socially awkward, what can I do

[letsdoit]

Hey,

I've been always been sort of a catch and quite many girls have been into me in the past. But I'm socially awkward and most of the time I ruin it. And it seems to be getting worse with getting older. I was dumped 1,5 years ago and that brought out lot of my hidden insecurities. I was doing better for some time and now some things have happen, I cannot even pinpoint what they are but I feel my social skills are getting worse and worse. I'm ok with people I know, but I'm having such a hard time to meet new people and meet properly around them. When I sometimes do and manage do not fuck it up, people seem to love it and really appreciate me, my humour, they still think I look good, and funny, talented. Even romantically. And I even know it's mostly truth. But I've gotten so frightened about rejection, it's not even about romantic things. I even have phobias of people not thinking I'm good enough as a work mate, a friend, a conversation partner. That I'm all the time being judged and judged not good enough. And I know it's self proclaiming prophecy, when I have this feeling, I start to act like it. And then people see I'm sort of trouble interacting with them, that they sense I maybe don't want it, and then they also back away. I'm having trouble looking people in the eye, especially when they like me. I almost have a feeling they can look into my soul. And see that I'm broken inside. That it's been a facade. I know this sounds crazy. And I function fine, it's just every time I have to really put in effort to be around people. I also find I don't really like a lot of people I can only be bothered to listen the ones I like.

I was quite fine before, but this breakup (now already 1,5 years ago) – it really fucked me up. I got better but I'm having this weird relapses. I don't want to be together anymore with her. I realise it was mistake to begin with and she is nothing that special. But I hate the feeling how I degraded myself in front of her for so many times after being broken up.

What can I do?
I am putting myself more and more into situation where I just have to interact. So I could just loose these feelings.

I also know these feelings are crazy because logically (and also many people tell me this without knowing anything about my inner troubles) I know I am such an interesting, talented, good lucking and fucking funny dude.

How to repair my inner game?

 

[Frost]

I was in a similar situation a while back, and I have to point out that I've never really been very good socially, but while I have this in mind, I'm noticing that it's getting less and less true as I am meeting new people and I'm really getting along with them and they like me and want to hang out with me.

So first thing is keep doing a reality check. If you constantly think that you're not good socially, you might be missing out on cues that show you that you actually are. And don't forget that all the people you see around who you might think are very socially adept, a lot of them are actually like you. After all, we all have insecurities, but if you keep reminding yourself of those while you're out with people the result wouldn't be very satisfying.

In my case, when I first went to university, I forced myself to meet as many people as I can from my class, other classes, friends of friends, you name it. And the cool thing is that on some occasions I've become really close with those "friends of friends" almost as if I've known them myself for a long time.

So get out of your own head and start having fun. Don't worry about being judged because it's pointless actually. Think about those guys who don't give a shit about if you judge them or not. When they do or say something crazy or out of line or anything that you wouldn't say/do in fear of being judged, they rarely get judged, simply because they project the vibe that they don't care, so you automatically accept it. On the other hand, if one of those insecure guys does the same thing, before anyone gets to judge him, people will feel how insecure he is about what he said/did, and it will automatically create an environment where they won't treat it like they did with the cool guy.

So go to parties with your current friends, have them invite their friends that you don't know. Hang out with them get to know them, find common interests, build light rapport, flirt with the girls have fun. If you're somewhere where people are drinking have a couple of drinks yourself. You would still be able to drive but it would make you less self-conscious and more ballsy and fun, trust me. And people usually connect more with each other when they're drinking together.

 

[ray_zorse]

I found this book to be helpful. But having said that, a lot of socialization is just practice -- if you said or did the wrong thing in a situation then when you analyze your performance later on you just try to figure out what you did right and wrong and what you could change for next time. A journal is really helpful there. Not to understate the importance of inner game -- it's vitally, critically important to your results in the long haul -- but you should definitely go for the low hanging fruit, if you start behaving like a badass seducer (fake it till you make it) your mindset tends to follow on. It sounds like a lot of the issues you are complaining about are occurring in one-on-one settings with girls who are/might be interested, if that's the case then you basically just need to learn game, stuff like connection building, deep diving, qualifying her, using touch, fundamentals and so on. Once you have a reliable procedure to follow (or a plan for things you want to try this time) then the potential for making random mistakes or sabotaging yourself through anxiety is considerably lessened. Good luck my bro
Ray