Hi Money,
Some good advice already but I'll just throw in my take on it.
Before any of this GirlsChase stuff, I was your typical generic nice guy. I just kept my head down so I'd never draw any negative attention and was always just polite and tried to be nice to people so they'd like me... you know what I mean.
Anyway, nowadays I don't buy into guys having to be in 2 categories, nice guy or asshole. I fall into a grey area. I'm a "good" guy I guess, but I'm not overly nice and I'm not a dick to anyone.
Here's how it clicked for me. Basically, nobody likes an asshole, they really don't, not even girls. But these guys have some edge, they get noticed, thus girls meet them, attract to the edginess but ultimately any relationships end with bad feeling. Nice guys just plain don't get attention because they are so non-descript.
So take the best of both worlds. Be nice, and pay compliments to people if it feels good, pay attention to people. But never go out of your way to please people, if you do or say something nice then it's just part of your day, it's how you are, but you're not going out of your way to do so.
You're also not going to be an asshole, but you're going to have more edge. When you pay a compliment, you don't say it meekly and seeking approval. You say it in such a way that you the other person knows you are saying it in approval of THEM, which makes them feel better, this actually seems more genuine to me. You say it with a little glint in your eye or a little cock to your smile, so if it's a women, she knows to read between the lines that you're a confident guy and you are interested in her.
I'll give some examples, last weekend I already wrote in another post how I had a disastrous weekend, I was getting along famously with a hot girl and my friends seemed determined to cock-block. But there's a few things to this story:
- One of the friends already knew her before I met her that night. Same guy whines often how he's a "nice guy" and nobody appreciates him. The problem is he goes out of his way to do and say nice things to women. While he never does the same for his male friends. This is a big one to me. Would you drive 20 miles out of your way to offer a girl a ride home at 2am, while leaving your friends standing in the cold trying to flag taxi's? Well... that's something this guy does. Basically, he's soooo "nice" to girls he thinks are hot, but he shows himself up to only be nice with an agenda, towards his friends... and girls just use him. They see he's not genuine.
He recently sent flowers to one of his direct reports in work because she was having a rough day. In professional terms, this could be deemed inappropriate, he was hoping to get with her, she obviously backed waaay off.
He pays heavy but unnecessary compliments to women then waits for them to fall at his feet, but gets angry when they don't.
While he compliments women, he's often throw digs at other guys in a group, thinly veiled as jokes, to lower the others value in the eyes of the girls in the group.
- On the other hand here's how I handled meeting this girl and had her attracted to me and making out within an hour.
When we were introduced we hugged. If you hug or shake hands, if has to be manly and firm. Do not do a weak, ass out hug or a limp fish handshake. It's weak.
Hug then look into her eyes while saying "Hi!! Nice to meet you...." while you hold strong eye contact for a split second longer than is normal. She'll get it... believe me, weak guys look away.
If you hug, stop using the hover hand... put your arm around her like a friend would, if you're bold, don't be afraid to wrap your arm around her lower back or waist. Don't be creepy about it and touch inappropriately or for too long, but it's all about the sub-communication. I'm being a "nice" guy by greeting her, hugging her and making strong eye contact, but I'm doing it with a little more edge by holding that eye contact, or hugging firmly and not being afraid to put my arm a little lower than a "shy guy" would be comfortable with... it shows I'm not fazed by it.
- Next comes the conversation. Again be edgy without being overly direct. Weak guys are afraid to say anything beyond pleasantries and "nice topics". Guy above tries to connect with girls at bars by bringing up how he's an English major and tries to impress them with his knowledge of literature and such topics. I've seen even the most avid readers and intellectual women totally turned off by this, it doesn't build sexual tension. On the contrary, assholes will tell her " U r hot!", directly reference sex and just be direct. It's a turnoff but they just throw it at the wall enough times that it will stick somewhere.
The "cool" guy will simply be the conversationalist, this is what it took me ages to realize from Chase's article. Being to direct about sex is a turnoff, avoiding it totally is a turnoff. You need to make conversation where it's easy for someone to "read between the lines" of what you're saying. It may be subtle double entendres, it may just be how you say something "innocent" with a little twinkle in your eye or slight smirk to your smile... basically conveying. "I'm smart enough to know I just met you and asking for sex will not work... but I know we're both thinking the same thing".
Ok, next... when it comes to kissing. If you even get HALF an opportunity, go for it. I would say 99% of the time, a girl will kiss you back if you make the move. And also... don't "wait" for the opportunities... create them. And it changes the tone of your entire interaction from there out. You create it by setting the tone. If your talking to her, you're not doing so from a distance, you two are close, you are in your own world. If it's a bar setting, it's easy to use the noise as an excuse to speak closer to each others ears but this can be a good measuring stick too, it grows tension and if you lean in a little, a lot of women will just begin to brush their cheek against you, turn into you, lock eye contact... this tells you they are ready to be kissed.
As you talk this close, it's natural to lightly have your hand on her arm or her waist, if you've done everything right up to now she'll not react to it... this is good... only a negative reaction or pulling away is bad, and this rarely happens... but it WILL happen to the nice guy... because the nice guy doesn't set the tone right up to this point... but I'll do all this without being an "asshole", my conversation will be totally pleasant, even borderline "nice" and I won't skip steps or move any of this too fast. I will be respectful, but I also know, if I do it right, she will be open to it.
Assholes also have a way of making it feel like she and him are in some bubble, where only they exist. Now I don't like this bubble being so negative, but nice guys don't do this. They don't have this "us against the world" mentality and build that bubble with her. I like to do this in a positive way. Never do it by literally trying to put you two "against" anyone, but build that bubble of shared ideas or experiences and she'll gravitate towards you.
Going back to this girl last week. Every guy in the group basically made it known they were into this girl. She was extremely attractive. But I never felt in any doubt that if someone were to get her, it would be me. As I said, I made pleasant conversation with her, I was just nice and flirty and fun... and she gravitated towards me. The other guys were being overly "nice" and people can just smell it and it's not genuine at all. Everything I did and said was done out of being genuine, if she was receptive to me, great... If she's not, I will not get angry or jealous, I'll just meet another girl, but most of the time, they ARE receptive if this is your attitude.
Most of this is so subtle, it takes a lot of time to really nail it. But the overall concept is you have to realize what most guys don't. There are NOT only 2 "types" of guys... you need to be in that gray area between nice and asshole and this will get you the results you desire without every feeling bad.
I do understand how the words "nice" are sometimes a bad thing to guys, but when someone says these things like you are a good guy, or caring guy, or genuine guy or anything like that... you want to be getting these compliments and wearing them with pride.
