Starting Out With Cold Approach

[starstair]

I first got into reading the articles on this site 18 months ago and it has changed my perspective in a positive way on so many things. I am far better off now than I was before in terms of mindset and direction however my results have hardly changed because I haven't had the balls to throw myself into enough uncomfortable situations on a daily basis. I am an incredibly fearful person and have realized that this will never truly change by me reading articles or going on alcohol fueled nights out, I need to throw myself into the root of the issue and actually take the actions which will give me the results I want. I've known all this for way too long however after reading Chase's post on effort aversion it really hit home that everything i'm doing is normal and comfortable and therefore it is inevitable that I will achieve none of the results I desire. I am a 23 year old University student with a good social circle and plenty of exciting things going on in my life. Since my 1 year relationship a few years ago I've had the odd rare blurry one night stand with girls I barely find attractive after nights out however I will never be truly happy until I am fearless and comfortable in my own skin talking to the hot girls that surround me on a daily basis.

Today i'm going to hit town and go for some cold approaches. I've tried this several times before and been too pussy to make one direct approach to a girl I like and ended up walking home with my head down. I know starting all this will be hard and shit at first but the way I see it there is no other way of escaping this mind-jail that i'm in. If I carry on posting then you will know that I have grown a pair and actually made some progress.

 

[user3423424]

Hi Buddy

What I discovered about learning cold approach from months of experience is to become , not outcome depended which means . When your going out , don't focus on getting a girlfriend , numbers or date because this will cause you to be depressed at the end of the day when you don't achieve what you desire at the end of the day . So what I did to overcome the barrier of society anxiety is to learn every time you get rejected , it will build your character by increasing your confident . The more rejection you get , the more confident you achieve and learn not to give a fuck about what society think by doing social freedom which is to learn people don't really care about you by performing varies act like screaming in the middle of the street , etc. This will cause you to not fear public humiliation .

You got to also understand , what were trying to do from cold approach is to create a connection with a stranger on a street out of nothing which is bizarre from the society perspective.
I mean most ordinary people don't perform the act of cold approach because they were taught by society to met people by social circle.

Another advice I will give you is don't read any PUA materials because it will really stuff up your conversation skills when talking with women. I think the reason why most PUA don't end up succeeding with women is because they turn out to be unnatural toward women by over analysis the conversation using pua tactics and etc. I think they are lacking the ingredient of the word curiosity .

 

[Mr.Rob]

If you have lots of A.A. I don't see why you don't start off a little smaller. Starting with direct openers is pretty damn scary at first. I'd start just by asking a hot girl for the time and seeing if you're capable of doing that.

Check out the newbie assignment it's made well... for newbie's!

Hope you find the will to fight your fears dude.

-Rob

 

[PinotNoir]

If you have Approach Anxiety and want to start off with direct openers, it can actually be fairly easy if you drive about 1-2 hours out of your city. In fact, if you can, see if you can crash with a buddy at another state, and this way you can even go out together if you want.

Even when out of state, there will be some worry, but most of it is gone. Who is going to see you again? 99.9% chance of no one. It's just so easy.

Else, follow Mr.Rob's advice. Just do some talking, without the idea of approaching, like in the newbie assignment. Work on deep-diving cashiers, etc. (just getting comfortable with good conversation with strangers). Use indirect-direct openers; Chase has a recent situational openers article too.

 

[starstair]

Thanks for the responses and advice guys. I’d like to emphasise the fact that after reading up on all this stuff I truly believe in the cold approach, it’s constantly been on my mind for the past 6 months and I won’t quit until I am there. I completely agree with user3423424 in that I’ve reached a point now where I just want the freedom to be able to express whatever I’m thinking right there in the moment. I know what that feeling is like I just want to have it constantly. Up to recently it’s been more about the girls however now I honestly see the bigger picture. I’ve realised how this fear I have of approaching girls is the same kind of fear that is restricting every other aspect of my life and therefore putting in the hard work at the deep end of this field is the perfect way to truly better myself and not be moulded/constricted by the social norm.
The hardest part about this is doing it by myself though. That’s why I’m writing all this stuff. I need people with the same outlook to be disappointed/ bored with me when I don’t make progress.
Ok so with regard to Mr.Rob and Pinot Noir’s comments, The past 2 days I have set aside a few hours spare to hit the streets. I started just asking for the time or for directions off random people and I could feel myself getting slightly less anxious. I approached as many hot girls as I could see (there weren’t many about maybe because it was wet and cold in u.k)and asked for the time or directions just to get myself settled. I had absolutely no problem approaching anyone with one hot girl in particular being very warm towards me, I ended up having a little chat with her although I felt like because I’d opened by asking for directions it was hard to display sexual interest. I came within a split second of directly opening a couple of girls however couldn’t make my body move and just do it. When I’m envisioning these cold, natural direct approaches in my head I get really excited and even when I was asking for directions I felt absolutely chilled, there was no fear really. I just need to break through this wall though and say what I’m thinking to these girls I like straight away. I’ve read up a lot on day-game and I feel confident in what I’m doing I just can’t make those kind of approaches yet.
Also, I’ve being holding eye contact as best I can with everyone I’ve passed on the street this week and yesterday I felt absolutely no discomfort in holding eye contact with hot girls. I love it when girls smile and look down because I know I’ve made them feel something. The progress I’ve made just in this tiny area has given me massive encouragement.
Just wanted to ask if anyone else could share they’re experience of their first cold/street approaches (especially if it took them a fair few outings before they could overcome it like me). Also, there is an insane abundance of gorgeous girls on my university campus everyday however I feel like doing these approaches there might give a bit of a reputation, that’s why I’m sticking to the main town.