Social Ladder Climbing- How to stop this against you?

[carlitos2055]

I'm very aware of the article Chase wrote on defusing challenges in social situations, but I'm either not getting it right, or it doesn't work on pimply teenagers at my highschool. I've tried to ignore it, reject it, and question it, but it doesn't seem to work. It doesn't stop people from firing the missiles of hatred and jealousy at me. I've even tried to do the Bored look and sometimes I'd get people that taunt me with things like, "Why are you making that face?", or "What's up?".

Example: Today I was wearing some nice dress shoes, and a dude literally 4'10 tells me:
Jit: *Whispers* Dude, why are you wearing those shoes? In front of everyone mockingly.
Me: I mock back, *Whispers* Dude, Why do you care ?
Girl: *Sarcastically* He has a unique style...

How can I train myself to be an absolute beast and respond to anything anyone throws at me? How can I stop this because the ability to not know what to say literally, KILLS me.

-Thanks in advance

 

[Franco]

carlitos,

More importantly than what you say with words is what your facial expression and overall attitude communicates about how much you care.

In your example above, you kind of "challenged" the guy by asking him "why do you care?" I'm assuming you said this in kind of a stern "what the fuck?" tone rather than with a big smile as if it's almost amusing that he is even bringing up your shoes in the first place.

Think about the response you gave him in your head with two different expressions:

• (1) "Dude, why do you care?" with a stern expression as if you're angry that he's challenging you in front of a girl.
  
  (2) "Dude... why do you care?" with a big smile as if he's jealous that he didn't think of the same idea himself. (Then if he actually tries to justify it, you just laugh and look at the girl with a look that says, "can you believe this guy?")

Which one do you think is the more dominant approach? The second guy, right? He doesn't care because to him, there's no battle here. It's just some lower value guy trying to lower your value when it's already obvious to you and everyone around you that he's lower value than you. The second you actually try to challenge him, it actually lowers YOUR value to his level because suddenly you're feeling like you actually have to justify yourself to him. And why give him that satisfaction? =)

Hope this makes sense.

- Franco

 

[carlitos2055]

Makes sense. I actually said it in the #2 way, mockingly in the same tone of voice he said it, with a slight smile on my face. What would you recommend when the challenge is more in your face and a simple smile and skeptical look won't do the trick? Like this group of girls were talking to me and suddenly start throwing little papers at me. It definitely has to do with the amount of respect but, I've known them since last year, before GC so I was a total goof!

 

[Franco]

carlitos,

Like this group of girls were talking to me and suddenly start throwing little papers at me. It definitely has to do with the amount of respect but, I've known them since last year, before GC so I was a total goof!

Well, this sounds like a situation where you've already demonstrated some type of "low value" behavior to these women, so they are treating you as such. It also could be that they're just teasing you and hoping you'll tease back. Either way, you can pretty much play it the same way. Smile at them, look down at the papers, look away and laugh, and then continue with whatever you were doing.

If women are throwing paper at you, it's certainly to get a reaction out of you in response to it. If you're only reaction is to smile and continue doing whatever you were doing, they are going to feel like they underestimated how "easy" you are to stir up.

- Franco

 

[carlitos2055]

Truer words have never been said my man! The leader of the group occasionally blows me kisses and touches my hair while playfully calling me sexy. Other girl in the group randomly tries to take a selfie with me. Another girl in the group tells me to "Shut up" when I'm talking to a girl, or sometimes looks at me with a face of disgust. In fact, the other day some girl snapped and told her she would slap her if she told me to, "shut the fuck up" again. It was hilarious! Never saw it this way, glad I do now.

 

[Miguel]

It's interesting you title this as "Social Ladder Climbing", it's as if you are starting low in the hierarchy and while trying to go up, you are bothering those higher up than you. Or those who think they have more authority than you, because in a school setting the power ranking can get fuzzy. The gang leaders want unquestioned obedience and sheep mentality. Why are these people angry at you.? What are you doing right.? What unwritten rules are you not following.?

Don't feel bad for questioning the status quo, you are on a good path. Keep going, change is created by those who dare to think different.


P.S. Franco has an excellent response too, but I wanted to show a different view of the situation.

 

[carlitos2055]

Thanks on your feedback Miguel, but what I mean with Social Ladder Climbing is that, the people trying to challenge me are merely trying to climb the ladder by trying to tool me, not that I'm trying to climb the ladder myself. But nonetheless I appreciate your words friend!

 

[xilb51x]

why even respond to a tool in the first place? by acknowledging his comment, you acknowledge him. and give power to his request of tooling you. Glance at him like hes a commoner and turn your back to him. silence is more powerful then words. In this situation.

**
if you really feel the need to respond to such a put down hit him back with "great men build others up, little men tear people down. I like xyz about him (watch, hair, etc). and turn your back" disarm, compliment and now you are now higher status because of how you treated him with your frame that you setup with the quote.