- Joined
- Jan 2, 2015
- Messages
- 1,107
Background: So I met this girl via a couple friends of mine a few months back. I could instantly tell she was super into me. Also, she saw me flirting with a bunch of girls at the party we went to together. She mentioned she had a BF when I was making cocky jokes about her being my "backup" in case I can't pull a girl that night. The following weekend, I texted her to come to my party, she didn't reply. The weekend after that, I group texted her and a mutual friend of ours to come to a party and she still didn't reply. I stopped inviting her to parties altogether. However, I did add her on snapchat (or she added me, I don't remember).
Fast forward to about a month ago, she had a snapchat of her drinking bubbletea. I replied to it asking here where that is (I was genuinely curious, I've didn't know they have it in the town I'm at). She then sent me like, 3 paragraphs of information about bubbletea, how much she likes it etc. It included a bunch of smiley faces and exclamation marks etc. So basically, a full 360 from when I was texting her before. I invited her to my bday party. She drove 1.5 hours away from where she now lives (she moved) to come to my party. I'm not sure if she was planning on coming up to my city anyways or not (she has a lot of friends there). But in any case, she showed up to my party. I didn't actually talk to her much that night because I was preoccupied with other girls (see: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=13245), but she did see me making out with this one other girl there. Eventually, I saw her and came up to her to say hi first thing she said was "Oh hey, I see you were having fun there! (in reference to my making out with the other girl) I say hi and chat with her for a minute or so, then excuse myself because a) I'm too drunk to have a substantive conversation with a new person b) I had those other girls to worry about.
Anyways...fast forward to earlier this week. I'm on Spring break. She lives in the city that I'm from now. I ask her to grab bubbletea with me. She says yes.
The Date: This was a little bit of an unusual date for me. I'm used to cold approach and online dating. So being on a date with someone who actually knows me felt unusual. I almost felt like she's "just a friend" and not an actual dating prospect (she definitely doesn't feel the same way about me). I'm not sure why I felt that way.
Also, this is kind of a hard date to explain because much of what's important was as a result of subtext and non-verbal communication. It's very difficult to put into words.
In any case, we sit down and have bubbletea. I find out the BF was real, and that was also the reason she never replied to my texts before. She didn't want to seem interested in me because of him. She and him have now broken up. We chat for a while. In addition to deep diving, we talked about some social circle stuff that's been going on in our school.
There are a couple of things to note about the date:
1. She "shit tested" me a LOT. Like, way more than most girls do. I passed all of them. But with her, it felt like she was almost trying to win some sort of invisible power struggle. It didn't feel effortless and flirty like it usually does. Namely, she would always try to chase frame me or playfully break rapport, I wouldn't submit to it and instead, I'd chase frame her right back.
Keep in mind that all these examples have a sub-communication of playfulness. Neither of us are being completely serious when we say any of this. But we're also not entirely joking, which is why it felt a little bit strange.
Ex.
Her: Do they make you pay to use public restrooms in Bulgaria (yeah...weird question, I know).
Me: Usually not. Unless it's a very crowded resort. But thats a very strange question to ask!
Her: Yeah, I was hoping we would have something in common (She's from Romania and you have to pay for bathrooms there apparently), looks like we don't.
Me: Hmm, yeah I guess not.
Her: [Laughs] I'm just kidding ahahaha
Or
Me: [I was talking about something I do or have done...forgot what]
Her: Yeah, that sounds like something you would say to impress people
Me: Na, I'm not. Why? Do I strike you as someone who tries to impress people?
Her: Na, it just looks like you're trying to impress me.
Me: [With a bored look and an exaggerated tone of voice]: You caught me!
Her: [Laughs]
3. She was resisting even small amounts of kino.
Ex. Grab her hand to give her a hand massage, and as soon as I was done, she took her hand back instead of letting me keep mine in hers.
But at the same time, she would otherwise seem pretty interested in me throughout the date. Eventually, we ended up alone in my car (was not planned), and she took out a stick of gum and asked me if I want some (universal sign for "kiss me"). I declined. I was considering kissing her, but I decided against it because:
1. Failed Kino tests. If she doesn't like me holding her hand for long, she probably won't want to kiss me.
2. I felt like kissing her would lay all my cards out on the table. And this is the kind of girl who likes a challenge. She even said so herself. She said "I like it when a guy makes me work for him".
3. There's no way I can pull her home that day. We only had two hours before she had to go to a volleyball game.
4. The whole vibe of the date felt somewhat platonic. Mainly because of the lack of touch (I usually make things sexual via various forms of touch...something she didn't allow for on this date).
