Social Circle: Reframe or not?

[Flames]

I'm not really sure how to explain this but there's a female work collegue I have that I've known for quite a while now, and while initially I was fairly unconcerned wether we got on or not there is definitely a rapport and easiness between us. We're always laughing, joking and flirty with some occasional 'moodyness' on her part. She very compliant and the odd times when she's moody it's always turned round when I've put a bit of effort in.

The other day she walked past me and I'll called her back with a hello to which she replied she was bored so I just patted the seat beside me and she said 'I can't' then came and sat beside me and suddenly it clicked that I wasn't really leading anything with her before and maybe I was missing out on something. Since then things have seem to have escalated a notch, but Im still unsure wether to just carry on as we are, which is a good casual friend relationship that brings us both positive feelings, or to put something down a bit more concrete.

It's basically an it's not broke now why try to fix it moment? But then knowing that things usually escalate or die I think I maybe should do something more.

We're both in relationships at the moment but I get the feeling that wouldn't bother her and it certainly doesn't bother me.

Not doing something doesn't feel right in my current frame of mind.

 

[Thedoctor]

Flames,

I don't think it's worth it if you two work together. These things have a tendency to get out and cause drama, especially if you're both in exclusive relationships. I don't really condone cheating, but at least do it where it won't come back to bite you in the ass.

-John

 

[Flames]

I'm not really talking about cheating per se.

What I mean (now I've had time to think about this) is that I can feel myself changing my attitude towards her (and indeed generally) and I'm not very good with changing who I am, for someone else and I'm wondering wether shes actually just bringing out the best things in me or wether I should remain as I am, or indeed wether I'm just resisting change for the sake of it, stubbornness vs personal growth.

Also shes said she's bored a couple of times recently and I'm feeling the overwhelming temptation to do something about it, and that's really not my thing. I'm not going to be an orbiter or an entertainer.

Even if we only become friends (and by that I mean outside of work), and indeed if we could remain friends, there is no doubt she would effect my personality.

 

[Drck]

Listen to what she says about her current BF. If she wants more things with you she will minimize his importance, she'll make him insignificant. If she is serious about him she will make it clear that he will always be there and you are just a friend.

You can also have conversation about what she thinks of your current situation, simply describe your situation as if it was your friend with some girl. She will get it sooner than you think, and she will tell you what she thinks about it.

Either way, you know that if there are no actions you will eventually lose her anyway... At the same time, the doc is right,remember that no matter what the outcome is you'll have to deal with it later on at work, and there could be unnecessary drama...

Last thing, girls are rather submissive, so if you show enough dominance and persistence, and if you carefully design your frame (slower but persistent changes), you can eventually get her even with chasing. It's not that uncommon that two people who work together fall for each other... Note that if you start changing your frame there will most likely be resistance and possible negativity from her side, as she will be adjusting to a new idea having you as a lover. If she likes you enough, all you have to do is persist in your new frame, and her frame will eventually collapse into yours...

 

[Flames]

Drck,

I realise in-action would cause me to 'lose her' and that's really where I was going with this post. I'm not going to out and out chase because I don't really think I need to do that but I will be 'giving a little more back' and introducing a more sexual frame. I've always had a good dominant frame right from the outset, which has probably brought me to where I am now, now that I think about it. I've actually thought I've pushed the dominance a bit too much, but apparently not.

I'm also aware of the consequences of my actions and in-actions and I don't work with her that closely anyway. It won't effect my job either way, though I could lose a bit of reputation.

Thanks to all who have responded