Agreed, but screening is a complicated thing when it comes to long term loyalty. Because even if you picked the perfect women with all your perfect screens, a lot can still change in 10-15 years that is outside of your control
That's true, everything in life is a risk, there's just some that don't need to be taken, and others that have a better possible payoff, depending on what your priorities are. It's clear that loyalty is an important thing for
@FunGuy, and he doesn't seem to be incredibly taken by the fact that she's a sex freak, so it seems clear to me that that side of her is only going to pose problems for him.
Are you implying that a woman that has a high body count is a woman that is flawed?
First I think we have to differentiate between body count and context. If she's just an an experienced girl with a relatively high sex drive who is usually in a relationship and has some fun in between, that's different from a girl who goes and joins a sex club to get cocks put in her from every direction because that's the only way she feels alive.
I don't know exactly what goes on in sex clubs, but I'm of the mind that any woman who knows her worth would consider it to be a raw deal for her. What can she gain? If she's beautiful and pleasant she'll be able to find whatever she wants in much better places.
Let's also differentiate between kink and context. Personally I like being dominant with women, I like women who love to submit to a man's physical power. In fact, one of the things that really turns me off in a woman is if she reacts to dominance with simply fear or anxiety. The female version of courage, as far as I'm concerned, is the ability to choose a man who is worthwhile rather than a safe bet, and fully submit to him.
But again (and I believe this might be the reason why
@FunGuy emphasized that his main issue was the sex club thing) is that a woman who will do this for pretty much anybody is nothing, in my opinion, to be admired or appreciated.
I will say that yes, I do personally consider a woman with a high body count to be flawed in terms of relationship material. I understand it might not be the way everyone looks at it, but that's how I see it. There's a huge psychological difference between fucking and getting fucked. A woman's identity is softened (necessarily) in the process, while a man's identity is hardened. Over time, I believe a woman whose identity has been softened too many times finds it difficult to harden it around anything, such as a chosen man. And since one's sense of identity is the foundation of making difficult moral choices in life (such as will inevitably arise in any relationship that goes on long enough) it makes her more of a risk.
That of course has to be traded off against her need to actualize herself as a woman, learn about men and sex, and go through the different natural phases of her life. I don't think less of a woman for having some fun in her life, in fact there's many good reasons to choose a partner with some experience rather than a virgin, but I think a woman with good self esteem and self-direction will choose the right thing at the right time, with some awareness of how the wrong choice can make things difficult later on, and certainly without some obsessive need for novelty and psychological rollercoasters.
If that is the case, how about us men in this forum that have high body counts? Are we flawed too?
As I mentioned above, I do thing there's a fundamental (and rather large) psychological difference between casual sex for men and women. While I'm sure there's some benefit for both men and women to have a certain amount of casual sex, the psychological impact on women is much greater.
While at the surface level, loads of casual sex probably predicts worse loyalty for both men and women, a man's job is create a strong identity that allows him to lead a relationship (and everything else) through thick and thin, without anyone to congratulate him, whereas a woman's job is to follow his lead and get kissed and cuddled when she does well. In view of these things, I think he has far greater ease in disciplining himself to do whatever is necessary to maintain a relationship than a woman does, for the same body count. That's not to say every man will, of course, especially in this day and age where their identity is weak for all kinds of reasons.
You know you don't have to do any of that stuff right? Some guys want a sexual companion rather than a child
Sure, I understand. I didn't mean to imply by linking that article that every guy wants kids, although I think the large majority of men do, and when they don't, a lot of the time (not all) it's because of the incredibly disadvantageous framework that society has placed the family into, rather than lack of instinctive desire.
Not saying either is better but there are many ways to structure a relationship.
I mean damn, I've had 2 Ex-Girlfriends do some of the things you mentioned
- Take me to dinners
- Take me on holidays
- Help me with business and putting order in my life
- You know... all the typical things LTR guys do to their women... but roles reversed
Fair enough. My first relationship at 19 (she was 26) went sort of like that - she washed my clothes, took me out, organized hikes and outings etc and pretty much all I did was sit around and fuck her silly on a regular basis, and give her some drama to think about every now and then (she found a soppy letter to a girl I was pining after that I hadn't sent, for example). But after a while, especially when my life started to change and I took on a lot of responsibility, and desired to have things organized and under control, that mode of relationship was not compatible with me. I started valuing loyalty and diligence a lot more in people in general, including women.
OK maybe it could be argued that a woman can not be sexually exclusive and still loyal and diligent (I have strong doubts), but why take the risk. Some dude might take over her world a little bit more than you do, especially if you're busy and don't have so much time for her, so she's taking his cock a lot more than yours and then suddenly she's trying to take him on a holiday and not you.
One might say, ok fine, she can go. But every relationship is an investment, sooner or later, whether you like it or not. One person I know who just got married ended up spending his life savings to save his mother in law from cancer, to no avail. That's the sort of difficult choice you have to make when you love someone and their life becomes inextricably woven into yours, marriage or no marriage. I would rather prepare for that by exacting all the things I want first, so that when inevitably I need to do something difficult and unpleasant for her sake, I can say that she deserved it from me.
And if those girlfriends slept with other guys, I really didn't care cuz I was getting all the benefits and less stress trying to manage their fidelity. But then again I wasn't monogamous either so that may have played a part as well, and had to end both relationships because they were pushing for marriage and kids
Doesn't this seem like a possible sign that she could not psychologically maintain multiple sexual relationships for a substantial time?
You can keep those women "loyal" to you but again not in a sexual manner. So trying to make them "sexually loyal" is just plain dumb and unnecessary
For the reasons I talked about above, I disagree. A woman is born to submit psychologically and revolve her life around the man who fucks her, and it's not quite the same way for guys.
