FR Stray Approaches

[StrayDog]

Howdy gents! Starting this thread to chronicle my basic approaches. Doing this as a means to examine my patterns and sticking points. This is a thread for lesser approaches. Ones that aren't too meaty but can still offer some insight and perspective. I will post more significant approaches or questions in other threads. Always happy to hear feedback, if you all feel like chiming in.

Approach: Starting off with an approach I made two days ago. A cute blonde in the shampoo aisle. About 26-27 years old I am guessing. I casually approach, appearing as though I am shopping and at the last moment turning to her and saying "I just want to appreciate how focused you are on getting the right shampoo, right now. Important decision."
Her: (laughing, definitely receptive) definitely important
Me: This could make or break your beauty routine! (pause for a brief moment) How's your day
We chat for a brief moment and I tell her she reminds some of a former partner, but with a totally different vibe. She laughs and qualifies herself "well I hope that is a good thing"
we chat some more and I call out her Minnesota accent. I ask her if she "makes a good hot dish" (this is a traditional Minnesota dish). She asked how I knew so much about Minnesota and I told her the truth, which is that I dated someone from there and we visited often. She asked if that was the same ex I reminded her of. I said "no different one"
she has some cool sunglasses on her forehead and I get some compliance by telling her to throw them on. I am like "Dang, looking fresh"
She mentions she just moved to town and is just running errands for her mother who lives here. I say "It sounds like you could use a bit more adventure" she agrees. We talk some more about this or that. I am like "I'm gonna grab your number so we can stay connected." My phone is broken at the moment so I hand her a pen and paper "You good with a pen?". I ask if she likes cocktails, and she says "yes". I am like "great, well sync up for a cocktail soon" she says "Great" gives me some solid eye contact. I sent an ice breaker text "Nice to meet! -*my name* " No response yet. She did say she was going camping for the weekend so I am sitting on it for now. Probably reach out on Monday or Tuesday. Maybe call.
Reflection: The approach overall felt good but it was hard to sense how much of a spark there was. I got the sense she was somewhat interested but we were having trouble finding common ground that was truly interesting. Wasn't sure exactly how much she hooked. Also, I got the sense that maybe I came off a little player having two ex come up. Plus having a pen and paper on hand felt like maybe I planned on getting numbers even though my phone was broken. We will see how the number goes but so farm radio silence on the icebreaker. As I am reflecting I am realizing how many assumptions I make about how an interaction went. For some reason, my assumption here is that I somehow didn't do as well as I could have. Could be wrong. But this definitely points to a lack of confidence in my game. Even when things go well I often feel like I am stumbling through the whole thing. I am often surprised when things land. While some seductions will go %100 percent smooth, many that end in lays are hard for me to pinpoint just how it happened. I think this phenomenon is tied to something like in this approach where I got a number but I am just totally unsure of what really went down. Was she actually interested? How hooked was she? What is the next step to getting the ball rolling?

The interaction overall felt alright but it was tricky to sense how much of a spark there was

Approach: at a tap room. It is a small little taproom. I go there often to play pool. I am playing a game when two smoking young ladies walk in and take a table. I walk past their table and grab some water at the bar. I make my way back which is a better angle of approach and I comment on both their outfits "I just want to appreciate this black and white mafia vibe you two have going on." they laugh and are receptive. We joke about it for a moment. Their names are Emily and Louise

"You're clearly the mob boss" I say turning to Louise.
"She's the boss, right?" I say to Emily. Emily is the one I like. Louise definitely has more of a mob boss vibe though.

Emily is like "uhhh, I don't know about that" implying she is actually the boss.
I am like " Uh oh, I am gonna let you two work this one out, I gotta go play pool."

So now I am playing pool and I can see them looking over from time to time. I am just ignoring them. Deep in the middle of a game, I notice Louise is on her phone talking to someone while Emily is just looking around the room waiting. Great opportunity (I am playing doubles so it will be a moment before my turn). I go up to her and mention that my birthday is soon so she is welcome to buy me a drink or tacos "I just wanted to make sure you know you have the opportunity".

She laughs and is like "oh yeah, I think you should buy us a drink" I am like (in a very playful easy tone) "Oh it's your birthday? Am I missing something here?"
She laughs and says "No, but..."
I cut her off "Oh hey I gotta hit the table, it's my turn."

Now, me and my pool partner are running the table so we are pretty glued to the table. I just ignore the girls the whole time. I see Emily craning her neck from time to time looking over at me. I think about whipping my head around and catching her in the act, but it doesn't feel quite like the right time for that. At one point she gets up to go to the bathroom and I go chat with Louise really quick. I figure I will warm her up a bit too. There is a cute dog a guy has and point it out to her "check out this adorable dog." She is way less receptive than the girl I like and gives me this "whatever who cares" kind of vibe.

