Starting to wonder if I am chasing an unrealistic social life.

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I have been pretty depressed and sad as of late even though my life on the outside is great.

I make good money for my age, I am in good health, and it all seems to be going well but I can't seem to be happy because of the social life issue.

It's like I keep looking at the social life of some rich kid in a fraternity or some hot girl in a sorority and wonder what I can do to top that instead of even getting started.

Like I wonder if there is anything I can do in my 20s to ever top that or if there is anything I can do in life in general that will ever top the sort of social experience I could have potentially had if I had peaked in college.

The worst part is that it has halted my growth a bit, like I don't approach like I was doing so in the past few weeks and I have regressed yet again because I keep wondering what's the point if I will never get there.

I am so uncertain about my social future because I don't have anyone to look up to or even an idea of how great life can potentially be here.....

Fuck!

 

[Drck]

Perhaps it's the constant seeking of happiness that is the real source of misery... chase the happiness, and it will always run away. Drop the desire for it, and it will come...

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

I must admit, it's charming you you keep trying. Usually I go "goddamnit, another post from Altair," but the fact that you keep posting, well, only an insane person would keep coming back even after all the shit we've thrown at you.

So, kudos for that. I like insane people.

But holy fucking shit man stop whining. Go to a boxing gym and get punched in the fucking face a few times. I promise you'll forget your pathetic loneliness.

You are alone. You always be alone. You were born and will die alone, trapped in The Mind.

But don't worry, I'm there, too. Just as alone as you.

Make sense?

*nudge nudge, wink wink *

Hector

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I am insane, insane enough to chase something that I don't even know is real, but then a part of me says maybe it is real, who knows...

who knows....

I am going to hope for the best as I keep putting myself out there.

 

[Chase]

So I think your goal is to be that guy who sits on his porch drinking beers with his beer belly reminiscing about all the poon he got back in college, scratching at his bald pate, and going, "Ah, those were the days," right?

Then you could be like, "Ha! No young guy will ever top THAT!" And then swat mosquitoes with your rusty fly swatter and open up another case of Natty Light.

And some other guy your age will come up with some hot ass chick he's dating. And you'll be like, "Ha! Look at you, loser! You know I used to get girls like that all the time back in college!"

--

You need to train yourself to focus on the future, Altair.

It's your most pressing mental need from what I can tell.

You have a negative "past" time orientation:

https://www.girlschase.com/content/time- ... c-pairings

I had that when I was depressed. And these days I do not think it was a coincidence. Very easy to be depressed and hopeless when you think about the past all the time.

You need to shift into either present (sensation-based) or future (goal-based) orientation.

You can use the mind retraining steps here:

https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-o ... depression

You're going to have a very hard time getting any of the things you want with your mind so focused on the past, though. Success now is reliant on a focus on now. And success in the future is reliant on a focus on that.

If all you think about is the past, life is going to go right past.

And one day you'll realize you never lived it.

Chase

 

[Yhaceed]

Altair,

To sort of add to what Chase said why are you trying to compete dude? Will you feel bad if you don't end up richer than Bill Gates? Or maybe you don't end up being faster than Usain Bolt? Maybe everything you want is already there you're just passing by it. I've done the same. When I was in high school I could have been friends with one of the " coolest" guys but at the time he wasn't the coolest yet he tried to talk to me and get me to join his club but I didn't. Then four years later he ended up being president and had girls flirting with him (and maybe more). All I could think was how stupid I was to ignore him. There was this other girl too in our class that liked me I think. She didn't look cute though. She had acne and if I were to rate her she was a 6/7 at that time. Then one year later maybe two her acne was gone and she looked good. But too bad I wasn't paying attention before that happened. Then she would have liked me all the more. I'm just telling you try to imagine what you want is already there and maybe you'll find out the negative things were all in your head.

~Yhaceed

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Chase,

You overrate getting a hot girls, that is only one very small piece of the pie, getting girls in general is. If anything, what the guy who peaked in college would say is this:

Good on getting the hot girl but I got hot girls in college, ran in the same crowds as they did, hooked up with their friends, had guy friends who got with some, and had a fun as hell experience partying with my bros and some hot girls. You know, I loved how I felt like I was a part of a community of some amazing people and ran with the important crowd, kinda sad you don't get to feel like that.

Chase I look at the future and all I see is a heavy fog. I mean sure, I can get hot girls but what more to the social world is there after the age of 25 than just getting hot girls? I don't really just want the hot girls, I want a great social life with quality friends, attending quality events with quality people, and like I belong to a quality world.

I see a guy making good money and with a hot girlfriend and I think, what more is there to his life? Just one hot girl and some money, that's not really enough for me. It is that feeling of making it in the social world and having a lot of new acquaintances as opposed to just getting laid.

Like I am at a crossroads with myself in regards to the future.

