Stop her from using Sex to control you!

[MisterX]

I thought about posting this in "Sex" or "Relationships", but since it's not about sex, but rather how sex is used to control and it's not only done in relationships, I decided to post it here in "Advanced"


Everybody knows that the most powerful weapon in any woman's arsenal is the phrase: "If you don't/Until you, we won't have sex",

It doesn't have to be said by the woman. She can be subtle about it, by "not being in the mood" for some time, "being too tired" for some time, etc.


Shortly if your girlfriend/wife wants you to do something, she can withhold sex till you do what she wants. And it is quite effective.

It can also be used outside of relationships:
- if you hook up with a girl for some time
- are friends with benefits
- dating but not committed yet
and she want you to be committed and in a relationship she can let you know that if you don't commit you won't have sex with her anymore



This is not women's view on sex, it happens in every relationship/dating scenario if the man lets the woman start perceiving sex a the man's "reward".

It looks like this:
- the man buys her a nice present
- cooks her a dinner
- gets concert tickets for her favorite band
- does sth nice for her
- is being sensitive and caring
- listens to her
- is a good boyfriend/husband
- gets a promotion
- manages to get a VIP table at a club/disco
- succeeds at sth
- wins sth
- has a birthday
-(basically anything that would make the woman feel good about herself and the man she's with)

And the woman "rewards" him with (amazing) sex. It's not done for the sake of controlling him. It is done cause the woman feels good and wants to make her man also feel good. In her mind it goes like this

"-Omg, John took me to this amazing romantic date. I feel so happy and horny. We are definitely going to have sex. And I want to make it great for him. I want to make him feel great and amazing."

this is not done with bad intentions. It is done with very loving intentions BUT "the great sex" is still the man's "reward" for doing sth good.



And in the woman's mind sex becomes the man's reward and he only gets to have sex with her if he's a "good boy".
This causes the woman to have very strong control in the relationship and it can be trouble.


And you should do all those nice things for your girl, and make her feep happy!
Then how do you fix the issue?


The only way to deal with this is to turn it around.


How do you do that?

It consists of two things:
- prevent her from viewing sex as your reward
- make her see sex as HER reward


And here's how you do those two things:

If you've done sth nice for her (anything from the things I said before) and she tries to progress towards sex - you withhold sex. You can say that you're tired/not in the mood or just pull back. This prevents her from associating sex as your reward.

Then you make sex her reward. When she does something nice for you:
- gets you a gift - doesn't have to be big, it can be that she buys you lunch, cooks you dinner, or even brings you your favorite snack/candy bar
- makes time for you, when she had previous arrangements
- takes you somewhere you like
- takes care for you if you're sick
- basically everything that she does to make you feel happy

You then initiate sex. And give her great orgasms, give her really good time. And you make her feel loved/adored/cared for/happy/sexy/beutifull .You can even say things like " baby/baby/whatever you call her, since you've been a good girl/since you cooked me dinner/ since you made me feel happy/ etc. I'll make sure I give the most amazing orgasms ever" .You don't do it to control her. You do it cause you care for her and want to make her feel happy just as she made you feel happy.

But even though in both scenarios (where she rewards you for being good and where you reward her for being good) you both care for each other and want to make each other happy, in her subconscious mind there is a big difference. In the first scenario she has the power and in the second you have the power.


And that makes a difference in the relationship. in the first case in order for you two to have sex you have to do nice things for her, and in the second - she has to continue doing nice things for you (as I said small thins like buying you your favorite ice-cream) and thus keep investing in you and in the relationship. This in it's own way make her feeling for you grow stronger.

As I said in both scenarios you both love/care for each other but in the second her feelings are stronger. And you have a girl that does nice/sweet things for you, rather than a girl that expects you to do nice stuff for her.




One last important thing to mention.

Does all this mean that every time you take her out to a romantic date/give her a present/do sth nice for her/etc. you have to not have sex???
Cause those are the times where "love/romance/lust is in the air" and the mood is set for hot hot sex.

Of course it doesn't mean you shouldn't have sex. You should and will.

But it means that you have to frame it correctly!

