Socializing Social Circle: How to Deal With a Guy BSer/Conversation Hog

metalbird

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 20, 2015
Messages
144
There's a situation I've been running into recently with a guy who hangs out in one of my social circles. He is mid-twenties, fairly smart, but very full of himself...

I hate speaking with him one-on-one or with a small group, because he just talks endlessly about himself or his ideas without ever giving a chance for anyone else to speak. This man is a natural filibuster expert. As soon as one long-winded paragraph ends, he's got another one ready to go... "and... but... so..." for 10, 15, 20 minutes at a time. Frequently I find myself spacing out or falling asleep, only to tune back in and find he's still talking right along.

He's not a "subject matter expert" type and overall, he's very socially calibrated. I think he uses the airtime as a way of exerting dominance/control. Whenever a girl comes around, he knows how to tone it down. In these situations, he will become very smooth and gamey and start pulling BS out of his ass. I can tell what he's doing, but most girls can't. If anyone at the table actually knows anything about a subject he brings up, he will change the subject, and keep bouncing around until he finds something that nobody present knows well, so he can BS with impunity. For example, he pretends like he knows all these foreign languages, while he really only knows a few words.

From my end, I have no interest in competing with this guy in a BS war or the kind of stupid dominance games he plays -- amogging, negging, you know, the typical conversational dick-waving that more socially attuned people catch on to quickly, but your average young girl gets taken in by.

I am fairly well liked and respected in this social group; a rapport I've built up by being a good listener, respecting everyone high and low, and only shutting down bullies smoothly and socially when they come off way too strong. This guy seems too smooth and slick to catch out though. How can I politely tell this guy to STFU in a socially calibrated way?
 

Regal Tiger

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Mar 16, 2015
Messages
944
One thing I've done to someone (keep in mind that I wasn't a part of the group, I was just at a table next to them so I have no idea what the follow-up was and never cared, I just wanted to feel superior to be honest) is to ask them about something that Google can prove is wrong. I came at it with as much curiosity as I could muster and I needed to check Google:
Me: Oh woooow, that really happened in Rome? No way! I gotta look this up hang on! Wait a minute, Google says blablabla but that can't be right can it?

Example; if he claims to know all of these foreign languages then immediately jump in with about how this chick said something really sexy in another language that he claims to know, she told you a rough translation and you want him to help you learn how to say it in front of everyone. If he's as full of himself as he thinks he is, and you have the right vibe of genuine curiosity and naivete then he'll happily dig himself into a grave. Then just get a little skeptical, "huh, that doesn't sound right, hang on let's see what Google has to say" --> make sure you already have your phone out when you start to be as fast as possible
--> another vibe/energy description, try to picture a child listening to someone they respect with a whole lotta 'wow, that/you're amazing' on their face


If he's right, then well, you'll have to try again next time. But if he's wrong just kinda let it sink into the group. Once the idea marinates in their head that he's just bs'ing then it'll seed and sprout eventually more than likely. It's just the nature of a conman's 'relationships'. They're stars of the show when they first meet you, but people eventually catch on because lying becomes too easy and tempting to do. Rather than a spice to exaggerate a story here and there it becomes their life because of the results and validation it brings them. It's addictive for types like them and it starts to become all they know. Then after a while, it gets too tangled together and they won't be able to keep their shit together

Again, they come off extremely impressive at the start of the relationship but then it starts to break the people around them down because there's simply no room for anyone else other than their ego. People eventually get tired of it even if they were drawn in, in the beginning
 

ElderPrice

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jun 11, 2018
Messages
556
Couple things come to mind:

First, you're doing social circle game here to get laid, right? And women in a social circle like the leader the most, right? And I assume it's true that everyone else in the group doesn't like this guy's shit, right?

Then why aren't you being a leader and creatively solving the problem? Such as, organizing a group outing without inviting this one guy? In other words, I could argue that you're blundering by putting yourself (and the group) in this position in the first place.

Second, just as a thought experiment, can you not just respectfully, politely cut him off when he goes off on these annoying talks? How would a politician handle this situation? Is there actually a good reason to let the guy keep rambling on and on or is that just you afraid to speak up, take control, and lead the situation?
 
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