Social Proof: romantic motivations make women conform, men non-conform

[Chase]

Interesting little study (one of the study authors was Robert Cialdini, for all you Cialdini fans) I just came across in the research for my new book:

A self-protective goal increased conformity for both men and women. In contrast, the effects of a romantic goal depended on sex, causing women to conform more to others' preferences while engendering nonconformity in men. Men motivated to attract a mate were particularly likely to nonconform when (a) nonconformity made them unique (but not merely a member of a small minority) and when (b) the topic was subjective versus objective, meaning that nonconformists could not be revealed to be incorrect.​

So:

• When people feel threatened (men and women), they conform.
• When women want to attract a man, they conform.
• When men want to attract a woman, they non-conform.

Now you know why girls who seem to like you say and do a bunch of dumb socially conformist things and you have to lead them out of that (e.g., with secret society stuff).

Now you know too why guys who feel intimidated (such as men unfamiliar with nightlife who suddenly get thrown into a big loud club with scary bouncers and other aggressive and muscular club patrons) under-perform: too busy conforming due to feeling threatened to non-conform and exhibit unique/attractive qualities to women.

Chase

 

[DarkKnight]

When men want to attract a woman, they non-conform.

I recall you had this article where most puas you knew were non-conformist and usually total divas who regularly don't get along well with others. Wonder if this is a natural trait or something learned along the line while starting to game women

 

[Gladiator]

Interesting little study (one of the study authors was Robert Cialdini, for all you Cialdini fans) I just came across in the research for my new book:

A self-protective goal increased conformity for both men and women. In contrast, the effects of a romantic goal depended on sex, causing women to conform more to others' preferences while engendering nonconformity in men. Men motivated to attract a mate were particularly likely to nonconform when (a) nonconformity made them unique (but not merely a member of a small minority) and when (b) the topic was subjective versus objective, meaning that nonconformists could not be revealed to be incorrect.​

So:

• When people feel threatened (men and women), they conform.
• When women want to attract a man, they conform.
• When men want to attract a woman, they non-conform.

Now you know why girls who seem to like you say and do a bunch of dumb socially conformist things and you have to lead them out of that (e.g., with secret society stuff).

Do you think this applies even if she was attracted initially but loses attraction later?
This would help in various stages of seduction all the way until LTR and marriages.

For ex: if a girl was attracted to you initially although you were an asshole and now due to circumstances outside of your control cause her to lose attraction, do you think you can still lead her? Still not conforming?

 

[Kshatrap A.V.]

Interesting little study (one of the study authors was Robert Cialdini, for all you Cialdini fans) I just came across in the research for my new book:

A self-protective goal increased conformity for both men and women. In contrast, the effects of a romantic goal depended on sex, causing women to conform more to others' preferences while engendering nonconformity in men. Men motivated to attract a mate were particularly likely to nonconform when (a) nonconformity made them unique (but not merely a member of a small minority) and when (b) the topic was subjective versus objective, meaning that nonconformists could not be revealed to be incorrect.​

So:

• When people feel threatened (men and women), they conform.
• When women want to attract a man, they conform.
• When men want to attract a woman, they non-conform.

Now you know why girls who seem to like you say and do a bunch of dumb socially conformist things and you have to lead them out of that (e.g., with secret society stuff).

Now you know too why guys who feel intimidated (such as men unfamiliar with nightlife who suddenly get thrown into a big loud club with scary bouncers and other aggressive and muscular club patrons) under-perform: too busy conforming due to feeling threatened to non-conform and exhibit unique/attractive qualities to women.

Chase

This is true .

I sometimes act out of norm if chicks are around.

And am more motivated too.

 

[Chase]

@DarkKnight,

I recall you had this article where most puas you knew were non-conformist and usually total divas who regularly don't get along well with others. Wonder if this is a natural trait or something learned along the line while starting to game women

Good question... I cannot say. Perhaps half and half?


@Gladiator,

Do you think this applies even if she was attracted initially but loses attraction later?
This would help in various stages of seduction all the way until LTR and marriages.

For ex: if a girl was attracted to you initially although you were an asshole and now due to circumstances outside of your control cause her to lose attraction, do you think you can still lead her? Still not conforming?

I have noticed in the past that girls I blew it with started acting out in "stand out" ways that I found really unattractive.

Like, they started acting rude, distracted, sharing offensive opinions, etc.

In a youthful relationship I had that got rocky (due to my mishandling of it) where I went and got the girl back because I didn't want to let her go, but she had lost respect for me for a stretch, she had picked up smoking, going out with slutty friends, and taken up all these behaviors that she did not exhibit before. I told her, "If when I met you you were as you are now, I would never have dated you." Later on when the dynamic flipped and I decided I wanted to end things and she was back to chasing me, all those behaviors disappeared and she was back to being a good little girlfriend again, conforming with what I'd wanted her to be.

Of course you will also see girls trying to figure out if a guy is looking for a good girl or a slutty girl during the pickup, then position themselves as that if they like him. Lots of guys have tactics revolving around this: "You're too much of a good girl for me, we would never get along." Girl: "I have a wild side, believe it or not!" Etc.

So in my experience a woman with romantic intentions toward you is going to try to figure out what you want, whether that is in the pickup or in an LTR, then conform with those (to the best of her ability. No one is perfect of course...).

If she loses those intentions, that's when you start to see her warts & all, doing a bunch of stuff you do not find attractive... because she is no longer conforming to what she views as your romantic ideal for her.


@Spyce D,

This is true .

I sometimes act out of norm if chicks are around.

And am more motivated too.

Funny how so much of this stuff is largely subconscious, isn't it.

"Oh yeah, that's right, I do act out of the norm when girls are around. Huh..."

Yes, I've always done that too. Semi-consciously... I've always known when doing it that I am angling to attract female attention by it. But it's not like you think to yourself, "I need to act in some unique, stand-out, outrageous way to make sure girls notice me and become attracted to me!"

Instead it's just an instinct...

Chase