Even though you did sth nice for her you get her to do sth small for you, and use that to frame the sex as being her reward.

Here's how you do this:
You cooked her a romantic dinner. - You get her to cook the dessert/wash the dishes/Sth like that. After she does it you tell her :"Babe since you were so nice and washed the dishes/cooked the dessert I'll make such sweet love to you/ I'll do you hard and rough and make you scream for more"

This can be done if you took her to a nice restaurant and on your way home you stop at a supermarket and ask her to buy the dessert that you'll eat at home.



This works cause it matters not who did the bigger thing, but who did it last. So no matter that you took her to an expensive restaurant and she just bought a 5$ dessert from the store, in her in her mind you initiate sex because she did sth nice for you and you reward her that way.




And in the scenarios where you can't think of what to get her to do, you can say sth like: "since you were such a good girl/sexy girl/behaved so well/treated me so well/ you've been such a great girlfriend lately/you've been taking care for me/making me happy/etc. I'll make sweet love to you/ do you hard and rough/ etc."


It doesn't matter that much what you say as long as you frame it that no matter how big of a thing you just did, the great sex that follows is her reward for being a "good girl".


You don't do this technique every time. You don't initiate sex only when she's done sth nice. You use this only when you do sth big for her.


As always subtlety is key in you framing this! You don't want to make it obvious that you're doing this consciously.



Hope this helps you.
And if you have anything to add or discuss just post it.

 

[Ross]

I've always thought the easiest way to combat a scenario where they are purposefully withholding sex is to come back from a place of logical and moral understanding.

Her: "I'm not having sex with you until we are in a committed relationship!"
Me: "Look. If you enjoy sex together with me, that's great. I don't want to get into a committed relationship at this moment because I'm not sure that a committed relationship is quite what we're ready for. If you plan on withholding sex from me, I'm going to have no choice other than to get into a loving relationship with a woman who will not use sex as a tool to force me into commitment when I am clearly not ready."
Her: (Proceeds to try to explain herself)
Me: (Repair the broken sense of emotion, end argument on good note with great sex)

Your techniques sound plausible at first glance, but they fall into the trap of associating sex with physical accomplishments (her washing dishes, etc.) It makes her feel cheap; "He's having sex with me because I do these things for him? He's just using sex to have me do nice things for him?"

Take a walk in that person's shoes for a moment. If you don't like her trying to get you to have you view sex as a reward, why would you think that she would like having sex with you as her reward? It works the same way for both people; one is always left with a weird aftertaste, as the sex is being used as a prize rather than a pure, emotional connection.

This may work in theory, but in practice it falls on its face. Back when I wasn't doing so hot with women, I used to try and use positive reinforcement constantly to get my way. But you know what? It feels manipulative to her. Just as it would feel to you if a woman let you take her out to lunch, pay for you, and then deny further escalation at the end.

 

[MisterX]

What I wrote is to stop women from controlling you with sex. By her not seeing it as your reward, rather hers it stops her from being able to used it on you.


And it's not manipulative in any way. What you're saying is that when someone does sth nice for you and you do sth nice back - it's manipulative... It is not it is simply you being nice to that person since he/she was nice to you.

You must have read it wrong. You don't do it every time. You don't initiate sex only when she's done Sth nice. You use this only when you do sth big for her.

I said that you do it in a loving/caring way. As in she does sth nice for you. Of course you'll do sth nice for her back.


And if you don't do it she feels like you are ungrateful.


I mean when someone gives you a present you say "Thank you" right?

 

[Ross]

And the woman "rewards" him with (amazing) sex. It's not done for the sake of controlling him. It is done cause the woman feels good and wants to make her man also feel good. In her mind it goes like this

"-Omg, John took me to this amazing romantic date. I feel so happy and horny. We are definitely going to have sex. And I want to make it great for him. I want to make him feel great and amazing."

This, it seems, is the fundamental flaw in the logic. Women don't think this way, just like men don't think this way. This is very, very wishful thinking. I sure as hell don't think this way when someone does something nice for me; Being Nice doesn't equal Turn On. The two interactions are leagues apart.

