FU Successful evening full of failures

[Gush]

As weird as it sounds, I had a great evening few days ago, which sadly resulted into nothing at all, but opened up a new chapter for me. I managed to approach 2 girls in 1 evening (literally for the 1st time ever) as well as get a girl to text me to meet up.

The text girl: We actually know each other from before, we used to hang out a lot few months ago, then lost contact and went for a drink eventually and we ended up sleeping together. Ever since we didn't see each other again, I invited her out 2-3 times, but then gave up, stopped chasing and just casually talked to her and let her chase - she finally texted me that she'd really like to meet up with me one of these days when I have time - however my answer was as "I-don't-have-a-life-so-will-just-wait-for-you-to-call" as it can possibly get - "Hey, I'd love to, I'm free all days now so just let me know whenever you have the time!". Read an article last time about this and in the moment when I got her text, I kinda froze and just forgot all about it.. Will see what happens, but definitely need to pull it off better in the future.

Approach #1: Went to the club, was feeling really well that evening, was some Erasmus/international party. That really pumps me up, since I have a really big problem approaching girls in my mother tongue (for some reason it just seems awkward to me and all the cheesy lines and compliments etc. - they sound so incredibly awkward and more cheesy than they actually are), so it was great that I could easily get around by using english. So, I noticed that girl over there that we caught an eye contact and knew right away that she was into me. But didn't really react to that other than catching eye contact few more times. She was with group of friends and they were dancing in circle and eventually she started moving closer and closer to me, so I knew she's doing it intentionally, since she didn't want to move in circle anymore once she came close to me. But still I didn't feel comfortable about it, since she was in a big group. I went for drinks/toilet and then lost her, but noticed her later again, about 5m away from me and she noticed me also. She moved a bit closer and I moved also and then finally found courage to just say "Hi" and talk to her. She seemed happy that I did it and obviously I was relieved. However, everything after this was a total "fuck up", since I've never done it before and I kind of got caught off-guard. I started talking bullshit:

Me: Hey, you on exchange here?
She: Yeah!
Me: Oh, I was also in exchange last year, in Prague! It's so much better there than here, no idea why you chose this city for your exchange!
She: Erm.. I like it here, think it is really nice.
Me: Ahh ok.. there is better.

Like really.. why on Earth would this be a smart idea to talk about? I could probably talk about just about anything else or simply talk nice about my town and it would have been 1000 times better.. either way, proceeded on by asking what she was drinking and she said she's about to leave since her friend wanted to go.. Here was my chance to try and convince her to stay and her friend could go with other people or something, but sadly didn't even try. Although in the end, when I finally came up with the idea to at least introduce each other (yeah, i didn't do this in the start..), we ended conversation by her saying that she really hopes we meet again at one of these exchange parties. Here I should probably have asked her for number, but.. I didn't. I said "good bye and hope to meet you also."

Approach #2: After the #1 left the party, I stayed and I was still feeling well, since I was proud/excited that I finally approached some girl. I wanted to try again and later on heard from my friend that there was one girl asking him about me (I noticed her, but assumed that guy next to her was her BF, but turned out it was just her really good friend). Since I knew that she obviously was interested in me, I went to talk to her and things went off really well. Though this time around, since I introduced myself in English, she thought I was international (and she was a local girl), so she was excited about it. I noticed that, so I played along, since my english is rather decent and I'm more confident with it anyway. She seemed really interested, however at the point when I was supposed to close it, I "broke down" and admitted that I wasn't really international student and started speaking in our language, which shocked her, we both had a really good laugh and talked a bit more, but her interest was kind of gone at that point.. Probably if I just played on and "stayed" exchange student, I'd have been able to take her home. In the end I still asked her if she'd like to grab a cup of coffee or something some time, but she just said that "Ahh, sorry.. I'm not this kind of girl" which I didn't really know what it meant, but I just took it as a no and left the club (was late).