One part of me is holding out hope for this sort of a hidden world of people in their 20s and 30s that are higher status, friends with each other, and a world loaded with hot girls that I get to be a part of.

Another part of me is wondering if that ship sailed in college and now everyone goes to the miserable 9 to 5 grind and the weird ones are the ones who are delaying marriage, kids, and wife.

To put it in other words Chase, I have not had an opportunity to see the 28 year old or 35 year old version of a cool social life or the ceiling to how great it can (outside of maybe celebrities).

 

[alleniverson]

Altair,

Go read the book How to Win Friends and Influence People. You probably need to increase your social tact in general and this is one of the best quick reads I've come across. It's not aimed towards game but its definitely worth reading for anyone and especially you.

Take my recommendation for what it's worth.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Altair,

Go read the book How to Win Friends and Influence People. You probably need to increase your social tact in general and this is one of the best quick reads I've come across. It's not aimed towards game but its definitely worth reading for anyone and especially you.

Take my recommendation for what it's worth.

Already read it.

My issue isn't the making of friends, it is about envisioning WTF a good social life looks like as you get older and what to really aim for, I am aimless.

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

You overrate getting a hot girls, that is only one very small piece of the pie, getting girls in general is. If anything, what the guy who peaked in college would say is this:

You have never even so much as kissed a female of the human species. How can you say this, or much else regarding women, really, with anything resembling authority?

Hector

 

[Richard]

It does seem like you post the exact same question week after week, at this point.

Scroll back through your 300+ posts and look at all the responses you've gotten; no point in continuing to post about something that we've beaten to death a thousand or more times.

-Richard

 

[Seppuku]

Your social future?

What life looks for a typical man in his thirties:

Wake up 6am. Help preparing the kids for school. Bring the kids at school. Spend 45 minutes in traffic. Reach office at 9am. Deal with meetings, clients, colleagues, boss. Finish 6pm. Spend another 45 minutes in traffic. Reach the supermarket. Get groceries. Reach home 7:30pm. Help with preparing dinner. Help with kids homework, shower, putting them in bed, reading stories. Little free time between 9pm and 11pm with wife. 11pm: crash in bed. Start again next day.

His least worry is his social life, because he doesn't have time anymore for one.

So there is no case for being depressed about what your social future is going to be. Just get a life.

Seppuku

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Your social future?

What life looks for a typical man in his thirties:

Wake up 6am. Help preparing the kids for school. Bring the kids at school. Spend 45 minutes in traffic. Reach office at 9am. Deal with meetings, clients, colleagues, boss. Finish 6pm. Spend another 45 minutes in traffic. Reach the supermarket. Get groceries. Reach home 7:30pm. Help with preparing dinner. Help with kids homework, shower, putting them in bed, reading stories. Little free time between 9pm and 11pm with wife. 11pm: crash in bed. Start again next day.

His least worry is his social life, because he doesn't have time anymore for one.

So there is no case for being depressed about what your social future is going to be. Just get a life.

Seppuku

I want to be anyone BUT that guy, so tell me what it is like for a guy who isn't that loser.

 

[Sub-Zero]

Lol reading that depressed me too and sounds very boring. In my opinion, I feel 30s is too young to settle down, you're in your prime, and you're still young, I always felt that. I feel to not live that life is simple; don't settle down. You might have to do the job part, but you can still do what you want; if you want to quit that job, you can and only worry about yourself, if you wanna fuck girls, you can, you wanna go to the club or bar ? You can. No point in being tied down if you don't want to man. Lol I think there are a lot if guys with families in their 30s who don't give a shit and are still doing wtf they wanna do, not giving a shit about consequences. Anyway I feel if you don't want to deal with that type of life of the typical 30 year old, don't get tied down, and either find some friends who want to do what you do, or do it yourself; I know people that settled down in their early 20s, fuck that, do what you want man.

Your social future?

What life looks for a typical man in his thirties:

Wake up 6am. Help preparing the kids for school. Bring the kids at school. Spend 45 minutes in traffic. Reach office at 9am. Deal with meetings, clients, colleagues, boss. Finish 6pm. Spend another 45 minutes in traffic. Reach the supermarket. Get groceries. Reach home 7:30pm. Help with preparing dinner. Help with kids homework, shower, putting them in bed, reading stories. Little free time between 9pm and 11pm with wife. 11pm: crash in bed. Start again next day.

His least worry is his social life, because he doesn't have time anymore for one.

So there is no case for being depressed about what your social future is going to be. Just get a life.

Seppuku

I want to be anyone BUT that guy, so tell me what it is like for a guy who isn't that loser.

 

[Seppuku]

I don't want to make anyone feel depressed, but that is the reality for the majority of men in their 30's in the Western world.