I mean when someone gives you a present you say "Thank you" right?

I don't say thank you, now I really want to please you and have sex with you all night. I appreciate the gesture that someone cares about doing things for me.

Here's a counter question, to help you see it in your own light; Did you ever go out of your way to please your mother after she did something nice for you, such as make you dinner?

I separate sex from physical gifts for a reason. When she does something nice for me, I don't change anything to do with my sex life with her. I avoid using sex as a reward system based off acts of kindness (even if its only sometimes), and instead use it as a bonding system which is rewarding for the both of us, for which it is meant.

 

[MisterX]

Dude.. you really don't get my point.. so please stop posting before you read and comprehend what is written, or don't if it doesn't help you, just leave it be.



I didn't say that because you do sth nice she'll be horny..

She's horny because she's horny, she wants to have sex just because she wants to have sex



But in her unconscious mind she can justify the act of having sex as your reward.

 

[Ross]

Dude.. you really don't get my point.. so please stop posting before you read and comprehend what is written, or don't if it doesn't help you, just leave it be.



I didn't say that because you do sth nice she'll be horny..

Omg, John took me to this amazing romantic date. I feel so happy and horny.

When you place these right after each other, it sure does seem as though you are making a direct connection between doing something nice equaling something horny. Another example in a sentence: I went out for dinner and it was amazing. I feel so satisfied and sleepy. <--- You infer that the amazing dinner made me feel satisfied and sleepy.

or don't if it doesn't help you

I'm trying to help you and others on this forums by providing my own experiences on the subject of the matter of the thread. If this frustrates you and you want to prevent me from providing my own insight, then by all means I'll leave it alone. But it will be a weaker thread by not allowing adverse opinions to post on it. But, as I remember, this was added at the end, allowing others insight,

And if you have anything to add or discuss just post it.

I'm discussing the post. You aren't going to coerce people to your side by claiming they are unable to read whenever they post an opinion which differs from yours. You're going to do it by laying out your own points and reasoning behind your opinions.


I understand completely where you are coming from, and I've been sure to read your post multiple times just to make sure I didn't miss anything. I'm using direct quotes from your posts. And I'm using them often.

In my final point which re-addresses the main strategy of your guide, which is (using a direct quote here so I don't misunderstand)

- prevent her from viewing sex as your reward
- make her see sex as HER reward

I agree with the first point. Don't have her view sex as your reward.

I disagree with the second point. Making her see sex as her reward (even when it's not all the time, as you say) is completely pointless. Your trying to associate material things, as you listed out:

- gets you a gift - doesn't have to be big, it can be that she buys you lunch, cooks you dinner, or even brings you your favorite snack/candy bar
- makes time for you, when she had previous arrangements
- takes you somewhere you like
- takes care for you if you're sick
- basically everything that she does to make you feel happy

With sex. Want to know what I think is the best time to have sex so everything doesn't become some big puzzle of trying to make her do something where she perceives sex as a reward? By completely disregarding any association to these material things, and doing it as much as possible without any association to reward. This means:

- Have sex when you first see her.
- Have sex after dinner (no matter who cooked or paid)

And might I remind you of the Advanced Board rules MisterX: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=13

Remember, women are human too. I ask you to seek out some empathy, as I have done before, by asking yourself what it would be like to roam around in her shoes. By taking exactly what was making you frustrated and mad about women, and then turning it onto them, you effectively transfer the feelings directly back to them. This is a behavior which I have commonly seen in you, especially when I first read your introductory post:

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=928&p=5016#p5016

Just because women do something to you that you feel is bad does not mean that you should turn it right back at them. This just creates bad feelings all-around. If you have any questions, please directly ask them rather than claiming that I don't understand. I understand MisterX. I'm reading everything loud and clear, through-and-through, and giving my honest opinions without any malicious intentions.

 

[MisterX]

If you've read my intro thread you kinda know where I come from. And that I try to take all the control over the girl.
And I can admit that I've never had a relationship cause I've never (since the change) had connected with any girl.

