Social Momentum and People Draining You.

[SmashedMike]

I believe this is the right place to post this thread if not my bad. (I am a newbie to the forums).

I'll get straight to the point. A little about myself first, I am an introvert trying to switch into an extrovert for various reasons. Reasons like charming women, and building alliances with people. I have done well so far coming out of my shell, but there are times where I go back into my head in social situations which sometimes kills my momentum (I can regain focus most of the time). Then there are other times where a certain someone comes into the conversation and keeps talking about himself and doesn't give me a chance to speak. If I do end up speaking, that said person will either put me down, or disregard whatever I am trying to say. That person will take all the attention away and to himself and I would get left in the dark. Its like that person sucked the life right out of me (LOL puns.).

This tends to kill my social momentum for the night and makes it very hard for me to go and socialize.

My question is: How can I handle such a person, should I try to dominate conversation more aggressively, or call that person out? I'm not sure what route to take.

 

[Thedoctor]

Hey SmashedMike,

Anytime I have found myself in a similar situation, I've just patiently waited it out (assuming it's no longer than a min or two and this is a group dynamic, not talking to a single girl). No one likes people that barge in and start talking about themselves. If it's really over the top and I can see everyone is annoyed, I might even make a comment like "That's really great bro...but, Melissa, you were telling us about your trip to Hawaii..." and just get the conversation back to where it was. If it's just you and a girl talking I'd suggest this article:

https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-s ... king-sweat

Otherwise, can you give a brief example of what you're talking about? For instance, how do they "put you down"?

-Doc

 

[SmashedMike]

Thanks for advice Thedoctor, I will use it with my next encounter. It seems girls tend to get interrupted easily or its just I'm still a novice and have not gotten used to keeping a smooth interaction. The article was a great read a swell. I will definitely be adding this to my process.

It can go one of two ways:

1) "one up me" - Always trying to be better. For example
Me: I started bench pressing at 175 lb the other day, and its tough compared to the previous weights I used to do
Person: That's nothing, I can bench 300lb. I used to be big in football...(it goes onto another topic.)
All attention in the group will divert to him again. In this case I just simply ignore it and talk about his experiences.

2) The person is so into what he has been talking about, I can't seem to put a word in the conversation and I get ignored. I figure I have to work on my vocals, but after that It gets exhausting and I lose track of mind or can't figure out what to say next.

After this, it feels like its draining when you can't get a word in. Especially when you are chilling with a group of girls.

 

[diegoC]

If I'm talking to a girl and a guy arrives (and he doesn't know her) I won't even acknowledge him. I will not break the interaction with the girl. I will let her do it or the intruder. If she does it I will acknowledge him but keep my eye contact with her (I'm interested in her). If he does it, I will acknowledge him with a quick glance (probably not making complete eye contact) and a small smile, maybe a short answer ("That's nice"). I will continue talking to the girl.

If it's a guy who knows her and talks to her directly I will let them talk but I will keep my attention with her. I will acknowledge him the same way I did with the stranger but I will keep focusing on her. If he opens to me I will respond as with the stranger and if I sense he knows her I might ask her "your friend?". If she says yes I might turn to him and say "hello, nice to meet you" and continue the conversation with her. If she says no I will keep the conversation with her.

That's me.

Cheers