Strategies to avoid anxiety over hot women

[Estate]

Alright guys,
Glad to see some cool topics being discussed again the past few days.

Here's one... no matter how long I'm at this, anxiety creeps up occasionally. Once upon a time it was for almost any girl. Now it's rare but it happens. I won't lie. It happened last night. Spoke briefly to a stunning hot girl. I honestly don't know what caused it, she just stood out, natural features, showin some skin, perfect features, my heart rate went up and boom.. bumbling Brian here. Haha.

Anyway, obviously we'll say don't put her on a pedastil. Solid advice.

Still, every once in a while a girl still gets me. No idea why. She just stands out and without thinking my body goes into overdrive.

Strategies? How do you handle it?

 

[Rage]

I have the problem you describe just as you describe it.

I think that the answer to this is more exposure talking to more girls each week meeting more doing more approaches and within that having a higher turnout of really attractive women within that you talk to habitually.

That’s easier said than done cause life happens and schedules get busy and you don’t get to be as consistent with meeting new girls at times as you can be at other times.

But I think I have the problem crop more frequently really mostly when I’ve been out of practice and not meeting a lot of girls lately/not going out that much. And the solution I subscribe to myself is to only go out more and when see these girls approach them whenever do and through practice can get a bit better at not having those nerves and intimidation or unconsciously treating her like she’s different from other girls.

But also though, I think it never quite goes away, instead just your muscle memory and baseline skill level gets better and better and you compensate like that. That’s my theory on it. It’s like heavy lifting to me in that some of the heavy weights I go for make me nervous and anxious and afraid and stumbling even when I know I can hit them: some days I’ll feel those nerves, other days I’ll be confident and on fire and not feel them at all and kill it. But each of those days I’ll still make sure to show up and hit the weight (do it whether I feel like it or not); same with the girls.

Gem

 

[Smith]

I found focusing on my breath and clearing my mind while embracing what I'm feeling tends to work well. If you want, you can quickly say to yourself "I'm attracted to her and I wanna have fun. Let's see where this can go." I feel like this statement labels your feeling as "attraction" rather than "anxiety. Try to clear your mind and focus on the feelings inside your body. Sometimes, thoughts like "omg I'm gonna fuck this up" may come up. Just ignore it or empower yourself with thoughts like "I can fuck this up as much as I want. She's not any more special than other girls" and funnily enough you don't tend to fuck things up when you're carefree like this, but I still found clearing my mind helps a lot more than fighting an internal thought pattern with yourself. If you meditate a lot, this should get easier. Hope this helps!

 

[Dude909]

Hey don't sweat it bro, it happens to the very best of us.

I think the key thing to internalise is that beauty is a mind construct. It's part of the matrix you've grown in. Is green prettier than purple? Is the sky more beautiful than the sea? I personally find Kim kardashian repulsive, even though she is considered the perfect 10 by millions. I used to think that X actress or Y model was beyond perfect, and now a few years later I'm like meh. That stunning girl from yesterday might have seemed stunning to you at that moment in time, but she may be ugly to your neighbour, to me, to a guy from an Amazonian tribe who has completely different standards of beauty, or even to you in a few years.

So how do you deal with this practically? You train your mind (or more exactly, you untrain it) to let go of all this BS. Every time thoughts about beauty or hotness pop up, you just realise that they are stupid, and think about something else. Until one day those thoughts are gone (or at least, vastly less powerful than they used to be).

 

[Aquila]

For me, that's usually because deep inside you don't truly believe that you literally are the best thing that will happen to her.

Unlike other women that you're more comfortable with, this one you hope that maybe she will find you attractive, maybe you will be the type of guy she finds attractive. You are not certain, that's why you are anxious about it.

It's like interacting with children, no matter what they say or do, they'll always be "silly and cute", at no point are you feeling anxious interacting with them, you're not seeking their validation, you're not trying to prove something.

I honestly don't know if there are specific strategies that you can use. Having lots of experience helps I guess. Ultimately it's about cultivating this mindset of not seeking external validation from hot women (i.e. non neediness) and knowing deep down that you are a great guy that she'd love to meet, anything else will only be a temporary fix.

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

So how do you deal with this practically? You train your mind (or more exactly, you untrain it) to let go of all this BS. Every time thoughts about beauty or hotness pop up, you just realise that they are stupid, and think about something else. Until one day those thoughts are gone (or at least, vastly less powerful than they used to be).

So you are saying that it doesn't matter if you are having sex with an ugly woman or a beautiful woman because it is all in your head anyway?

 

[Dude909]

So how do you deal with this practically? You train your mind (or more exactly, you untrain it) to let go of all this BS. Every time thoughts about beauty or hotness pop up, you just realise that they are stupid, and think about something else. Until one day those thoughts are gone (or at least, vastly less powerful than they used to be).

So you are saying that it doesn't matter if you are having sex with an ugly woman or a beautiful woman because it is all in your head anyway?