With sex. Want to know what I think is the best time to have sex so everything doesn't become some big puzzle of trying to make her do something where she perceives sex as a reward? By completely disregarding any association to these material things, and doing it as much as possible without any association to reward. This means:

- Have sex when you first see her.
- Have sex after dinner (no matter who cooked or paid)

This is what I do. Since I have higher sex drive with the girls I'm with we have sex night morning and during the day. For a couple of hours every time (since I love foreplay a teasing the girl I can last longer and I go a few times in a row).



But still I view the girl I'm with as a sex toy and just control her till I lose interest.



As I wrote in my intro thread this is sth I've been trying to do - connect with a girl. Still I haven't managed to do it.

If you have any questions, please directly ask them

Okay, here's my question.


How do you connect with girls, when you have nothing in common with them?

It is easier to game them to feel connected to me, but for me to feel connected to her..

I mean I've never met a girl that I have things in common like:"


- I don't study(I'm almost 21) and I don't want to get a job after university (like everybody else does). I dropped out of university cause I never really liked to study or work. So I started my own business a year ago (I was 19 at the time). And now I make enough money that I don't have to study to get a job. And I want to start 2 other businesses so I'm working on them and hope I'll succed. That's what I want to do - to have businesses that make money for me without going to work 9to5. And this gives me the free time to do all the other things I like. Things like:

- riding my motorcycle. Not sure what the type is called. I think it is "street sport". Here's a pic of the model and color: http://i115.photobucket.com/albums/n309/litalien87/e268564a.jpg I absolutely love taking rides with high speed with it.

- snowboarding

- I got my scuba diver's license

- I got my skydiving license and I've had 11 jumps so far

- I want to get licenses for piloting a plane and a helicopter, I haven't started these but will in a year or two.

- I've been playing tennis for 14 years now and I'm serious about it so unless a girl's been playing for years and hard there is no way I can play with her..

- I love martial arts and weapons training. I train in krav maga, ju jitsu, kendo, ninjutsu, weapons training with guns, I bought a hunting bow and now I have to learn to shoot well with it

- physics and astronomy, astrophysics, quantum physics. I'm always reading and studying cause I find it truly amazing.

- science and chemistry. Again it's fascinating

- I absolutely love music. I've been playing the piano and singing since I was 7 (cause my parents enrolled me in a music school). So I'm really passionate about playing and singing and recently I've started taking advanced singing lessons. But the problem is that the kinds of music I love is not popular in my country cause I listen to rock music that is made after 2000 like: Linkin Park, Story of the year, Rise Against, Paramore, The letter black, Icon for hire, Black veil brides, Woe is me... etc.
And the girls here listen to chalga(bulgarian pop folk music) and pop music like adelle, bruno mars and such or house and dubstep

- girls don't like the kind of movies and tv series that I like

- also I'm a huge fan of Naruto ever since I was 10. And I get pissed off when someone asks "Isn't that a kids animation?" since it's not a kid's show and has to be censored for kids, since there is so much killing. I've never met someone that is also a fan of it.. not guy not girl


basically I promised myself that I'll live my live so if I die tomorrow I won't regret it and If I live up to be 50-60 I won't have any regrets for not doing something. Plus there is the total absence of fear of dying cause well nobody cares about me or loves me(that's be ever since I was a kid - I've always been all alone in this life and I can only count on myself) so that has freed me from caring if I die in 60 years or in 6 hours.



There are many more things but the idea is that I've never met a girl that I can connect. For girls it's much easier use some deep dive, have lots of sex and touching - release oxytocin and dopamine in their brains and voila.



Plus I simply don't have the time to spend it on a girl that I don't connect. I only have time to have sex with her - this is why I view them only as sex objects. If I find I girl that likes those things I mentioned and I can connect with her maybe I can take her with me to do those things and I'll see her as a person with feelings.



And maybe there are girls that like those things but they are not the kinds I want to be with( looks wise).

Beautiful girls don't like those things. At least in my experience they only care about stupid things that I don't give a sh#t about.



So how the f#ck do you make a connection with a girl and view her as person and not only a sex toy when you have nothing in common? And I mean every girl is like that in my experience.

