Socializing Social Circle: Dealing with annoyances?

[Black]

Actually. . . two questions but they are related.

First problem:
These last two years I became very active in social circles -from nothing to being involved in all kinds of "meetup" websites, chambers of commerce, etc. . .
The main reason is social/professional networking but I'm also on the lookout for interested women and on average I talk to a few each time.

Competition seems to be rather high, maybe not in quality but in quantity. Usually lot's of old guys breaking circle to talk to the girl I'm talking to:

Recently, I had the same guy come to interrupt two times and each time he kind of run out of things to say and ejected on his own.

Last year, at a brunch, I sat beside this girl; she had one of these clowns to her left and the other one in front - we were getting interrumpted like each 30 seconds; I got her number, left, then went on a date with her that evening.

Etc. . . It's fun.

Anyway. . . something like 10% of the times I get a nasty encounter: a guy breaks circle in a very impolite/hostile way or like, recently. . . I approached this group 'cause I saw someone I knew; was totally blindsided by a random guy who decided I had to be eliminated from the conversation. From the moment I introduced myself, got flak from him; just kept trying to shut me out, prove me wrong or snicker; basically make sure I didn't get a word in. I ended stuck there 15 minutes listening to the guy pump his value to the stratosphere to this girl half his age; a monologue about himself. The moment I saw a passing friend I used that as an excuse to eject myself.

The point is that when this happens, I feel completely "betaized". I'm not even sure what's the smoothest way to deal with this bullshit!
I try to lean back and be as cool as possible - but it doesn't change the fact that I'm being tooled/excluded.
These are not places go escalate aggressions or *God forbid* beat someone up (which would be very very easy and very very enjoyable to do).
Any tips?! :/

__________________________

Second problem:
This is rare but still. . . wtf? Happens mostly when going out for drinks.
Girls - that are supposed to be friends - doing things that seem like they are testing me or acting angry/horny; to me in particular.

I'm not sure I understand what this is. My theory is that I'm in some middle point between some theoretical "Alpha" and "Beta" (the other guys in our group - who fare even worse than I) and they are trying to hammer me down into place/submission.

A typical scenario that repeats itself (since 2014) is a girl starting drama because I'm quiet, sipping my drink; instead of spilling my guts and investing.
So she starts shouting, poking me and basically trying to frame it as me having "some kind of problem". In general it seems an attempt to get a reaction out of me (and at that, get me out of sprezzatura, get me giving her attention even if it's negative).

From that it quickly escalates into mocking something I said or some face I put (sometimes to show other girls how silly I am), shouting in front of everyone that I don't have a chance with this or that kind of girl - and basically downright awful behaviour. Like their emotions and self-control totally go out of whack for no reason at all.

I'm taking baby steps into cold approach; with some (very minor) encouraging results. Outbursts like this totally ruin my mood for approaching, make me look bad in front of other girls and finally have the other guys in the group side up with them (turning a would-be "guys night out" totally upside down).

Sounds like a case for cutting certain people out of my life.
Other than that, any reason for this stuff happening?

 

[Marcellus]

Hey Black,

You gotta start calling people out man, your taking all this shit from these stupid ignorant guys and I don't see you doing anything about it. Just call these guys out for being weird and uncalibrated when they try to tool you. And you should probably think about getting better girl friends, these girls are actively getting in the way and ruining your approaches with other women, I definitely wouldn't tolerate that. Just pull them aside and say their ruining your night by being so weird etc. They should get the message.

Marcellus

 

[Black]

1) I think this one is a bit more nuanced: I think escalating drama in most of these contexts I find myself in just flies into the face of sprezzatura and calibration i.e. a lot of energy has to go into starting a row with some 50 year old idiot - and then you also have heads turning. . .
Also, I used to be very good at exposing people who were bragging/posing and have everyone laugh at them - with just a little well-aimed comment/question.
. . .but since it's social circle we are talking about, I would earn enemies who then pulled strings against me forever after.

Following the advice of "turning it into a fundamentals competition" seems to be working for me 90% of the time - up to some hilarious extreme cases where she just ignores the guy and comes back to me on her own, or distracts herself from his talk to keep an eye on me, etc. . .

However, how to remain attractive when you are not getting what you want?
So far I try to lower my energy levels, show mainly boredom (quite genuine in my case), eject only as a product of me spotting someone/something more interesting and. . . that's about it. I don't feel it's enough. I still feel tooled and that everyone can see me "betaized".

2) I agree. . . .and I'm on it.
Analysing the points in common for the last two cases I noticed: these were chubby girls who generally were not getting much action, from anyone; so, yes, they were probably horny. . . and, at that, maybe it's harder for a girl with little to no options to friendzone-and-forget? Hm...