Strategic Flexibility


Staff member
Oct 9, 2012
One of the things that differentiates more seasoned seducers is the ability to shift strategies when they sense a given strategy is not working.

Say you're having a good, serious conversation with a girl, and she's into it, but you're just hitting a wall trying to move things forward with her. So you say to yourself, "Maybe 'serious conversation' is not the thing this girl needs. I wonder what happens if I switch things up?" You amp your energy up a bit, stand, hold your hand out for her to take, tell her "Let's do something different," then start dancing with her in public wherever you are. Suddenly she's laughing, smiling, playing with her hair, clinging to you, and you've just broken through the wall you kept hitting with her. Soon thereafter she's happily accompanying you back to your place.

This is actually a pretty large break from the seduction strategy you were using before. A more 'normal' thought process for handling the 'wall during serious conversation' might be:

  1. Try shifting to different topics. Maybe you're just not on the right topics
  2. Try to gradually ramp up compliance more while you're in the conversation
  3. Share more about yourself -- maybe she needs to hear more about you
  4. Try loosening things up with some jokes or flirtation. Perhaps the convo's too heavy
  5. Try sexualizing things more so it's not just serious but non-sexy conversation

(and those things can work... but if you've already tried them all 2x, circling back around to them for a 3x probably will not do the trick)

"Let me just totally disrupt the pattern she's in of 'serious conversation', get her up on her feet and moving around with me, and inject a bunch more energy into this interaction" is a radical departure from what you're doing before, and requires a good amount of flexibility and confidence in your abilities.

The reverse can work too: maybe you're normally an energetic guy, you're bouncing around with a girl, and she's having fun with it, but she won't let you progress things. So you decide, "You know what? Maybe I ought to try sitting and talking with her," so you do, and suddenly you plunge much further into the seduction than you were before.

Standard 'energetic guy thinking' is not this; instead it is, "Maybe I'm still not making it fun enough," or, "Perhaps what she really needs is a different kind of moving / environment / joking... let me drag her over here and see if that changes things." The normal boundless energy guy isn't thinking, "Why don't I try something COMPLETELY different, cut the energy out, and sit and talk with her, because maybe that is actually what she needs."

Here's a different example:

You meet two girls walking the beach. Both are cute; both are friendly. You chat them up and it's going well. You keep racking your brain trying to think up ways to get the one girl away from the other so you can bed her. It's their last night on vacation there though and you can't find any way to separate them. Finally, you decide that even though there's attraction there it isn't going anywhere and let them go, trading contacts with them in case one of them can get away from the other and come meet you one-on-one... though you know that likely won't happen.

What would've happened had you just invited them BOTH back? What if you tried escalating on them both? What if when you got them both back, one of them decided she should leave her friend alone with you? This is strategic flexibility: trying different strategies than what your normal process is that you think might work (or at least would be interesting to experiment with).

Still another example:

You're at a party and there are two cute girls who both like you there. You have a pretty good flirtation going on with one of the girls, but earlier you had a great conversation with the other. You start feeling like you need to 'commit' to one of them -- of course doing this means you are narrowing your potential options to just that one girl. If you lose her, that's it, because the other girl you did not choose will have paired up with someone else or gone home, and even if she didn't, she probably auto-rejected you. What other choice do you have?

Well, what would've happened had you continued to flirt intermittently with the girl who was not your prime target? It is possible to keep a backup option hot while you work to seduce your primary target. I have had times where things fell through with the girl who was my prime target, for whatever reason, but the backup girl was still around, because I'd still kept her intermittently warm, and guess what? She isn't bitter that you prioritized the other girl, or that she was Plan B instead of Plan A. She can't read your mind, anyway... she just knows Other Girl was getting more attention, but now, suddenly, SHE is the one getting all the attention! She's just happy she's the one who won you.


In chess, the grandmasters are invariably guys who have simply played more games and seen more chessboard variations than anybody else.

They're able to draw from their enormous memory banks of games, strategies, and patterns simply because they have seen, done, and tried so much.

This seems to be what is happening with highly experienced seducers, too: a highly experienced seducer is able to exhibit strategic flexibility because he has simply seen and experimented with enough different strategies that he can call up a Plan B, or a Plan C, or a Plan D, as needed.

Even beginners can usually recognize something they're doing isn't working. The problem they have is they cannot think up something else on the fly to try instead. So they just stick with the ineffective strategy and lose.