Ever since I wrote my intro post and read Chase's answer I've been trying to connect with a girl but I haven't managed so far..

 

[Estate]

I do get the theory here... it's one of those Pavlogs Dogs sort of scenarios, or in this case the reverse for her associating sex as a mans reward.

BUT... I feel like this is one of those times where "game" is being brought a little far.
This is really only relevant if you are in a serious relationship, so two things sound alarms for me:
- If this is a "non-serious" relationship or you are seeing other women too... you have to ask yourself... why is it this hard. If it's casual relationship then the sex should be good and plentiful and fun. Why would you chase a girl with flowers and gifts and accept her withholding sex if you are also seeing other girls? Or is this for guys who are *bunny ears* "seeing other girls"... but in reality are just resting on their laurels and not actually meeting anyone else while trying to insist it is casual.

- If this IS a serious monogomous relationship, where I see this being a potential issue, I have some problems here too... if the girl is withholding sex or feels you are that easy, then either you are already on the loosing end of the relationship or it's just not a very good relationship to be in, if you are in this, it's to eventually end up with the BEST girl you possibly can, why end up with someone manipulative?

I guess my point is... yes, I think your tactic works.
But I have to wonder, if you find yourself in this situation, something else is wrong with the dynamic of the relationship and it has nothing to do with sex.
I'd be wondering what THAT is, am I already at the beginning of the end of this relationship or why am I willing to put up with this if I genuinely have other and better options? It doesn't make sense to me.

 

[Franco]

Hey MisterX,

How do you connect with girls, when you have nothing in common with them?

Well, the short answer to this question is: it takes time to find a woman that you can have a serious relationship with simply because it takes time to find women who share similar interests with you. This is why Chase advocates sleeping with lots of different women so that you can get a feel for what your "type" actually is, and what types of personalities are the ones that you feel the most connected to.

- riding my motorcycle. Not sure what the type is called. I think it is "street sport". Here's a pic of the model and color: http://i115.photobucket.com/albums/n309 ... 68564a.jpg I absolutely love taking rides with high speed with it.

- snowboarding

- I got my scuba diver's license

- I got my skydiving license and I've had 11 jumps so far

- I want to get licenses for piloting a plane and a helicopter, I haven't started these but will in a year or two.

- I've been playing tennis for 14 years now and I'm serious about it so unless a girl's been playing for years and hard there is no way I can play with her..

- I love martial arts and weapons training. I train in krav maga, ju jitsu, kendo, ninjutsu, weapons training with guns, I bought a hunting bow and now I have to learn to shoot well with it

- physics and astronomy, astrophysics, quantum physics. I'm always reading and studying cause I find it truly amazing.

- science and chemistry. Again it's fascinating

- I absolutely love music. I've been playing the piano and singing since I was 7 (cause my parents enrolled me in a music school). So I'm really passionate about playing and singing and recently I've started taking advanced singing lessons. But the problem is that the kinds of music I love is not popular in my country cause I listen to rock music that is made after 2000 like: Linkin Park, Story of the year, Rise Against, Paramore, The letter black, Icon for hire, Black veil brides, Woe is me... etc.
And the girls here listen to chalga(bulgarian pop folk music) and pop music like adelle, bruno mars and such or house and dubstep

- girls don't like the kind of movies and tv series that I like

- also I'm a huge fan of Naruto ever since I was 10. And I get pissed off when someone asks "Isn't that a kids animation?" since it's not a kid's show and has to be censored for kids, since there is so much killing. I've never met someone that is also a fan of it.. not guy not girl

This is a solid list, and it's good to see that you know exactly what you like. But you also have to realize that the longer your list of interests is, the shorter the list there is of women out there that share those interests. I would say there are two steps that you need to do to start meeting women that you can share a connection with:

• 1) Go through that list and cross off things that really aren't important to share with a girl that you would like to be in a serious relationship with. How do you do that? Well, my advice would be to do this in two steps:
  
  First, go through that list and cross off the things that you don't do regularly. For example, let's assume you only go skydiving once or twice a year. The average serious relationship lasts roughly 1-2 years, and then you'll hit the 2 year drop where you'll usually either proceed toward something new (i.e. marriage, kids, or moving in together), or the relationship will end. If you only go skydiving once or twice a year, do you really feel it's necessary to screen for a girl that's willing to do this with you? This is something that I wouldn't necessarily screen for myself, but if a girl happens to do it and I enjoy it, that would be a bonus.
  