There are only 24 hours in the day, and you need to fit in your children, your wife, your job, your household duties, your family and relatives, your friends, your extended social network, and still have a little time for you.

Clearly there will not be enough time to fit it all, and something will have to be left out or neglected - it is a matter of personal priority. Want to see your friends and have a social life? Sure, but it's going to be at the expense of something else. Are you going to be less present for your kids? They will grow to a daddy they don't know. Or will it be at the expense of couple life? That will fire back sooner rather than later. Unless you decide not to have a job... Then you're on a payroll from your wife, and that will fire back too. Or you scrap social life (what most guys end up doing), and focus on family and wife. And soon you'll discover that you've lost a lot of friends. Or you forget about having your own free time for yourself. This will come back much later on, when one day you discover that you forgot to have fun.

You could also decide not to settle for a family, like sub-zero suggested. Some guys do that, and it is a much simpler life. But beware of a late realization that you do not have children. In fact, most of us, sooner or later, feel the natural need to settle down and have a family. Even PUAs.

All is a matter of balance. Very difficult to achieve. We all face the same problems and try to find our own response. And there is no right or wrong response. All trial and errors.

And I'm not saying any of the above is bad - it is actually a very good learning. This is what makes you a seasoned, grown man. That's how life is, purely and simply. And sooner or later, it will catch up.

Seppuku

 

[Sub-Zero]

I agree with everything you're saying, but I feel 30 is too young, 40s are better. You gotta think a lot of people don't have everything figured out in their 20s, some people might not get that good job until late 20s, by then they are already about to settle down, no chance to live life. That's just my opinion, that's why I keep asking questions on how to do it when you're older because I haven't gotten to where I wanted to be yet or do what I wanted to do. And to be honest, I have known a lot of people who had kids in their 20s and 30s and still did what they wanted to do, they weren't there for their kids tho, it just depends on the person, plus who wants to wait until their in their late 40s til 50 sum to live life? I agree a man should always make time for the fam, but 30 to me is the last chance to have some type of youth, then after that you get old. I'd rather preserve my youth.

I don't want to make anyone feel depressed, but that is the reality for the majority of men in their 30's in the Western world.

There are only 24 hours in the day, and you need to fit in your children, your wife, your job, your household duties, your family and relatives, your friends, your extended social network, and still have a little time for you.

Clearly there will not be enough time to fit it all, and something will have to be left out or neglected - it is a matter of personal priority. Want to see your friends and have a social life? Sure, but it's going to be at the expense of something else. Are you going to be less present for your kids? They will grow to a daddy they don't know. Or will it be at the expense of couple life? That will fire back sooner rather than later. Unless you decide not to have a job... Then you're on a payroll from your wife, and that will fire back too. Or you scrap social life (what most guys end up doing), and focus on family and wife. And soon you'll discover that you've lost a lot of friends. Or you forget about having your own free time for yourself. This will come back much later on, when one day you discover that you forgot to have fun.

You could also decide not to settle for a family, like sub-zero suggested. Some guys do that, and it is a much simpler life. But beware of a late realization that you do not have children. In fact, most of us, sooner or later, feel the natural need to settle down and have a family. Even PUAs.

All is a matter of balance. Very difficult to achieve. We all face the same problems and try to find our own response. And there is no right or wrong response. All trial and errors.

And I'm not saying any of the above is bad - it is actually a very good learning. This is what makes you a seasoned, grown man. That's how life is, purely and simply. And sooner or later, it will catch up.

Seppuku

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

But what does that youth of your 30s look like as a single man? That is what I am wondering, like what is life like for the single man in his 30s with his shit together, other than pussy itself which isn't as big of a concern for me as having a group of friends, community, and people to enjoy my life experiences with.

 

[Sub-Zero]

It all depends on what your social circle is and where you're at. I heard people in their 30s don't settle down at all when they live in a major city, if you live in a small town, you might lose friends because they want to settle down. To get people to enjoy experiences with, you have to find people who want to do what you want to do, that's all it comes down to, you can't force your friends, or anyone to do what they don't want to do. If you're 30 and got your shit together, and not worried about pussy and want friends to share experiences with, you have to find people who share your interests, or you do what you want by yourself. You can be like everyone else and settle down, or you can find friends, do what you want, and be happy.

But what does that youth of your 30s look like as a single man? That is what I am wondering, like what is life like for the single man in his 30s with his shit together, other than pussy itself which isn't as big of a concern for me as having a group of friends, community, and people to enjoy my life experiences with.

 

[Sub-Zero]

How old are u and what do you do for work? Maybe hang out with co workers?

But what does that youth of your 30s look like as a single man? That is what I am wondering, like what is life like for the single man in his 30s with his shit together, other than pussy itself which isn't as big of a concern for me as having a group of friends, community, and people to enjoy my life experiences with.