@HumanWhoLearns,
my theory is that straight women don't actually like guys, they just like the characteristics a guy has.
I also graduated college not too long ago and I'm trying to get a job in my field and it's like the same unfair battleground, if not worse.
My whole life, people's actions have implied that I'm not good enough. All just because I'm not aware of some social tricks? Because I have anxiety?
Well, there's a couple sides to that coin.
- People are going to be selective for dates, hires, etc., regardless whether they value the human underneath or not. A girl or a hiring manager might be supremely empathetic and filled with love for others, yet still be able to say, "As valuable of a soul as you are, like every soul I meet, there's something different I'm looking for for this role in my life."
- It's also the case that as people move up or down in psychological health their focus shifts to external loving/caring/appreciation vs. internal focus/"get what I need." Psychologically very healthy people tend to love/like everybody, and are empathetic even to people who try to hurt them (doesn't mean they are pushovers, just that they see the human inside, even if that person is acting like a villain). As psychological health declines, people become more inwardly focused and much stingier with their empathy; at the very unhealthy levels, people are too busy trying to survive, protect themselves, and get what they need to have the energy to spare caring about others; they just view other people as either useful sources of value or potential value to their lives or not.
But as for this:
Breaking it down further. You have your appearance ("outer characteristics") and your soul. For simplicity's sake let's say your soul is just a combination of personality traits and morals. If women really just liked a guy, (appearance + soul), then it wouldn't matter if a guy didn't have good game.
Yeah, but as you know, nobody knows who you are on the inside without having first had a close relationship with you.
You don't become attracted to women that way... e.g. "I just met this girl, and she behaves really weird, but I have read her soul and it is pure. She is the one for me," etc. Likewise, they don't become attracted to you that way.
Before people get to know the 'you' inside, you must get past the 'you' and 'her' outside.
Over the past month, 340Breeze, one of our members and commenters here, has made a couple of insightful comments and asked a few thoughtful questions about a subject that can be fairly boiled down to "the wrapping and the present". His first comment was in the article on specialness (comment...
www.girlschase.com
With that being the case, how is a beginner to the dating scene supposed to feel like they are good enough when the power dynamic has shifted so much that women are either: already entangled with somebody
It depends on the sex ratio of your area somewhat. But generally speaking, at least in the United States, 79% of unmarried women ages 18-29 are in some kind of romantic relationship at any given time. Only 21% are completely single. So if you approach totally at random, 4 out of 5 of the women you approach are going to be taken.
If you're doing cold approach, part of it is just accepting that
80% of the women I go up to are already off the market. Maybe one day you make 5 approaches and 3 of those girls are single! You bucked the odds that day! Maybe another day you make 8 approaches but only 1 of those girls was single. Odds weren't in your favor that day. It happens.
or it' repeatedly implied that you're not good enough through women's actions when you approach them.
How implied?
Beginners tend to be highly rejection-sensitive, and often prone to taking everything very personal.
Yesterday I went out with a guy I mentor, and he asked to watch me do some direct daytime approaches. "Sure, no problem," I told him. I scouted around for a while, and saw a really cute girl walking along, wearing a blue blouse and big sunglasses, apparently looking for a taxi, her cell phone in...
www.girlschase.com
Especially the introspective personality types... if you're the type who turns things over and over in your mind, trying to parse what her actions tell you about yourself, you will be prone to drawing all kinds of conclusions based primarily on your imagination rather than any kind of reality.
The truth is you do not know why she rejected you.
If you want to find out, do enough approaching and get to know women deeply and intimately well enough that you can START to understand why women reject you,
sometimes... even then you are still going to be wrong about it a whole lot of the time, and not even know you were wrong.
I had girls I approached as a beginner who seemed to rudely snub me early on in the night in nightlife, and I'd leave and not see them again for hours, figuring they weren't remotely interested in me. Hours later I'd run into them again and they'd be so excited to see me, all chatty, we'd hit it off. If it went somewhere with them, at some point I might ask them, "Hey, why'd you change your mind about me? Earlier you seemed to not be interested in me at all. You kinda snubbed me. I figured you just thought I was an oaf, or really ugly, or something!"
And the girl would say something like, "Huh? Oh! Haha! Sorry, I'd been arguing with my friend earlier and when you first talked to me my head was still focused on that. You're not ugly!" etc.
One good rule of thumb: if you're going to try to interpret people's behavior, you'd better have a way of testing your interpretations... or else it's just your imagination running wild, with you (as
@MarioTheDom put it)
mentally masturbating yourself to conclusions unmoored from reality.
You can learn to read women's signals far more reliably, and shorten your seduction learning curve, if you first learn a simple little trick: how to predict with accuracy. At the carnival, there is often a man (called, like all carnival workers, a 'carny') who will offer to guess your weight or...
www.girlschase.com
Now if I do approach or manage to get a date, I feel like I have to put on a little act b/c apparently I'm not good enough as I am. So when I'm interacting with them, I'm thinking too much and I'm really anxious trying not to screw it up like I've done so many times. Of course, this is the opposite of attractive behavior.
I suggest learning deep diving:
One of the pillars of Chase Amante's approach toward women, deep diving is the foundation for creating deep, meaningful connections with women quickly into meeting them. Building rapport – and building a connection – is one of those things I consider myself pretty talented as a conversationalist...
www.girlschase.com
Take the focus off you and put it onto her.
It'll let you chill out a lot and not worry so much about what you yourself are doing or if you're presenting yourself perfectly or saying the right thing all the time.
When you deep dive, the girl is too busy worrying about how she is coming across to pay as much attention to how you are
Cheers,
Chase