  Second, go through your list again and cross off items that you prefer to do by yourself. I'm not going to assume anything about what you like to do by yourself or with women, but let's say, for example, that martial arts and weapons training are two things you do regularly on your own. It's good idea (as a busy, sexy man) to have your own life and pursue things that you don't need a woman for, so if martial arts is one of those things, then you might not want to include her in that anyway. The same might go for Tennis -- if you enjoy Tennis because of the competitive challenge that it brings you, then maybe playing with your girlfriend who would be much worse than you at it wouldn't be something you would want to do anyway. If you exclude these types of activities from your screening process, you'll get your own personal space, and you also won't spend "too much" time trying to do everything with her -- this is a good way to make her think she has you if you don't do anything besides hang out with her in your free time.
  
  2) Go to places where you'll find women with the interests left over on your list. For example, if music is a big passion of yours, then go to concerts where these live artists perform, and I guarantee you'll find women who enjoy the music as well! As a matter of fact, live music is a huge part of my life at the moment, and I regularly pick up women at venues where live music of the type I like is playing.
  
  *As a side note, I also like Linkin Park, Rise Against, and Story of the Year. I've seen the first two live (and Rise Against more than once), and I can tell you that you'll find some very passionate fans at these shows.

Anyway, I don't want to diverge too much off the topic here, but my main point is, there will be women out there you can connect with. But it will take some time to find those women, especially if you have a long list of qualifications for her. So make sure you parse through your list and find what really needs to be there to share a connection with a woman, and then once you decide what that is, emphasize going to places where you're likely to find women who are passionate about those things as well. If that's snowboarding or surfing, then make sure to hit up the bars or the local social venues in the mountains or at the beach. If that's science and chemistry, then go to science/chemistry museums or conventions and talk to women there. And if that's Naruto, then go to anime conventions or gatherings and talk to women there!

I hope this helps!

- Franco

 

[Ross]

How do you connect with girls, when you have nothing in common with them?

I remember an old article that was one of the first that I ever read from this website. Here it is:

https://www.girlschase.com/content/she-d ... -your-name

I ran into similar problems. I would wonder to myself, why am I wasting my time on these women? They like stupid things like talking with friends about their crushes and hanging out. I love doing things. It seems like all they want to do is sit around and talk. I thought that in order to find a woman that would really care about me, they'd love to do things with me.

The truth is, they don't have to be an exact carbon-copy of yourself in order to make an emotional connection. That's what you do with other boys; you play games with them, watch shows with them, talk about the best music, science, chemistry, the new studies out there, talk about guns. I'm willing to venture out and say that you need to gain more friends.

It also seems as though you are coming from a judgmental place,

Beautiful girls don't like those things. At least in my experience they only care about stupid things that I don't give a sh#t about.

You are coming from a place which already operates under the belief that all women that are physically attractive to you (in your experience) don't care about martial arts or a deeper understanding of music. This may be true; but does it mean you absolutely won't find a relationship?

No. In fact, it's much harder to develop a relationship with a woman that holds similar interests, as you will be quickly slotted into a friend zone, where she values you for your interest in similar activities as her more than she does as a lover. Find a dude that loves skydiving, music, and science who you can connect to? That's so rare. Find a dude that wants to have sex with you? That's very easy to come by.

I find there are a lot of deeper problems which prevent you from connecting with women. Chase laid out many of them in his response to your introductory post. I'll give you a few things to focus on.

First off, the women are not the problem. The problem is on the inside; there's no "fate" that's holding you back from mutually connection with women. Focus on you, rather than claiming that the beautiful women are at fault by not holding the same hobbies as you. Your victim mentality is still apparent, but it is fading now that you are aware of your actions.