She says "I am a cat person" and I am like "ahhh the truth comes out. Cats are cool too" And head back to the pool table.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Emily notice me talking to her Louise. This is a good thing I figure. Back to pool. Running the table still. I am getting bored of pool at this point. Kind of sleepy, and the venue isn't really popping. I figure I got to make my move soon otherwise I will just be aimlessly milling about. I order some tacos at the bar when the perfect opportunity arrives and Louise goes to the bathroom.

I approach like "I just ordered some tacos, I am not sure I got the right ones though. Have you had the tacos here?"

I am taking a more toned-down approach here because I already came in cocky before and I want her to drop her guard so we can build rapport. It works like a charm. I mention that I am sleepy and am thinking about going to bed soon. I ask her some basic questions about herself and the conversation leads to her wanting to live in Denmark. I am doing a great job of reflecting what she is putting out back at her and I can notice her being really warm towards me in the moment. Some solid "we" frames are built saying we should go to Europe. And also some frames about how you never know who you are going to meet.

I am teasing her about a ring she has saying "Hey nice cocaine ring" she shows me it has a picture of her granddad in it.
she mentions "I do do cocaine though."
I tell her "I know, I noticed your 'sinner" tattoo (she has it on her arm. Glad we can be candid with each other here"

I regale her with an entertaining story of that least time I did coke (many many years ago) and she is eating it up. Louise comes back to the table and I address her "Emily was just telling me how she is going to move to Denmark." I turn to Emily (she told me earlier) and am like "You're gonna be sure to bring your friend with you of course."

Emily is like "Of course" but Louise isn't having any of it. She is giving off this vibe like I am just being a nuisance, completely unaware that Emily and I have just been hitting it off. She is like "Okay well I'm going to need some girl time for a moment here if you could just give us some space." I totally drop the ball on this cock block and just politely acquiesce "no doubt. y'all do your thing" I wasn't sure exactly what my strategy was here but I figured I was at least on a good note with Emily. Maybe I can approach again a bit later. I notice them getting up to leave though and I hail mary by going right back up to them and telling Emily I want to get a drink sometime. She is receptive and warm and is like "Okay". So I pull out my phone to get her number but Louise is giving me stink eyes me so hard and Emily notices and is like "I'll see you around" (she says this is a very warm tone). I am like okay in a tone that implies "Your loss." And that is that.

Reflection: Overall this was a really solid approach. I did a great job warming Emily up and building anticipation. I did a solid job at building initial tension, then disarming her. I could tell on the third approach she had her guard up like "okay what absurdly confident thing is this dude gonna do now" but instead I threw her off by being chill and personable. I wasn't sure how to win the friend over and when I approached just the friend she was not receptive at all, so I didn't push the issue. When I was hitting it off with Emily, (When Louise was in the bathroom), could have maybe built a little more sexual tension. When she mentioned cocaine I should have teased her more about being a "bad girl." She was very warm on me but she wasn't hooked, the interaction had some tension but it needed just a couple of notches more to spark her. She wasn't hooked in enough to be a team player when Louise came back with a bad attitude. I am still not sure how I could have handled such a strong cock block at that moment. If I had managed this cock block moment better I probably would have been in like flynn. When Louise returned to the table I addressed her because I felt it was the move to do. I wonder is maybe I could have just focused on Emily and ignored Louise at first, but it didn't feel like we had enough of a bubble for a move like that. Going for the number close was maybe a dumb move. There wasn't enough of a hook, especially with stink eyes running interference.

 

[StrayDog]

Approach: Had one of the better approaches I have had in a little while, earlier today. I was strolling through the farmers market when a bright and bubbly blonde came waltzing my way. I commented on how she was clearly very happy to have purchased what she just purchased. She was obviously in great spirits. We just hit it off, no problem. It was fun and flirtatious, and when I suggested we get a drink she was very enthusiastic about it. She was also open to light touch. i played with her cool beautiful scarf a bit and pulled her in closer. When we were saying goodbye we had a very sensual hug. In fact, I sensed she was even anticipating me going in for a kiss or something as she moved her face very close to mine. I didn't have my phone on me (cause I have been having phone problems), I had had her shoot me a text. I watched her do it and hit send. She was like "there, now you we can find each other". Only problem is, I was boring someone else's phone and when I got back to the car it was having problems with my sim card. For some reason, the text she sent has still yet to have arrived. Such is life I guess, but man definitely disappointed. This gal seemed really bright and fun. Maybe the text comes through eventually or something but for now, happenstance was not on our side. I have never encountered this sort of phone issue before. the fuck...