I'm saying "ugly" and "beautiful" are relative, BS concepts

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

Exactly so why not save energy and stress and just have sex with the ugly women.

 

[Rusty]

I don't know about totally ridding that anxiety, but I do think it's a good thing when you can be absolutely blown away by women's beauty. Even in a city full of beautiful women, I don't get knees-shaking crippling anxiety unless she's absolutely breathtakingly gorgeous.

I still think that's a good thing though. It allows my direct intent to be that much more sincere. Whenever I'm totally blown away by a woman, I find that direct works much better. Your body language, your energy and your desire are all aligned and that much more congruent. If you try to put up a pretense, the woman can smell it and she'll be more guarded because you'll telegraph a hidden agenda.

It's important to note that direct works best when you're coming from a good place. Even if she makes you nervous and you're not super smooth, if your emotional state and self-esteem are in a good place (that is, you're not needy, you're trending upwards in your life, you're content and have a general sense of fulfillment within yourself) then a direct approach with sincerity works very well. But you have to be rock-solid in your frame. You can't waver. Your eyes, your body, your energy has to be on point and you have to own it. You can't back down. It's a very vulnerable but very effective approach. I've only done it a few times, but the few times I've done it, it's gotten very positive results.

 

[Richard]

I kinda just embrace it and take it as a hint that I absolutely need to talk to her. Something about her stood out to me and it's up to me determine what that was and then verbalize it as a compliment to her - at that point the anxiety does not hold me back and instead pushes me forward. No matter how long you practice this that anxiety does not go away - instead you need to learn how to recognize it (as you have done) and then use it as fuel instead of shackles.

-Richard

 

[lao che]

i try, and fail, always, to treat the hot girl like a girl that i already fucked or don't care for. i always ask myself, when talking to jane, for example, what would i do/say if this was emma? but that never works for me, because jane doesn't treat me like emma does. doesn't chase me like emma does. jane makes less effort than emma in the conversation. jane don't care if you ignore her for a day and a half because she's got plenty other distractions.

i dunno. it's definitely a problem i'm glad to see i'm not the only one to suffer from, still. and i think about it a lot. someone mentioned about kids, silly and cute, you're never anxious talking to a group of 10yo children. i try and take that vibe and use it when talking to girls. but, a hot girl isn't a 10yo child, same as jane isn't emma. i'd love a solution to this.
honesty is one answer. don't be afraid to call out a girl on her BS, often that can make the beauty melt and fold up comfortably into your frame. why would it be harder to put a beautiful girl in her place than an average girl?

i'm blathering now. i'm 40yo and i still go through this shit lol it does get easier but does it ever fully go away?

 

[Drck]

A good way is to meet girl like this at work, or anywhere where you have daily exposure to her for a long time.

First you are amazed, you go to overdrive, you put her on a pedestal, perhaps unintentionally.

But then you talk to her, you spent time with her, just casual-working relationship, nothing romantic, no sexual advances, just work.... The more time you spend with her (at work) the better.

You would be amazed how your attitude changes, not only towards her but towards other hotties. You simply realize that she is just normal person, she does silly and unreasonable things like everyone else, she doesn't understand many things about seduction and so on. She becomes "just a person with pretty face and nice body".

Heck, once you get used to her personality you may even realize that you wouldn't really want to be with this person, you were fooled by her tits and smiles, but once you get to the core of her persona there is just nothing you will miss...

 

[Aquila]

i dunno. it's definitely a problem i'm glad to see i'm not the only one to suffer from, still. and i think about it a lot. someone mentioned about kids, silly and cute, you're never anxious talking to a group of 10yo children. i try and take that vibe and use it when talking to girls. but, a hot girl isn't a 10yo child, same as jane isn't emma. i'd love a solution to this.

I brought up the analogy of interacting with children, however this does not mean you treat a hot girl like a 10-year old child. My point was that it's hard to get anxious when you're interacting with a 10-year old, because you have nothing to prove, you don't seek validation from the child, you couldn't care less what a 10-year old thinks about you, because deep inside you know that you are way more "superior" (if that's the word, or higher value if you like) than the child.

I'm by no means an expert, but the best moments of seeing attraction spikes from very hot girls come from me being unfazed when interacting with them, no matter what they threw at me. I just laughed/smirked and thought they were cute. This only happens when I genuinely feel like I am "too good" for her (of course, in a genuine way, not acting like a tryhard), and I don't think this can be faked, if you don't genuinely feel it (and it happens often to me), your eyes will give away all the fake confidence that you put up, and the very attractive girls are very good at sensing this (which is why I believe that, as others have said, being genuine with them is the best way to move forward with these girls).

I guess you really need to derive your self-worth not from what the girls think of you, but from what you truly believe in yourself - your purpose in life, your achievements etc. I don't think someone who hasn't achieved much, or don't know what their purpose in life is, can consistently show this sort of mindset. For me personally, I've had my ups and downs.