In any case, here's my question: Why would a girl be clearly interested as shown via body language and other signs of attraction, but be hesitant to proceed with even small amounts of physical escalation? Is she trying to resist her own attraction to me for some reason?
Fast forward to about a month ago, she had a snapchat of her drinking bubbletea. I replied to it asking here where that is (I was genuinely curious, I've didn't know they have it in the town I'm at). She then sent me like, 3 paragraphs of information about bubbletea, how much she likes it etc. It included a bunch of smiley faces and exclamation marks etc. So basically, a full 360 from when I was texting her before. I invited her to my bday party. She drove 1.5 hours away from where she now lives (she moved) to come to my party. I'm not sure if she was planning on coming up to my city anyways or not (she has a lot of friends there). But in any case, she showed up to my party. I didn't actually talk to her much that night because I was preoccupied with other girls (see: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=13245), but she did see me making out with this one other girl there. Eventually, I saw her and came up to her to say hi first thing she said was "Oh hey, I see you were having fun there! (in reference to my making out with the other girl) I say hi and chat with her for a minute or so, then excuse myself because a) I'm too drunk to have a substantive conversation with a new person b) I had those other girls to worry about.
Anyways...fast forward to earlier this week. I'm on Spring break. She lives in the city that I'm from now. I ask her to grab bubbletea with me. She says yes.
The Date: This was a little bit of an unusual date for me. I'm used to cold approach and online dating. So being on a date with someone who actually knows me felt unusual. I almost felt like she's "just a friend" and not an actual dating prospect (she definitely doesn't feel the same way about me). I'm not sure why I felt that way.
Also, this is kind of a hard date to explain because much of what's important was as a result of subtext and non-verbal communication. It's very difficult to put into words.
In any case, we sit down and have bubbletea. I find out the BF was real, and that was also the reason she never replied to my texts before. She didn't want to seem interested in me because of him. She and him have now broken up. We chat for a while. In addition to deep diving, we talked about some social circle stuff that's been going on in our school.
There are a couple of things to note about the date:
1. She "shit tested" me a LOT. Like, way more than most girls do. I passed all of them. But with her, it felt like she was almost trying to win some sort of invisible power struggle. It didn't feel effortless and flirty like it usually does. Namely, she would always try to chase frame me or playfully break rapport, I wouldn't submit to it and instead, I'd chase frame her right back.
Keep in mind that all these examples have a sub-communication of playfulness. Neither of us are being completely serious when we say any of this. But we're also not entirely joking, which is why it felt a little bit strange.
Ex.
Her: Do they make you pay to use public restrooms in Bulgaria (yeah...weird question, I know).
Me: Usually not. Unless it's a very crowded resort. But thats a very strange question to ask!
Her: Yeah, I was hoping we would have something in common (She's from Romania and you have to pay for bathrooms there apparently), looks like we don't.
Me: Hmm, yeah I guess not.
Her: [Laughs] I'm just kidding ahahaha
Or
Me: [I was talking about something I do or have done...forgot what]
Her: Yeah, that sounds like something you would say to impress people
Me: Na, I'm not. Why? Do I strike you as someone who tries to impress people?
Her: Na, it just looks like you're trying to impress me.
Me: [With a bored look and an exaggerated tone of voice]: You caught me!
Her: [Laughs]
3. She was resisting even small amounts of kino.
Ex. Grab her hand to give her a hand massage, and as soon as I was done, she took her hand back instead of letting me keep mine in hers.
But at the same time, she would otherwise seem pretty interested in me throughout the date. Eventually, we ended up alone in my car (was not planned), and she took out a stick of gum and asked me if I want some (universal sign for "kiss me"). I declined. I was considering kissing her, but I decided against it because:
1. Failed Kino tests. If she doesn't like me holding her hand for long, she probably won't want to kiss me.
2. I felt like kissing her would lay all my cards out on the table. And this is the kind of girl who likes a challenge. She even said so herself. She said "I like it when a guy makes me work for him".
3. There's no way I can pull her home that day. We only had two hours before she had to go to a volleyball game.
4. The whole vibe of the date felt somewhat platonic. Mainly because of the lack of touch (I usually make things sexual via various forms of touch...something she didn't allow for on this date).
In any case, here's my question: Why would a girl be clearly interested as shown via body language and other signs of attraction, but be hesitant to proceed with even small amounts of physical escalation? Is she trying to resist her own attraction to me for some reason?