Reflection: I noticed some scarcity mindset creeping in. It feels somewhat rare that I meet someone this intriguing and with this sort of chemistry. There are a lot of elements going into this feeling. My game in general, the city I live in, and other aspects of my life. I understand full well that there will be more of these opportunities out there. Even more so the more I improve. Nonetheless, still stings a bit. Puts a sharp focus on so big-picture aspects that need improvement. At the same time reaffirming that approaches can be so breezy, even if circumstances got in the way with this one.

 

[StrayDog]

Approach: Walking around downtown and Ispot an attractive young gal reading a book at a cafe. I casually stroll by and ask her "How's things in this corner of the world?" she tells me they are going well and I tell her that she "clearly knows how to pick the coziest spot on the patio". She laughs and I ask her what she is reading. We start to get into it and she mentions the program she is in at the local college. Philosophy. I notice the notebook she has and comment how I like the paper stock. We gab about the importance good notebooks and pens. We start using her pen collection. I make subtle innuendos like "Oh yeah you are clearly an expert at working that one" and "ooo this one is really nice to take for a ride". We talk about the importance of physical media and get into how sensual experiences are important. We talk about typewriters and how the touch of the keys, and the rhythm of typing gets you into a deeper state. Things are going well and I make a silly move. I drop the "you really remind me of a former lover, but you have a totally different vibe" line. I generally use this sometime when opening, as it is highly effective at making the conversation more man to woman. It usually lands well, but can sometimes be polarizing. Lately, women have been saying "Oh yeah I get that a lot" maybe the market is getting oversaturated with the line. Any way it does not land well at all. She says that she has heard that before, and one time was from her toxic ex and it is not flattering at all. Her vibe totally changes from super warm to very cold. I try to smooth things out a bit by reiterating that she has a different vibe, and showing empathy. I go too logical here and start trying to explain that it is "only a resemblance in form not in spirit". She starts to pack her things and heads out. She is friendly but obviously not having it.

Reflection: My biggest mistake was dropping a line that is best used during an opener, well into an interaction that already had legs. We were hitting it off and for some reason, I thought the line would sexualize things more. It is a line that is understandable when you don't already have a connection, but once you are well into getting to know someone there is no reason they aught to be "mistaken for a former lover". It basically took the seduction back a step (we were already past this sort of approach) and deflated the whole thing. When she reacted poorly I went too logical. I am not sure exactly how I could have done better to smooth it out. I am sure there is a way. Maybe someone on here has an insight, or line I could have dropped in that moment. Anyway, the main take away, don't make moves that are a step backward when things are moving forwards.

 

[StrayDog]

Approach: at a tap room. It is a small little taproom. I go there often to play pool. I am playing a game when two smoking young ladies walk in and take a table. I walk past their table and grab some water at the bar. I make my way back which is a better angle of approach and I comment on both their outfits "I just want to appreciate this black and white mafia vibe you two have going on." they laugh and are receptive. We joke about it for a moment. Their names are Emily and Louise

"You're clearly the mob boss" I say turning to Louise.
"She's the boss, right?" I say to Emily. Emily is the one I like. Louise definitely has more of a mob boss vibe though.

Emily is like "uhhh, I don't know about that" implying she is actually the boss.
I am like " Uh oh, I am gonna let you two work this one out, I gotta go play pool."

So now I am playing pool and I can see them looking over from time to time. I am just ignoring them. Deep in the middle of a game, I notice Louise is on her phone talking to someone while Emily is just looking around the room waiting. Great opportunity (I am playing doubles so it will be a moment before my turn). I go up to her and mention that my birthday is soon so she is welcome to buy me a drink or tacos "I just wanted to make sure you know you have the opportunity".

She laughs and is like "oh yeah, I think you should buy us a drink" I am like (in a very playful easy tone) "Oh it's your birthday? Am I missing something here?"
She laughs and says "No, but..."
I cut her off "Oh hey I gotta hit the table, it's my turn."

Now, me and my pool partner are running the table so we are pretty glued to the table. I just ignore the girls the whole time. I see Emily craning her neck from time to time looking over at me. I think about whipping my head around and catching her in the act, but it doesn't feel quite like the right time for that. At one point she gets up to go to the bathroom and I go chat with Louise really quick. I figure I will warm her up a bit too. There is a cute dog a guy has and point it out to her "check out this adorable dog." She is way less receptive than the girl I like and gives me this "whatever who cares" kind of vibe.

