writing down my experiences I have grown as a writer and my self-analysis skills have improved. I really believe that a man should learn to see the errors in himself before others correct him. Not that anything is wrong with getting everything handed to him; trust me I wouldn't mind if everything was handed to me ( who doesn't? ). For me when I learn something on my own it sticks, and when I get advice it cements in my head.

Every question that I ask I always have an idea of what the solution would be before getting a reply, thus improving my self-awareness and analytical skills. When my question is answered I can say "YES I was RIGHT, good advice bro!" or "OH I didn't know that, I'll try it out before saying it's true".

Keeping a Private Journal

I used to keep a notebook in my drawer with all my daily journals and eventually I thought it was unproductive for future use. God Forbid, physical books wear and rot and after a couple years the pen will start fading from the pages and everything won't look as good to read over.

So I upgraded and decided to go the 21st century way. Apart from typing on the forums I have a journal app on my tablet. It's compatible with desktop computers, allows syncing, and is packed with features. From adding photos, the location, weather e.t.c. to journals I've never enjoyed journaling so much. The best app on Google Play is Diaro. Other good options are Day One from the App Store and Day Journal. If online journal's are your thing try Flava.

Finding Patterns

Keeping a private journal allows me to write any thing I want. I don't share everything on here. Whenever I want to complain and I'm angry and feeling the urge to write something that seems sensible now that I might later regret saying, I type and save it on Diaro and wait till the next day to see if it is okay to post. Trust me, when you're emotional you are more likely to chat fuckry. Give it a rest and come back to what you wrote when you are calm.

I've realized that the way I write is similar to the way I talk, and that's another reason I keep a private journal. Whenever I'm reflecting on my day I'll sit down and burst though typing real quick, not stopping to think about what I'm saying. When you stop to think about what you are saying when typing you lose some of the clues into the way you talk. ( I hope that sentence was clear ). That's how I was able to spot some of the mistakes.

Conclusion

1) Keep a Private Journal ( Diaro app or Day One are good choices )

2) Have an idea of the solution to your problem before asking your question. It builds self-analytical skills

3) Quickly burst through your journal's to get everything out exactly as you would in a live conversation

And that's all.

Ciao,

Troy

 

[Troy]

The Nitty Gritty of People: Understanding & Relating to Them

I feel I've reached the stage where I should focus more on understanding people: why they do xyz thing, how they think, where they are coming from, where they want to go e.t.c.. I need to better relate to people and build friendships faster and stronger.

So far, following Chase's advice to analyze carefully how others communicate has taught me a lot. To speed up the process I'm taking the next step to level two.



" The Nitty Gritty of People: Understanding & Relating to Them" will be over on the field reports board since what will be discussed is more field reports and in depth analysis. These two treads will go hand in hand. I'll start that post on Friday.

Troy

 

[Troy]

Can't Stop Thinking About Her? Kick the Thought Out

I'm completing a couple projects right now and I caught myself thinking about a female friend who I can say for sure likes me. I have a story to tell on that which will go in another post some other day. In the meantime the details are thus:

I realized I've been thinking about her a couple days now and it's getting stronger and stronger. The more I think of her is the harder it gets to stop thinking about her. Whenever I know a girl likes me I always start thinking of her too until I get obsessed with her. A hint of her here, and a whisper of her there. And before you know it you have become obsessed with your perfect girl ( that's what the mind tells you ). Almost 90 % of the girls I lost ( who liked me first ) I put on a pedestal. Remember just the thought of someone you like can slowly make you fall in love. And then all the attractive things you used to do will cease and you'll lose the girl.

In my situation I've got to go wash my face now and get some coffee to get my mind off her. And I've got work to do till it's time for school. Call this part 1 because I'm not finished. I'll go more in detail in part 2. The first lesson however is get a girl off your mind quickly, especially if you haven't slept with her yet. Find something to distract your self. And that's all till part 2 goes up.

Until then,

Troy

 

[sneaky_charm]

Hey Troy!

A hint of her here, and a whisper of her there. And before you know it you have become obsessed with your perfect girl ( that's what the mind tells you )

You hit the nail on the head with this one!

At the same time, by writing about her, you are elevating her value even more in your mind's eye! Hope you realize that!

- Sneaky

 

[moolar]

Hey Troy!

A word of encouragement for you....

You are doing absolutely great, man! Seriously. I mean, there's nothing that beats productive self-awareness. To me, that's been best thing that has ever happened to me. It's like, you are your own B.S detector. And it's a marvelous thing.

Just continue at it, man. With time, I assure you that, you are going to bountifully reap the rewards of your self-improvement.

Big ups.

 

[Troy]

List Your Strengths & Weakenesses

List Your Best Qualities & Your Weakenesses


Over on " A Tragic Story: How Did I Mess Up?" I posted a question where I talked about going on a date with two girls who like me and had a old wingman ( more like a user ) come in and attempted to take away my dates. Here's the link viewtopic.php?f=3&t=9791&p=47573#p47507

Drck gave me some advice and I'm expounding on that. Here is what he had to say ( credit due to him )

Make it simple, make a List A of what you did great and a List B of what you should improve. Always emphasize those things that you did great (List A) because the list of things that should be improved (List B) can get overwhelming. The list of things you did great should be more important to you, and at the same time work on improving those things on the other list. Ideally you will shift those things from List B to List A. It is actually a great thing to see a progress of List A after several weeks and months, as it grows.

