People usually want to gain something from others, even if it is just attention. Think about it, why do you want friends? Because you feel lonely, you have the need for attention, you want somebody to share with you your time (so you are not lonely)...
But why do you feel lonely? In today's society, lonely people are perceived as people with negative mind set, perhaps people who are depressed. Happy people are usually cheerful, they go out and have fun (they GIVE out fun), they socialize. Unhappy people are closed off, they don't go out much, they are more passive and they want to RECEIVE some fun (e.g. they sit home and watch TV). They don't socialize much...
We are not talking about GIVING or RECEIVING in terms of money or things, rather in terms of positive energy (for lack of other words). Positive energy is simply enthusiasm, light mood, non-judgmental attitude, coolness, sharing, stories telling, paying attention to others, being interested in others ...
So when you see popular people with lots of friends they usually GIVE out positive energy. Everybody wants to be their friends. Positive energy is a VALUE, these people are GIVING out value. On the other hand, when you see people who don't give much positive energy, they are more closed off and perhaps even depressed. They don't have many friends. They are usually trying to passively RECEIVE this positive energy, in stead of giving it. In other words, they try to take the value from others... People, in general, like givers, they don't like takers... If somebody buys you lunch, you'll like him or her. If somebody steals $15 dollars from you, you will be pissed ...
Here are couple points to consider:
* Don't try too hard, be cool, laid back
* Give out energy (share personal info, enthusiasm,...)
* "Show" yourself to others, e.g. share something from your personal and family life, what you like,...
* Be positive, smile here and there... Avoid negativity
* Don't criticize others, don't judge others
* Be genuinely interested in other people, in what are they doing, what is their passion...
* Don't ask too many personal questions (it's not a job interview). Who wants to tell you about them will eventually tell you what's important...
* See what you have in common - weight lifting? Collecting stamps? Its easier to make friends who have common interests, knowledge and hobbies
* See if some team sport is for you, e.g. you can make more friends easily in playing football vs in weight lifting
* Listen to others, remember some personal details what are they talking about. Come back to it in couple days or week...
* Make others feel important, don't dismiss them. Nobody wants to feel like a loser around you... People don't like being around others that appear "better" then themselves... People don't like being intimidated (for example, if you are very successful in college, you may have hard time finding friends among guys with average grades)
* Avoid arguments
* Avoid being too smart and knowledgeable (e.g. don't intimidate others with knowledge)
* Respect others (in order to get respect back)
* Don't talk crap about others (because they know you will talk crap about them too)
* Learn empathy
* Be sincere, be genuine
The list can go on and on, but good enough ...