She says "I am a cat person" and I am like "ahhh the truth comes out. Cats are cool too" And head back to the pool table.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Emily notice me talking to her Louise. This is a good thing I figure. Back to pool. Running the table still. I am getting bored of pool at this point. Kind of sleepy, and the venue isn't really popping. I figure I got to make my move soon otherwise I will just be aimlessly milling about. I order some tacos at the bar when the perfect opportunity arrives and Louise goes to the bathroom.

I approach like "I just ordered some tacos, I am not sure I got the right ones though. Have you had the tacos here?"

I am taking a more toned-down approach here because I already came in cocky before and I want her to drop her guard so we can build rapport. It works like a charm. I mention that I am sleepy and am thinking about going to bed soon. I ask her some basic questions about herself and the conversation leads to her wanting to live in Denmark. I am doing a great job of reflecting what she is putting out back at her and I can notice her being really warm towards me in the moment. Some solid "we" frames are built saying we should go to Europe. And also some frames about how you never know who you are going to meet.

I am teasing her about a ring she has saying "Hey nice cocaine ring" she shows me it has a picture of her granddad in it.
she mentions "I do do cocaine though."
I tell her "I know, I noticed your 'sinner" tattoo (she has it on her arm. Glad we can be candid with each other here"

I regale her with an entertaining story of that least time I did coke (many many years ago) and she is eating it up. Louise comes back to the table and I address her "Emily was just telling me how she is going to move to Denmark." I turn to Emily (she told me earlier) and am like "You're gonna be sure to bring your friend with you of course."

Emily is like "Of course" but Louise isn't having any of it. She is giving off this vibe like I am just being a nuisance, completely unaware that Emily and I have just been hitting it off. She is like "Okay well I'm going to need some girl time for a moment here if you could just give us some space." I totally drop the ball on this cock block and just politely acquiesce "no doubt. y'all do your thing" I wasn't sure exactly what my strategy was here but I figured I was at least on a good note with Emily. Maybe I can approach again a bit later. I notice them getting up to leave though and I hail mary by going right back up to them and telling Emily I want to get a drink sometime. She is receptive and warm and is like "Okay". So I pull out my phone to get her number but Louise is giving me stink eyes me so hard and Emily notices and is like "I'll see you around" (she says this is a very warm tone). I am like okay in a tone that implies "Your loss." And that is that.

Reflection: Overall this was a really solid approach. I did a great job warming Emily up and building anticipation. I did a solid job at building initial tension, then disarming her. I could tell on the third approach she had her guard up like "okay what absurdly confident thing is this dude gonna do now" but instead I threw her off by being chill and personable. I wasn't sure how to win the friend over and when I approached just the friend she was not receptive at all, so I didn't push the issue. When I was hitting it off with Emily, (When Louise was in the bathroom), could have maybe built a little more sexual tension. When she mentioned cocaine I should have teased her more about being a "bad girl." She was very warm on me but she wasn't hooked, the interaction had some tension but it needed just a couple of notches more to spark her. She wasn't hooked in enough to be a team player when Louise came back with a bad attitude. I am still not sure how I could have handled such a strong cock block at that moment. If I had managed this cock block moment better I probably would have been in like flynn. When Louise returned to the table I addressed her because I felt it was the move to do. I wonder is maybe I could have just focused on Emily and ignored Louise at first, but it didn't feel like we had enough of a bubble for a move like that. Going for the number close was maybe a dumb move. There wasn't enough of a hook, especially with stink eyes running interference.

Taproom approach part 2: I will try to make a long story short here. I saw Emily out again tonight. She was with a very casual acquaintance of mine (Sally) and another gal. I was talking with Sally for a bit when Emily got her attention by tugging her sleeve. Sally tried to introduce us when Emily was like "we met the other night" I was like oh yeah "Hanna right?" and I put out my hand. She wouldn't shake my hand and I was like "Or you could leave me hanging" she then shook it but barely, and wouldn't even look at me. So I chat with Sally a bit more and move on. I chat with some other patrons but it is a slow night and there is not much social momentum. A while later when I am heading out Emily is standing by herself waiting for Sally who is in the restroom. Our convert station goe slike this

Me: Did I offend you or something? Seemed like we had a cool convo the other night and now you won't even shake my hand?
Her: Uh yeah, you did
Me: Oh how did I offend you?
Her: You're just kind of strange
Me: Yeah, I can be strange.
Her: Then be strange
(she said this rather warmly. I probably could have segued out of the topic. "Life is strange, how's your weekend been? Any progress on your plans for Denmark"? Instead...)