Secondly, you need to eliminate ignorant judgments of women and people. Just because they do not care about the same exact things that you care about doesn't mean that they are worthless people. My hobbies include training for Track & Field, developing theories on social interactions, and thinking about harmful things in the world. Just because these are my hobbies, I don't believe that your hobbies are absolute junk. Your hobbies mean something to you; when people respond ignorantly to your hobbies,

also I'm a huge fan of Naruto ever since I was 10. And I get pissed off when someone asks "Isn't that a kids animation?" since it's not a kid's show and has to be censored for kids, since there is so much killing.

You don't like it. People respond the same way when you react towards their hobbies in a negative way. She loves talking about Pop Culture? She has her reasons to like it. She didn't form these opinions out of stupidity. She formed them in her own unique ways. Learn to accept all people, and understand why they are the way that they are. Only then will people accept you for the way you are and deeply connect with you.

So, summed up;

- Get more guy friends with similar interests
- Keep working on eliminating victim mentality
- Work on eliminating judgment from your heart

It won't be instant. I've been working on these sorts of things for 2 years and while I have made a lot of progress, I still hold contentious opinions which stem from past rejections. The more you work on them, the closer you will come to finally achieving a close, mutual, emotional connection.

 

[MisterX]

Franco, what you said about picking only a few things that are most important and leaving other things so I can "have a life", makes sense.

And I kinda have an idea what kind of girls I fall for. Cause every girl I've ever fallen for has this in common:

-she has to be adventurous and a free spirit. I mean if I tell her lets go pack our bags and lets go on a trip for a day/two sth like that (cause I don't know if you're familiar with my country Bulgaria but basically there is so much great places to visit packed in one small country. We have a seaside cause our entire East border is the Black sea, we have lots of big mountains and almost the entire western part of the country is mountainous, + since the country has been under the ottoman empire for 500 years and before that they fought against the Romans and other (there have been very few peaceful years for the past 2000 years) there have been many battles packed into a small country. So basically there is so many little towns that have been important during history and they are preserved the way they were 500-600-700 years ago, there are many fortresses and castles where important battles have taken place. There are also many natural wonders that you have hundreds of places you can go and see amazing things so traveling is pretty easy cheap(train ride that is 6-7 hours cost like 5$ in one direction) and awesome)

-she has to be independent like me. Meaning she doesn't need anybody to take care of her in any way.

-she has to be fully supportive. I mean no second guessing me, cause I like doing dangerous sports and stuff and I don't want someone to try and stop me from doing them.

-she must not be studying to become a doctor/dentist/teacher or some other proffesion that you have to work 5 days every week, cause as I said for me life is not meant to be spent working, I want a girl that we ca travel whenever we wan't and do whatever we want. That's why I'm into starting businesses that won't require me to work everyday in one place


- she must be spontanious like me. Most of the time I'm impulsive - meaning sth pops into my mind that I want to go somewhere or do sth and I just do it without thinking of consequences. My motorcycle was like that - one day the idea that I want to ride poped into my mind and the next day I started the course for a license and a month later I bought my motorcycle. The skyding was the same. Basically if I want to do sth I do it no matter the consequances. I'm like a little kid that way but the way I see it life is meant to do whatever you want.


I remember the a girlfriend I had when we were 16 had these things and I really loved her. She was adventurous more than me - like calling me in the morning and proposing we pack a bag and take a train to spend a day a few hundreds kilometers away at a town where there is a very famous fortress : https://www.google.bg/search?rlz=1C...14,d.d2k&fp=f12b93dcec3bfb81&biw=1366&bih=659

just like that it just poped into her mind and she called me and a couple of hours later we were in the train and on our way. She didn't care that we were 16 and hadn't told our parents, she didn't care that it was the end of the school year and we had exams, she didn't care that the next day we had school in the morning.

I also remember we did this thing that we'd write text to each other in like 2-3 in the morning and wake each other up all the time.



But it hard to find out those things about a girl at the beginning. I mean if you ask her is she adventurous or if she's independent.. Of course she'll say "yes" no matter if she is or not. She's not gonna say on a date: "I'm not independant and I need someone to take care of me" or "I'm a boring person and don't like doing new things".

