Speed date report

[Marty]

Hi all,

I went to a speed dating event. I live in a city of approximately 1.5 million people; it was held in a restaurant in one of the business districts.

We had 4 minutes with each person. I met 23 girls total.

I marked 14 as a "yes" (and 9 as a "no").

I got no matches.

Clearly something is wrong with my process, any ideas? Is it just a numbers game where I should keep going back to speed dating events until a match comes up?

Thanks
Marty

 

[Space]

The important piece of information missing to me here is for which party this speed dating event was a financial investment? For participating men and women equally or not so?

Maybe I've read it on Roosh's forum how speed dating works in Japan for foreigners. Japanese ladies pay, English speaking guy is invited to participate for free. That's a better dynamics for sure. I've never participated speed dates.

 

[Marty]

Hi Space

Never even entered my mind and I doubt whether the other participants cared about that either.

Since you ask, the standard price is EUR 22.50 for anyone participating.

If you get no matches you get 1 more go for free. Drinks are extra.

I really don't think this is relevant.

Thanks
Marty

 

[Space]

But you see, if for one party participation costs nothing, she can just go there for entertainment, right? It seems just pretty reasonable, doesn't it?

OK, this was not your situation. As I have no expertise with these types of events, all I can say that you are probably better off swiping right on the streets, aka. real-life Tinder we've discussed before.

 

[Marty]

I am going back again for free next week, so any helpful ideas (not related to the application fee, the type of pen we used to mark off the date sheet, or the attentiveness of the staff) are welcome.

Thank you.

 

[Space]

Marty,

I don't want to derail your thread, but your situation reminded me of my situation which I find similar. You have issues with speed dating events, similarly to how I have with Meetup meetings. So I wrote this.

But to get back to your question, I'm not convinced that, similarly to Meetup meetings, speed dating events are that seductive and sexual, either. I can imagine the vibe might be more like just friendly and social.

 

[Kvothe]

I haven’t been, but potentially just treat it like a cold approach, and follow the same process. Situational openers would work better than direct in this situation I think (but don’t say the same thing to every girl). I’m curious how it goes.

 

[Marty]

I am going to take a bolder approach next week.

For every woman I find attractive, I am going to tell her upfront, right after the introduction, that I am going to mark her as a "Yes" because I find her attractive... and do it on the sheet right in front of her.

Equivalent of a direct opener.

Then see what happens.

-Marty

 

[Fuck This]

I've never done a speed dating event, but I open women all the time.

Are you making eye contact?

Are you grasping her hand across the table?

Are you telling her what your idea of a good first date is?

What is unique about you that can pique her curiosity? ie: "you ever seen the sunset over a field of wheat from the cab of a combine?"

Use words that create images .

Speak passionately about your life.

Study these questions for ideas of topics.

My strategy would be to use 30 seconds to get a quick cold read.

OK I'm going to ask you XX either or questions (yours may be different) to get to know you ok?

Indoors or outdoors?

Winter or Summer?

Sunrise or sunsets?

Big breakfast or big dinner?

Coffee or Tea?

Dogs or Cats?

Ocean or Mountains?

Get her answers one by one then give her your vision of a moment in time...."I'd love to be outside in the summer cooking a big breakfast drinking coffee with my dog as the sun comes up." Or I'd love to be inside in the winter with a cup of tea and my cat on my lap after a big dinner as the sun sets over the ocean. "
then put her combination together and it is likely you will share some of those likes. It also gives you deep diving subjects for the future....

 

[razir110]

But wouldn't the best here to just approach her as normally? Just as a cold approach on the street.

I would pay her some compliment then introduce myself and take it from there

Then I'd leave maybe 2 mins for deep diving and this would be it.

I don't see what sort of strategy you can pull here, there isn't enough time for anything complex, so I would keep it normal and simple.

 

[Fuck This]

You are in direct competition with 10-20 other guys. How are you going to stand out?

Cold approach or daygame she doesn't have her game face on, she hasn't spent all afternoon getting ready, she hasn't obsessed over what she is wearing, or worried that she is going to meet a serial killer who will stalk her.

Speed dating is essentially night game without being able to dance and grind on her...

 

[Marty]

Speed dating is essentially night game without being able to dance

Thanks Fuck This. I will have that in mind next time I go, and it will certainly improve my morale as I have always wanted to be able to do night game. I can't dance anyway so no worries on that front!

 

[Space]

Speed dating is essentially night game without being able to dance and grind on her...

On a personal note without hijacking the thread I have to add I don't dance much if at all for 'night game,' I still meet charming new ladies regularly during night hours. If that's enough of a definition for night game in your books.

 

[Marty]

Went again last night, same story, marked off 11 or 12 women of 20 or so, got no matches.

But I did notice that some of the men were "cheating" by talking to the girls in the breaks or after the event was supposed to finish. It is meant to be a level playing-field with 4 minutes for each pairing, but this was not properly enforced by the organizers.

I might try to go to one organized by a different company to see whether this can be corrected.

 

[Mr.Rob]

Or you could break the rules and go chat up the girl you like the most during the break

Also another thing to consider is that speed dating by nature is a place for people that don't have options to get options put in front of them, a bit like online dating. The question is always in the back of her mind "why does he need to go to a speed dating event to meet women in the first place? Obviously he doesn't have much options in real life" just like she's thinking in online dating. Thus I think a key point would be to make sure you answer this question either in your vibe or verbally to show your just kind of here for fun, its not a serious opportunity for you but you've met some cool people this way in the past and sometimes you come across a fun new acquaintance, but other than that you don't put too much importance on the event.