Me: You find that offensive
Her: Look you asked so I am just being honest
Me: Appreciate the honesty. So you were offended cause I am strange
Her: Well no, you just came in with a strong energy. Plus you had a weird conversation with my friend while I was in the bathroom the other night
Me: Oh interesting what was weird about it?
Her: I don't know she just said it was weird
Me: I don't know, we just talked about a dog a guy had. I thought it was cute (I catch myself qualifying to her). Oh, whatever I don't feel like explaining myself. I can understand if you felt I came in strong though. Not sure I understand what was so strange about our convo
Her: Well you made some comment about my friend being in the Mafia and it was just kind of off-putting
Me: funny, thought everyone thought it was cool to be in the mob. (At this point Sally returns and hears the convo. She seems genuinely entertained by it.)
Her: Well, go be in the mob or something
Me: I already am in the mob
Her: You're in the mob?
Me: It's a one man mob. (Turning to Sally) It was nice talking. (then to Emily who had a look on her face that reflected that I did nothing to make her feel I was any less strange than she thought) Thanks for the honesty.

Then I leave the bar.

Reflection: This conversation confirmed what I had suspected, that her friend from before (Louise) was stinking up the party. Every explanation Emily gave was basically "You said this to my friend, you had a weird conversation with my friend" and so on. My diagnosis (which may not be totally accurate) Is that she was open to me (though maybe on the fence) but didn't want the social burden of being seen with someone that her friends thought was "strange." During this convo, I could see her vacillate between disarmed and defensive. It seemed like she was genuinely wrestling with a preconceived notion of who I was and was unsure if that notion was accurate or not. I stand by my move to confront her on why she was being so cold, but I don't think I handled what ensued the best I could of. It was good to uncover some of the reasons of why she felt the way she did, but I definitely fell into qualifying myself and was getting into a subtle frame battle that was unproductive. I failed to totally disarm her when I had the chance, and even solidified the notion that I am weird (especially when I said I was a one-man mafia) I am not sure of how I could have gone about doing that in this scenario. Definitely cutting the thread way sooner though. There is some good feedback from her here though.

I have a tendency to push things too far. I often move shaky moments to solid ground and then take one step too far. It kind of brings things to a point of no return. I will highlight this in some future posts on a couple of dates I recently went on where I overreached just enough to send things on a poor trajectory.

 

[StrayDog]

Date: Had a date with a sexy younger blonde gal (23). We went to a tea shop. The conversation was lively and felt pretty easy. A good amount of rapport, then to topics of intimacy and how some connections can blossom really quickly and just be uplifting and free but it is important for chemistry. Then the subject of pleasure and how many people have different experiences of pleasure and some people have trouble just diving in. We were gearing up for the bounce. She was very much game. We agreed it was a good idea to keep the energy moving and go do a little sight seeing. We still had a bit of food to finish and get the check and what not. The risk of intimacy came up. She mentioned her personal trepidations of diving in with someone because of "prickly experiences in the past." we talked about what makes that risk worth it (the sense of connection, the raw pleasure). This was a goog moment to kill the thread. I made a silly move of continuing the thread of "prickly experiences" I was aiming to get more info on what her hang ups might be but this really wasn't the moment as I wasn't being met with resistance or anything. The energy totally deflated from the interaction. I could sense her second guessing the whole thing. Once we had paid and it came time to bounce she mentioned she had a "lot of studying to do and would prefer to knock that out." I called her on it and asked what her trpidation was. She said that she has "gotten carried away in the past" and it is easy for her to get swept up in things, she wants to be more intentional "and go slow." She said we should wait a week to connect again. I empathized with her not wanting to get carried away, that it is important to feel clear about how we connect with others. I reiterated that we have a cool connection going, and mentioned the importance of following energy when it was present. That often times when there is an opportunity to really follow a connection it is important to do so becuase when you leave it sort of half way it can be tricky to spark it up again. She agreed but still seemed on the fence. I said "Well, I am not going to get carried away but it sounds like you don't trust yourself not to so how can we keep connecting in a way you don't get carried away." She said we should meet "next week" I said "well, we can try." And that was that.
I sent her an ambiguous text this morning saying "The moment was fun while it lasted. We can be certain about that"

Reflection: Things were going well and I pushed the subject too far when we were talking about the risks of intimacy. It a was a thread that wasn't entirely relevant to the moment. I am going to have to be better at cutting threads when the are no longer helpful. The energy was moving forward and my bringing up her resistance when there was none really halted everything. I went for a bit of the hard sell by implying that this might be our best shot to connect, she was receptive but ultimately decided not to follow the moment. I also sensed that when that at the end there when she was agreeing we should still keep connecting but was on the fence, instead of asking her how we could keep connecting without her getting carried away I maybe could have just assumed she was over the trepdiation and been like "Awesome, lets go check out these sights."