The only way to find them out is to test her on it - to tell her pack a bag and tomorrow we'll take a train go to...

So it'll probably take a month or two to find out if she's really the kind of girl that I want a relationship with.




And If I don't see my self with her in 10-20 years I won't be in a relationship with her. Cause it's a waste of time and time is the only thing you can't waste.

I mean I don't need a girlfriend to have sex.

Why be in a relationship that has no future, she I can be either single or find a girl I have a future with.




Ross

No. In fact, it's much harder to develop a relationship with a woman that holds similar interests, as you will be quickly slotted into a friend zone, where she values you for your interest in similar activities as her more than she does as a lover. Find a dude that loves skydiving, music, and science who you can connect to? That's so rare. Find a dude that wants to have sex with you? That's very easy to come by.

I don't have that problem cause I don't talk about those things I like doing before I've slept with the girl. Usually I let her talk about her or I talk general stuff about me without giving away all those things I love doing. I do it for a different reason - to be mysterious and so after we sleep together she can slowly start to discover those things about me.

And in my apartment my living room has all the interesting things like my keyboards, my new guitar (that I have for a month and am learning), my mics and recording equipment, my tennis racquets, my snowboard, my pool cues, my motorcycle helmet and jacket, my wall art that I draw, souvenirs and pictures from places I've been.

Basically everything that is interesting and would tell a girl what I like is in my living room, and my bedroom has only a king sized bed, two closets for clothes and such, a night stand and a dimmer switch. So there are no distractions in the bedroom since it's for seduction and sex.


And I don't go in the living room with a girl I bring home cause there are so many interesting things for her to look and talk about that I don't think it's a good idea for her to see them when I want to seduce and sleep with her. Plus it's harder to transition from the ouch in the living room to the bedroom, that it is when you're already sitting on the bed.
Since my entry hallway is small and when you enter the appartment there are 3 doors: one for the living room, another for the bedroom and one for the bathroom you don't have to go trough the living room to get to the bedroom.

And I use an excuse why we can't go in the living room like:
-when it's winter and cold (November to March) I stop the AC/heating before I go out to meet a girl, so when we come back I can say that the AC broke and it's really cold so there is no way to hang in there
- or when it's warm I'll turn off the main switch that is for the lamp in the living room, and say it burned and need to go buy new ones and replace them

this I took from Richard La Ruina http://www.puatraining.com/blog/how-to-have-sex-with-a-girl-without-last-minute-resistance




So before I've slept with a girl I don't give away any of those interesting things and I don't add her/accept Facebook friendship from her(so she can't look arround my profile and find out what I like and such), so I'm mysterious and stay out of "boyfriend material" before sex has happened.


This kinda takes care of the problem of becoming an activity buddy.




But I think my problem is that I approach girls that I find attractive and would be easy to bed, not the kinds of girls that I'd date.

Cause I mean there is a difference between the kids of girls that are hot and easier to seduce and the conservative smart girls that I'd date.

The main reason is that with the girls here are more conservative than I've heard about the US and you can't go out with more than one at a time.

What I do is I approach girls and arrange dates with a few girls. I don't approach one girl and wait till sth goes wrong to approach another. And the kinds of girls that don't mind you doing that are the ones that I would never date. Still they are hot but I want to date a normal girl.

And here if you go on a date with a normal girl, and she finds out that you're casually going out/sleeping with another girl or girls - you immediately are branded as a player and you won't hear from her again.
The kind of girls that I'd date expect that since you've arranged a date with her you don't go out/sleep with other girls. And this means that if it takes me 2-3-4 dates to bring her home and bed her, this means that I'd have to go out only with only one girl per month.


Where ever you live you know that there are girls that are sexually open and ones that are conservative ans have slept with fewer guys.

So I've been going for the sexually open girls that have more experience cause they are still as beautiful but are easier to bed and take less time to bed.

I wouldn't date this type a girl.

But that's the only type of girl I approach and go on dates with and have sex with.


So I think this is my main problem.