[Social Circle Pettiness] How do I fend off petty remarks/passive aggressive behaviour from an alleged "friend" in the social circle?

[onmywway14]

Hey, Everyone.

I had a question/looking for recommendations on how to deal with a so called "friend" in my social circle. I think most of us have been in this same boat where we have a friend/classmate/co-worker in our social circle who is either jealous, bitter or doesn't like us for some reason. So, that person constantly tries to bring us down with petty remarks or passive aggressive behavior in front of others.

Talking about my specific situation, I have a "friend" in my social circle of 4 girls and us 2 boys. One of the girls is his girlfriend. They met before we all became friends. Whenever we all hangout together, he always tries to belittle me/throw me back-handed compliments very passively. Some days ago, on my birthday, all other friends had wished me with very sweet messages in our group chat, but he made fun of me telling that I should enjoy this day, as it only comes once a year (confusing and weird).

And, likewise, after my birthday, when we were sharing our pictures on Facebook, others shared great pictures with me, whereas he specifically only shared bad or unflattering pictures of me trying to make look bad on my birthday. He does all these little things very subtley, and he is very good with social skills. So, if I openly confront him, I would look like a fool and not socially apt at all. And, If I confront him personally, he is the type of person who would bring this in front of the group, saying how I am sensitive or something.

So, please tell me how do I handle this? How do I fend off his petty attacks/remarks? What would be the best way to respond without loosing my cool and with social grace and intelligence? What causes this behaviour and can we do anything about it from the beginning?

 

[Will_V]

So your social circle consists of only girls, and one guy who is playing games?

Sorry to be harsh, but this isn't really a social circle. It's two guys fighting for the attention of a bunch of girls.

What's more, this guy already seems to have established himself somewhat, and has a strong bond with another member of the group (his girlfriend). So the others probably see him as more integral to the group than you, perhaps even as the de facto leader. Which puts you in a very poor position to be challenging him.

Probably better to find/build a group with your actual male friends next time.

 

[StrayDog]

@Will_V makes a strong point here. Build a strong social circle else where, and do fun things with people who actually value you. Build an attractive world for your self outside of the weird dynamics that are set up in this so called "friend" and maybe the women in the that group of 4 that are actually cool will get curious and try to be apart of your world. But that's not the point because you will have plenty of other cool connections to chose from. As long as you put all your energy into this limited friend group you will have to deal with these shitty dynamics. Expand your world brother, amazing things await you. A true king suffers no fools.

 

[trashKENNUT]

Friends jealous

Hi Guys, I have this tendency to have problems every now and then. Girls who are friends, pure friends whom i have no interest at all, see me with other girls outside and suddenly become jealous and have this spike in confidence to want to talk to me, and i find my friendship with them tend to...

www.skilledseducer.com

This might help.

I was in the train and there's 3 friends. A guy and a girl is a couple. The third girl is the best friend. She was looking at me because I am confident that she feels that my vibe will fit in the group.

So what's going on?

The key thing is who is the guy? I have had a lot of experience with this and i didn't recognize it.

If he's young and you are cool, you will be the leader. I have had guys talking to me while holding their girlfriends hand.

If you are the leader, you have to be careful, because you are literally more powerful than his girlfriend. Like literally.

If he's ego, you will be his enemy, even if it means that her third friend will be single forever.

People are very tribal, nationalist.
People are very Donald Trump. That's why they hate seeing him because it's a reflection of all Men.

z@c+

 

[onmywway14]

Sorry to be harsh, but this isn't really a social circle. It's two guys fighting for the attention of a bunch of girls.

Thank you @Will_V for telling as you see it. I definitely had not looked it from that perspective and it made me realize I was confining myself to this girl group(just for my own ego validation) rather than finding and building actual strong friendships with other male friends.

So, can you please tell me how do I now get out of this "social circle" without burning any bridges? I do not want to leave on bad terms, and like never speak to them again. How do I say no to hanging out invites with them, and exit gracefully.

 

[onmywway14]

@Will_V makes a strong point here. Build a strong social circle else where, and do fun things with people who actually value you. Build an attractive world for your self outside of the weird dynamics that are set up in this so called "friend" and maybe the women in the that group of 4 that are actually cool will get curious and try to be apart of your world. But that's not the point because you will have plenty of other cool connections to chose from. As long as you put all your energy into this limited friend group you will have to deal with these shitty dynamics. Expand your world brother, amazing things await you. A true king suffers no fools.

Thanks for your input, brother. I really didn't realize I was confining myself with this group of girls, because of my own ego validation of being or being seen with these girls.

So, I would like to ask you for advice which I also asked @Will_V that how do I now stop seeing/hanging out them without tainting this whatever "friendship/companionship" dynamic I have with them? How do I not burn bridges, and exit gracefully from this social dynamic?

 

[Will_V]

Thank you @Will_V for telling as you see it. I definitely had not looked it from that perspective and it made me realize I was confining myself to this girl group(just for my own ego validation) rather than finding and building actual strong friendships with other male friends.

So, can you please tell me how do I now get out of this "social circle" without burning any bridges? I do not want to leave on bad terms, and like never speak to them again. How do I say no to hanging out invites with them, and exit gracefully.

Which bridges?

If there are women in the group you still want to bang, well keep running into them and seducing them the same you would any other woman. They will probably get a lot more horny hardly seeing you compared to hanging out all the time.

If you just want to maintain friendship, well just find ways to communicate and show care outside of the group. But personally I don't think friendships with women really exist. At a minimum, women are very bad at maintaining them, especially when some other guy takes over their world.

If you just don't want to lose your ego lifeline, well personally I don't think that's very healthy. But the best thing is to start building new friendships, engaging in new activities, and occupying yourself so you feel satisfied with your social life. Then the question of how to not lose this lifeline becomes a moot point.

 

[StrayDog]

Thanks for your input, brother. I really didn't realize I was confining myself with this group of girls, because of my own ego validation of being or being seen with these girls.

So, I would like to ask you for advice which I also asked @Will_V that how do I now stop seeing/hanging out them without tainting this whatever "friendship/companionship" dynamic I have with them? How do I not burn bridges, and exit gracefully from this social dynamic?

If you are genuinely focusing your energy on other connection a and endeavors it won't really be a thing. You might still keep in touch a little bit but unless they are adding significant value to your life compared to all the other awesome stuff you are doing there will be no point in prioritizing them. So there is no need to make a grand exit. Just be proactive about living your best life and it will be clear how some of these people fit into it. it might not be easy to get momentum going in other aspects of your life. But it will be worth it in the long run

 

[Chase]

So your social circle consists of only girls, and one guy who is playing games?

Sorry to be harsh, but this isn't really a social circle. It's two guys fighting for the attention of a bunch of girls.

I was gonna say... "Fuck the other 3 girls, and the tables will have turned!"


@onmyway22,

So, I would like to ask you for advice which I also asked @Will_V that how do I now stop seeing/hanging out them without tainting this whatever "friendship/companionship" dynamic I have with them? How do I not burn bridges, and exit gracefully from this social dynamic?

Begin hanging out with more and different people.

As you get busier, and find cooler groups where the connection is better and you are getting more social value, you will drift away from this other group quite naturally.

If any of the girls has hard feelings about that when it happens... well it probably just means she wants some hard feelings from you deep in her soft spots

I say that humorously but I'd look for that... as you get busier with other (cooler) people and start to drift away, there'll probably be at least one girl in the group who tries to hold onto you. That's the girl who's probably telling you she wants it with you. So... give it to her...

Chase

 

[Will_V]

I was gonna say... "Fuck the other 3 girls, and the tables will have turned!"

That would be a brutal siege!