So some items that should be on List B:

I said in a previous post that I keep a personal journal on my tablet so I'll use that to talk about more personal things and I'll be sure to put a " List A " and a " List B " on field reports here. I've realized that thinking carefully and coming up with possible solutions has improved my analytical skills. Remember to have an idea of the solution before asking your question.

I'll call list A Strengths and List B weakenesses. An example from that post are:

List A - Strengths

I:
1. Got Two Girls to Go Out On the Same Date
2. Used touch really well. Most importantly they were the ones to initiate touch
3. They did most of the talking
4. Prior to leaving school I flirted heavily with them. They were laughing a lot
5. Led Malika when I asked her to go out. I gave her a command and got big compliance
6. Had them buy me a snack without me telling them

Any thing left off?

List B- Weakenesses

I:

1. Need to work on multitasking. Whenever I'm walking I struggle to keep a conversation going. If I knew how to do that the girl's would have had more fun and preferred talking to me instead of Brandon
2. Knew what Brandon was like. It's not the first time he stole a girl from me and I shouldn't have given him another chance. I shouldn't have introduced them.
3. Had already introduced them and he was gaming them. Next time don't get jealous; just be cool and only if the guy is gaming her too hard should I step in and not allow any man to steal my girl.
4. Should learn to know my friends real fast. If the guy cockblocks and steals my girls I shouldn't par ( chill ) with him.
5. Don't carry two girls out until I know I can pull off threesomes. That was one of my goals. Instead of being able to escalate on Malika I had to watch Brandon and Shantai plus having friends gave Malika an excuse to not get intimate with me.
6. Logistics is another major issue. I can't bring girl's home and I don't want to always be having sex in corners and bathrooms. I'll ask a male friend to borrow his place. First I'll have to build a really good connection with a male friend.

Any more?

Alright example one is up. More are in store but for the meantime I'll be working on these in list B. It feels great to list out my strengths and I encourage you to do the same. Work on those " list B's " and become more confident. The best way to improve is to have fun while doing it. Happiness comes first and knowing that you are ticking off weakeness is a good way to be satisfied even if you haven't achieved all your goals ( yet Talk to ya'll soon.

Ciao,

Troy

 

[Troy]

Hey Troy!

A word of encouragement for you....

You are doing absolutely great, man! Seriously. I mean, there's nothing that beats productive self-awareness. To me, that's been best thing that has ever happened to me. It's like, you are your own B.S detector. And it's a marvelous thing.

Just continue at it, man. With time, I assure you that, you are going to bountifully reap the rewards of your self-improvement.

Big ups.

Hey Moolar,

Thanks for the encouragement man! Lol I have a personal B.S. detector dwl. Humorous comment from you there. I develop that B.S. detector by reading articles, getting advice from ya'll, trying it out and finding little things that haven't been discussed yet.

Trying, failing, then learning is the best way to improve. In the same vein, keep kicking ass brother.

Troy

 

[Troy]

Let Her Come to You

I texted Shantai, a girl I spoke about before on " A Tragic Story " post, this morning. I told her she should meet me at lunch time at school. Right now I'm in the library doing some studies but my mind keeps straying. I keep thinking about Malika and Shantai. I'm thinking about hanging out with Malika and I'm thinking about having lunch with Shantai.


When I texted Shantai this morning I told her she should text me lunch time and she said she would. Here I am with my phone in my hand about to text her even though we already agreed that she would text me first. If I text her I will be chasing and women dislike men who chase them.

Simple solution is that I should not text her. That would be chasing. She asked me to lend her some money till next week ( I can give her ). It would be a desperate move to go text her to give her something she needs more than I do. I'm going to put away my phone and wait till she contacts me. If she doesn't, who cares? I'll just have more cash in my pocket .

Conclusion

I had to post this before I made the mistake. The rule to live by is this:

If you already gave a girl a command, wait till she contacts you. You already gave her the go ahead to chase you so why chase her? Told a girl to call you? Don't call her to remind her or ask why she didn't call. Same thing with texting or asking her to meet you somewhere.

The biggest takeaway away is that if she cares ( and has good memory ), and likes you she will get in contact with you.

I will be awaiting her to contact me. She needs the cash, I don't. Lol I already feel better just by writing this. Talk to ya'll later

Take Care,

Troy

 

[Troy]

Acting First, Talking Last

Acting First, Talking Last

"They say: Think twice before you jump. I say: jump first and then think as much as you want"
Osho

"Humor is laughing at what you haden't got when you ought to have it"
Langston Hughes

"Go do that thing first before letting anyone know. The devil will hear you and stop you from achieving your plan"
Troy

In " LR: Fucked Her " viewtopic.php?f=5&t=9837. I finished off saying I was going to sleep with Malika again on Tuesday. I'm sorry to say that didn't happen. I really pushed for that to happen yet I had bad logistics all of a sudden.