Or twist those words and phrases to let you come off in that type of manner even if you go everyweek.

Also think about your best approaches in daygame in the past where the girls eyes light up and she gets "hooked". For the girls your marking YES to are you hooking these girls or are they lukewarm? How can you get more girls to hook when you meet them AND leave them wanting more once your 4 minutes is up?

I think addressing A) hooking girls and leave them wanting AND B) displaying that your not taking speed dating overly seriously and could care less because you meet enough girls in your day to day life that speed dating is like a fun game to you (even if this may not truly be the case). Those might be 2 good avenues to focus on.

-Rob

 

[Space]

Also another thing to consider is that speed dating by nature is a place for people that don't have options to get options put in front of them, a bit like online dating. The question is always in the back of her mind "why does he need to go to a speed dating event to meet women in the first place? Obviously he doesn't have much options in real life" just like she's thinking in online dating.

Instead of failing on her shit test, Marty might as well could just return the same question to the girl he is facing, right?

Marty, you may or may not want to try 36 Questions That Make Strangers Fall In Love. As many as they fit into 4 minutes.

I think I can speak in the name of the forum here that we still don't get your affection to speed dating. I mean, do you want to get good with girls, or speed dating? You may want to help us out with some pointers.

 

[Mr.Rob]

Instead of failing on her shit test, Marty might as well could just return the same question to the girl he is facing, right?

Well this probably is not going to be something the girl will outright state or test you on, but more so just something in the back of her mind with every guy she meets at speed dating, same with online dating (why's this guy need to use a service to meet women?). But yes, you could ask her that question but then she could also ask it right back to you so this is probably something better communicated in the vibe or making a passing comment about your indifference towards the event.

I think I can speak in the name of the forum here that we still don't get your affection to speed dating. I mean, do you want to get good with girls, or speed dating? You may want to help us out with some pointers.

Marty's already decent with women and has a solid base level of competency. He landed his last LTR from cold approach in daygame with a high caliber woman. Sounds like he's just trying out a new avenue of meeting women as he gets back in the game again and is shaking off a bit of rust in the process and needs a few ideas.

 

[Space]

Well this probably is not going to be something the girl will outright state or test you on, but more so just something in the back of her mind with every guy she meets at speed dating, same with online dating (why's this guy need to use a service to meet women?). But yes, you could ask her that question but then she could also ask it right back to you so this is probably something better communicated in the vibe or making a passing comment about your indifference towards the event.

OK. I'm fairly new here. I came by the 'advertising' (of some forum member I came across his post while browsing the forum) that Chase's stuff is 90% like Mark Manson's stuff. And I don't mind the 10% difference. Variety is good.

Mark's main premise is attracting women through honesty. Brutal and 100% honesty. By your advice giving to Marty I sense that you suggest him to be wishy-washy and try to act cool, instead of going the honesty route. Either implied or spoken out, that's not the point.

I sincerely hope this honesty thing is actually part of the 90% of the package where Mark's and Chase's advice align. Or is it part of the 10% of the advice where it differs? Honestly, that's what I'm afraid of. I tried to address the issue of honesty multiple times - no one seemed to be interested enough to engage with me on this topic so far.

Marty's already decent with women and has a solid base level of competency. He landed his last LTR from cold approach in daygame with a high caliber woman. Sounds like he's just trying out a new avenue of meeting women as he gets back in the game again and is shaking off a bit of rust in the process and needs a few ideas.

Fair enough. What's an LTR, by the way? Seriously, watch this video!

 

[Marty]

I went for a third time.

I didn't get any matches according to the formal report. However, I did as Rob suggested and had a nice conversation with one of the women during a break. We exchanged numbers.

So I will text her tomorrow and see if she replies. If we go on a date, I will start a separate FR.

 

[Mr.Rob]

Mark's main premise is attracting women through honesty. Brutal and 100% honesty. By your advice giving to Marty I sense that you suggest him to be wishy-washy and try to act cool, instead of going the honesty route. Either implied or spoken out, that's not the point.

I sincerely hope this honesty thing is actually part of the 90% of the package where Mark's and Chase's advice align. Or is it part of the 10% of the advice where it differs? Honestly, that's what I'm afraid of. I tried to address the issue of honesty multiple times - no one seemed to be interested enough to engage with me on this topic so far.

Chase's advice is always to be honest but not everyone's style needs to be blunt and direct. When you go further down your pickup journey you realize that pretty much anything works if done correctly and is congruent with that guys style. IMO the best advice is to be congruent with what your personality is though being direct/blunt can be powerful when done right other people can do really good as well communicating these things through their vibe and often times these guys are in ways obeying the law of least effort and appearing more powerful in the process (as I think would be a good route to go with this particular situation).

I wouldn't say my advice to Marty was to be wishy washy but more so to communicate through his vibe or with a small passing comment that he's not taking the speed dating too seriously in finding a mate. He could be more direct and honest and say explicitly "ya I'm just getting back into the dating scene and figured it'd take me about 10 bad dates to get back in the swing of things and figured what the hell I'll just knock em all out in one sitting". But explicitly saying that without her prompting would probably be overkill if you could communicate the same thing by just having an indifferent vibe and having some casual but enticing convo that left her wanting more.

You see what I mean? Things aren't always black and white. The most honest direct seducer changes his game to indirectly communicate things if its going to be more effective.

LTR = Long Term Relationship