"Specialness" article and Not Chasing—Discuss!

[Marty]

Hey folks,

I'm sure many of you have read Chase's most recent article on cognitive dissonance between men and women owing to raised expectations of "specialness".

The following two passages really hit home for me:

The other large part of seduction though is in getting the girl to show you she isn't a commodity.

That is, you show interest in her, and show her you recognize some really interesting, unique things about her. You give her a little—you show her that, unlike all those other guys who will pay lip service to her specialness, then chase her down the same as they do EVERY woman (all those more "average" women out there), you are different.

Instead, you recognize her uniqueness... then don't chase her down.

This drives women absolutely bananas.

Here is a man who FINALLY recognizes her unique specialness. He:

• Deep dives her and really gets to find out what's unique about her
• Stares into her eyes as if he's peering directly into her soul
• Touches her in ways that excite her and make her feel deeply connected with him
• Talks to her in a voice that is low, intimate, and dripping with meaning
• Exudes sexual energy around her that is contagious for her and makes her feel like the two of them are destined for one another

... all that, and then he doesn't chase.

...and (it gets better)...

You will actually begin to see signs of desperation from women who earlier acted aloof toward you, but whose dispositions change radically once they realize what you do for them emotionally. You validate their "bestness." You show them the reflection of themselves they spend most of their lives working to see.

Oh man.

Now I realize this is not exactly beginners' stuff, but just imagine if you could get that down, where you'd be... it hardly bears thinking about.

I'm totally on board with the philosophical thrust of the article (I'm old enough to be very self-aware of my own shortcomings and have a realistic picture of my ordinariness!), but on the technical front, I'm still feeling my way either side of this line that divides moving fast and hitting escalation windows from chasing.

I think that a deeper discussion on this aspect is well worthwhile. If anyone else wants to pile in, I'd love to hear what you have to say... would be great to get this topic alive!

Specifically, how do you not chase without sending her into auto-rejection for not doing anything? I'm sure it's been covered before, but if you can stand it, let's do it again!

What do you say, fellas?

-Marty

 

[Franco]

Marty,

Specifically, how do you not chase without sending her into auto-rejection for not doing anything? I'm sure it's been covered before, but if you can stand it, let's do it again!

A good rule of thumb that I tell most guys who are learning to "feel" their way around not chasing women (but still being persistent) is that all interactions in person should be persistent toward sex and all interactions over texting should be light and as aloof as possible. That is to say, you need to be pushing toward sex as quickly as possible when are with her (and you're better off pushing your boundaries and "overstepping" them when you are learning rather than not going far enough), and you need to limit your contact with her as much as humanly possible when you are not with her. That means your texts must be efficient by including date logistics, warmth, and wit all in one or two sentences. Your texts should be short, fun, and to the point. And if her texts avoid that, then you avoid her!

I think what you do in person is considered "bold and persistent" but what you do over texting that is extra and unnecessary is considered "needy and chasing." When you're with her, she wants to feel desired by a strong, confident man. When you're not with her, she needs to be wondering whether or not she's good enough for you -- not the other way around!

- Franco

 

[Grand Pooba]

Franco,

you need to limit your contact with her as much as humanly possible when you are not with her. That means your texts must be efficient by including date logistics, warmth, and wit all in one or two sentences. Your texts should be short, fun, and to the point. And if her texts avoid that, then you avoid her!

I think what you do in person is considered "bold and persistent" but what you do over texting that is extra and unnecessary is considered "needy and chasing." When you're with her, she wants to feel desired by a strong, confident man. When you're not with her, she needs to be wondering whether or not she's good enough for you -- not the other way around!

Slightly off topic with the thread, but do you have tips/thoughts on this strategy of limiting not-in-person interactions when you're using a phone call instead of texting? Not too long ago I went on a date with a girl who explicitly told me she hates texting and prefers a quick phone call to a text, though I told her I am exactly the opposite.

 

[Franco]

ozzo,

Slightly off topic with the thread, but do you have tips/thoughts on this strategy of limiting not-in-person interactions when you're using a phone call instead of texting?

Can't really give too much advice here because I basically don't call women who I haven't already slept with. By the nature of it, phone calls are automatically more investment on your part. You are basically asking her to take an unknown amount of time out of her day to stop what she is doing and answer your call without any idea of what it is you might want and how much time of hers you'll be taking. I haven't tried calling a woman to set up a date since summer of 2012, and the last time I tried it, it didn't work.

Not too long ago I went on a date with a girl who explicitly told me she hates texting and prefers a quick phone call to a text, though I told her I am exactly the opposite.

Give her 5-10 orgasms when you first take her to bed, and then see if she cares about how you contact her afterwards.

- Franco

 

[Marty]

Franco:

Tremendously helpful answer, thank you.

I think what you do in person is considered "bold and persistent" but what you do over texting that is extra and unnecessary is considered "needy and chasing."

I swear to you, yesterday afternoon before I even started this thread, I had a hunch that this was the key to it. I'm glad that I seem to be internalizing some of the Girls Chase philosophy! It seems women don't like things to feel "planned" (though for men preparation is the key to success), but rather want to be "spontaneously" swept off their feet.

Ozzo:

Slightly off topic with the thread, but do you have tips/thoughts on this strategy of limiting not-in-person interactions when you're using a phone call instead of texting?

Not off-topic at all, I instantly spotted the dichotomy between "in person" and "texting" in Franco's answer, avoiding the phone-call "middle ground", but knowing Franco's opinion on this matter already (we've discussed it several times before!) I was reluctant to raise it. I know that Colt advocates phoning quite strongly, but since just about everything Franco has ever said has turned out to be true in my own experience, I'm inclined to trust him somewhat despite my own instinctive preference for phoning.

I cold-approached a girl yesterday who was super-enthusiastic and told me to "call her" (FR to be filed shortly), and now I'm in a quandary and not sure what to do.

-Marty

 

[Marty]

Franco, PS:

Give her 5-10 orgasms when you first take her to bed, and then see if she cares about how you contact her afterwards.

5-10 are you serious??? I'm only usually able to manage 1-2, what do you have to do to get the 3rd and 4th out? (That'd be a start!) More of the same presumably, but won't she get tired/sore/unable to repeat-perform?

-Marty

 

[Whizzy]

If you worry about her being bored then change up the positions a bit and keep her guessing Leaving her so she cant speak properly is always a good feeling

 

[Franco]

Marty,

More of the same presumably, but won't she get tired/sore/unable to repeat-perform?

Unless you're constantly doing positions that require her to work her muscles constantly, then this just doesn't happen. Women will go all night if you just keep blowing their minds! It's usually the men who get tired first because they either blow their load (eventually) or get tired from all the thrusting and work their muscles are putting into it.

If a woman is always saying she is getting too tired after only one or two orgasms, then ya ain't doin' it right! The women I've been with pretty much just let me go as long as I can possibly stand it because they enjoy it so much, so make sure to check out Chase's article on Making Her Orgasm Hard in 8 Minutes or Less and start practicing/experimenting!

P.S. I don't always give a girl that many orgasms, but the first time you take her to bed is going to set the precedent for how she views you sexually. Think of it this way: if you don't perform well, you may not get a second chance. If you blow her mind, she may just fall in love with you right then and there!

- Franco