The seasoned seducer who senses his strategy isn't working has alternate strategies he can pivot to. He also knows from experience that if he does not pivot when he senses a strategy failing, he will not get the girl. So he both knows other strategies he can switch to, and he knows he needs to switch for things to not fall through.


The best way to improve strategic flexibility is "try more and different strategies."

You don't want to be the guy who's all over the place always doing different things. Every guy has his core strategies that work best for him most of the time.

But you should also take chances to test out novel and different strategies that are not what you'd normally do, just to "see more chessboards."

Even if you only test a strategy out once or twice, that once or twice can be enough that when you find yourself in an uncommon situation, where your usual strategy hits a roadblock, but a different strategy might work, that thing you tested once or twice bubbles back up to your consciousness and you're able to put it to use. It can make the difference between closing the girl vs. things fizzling out.

What sorts of things should you test?

I've always liked testing strategies I've seen friends use or have even read about on seduction sites, even if those strategies aren't ideal for my style or personality.

A lot of the times when you test novel things, you may not end up totally adopting some other guy's style, but you will find bits about it you can use and incorporate into yours. Or you may find the strategy actually works fairly well, and while it does not become your go-to, it goes into your 'strategic reserve' to be deployed when conditions call for it.

The guys who get good tend to be the guys who are willing and eager to test out a wide variety of strategies.

You can almost predict which guys will get good with girls by looking for this willingness to test strategies: guys who insist on only doing one thing one way with only minor variations generally improve slowly or not at all. Why is that? They lack strategic flexibility.

Women aren't always going to follow the same patterns with you every time. Each woman does something a little bit different. Even a guy who's an intermediate has developed a certain degree of strategic flexibility compared to a guy who's a beginner. He has learned that when women do this, it's best if he does that; or that in XYZ situation, fall back to ABC approach. The beginner does not have those abilities yet; he is just trying to follow a specific process he received from this or that coach, or cobbled together on his own.

Nothing wrong with that, of course; gotta walk before you can fly.

However, as guys develop, adding in increasing amounts of strategic flexibility to their games is one of the more important things they can do to advance their skills and allow them to adapt to novel and surprise situations they may find themselves in with girls (as well as to capitalize on opportunities a less flexible seducer will miss capitalizing on).



Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Nov 24, 2013
Great post on the value of strategic flexibility.

It helps to propel seducers beyond the realm of situational confidence into something far more powerful. Because when you no longer have to rely on a specific personality to seduce, meeting all your girls in one type of venue, or moving through your process in the exact same pattern. . . new possibilities and realities become visible. A flexible seducer gains the capacity to deal with uncertainty. . . and develops a level of confidence that is almost magical.

One aspect of the journey towards becoming more flexible hinges on a heightened awareness of one's process. More specifically, which part of your chosen process could benefit greatly. . . from increased levels of strategic flexibility. For guys who want to narrow things down. . . figure out which part of your process you are currently losing the most girls. . . and then learn a new strategy that is geared towards handling this part of the seduction process.

Some guys face heaps of uncertainty when it comes to reaching the hook point. For other guys it's taking girls home after isolating them. . . or what comes after that. And when you've fixed the weakest part of your process. Revel in the exciting benefits. . . then take this a step further to find and fix the next weakest link. Or learn multiple strategies for a certain transition phase and turn an old weakness into a new strength. . . this is how you level up. For guys who've already whittled down their meet-to-lay ratios. . . consider investigating those situations you typically avoid. . . it could be a type of venue you consider too unusual or difficult. . . trying to succeed with an unexplored demographic. . . or just seducing girls who are already talking some guy.


Staff member
Oct 9, 2012
That's a wonderful point, @Bacchus:

Some guys face heaps of uncertainty when it comes to reaching the hook point. For other guys it's taking girls home after isolating them. . . or what comes after that. And when you've fixed the weakest part of your process. Revel in the exciting benefits. . . then take this a step further to find and fix the next weakest link. Or learn multiple strategies for a certain transition phase and turn an old weakness into a new strength. . . this is how you level up.

Yes. It's another common area guys will get trapped in, when they plateau.

"I just can't seem to get girls to hook," --> then you examine what the guy is doing, and it's all shades of the same thing.

If "playful banter followed by building rapport" doesn't hook most women in for a guy, maybe "old school pick up artist psychology routine" will. Or "sex talk seduction gambit." Or running a lot of push-pull or teasing, or turning off the teasing and doing straight conversation.

In the act of experimenting with different strategies, guys will tend to either stumble on something that works better, or figure out how to properly calibrate what it is they were earlier trying to do so that it starts working and they make it off that plateau they were on.