So basically, I screwed up 3 times in 1 evening, however I still woke up rather happy next day, knowing that I finally broke the ice and approached women!*
It's on me now though, to actually think of topics and things to talk about once I finally get this approach done, so I don't continue screwing up great opportunities.




*By this I mean that it was the 1st time I approached women while not being completely intoxicated, since I don't really remember those times, so I don't count them.

 

[journeyman]

Good job getting out there man and doing what most people can't. It's cool that you describe it as a great evening. This is a loong journey, choose not to view any failure as a failure, but as reference experience to become better quicker. I am struggling with this myself so I am kinda encouraging both of us, what I try to do is find something funny about every thing that goes wrong and it's far better, being self amused beats butt-hurt hands down. Also as you will find out yourself nightgame has a lot of bizarre things, you will face a lot of harsh rejections probably. Don't take ANYTHING personal and keep pimping.

 

[Gush]

Yeah, I tried to look at things from fun perspective, was much better than "omfg I was such an idiot, I screwed up, I should never talk to girls again" lol. Definitely learned a lot and most importantly that it doesn't hurt to try Thing is that I've been going out and getting girls for years now, but it was usually girls doing all the work or the only way I've been able to do it up to this point was by getting excessively drunk where I'd have a blackout and then somehow pick up girls and wake up at their place or something - but really wanna do it while still having my senses now, so that I can actually enjoy the whole thing and most importantly remember it

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

Gush,

Excellent evening. You should feel excited. I wanted to make a couple of comments. First, I wouldn't try to be someone I am not. She will eventually see through it and auto reject you. I understand your increased confidence when speaking English just don't let her assume you are an exchange student. This is my opinion. I think if you are not yourself it is not much better than being drunk. It won't build your self confidence. Be yourself.

Second your text to the first girl that you had previously slept with was very needy as you said. It also was not domineering. She wants you to be in charge and pick the date and time. Next time before you send a text wait a while before you send it then read it and see how it sounds. A quick response is bad. A well thought out response after some time is better. You should have sent her a text that picked a date and time to meet. Let her confirm. If she can't at that time then ask when she is available. If you don't get a response in three days then send her another text with the date and time request to meet. But wait until then. You don't want to look even more needy.

Good luck.

BDSC

 

[Teparus]

A more ideal way this could have gone:

Me: Hey, you on exchange here?
She: Yeah!
Me: Oh, I was also in exchange last year, in Prague!
She: Wow, I want your dong!
Me: Ahh ok.. I could probably do better, because I'm a very travelled and accomplished man, but I guess I can accommodate you. It's the only courteous way to treat a foreigner, after all.

Just kidding, obviously, but you actually had some pretty good relateability to work with there, I think that you were just in a negative mindset and your mind couldn't help but find something to complain about.

 

[ray_zorse]

Just a small point about congruence, as you noticed girls HATE incongruence. It shows that you're not being yourself, you are (or were) playing a role, you're not confident in your skin -> you're not confident / dominant. And they require that. So yes, you definitely needed to stay in character. Another example of incongruence would be when you act like a lover, cool and suave, but then suddenly you start texting her in a needy way... etc.

Anyway, stick at it, main thing is you approached, and you know, game slows down -> there comes a time when the thing you "normally" say flashes through your mind, and then you think "ahh uhh no! last time the girl reacted XXX way" and then you navigate the situation successfully. This isn't completely reliable, because you'll always have off-days when you don't think quickly enough and fall back into old beta habits, but you get better.

Ray

 

[Gush]

Ahh yes, since i noticed some comments about the role-playing, just want to elaborate - Thing is that 95% of ppl there are foreign, so obviously introductions happen in English language and until the point when someone asks "hey, you on exchange? Where are you from?", you are considered an exchange student, regardless of what you say really I also assumed for her to be a foreigner, till she said she wasn't. Guess it was just a bad coincidence really.

As for texts.. I just rushed them too much, since I was on my way out of apartment with my friend and wanted to answer right away rather than next day, so wrote stupid things. Obviously she didn't come back to me yet, don't really expect her to, either.. might text her one of these days and try to fix things.