 

[Estate]

Thanks for all the info guys. All taken on board and going to try be more aware of it in future.

This isn't really the normal "Hmmm, I don't want to do this" sort of anxiety, I've learned to push past.
But have you even had that"standing on a ledge, my heart is racing, my knees feel a bit weak" sort of moment? It's VERY rare now but it happens occasionally.

I agree with Richard, it's definitely a sign I'm REALLY into her and want to meet her as 99% of girls won't quite make that happen but it's an uncomfortable feeling. I think being aware of it and just giving myself a moment to slow down will help it pass.

 

[Richard]

Thanks for all the info guys. All taken on board and going to try be more aware of it in future.

This isn't really the normal "Hmmm, I don't want to do this" sort of anxiety, I've learned to push past.
But have you even had that"standing on a ledge, my heart is racing, my knees feel a bit weak" sort of moment? It's VERY rare now but it happens occasionally.

I agree with Richard, it's definitely a sign I'm REALLY into her and want to meet her as 99% of girls won't quite make that happen but it's an uncomfortable feeling. I think being aware of it and just giving myself a moment to slow down will help it pass.

This is a very good sign though because more often than not when you feel it she's going to feel it too. The best relationships (if you see yourself being in one) start from this point when a girl just strikes you and you feel the electricity jumping around your body.

Again, if you can verbalize why she stood out to you then you have the makings of an insanely genuine compliment to give her and that sets the entire interaction with her off to a fantastic start. So, in addition to being aware of this feeling - take it a step further and try to figure out why she gave you that feeling in the first place.

Rock on buddy!

-Richard

 

[Orelfius]

Also, why making such a big deal about anxiety?

Relax, it's just another emotion, no big deal. Nothing is happening outside your mind. the message of fear or anxiety is: "be careful" not "don't do this".

There's an excellent book "Feel the fear and do it anyway"… well, now that you know the title, you don't need to read it at all! (awesome)

Here's my receipe:
1- Aknowledge your fear/anxiety.
2- Feel it fully.
3- Take a deep breath and relax in it. (yes, you can do that, it need a bit of practice though)
4- Take whatever action using that extra energy generously provided by your unconscious to be TWICE or even THRICE the man you are usually.

Enjoy and learn to love your fear/anxiety. It's heat stuff anyway.

 

[trashKENNUT]

Estate,

Strategies? How do you handle it?

To be honest, i can't handle it. LOLX

If a girl is pretty, she almost sense me that i am really into her almost half the number of time. And i am honestly total enthusiastic about her. The key here is sometimes it causes discomfort because you're not suppose to do this things, per mainstream idiots. So yea, not breaking circle. Also sometimes, women think i am crazy. So that's another problem.

Zac

 

[HellAtlantic]

In my case I don't feel anxiety about talking or approaching, however in my current case where a blonde girl I jut started talking to who looks like a California cheerleader makes my heart race uncontrollably when I see her in my work bldg. I have a very good feeling she finds me very attractive so technically there's nothing I should feel anxiety about.

Here's where the anxiety is for me though:

Since I'm very sure she finds me attractive I'm nervous to do or say anything that'll make her less attracted to me. We just started talking the other day and it went really well and I ended the convo before the awkward silence kicked in and left her on a very high note. ever meet a girl so hot that if she gives you even the slightest indication she's into you it makes you second guess yourself? It's like a NBA player who's good at shooting free throws in practice - put him at the free throw line and ask him to make two free throws to win the game and all of a sudden he gets anxiety. Why? He already knows he can make free throws whenever he wants. It's just when the stakes are higher and there's more to lose you'll start to get some jitters. It's natural.

 

[HellAtlantic]

In my case the anxiety is "I know she's into me and now it's up to me to do or not do anything that'll make her not want me". Basically since we started talking I've been tiptoeing and walking a fine line trying to remain that mysterious guy that girls constantly find themselves trying to figure out. From my research and time spent on PU everything suggests you do least effort to get her, don't come off too needy and don't do anything to make her lose attraction. My natural personality is to basically tell her "holy fuck you are so fucking hot it makes my heart race fast" and compliment her but I know that's not the play here. So that's where my anxiety comes from.

There's a saying that goes "better to remain silent and have ppl think you're an idiot than to open your mouth and remove all doubt". Hahaha as long as I play it ultra cool I can remain that attractive mysterious guy that she looks like she's into. If I play it smooth I'll be that guy that she used to say hello to for a few months and just recently started talking to her. But if I tell her how hot I think she is and that I didn't know I had the ability to attract her caliber of hot girl I'll remove the mystery. I'm trying to play "don't fuck up" game here, where the less I do and invest the better I'll be off. She's so hot, ugh. Blonde hair blue eyes and big tits. The fucking trifecta haha. Come on ppl more strategies!!