Some questions about the ultimate guide

[Geebs]

I posted this in the comments section of the ultimate guide on how to get a girl back but wasn't getting any feedback. So figured I'd try here:

Hello, thanks for a great article! In particular, I need some help understanding these two points:

"7-Get compliance. If you can't get a girl to invest in you, you're not going to be able to get her to do anything else. You need, need, need to get her following your lead again -- ask her to come for a short walk with you; tell her, "Hey, don't run away, I want to talk to you for a minute." Start giving her small orders, or asking for small amounts of compliance. Read up on persuading women before you do; particularly if she's running away, you're going to have to be at your most persuasive!

8-Set up a meet, pronto. I don't know where guys get this idea from, but most of the guys you see trying to salvage something with a girl try doing it over phone, text, or email. Are you kidding me? If you want to turn something around, you've got to do it in person.

Get her in person. That should be your mantra for turning stuff around. Get her alone with you, or semi-alone, in person, where the two of you are there just for each other. At that point, you can be cool with her, and not be insulting, and not be too easy to get, and move forward quickly and naturally."

The reason being that I have trouble understanding how to do these things without chasing. If a girl is being cold to you, wouldn't initiating any kind of conversation or suggesting a meet up be chasing in some way?

Also, in some of you articles and comments, you mention that trying to do anything (chasing) with a girl whose in auto-rejection and is thinking that you are the worst person on the planet will only make things worse and that you NEED to wait for this phase to be over. Now, I understand the concept behind this and the why, but how do you come to the conclusion that this is over and it's safe to proceed?

Finally, I'm thinking I might be a bit confused as to what I should be doing as I may not fully comprehend what is and isn't considered chasing. Could you elaborate a bit on this as I would have assumed trying to set up a meet with a girl is chasing.

Thanks!

 

[diegoC]

f a girl is being cold to you, wouldn't initiating any kind of conversation or suggesting a meet up be chasing in some way?

If she is cold is not good. You didn't build enough attraction and/or connection. Work on that.

Also, in some of you articles and comments, you mention that trying to do anything (chasing) with a girl whose in auto-rejection and is thinking that you are the worst person on the planet will only make things worse and that you NEED to wait for this phase to be over. Now, I understand the concept behind this and the why, but how do you come to the conclusion that this is over and it's safe to proceed?

For me it's pretty easy. If I think I'm in auto-rejection I don't even do anything. Even in nightgame. When I see a girl and I take to long to approach, and I know I might have blown it (I sense she might already be in auto-rejection) I don't open her.

When is it over? I don't care because I won't contact her. Maybe, if I do, it will be in a long time to see what happens. If she doesn't answer, definitely, I won't do it again.

On friday I talked to a girl on the street. It was like 3 min facebook close. It was not solid at all because I didn't made a connection (she was going to a casting). I wrote to her asking how was her cast. She didn't answer. Funny enough, yesterday I saw her on a party and she has a boyfriend. She saw me but I never talked to her. She was using peripherals to see if I was looking, trying to make eye contact, asking her friends to look if i was looking. So obvious when you learn how to use your peripheral vision I'm not gonna talk to her anymore, or maybe, I will in a long time.

Finally, I'm thinking I might be a bit confused as to what I should be doing as I may not fully comprehend what is and isn't considered chasing. Could you elaborate a bit on this as I would have assumed trying to set up a meet with a girl is chasing.

A guy should always make the first move. Approach a girl. Ask for a date. Now, I think I kind make it clear to you how you will now you are not chasing. Imaging you love to surf and you meet a guy who does it. Then you start talking and he starts talking way more than you, you listen and he keeps going and going. This is him investing more, he is chasing. This is the dynamic you want to get from a girl. When she is chasing you will know it because, during the interaction she will keep contributing. If you stop talking for a while to test her she might reengage. When you made this kind of connection with her she will want to see you. You just ask her out and she will be happy to. After you sleep with her the dynamic of the relationship changes and she will want to keep you around her. She will chase you.

I hope this helps.

Cheers!

 

[Geebs]

Thanks for the explanations. It does make some things much clearer.

When she is chasing you will know it because, during the interaction she will keep contributing. If you stop talking for a while to test her she might reengage. When you made this kind of connection with her she will want to see you. You just ask her out and she will be happy to. After you sleep with her the dynamic of the relationship changes and she will want to keep you around her. She will chase you.

I was at this point with a particular girl. I was asking her out and she was excited to be asked out and said yes happily.

If she is cold is not good. You didn't build enough attraction and/or connection. Work on that.

I failed to physically escalate (didn't even try) and she did a 180. I'm wondering what queues I should be looking for to try again.

 

[diegoC]

I failed to physically escalate (didn't even try) and she did a 180. I'm wondering what queues I should be looking for to try again.

The best advice I can give you is to try stuff. I definitely think IOI (indicator of interest) are good but they are not definitely a sign that says "I want you to fuck me". There has been said here before that reactions are not results: True.

Despite that, I would say to be aware of IOI, because, it will help you know when to push things forward. Now, don't rely on them to do that because some girls might not give too much and you are not good at identifying them. But they are always there, depending on the girl, in more or less degree. So many non-verbal communication is subconscious so they can't stop doing it in a conscious level. There will be always hints of interest from her.

If you see her again you should genuinely compliment her on the way she is, not her hotness. I think going for a physical compliment ladder during an interaction ("I love your eyes", "You have really sensual lips", "You have a great body") is no good. If you open a girl you don't know with a direct compliment (what I always recommend) you will be saying, in whichever words you pick, I'm attracted to your looks. Then, it's your job, through your conversation skills, to start to get to know her and compliment her mind (ideas, points of view, etc), challenge her if you don't think the same about something (don't be a puppy dog saying yes to everything she says), etc.

If you want to compliment her physically because you really feel (important word, you do it because you are really compeled to do it, not because PUA theory indicates it's time to throw some compliments to her looks) like doing it, do it. Just be relax in saying it. There's no need to go overboard with it ("I looooooove you eyes. They are soooo beautiful", no). Be relax and say it. Keep your cool. Your voice tonality should be really relax during the interaction. Not jumping up and down between hyper excitement or most relaxed man in the world.

You should really slow down your pace in the world. Really. Start moving slowly every day. Relax, take your time to do your stuff. If you are always running because you always get late it fucks your everyday rhythm. Start doing things earlier so you have lot of time. Walk in a slow and relax manner. This is really important to do. It's not only good for seduction, it helps in your overall health (is better to be relaxed than running around doing stuff). Eventually you will be like this. Taking time for doing your things. If it's not part of you, it will, and before it is, remember to try it in a club/bar. Go in there and walk slowly, move your head slowly, don't look at nobody. See what happens.

Cheers!

 

[Geebs]

Thanks for your suggestions and explanations!