Sticky situation at work - urgent advice needed!

[goldenglory]

Alright guys,

I've just started a new job (began on Wednesday) and have already got myself into a sticky situation.

I'm sharing an office room with a couple of people. One guy and a cute girl. The guy is leaving after next week, so after that point it'll be just me and the girl.
I know on paper getting involved with her sounds like a huge recipe for trouble. Normally I would steer well clear, but in this case I made an exception. The girl is exactly my 'type' - pretty in a girl next door kind of way, really friendly, similar 'wavelength,' fun to talk to etc.

A few people went out for after work drinks on Friday including me and her. When an opportunity arose, I ended up hitting on her in a pretty blatant way. Didn't go in for a kiss or anything, but I made my interest pretty clear. Can't remember exactly what was said.

As I remember things, she did say she admired the boldness, but she still turned down my advances for reasons including the following:
- She is kinda seeing some other guy (an ex), things are a bit complicated and she's not looking for another relationship
- We've only worked together for three days and she doesn't really know me
- She wants to keep thing simple in the workplace and so it's best that we just be friends

I've no idea whether those are genuine reasons or it she just plain isn't attracted to me. I can't help but suspect the latter, which of course is a blow to the ego. It's depressing, but I sometimes feel like I simply can't get girls who I'm actually attracted to.

The main concern though is of course damage limitation at work. I want to minimise potential fallout from this, crack on with the job, have a good working relationship with this girl and basically have things be normal and not weird in any way. I definitely won't be holding out for this girl (have been setting up some dates since Friday) but is there any prospect of her changing her mind in the future?

I do realise I've shot myself in the foot here and most probably moved TOO fast, but hey - you don't ask you don't get. Girls like this get snapped up quickly. I'd REALLY appreciate any advice on how best to proceed from this point.

Cheers

 

[HalfGuard]

I think that as long as you play it cool , like it's not a big deal she turning you down everything will go fine , just be cool , also you already got some other dates so that's a not needy behavior and you sum the fact that you are still cool with her she might even start chasing you.
Girls forget about that stuff pretty fast as long as you don't make a big deal of it or act in a bitter or awkward way , if you do that she will feel it and will start acting the same
-Hg

 

[Richard]

My general feeling in this case is, it's not a problem man. Though they are excuses, more than likely they are actual excuses not fake ones. I take it she takes her job seriously and knows better than to bring potential problems to the workplace and is steering clear for now. Her first two excuses are more easy to deal with, the fact that she's kind of with a man means she doesn't actually want a relationship and she's probably casual fucking him until something else happens, she's confused and this is her option currently. However, being that she's only known you for 3 days gives you the golden opportunity to proceed if you wish! If she is indeed confused or holding onto her ex for sex then show her that you're the new man for her, this is your opportunity to paint yourself however you want, to entice her. If you wish to continue, proceed with caution, test the waters, and be persistent not forceful, see if her excuses can be broken down (I'll bet they can be), and if she gives any lead way, if she budges in her defensiveness, keep going!

 

[goldenglory]

Thanks for the replies guys. Fortunately she was really cool about the whole thing. We've agreed that it 'didn't happen' and things are pretty much back to 'normal.' Hung out at lunchtime, no issues. So it looks like I've gotten away with it. And at least I know now she's at least considered us two hooking up! Hopefully some potential for the future.

Had a date yesterday (closed) - like you've said, halfguard, if she suspects I'm seeing other girls, with a bit of luck, that might peak her interest.

I think your analysis of the excuses is probably bang on zphix. 'Kinda seeing a guy' shouldn't be a problem at all. Every girl is 'kinda seeing some guy.' The main barrier is definitely us being work colleagues. I think I'll leave it for at least a couple of months now, for the sake of the job. Potentially some very subtle flirting, but unless there are some very clear signals, I won't be going 'mode one' again!

 

[trashKENNUT]

I think your analysis of the excuses is probably bang on zphix. 'Kinda seeing a guy' shouldn't be a problem at all. Every girl is 'kinda seeing some guy.' The main barrier is definitely us being work colleagues. I think I'll leave it for at least a couple of months now, for the sake of the job. Potentially some very subtle flirting, but unless there are some very clear signals, I won't be going 'mode one' again!

Every girl is 'kinda seeing some guy' is brushing you off although i feel she was interested but you were blatant and her office colleagues might have seen what happen. Anyway pre-selection and clear signals will help. I don't recommend subtle flirting or any kind of flirting now. Just let her come to you with the flirting first.

Zac

 

[HalfGuard]

I'm glad everything turned out fine , I agree with Zac at this moment I would avoid flirting with her unless she starts doing it , just keep dating other girls and let the pre-selection work its magic

 

[Richard]

I too agree with Zac about no subtle flirting or flirting at all. She's toying around with the idea about the two of you, and if she's interested at any point in the future she'll make the effort to let you know =)