Yesterday my Mom let me know my sister wouldn't be going to school because she feeling sick and that I should come home after school to take care of her. A good reason why I couldn't bring Malika home. Who or what is more important? Fucking some girl or looking after my sister who was sick. The answer is obvious right! haha.

So What About the Lay?

I'm back to square one of not having anywhere to escalate so I've decided to take time off from talking to Malika. And from the advice I got over on that tread I'll move on and proceed to do the same with other girls ( and best of all show Malika that I have options ). Who knows; she might just approach me after awhile to get a second try

I've got other things to focus on too. I've got exams, projects, and co-curricular activities to get back into. All this will make me more rounded thus more attractive.

What I Learnt From This?

Last night I was panicking because I had put myself under stress to get the lay and it didn't happen so I was thinking " what would I say to everyone here? ". I'd felt so confident and put a " date " on getting laid that was a goal I wasn't in complete control over. Anything could have happened, you zimmi. What happened has taught me a BIG lesson:

"Don't put yourself under public pressure to achieve something. If you have a goal, keep it to yourself and work hard to get it done. I was challenged by a frenemy and I stood there telling him I would sleep with Malika again. What I should have done was tell him " We will see. Who laughs last laughs best ", and then go prove him wrong.

Conclusion

1) Go with your plan before telling people what you plan on doing.

2) If your plan fails YOU are the ONLY one who will know so you wouldn't have to go through possible public embarassment. Trust that I'll NEVER do that again.

3) Okay you won and proved all the doubtfull people wrong! HAHA or you have friends who believed in you. Now you can go back and celebrate. All the unbelievers will be shocked that you pulled it off and all your friends will put more trust in you and celebrate with you. It's a win-win

P.s. Earlier I felt uneasy about posting this because I didn't want to look bad for blabbering ( and couldn't pull it off ) but you know what? I feel better writing this down. Things like these make fun stories to tell friends and family in the future. I've got to learn to laugh at these things. Just have fun with it and so too will others.


Who knows what/when you will surprise someone ( or yourself ). Go with your plan gents! Success will soon come your ( and my ) way!

Troy

 

[Lover]

Hey Troy

Just subscribed to this one. It's just after discovering GC that I began to work on my social calibration. And one does need to be reminded of his awkward tendencies once in a while!

Keep working hard, my man!

a-jay

 

[Troy]

Hey Troy

Just subscribed to this one. It's just after discovering GC that I began to work on my social calibration. And one does need to be reminded of his awkward tendencies once in a while!

Keep working hard, my man!

a-jay

Hey a-jay7! Thanks for the encouragement bro! It's a good feeling to know I'm pushing myself and is contributing some knowledge/motivation to others.

Blessings to you too

Troy

 

[Troy]

It's been awhile since I showed this tread some love. I have learnt a lot lately and will share them assoon as I complete exams.

Until then

Take Care,

Troy

 

[Troy]

Building a Amazing Social Circle

I've started a tread on Social Circle over by the Lifestyle board. It will also be a series. Focusing on the dynamics of a social circle, how to BUILD one and many, how to ADD VALUE , and how to KEEP YOUR REPUTATION. Enjoy

Building a Amazing Social Circle

Troy

 

[Troy]

When Girls Take Long to Reply to Your Texts ...

WAIT
WAIT
WAIT

I'm still a bit quick to jump to conclusions when girls take hours to reply to my texts. I used to get literally panic attacks when any average girl took more than 5 minutes to reply. And if she took hours, my heart rate would pick up like I ran a mile race ( a little exaggerating but you get my point lol).

These days I've gotten far busier and now I'm the one taking long to reply. I can now feel empathy for girls who make guys wait. The average girl has 20 plus men as back up options anytime.They have " stuff " to do, and doesn't have hours upon hours to text any dude and his brother.

Every day I'm learning to be patient. It's very important to learn, it will cut down mental stress, preventing you from putting girls on a pedestal, and become more attractive.

I can't stress the point enough, when girls take long to reply , go meet more girls, work on a project, spend time at the gym, with friends and family etc...

Along with all the mainstream ideas to get girls to reply ( techniques) , learning to be patient is another skill. If anyone ends up Googling " how do I get her to reply " it tells me that person is needy. Neediness kills attraction. I used to do that EVERY TIME I had to wait on a reply for hours. Nowadays I just go do something else .

Funny, I found it strange that the more options I get, the busier I am, and the more I'm enjoying life, it seems some girls are more likely to reply to my texts these days. I no longer sit for hours with my phone having 3 hour text conversations. I just ask them out and it's way better spending 3 hours on a date.

There is really nothing more to be said than ]have patience and life a interesting life.

Wait
Wait
Wait

If she likes you SHE WILL REPLY, she won't make you pass by if you only TAKE ACTION, then the game gets FUN

Troy

NEXT UP: Franco's post ( it's a fun read and taught me quite a bit The " Silent Phone Treatment[/b]

 

[Lawliet]

Wow great stuff bro!
Subscribed!
Lawliet