Summing up conclusions after first relationship

[alwaystrouble]

Hi!
Recently I had my first relationship it was not super long term relationship, it lasts about 5 months. The girl I was in relationship with was the girl I could have been in much more long term relationship at least that was what i thought. I've always think some small argue are normal in relationships.

This was my first relationship, first girlfriend etc. I think I made a lot mistakes. The girl was chasing me as crazy, I like my job I am trying to achieve some goals that I always wanted in my career. I have hobbies like gym or motorsports. So the girl was not put on the pedestal by me. I think this make her chase me as crazy. She told my that guys always were going for her and why I am so bad that I dont appreciate her (context: like I am lucky because she's so pretty and so nice).

The relationship started getting worse when she wanted so badly to live with me, moving into my apartment. From day to day she had more and more her stuff in my apartment. I told her that I think it's too fast, and can we do it in more schematic way? She knew that I was new in all this relationship stuff and she is my first girlfriend. Her arguments were like this:
- all her friends live together in very short time, it's nothing wrong
- if I didnt want to live togheter we would not see each other so often because of work
- faster the better to know each other

And she asked my "You don't want me to stay here, don't you?"
This is my fault. I was too soft, I didn't want to end this relationship but I thought that when I say I dont want to live together yet it will ruin the "magic".

There was one more argue between us and it ended that she back to live with parents, and the crazy part begins...

We have alot time for each other in weekend but from the Monday to Friday we seen each other much less. To my mind it was something normal, I work, she works seems logic, right?

She started making problems and crying for things like these:
- You don't love me as much as I do - She was mad that I dont usually initiate conversation on messenger or something, but she always SPAM me as fuck. Whole fucking day.

- You don't miss me when I am not here - She was jealous, she was mad I wanted to have a ride on motorcycle or somehing.

- She was even mad because I answer phone like "hey, whatsup" instead of "hi honey"

I always tell her that I love her and stop doubt it
finally she had enough and told me its over becouse she is too much emotional

Could you point me my mistakes and tell if she was overly attached or I was too cold for her?

 

[Chase]

No mistakes here that I see, @alwaystrouble. Unless you really wanted to hang onto a girl this clingy/delicate.

Girls like this need you to baby them: "I wuv you bumpykins. I want to move in with you too, but only once we're ready. If we rush it we might blow things up."

You need to carve more time out of your schedule for her than you'd like, to reach a compromise between the freedom you want and the time she demands.

And you need to be continually reassuring her that you are genuine and this is headed somewhere.

If that doesn't sound like it's what you want, then this is not the girl for you.

I don't think this is the girl for you. This girl was not a "busy man's girl." She's a girl for a man who wants to lose himself in a woman as much as she wants to lose herself in him -- i.e., a man who is not you.

You need a girl with a bit more independence than this, who is happier doing her own thing, and requires less of your time.

Still a good experience, and I'm sure looking back you'll have a clearer idea of what types of women you're compatible with and what types you're not.

Chase

 

[Ambiance]

I'm in a somewhat similar relationship myself. My girl needs love and attention like a flower needs sunshine and water. When I give her love and attention in spades she is radiant, and if I don't she wilts. I'm the type of guy that gets a kick out of having so much power over someone, and usually have plenty of love to give (if not attention). I also wanted a woman to lose myself in, following a stretch of pure sarging and developing my abilities. So it works out, but at the same time I'm terrified of the day we part ways and what that will do to her.

For girls like these, who are always questioning your love, you have to keep a strong frame and concede your love on your terms, and ideally this isn't an infrequent thing. I typically dismiss or lightly tease my girl when she questions my love, and if I can tell she really needs love I will hold her or take her head in my hands and in a "Of course I love you silly" manner will give her what she needs. If a girl like this tries to back you into a corner, using things you said or did to make it seem like you don't care about her or your future together (which happens a lot for a not-so-reformed fuckboy like myself ), you stand your ground, dismiss all her silliness without investing much effort in the conversation, and then once she submits to your frame you back it up with some lovin'.

This can get old, so like Chase says sounds like you'll want a more independent girl unless some strong feelings develop with future girls you meet like this first one. If you want to casually date a girl like this, keep the temporal investment low (see her 2-4x a month).

 

[Skills]

Hi!
Recently I had my first relationship it was not super long term relationship, it lasts about 5 months. The girl I was in relationship with was the girl I could have been in much more long term relationship at least that was what i thought. I've always think some small argue are normal in relationships.

This was my first relationship, first girlfriend etc. I think I made a lot mistakes. The girl was chasing me as crazy, I like my job I am trying to achieve some goals that I always wanted in my career. I have hobbies like gym or motorsports. So the girl was not put on the pedestal by me. I think this make her chase me as crazy. She told my that guys always were going for her and why I am so bad that I dont appreciate her (context: like I am lucky because she's so pretty and so nice).

The relationship started getting worse when she wanted so badly to live with me, moving into my apartment. From day to day she had more and more her stuff in my apartment. I told her that I think it's too fast, and can we do it in more schematic way? She knew that I was new in all this relationship stuff and she is my first girlfriend. Her arguments were like this:
- all her friends live together in very short time, it's nothing wrong
- if I didnt want to live togheter we would not see each other so often because of work
- faster the better to know each other

And she asked my "You don't want me to stay here, don't you?"
This is my fault. I was too soft, I didn't want to end this relationship but I thought that when I say I dont want to live together yet it will ruin the "magic".

There was one more argue between us and it ended that she back to live with parents, and the crazy part begins...

We have alot time for each other in weekend but from the Monday to Friday we seen each other much less. To my mind it was something normal, I work, she works seems logic, right?

She started making problems and crying for things like these:
- You don't love me as much as I do - She was mad that I dont usually initiate conversation on messenger or something, but she always SPAM me as fuck. Whole fucking day.

- You don't miss me when I am not here - She was jealous, she was mad I wanted to have a ride on motorcycle or somehing.

- She was even mad because I answer phone like "hey, whatsup" instead of "hi honey"

I always tell her that I love her and stop doubt it
finally she had enough and told me its over becouse she is too much emotional

Could you point me my mistakes and tell if she was overly attached or I was too cold for her?

oh man i had couple of girls like this that need tons of attention, they are great girls, very feminine and affectionate but the problem is that they want to be with you 24/7 and want fast progression such as move in. Yeah they try to make you feel guilty and they play the victim (that is their strategy and it works for many guys) with me it did not work and it lead to frustration from their parts... After break up, you feel guilty and at fault, but you did not (this is also a strategy is not on purpose but that is the female game in grain to look for progression and make dude feel guilty and them like the victim)..... So yeah now you feel guilty and remorse, but you did not do anything wrong, and not all women and girlfriends are like this, but you will frequent this type every once in a while do to their devotion to you, and all the ego boosting and worship and devotion they do... the only bad luck is that this was your first girlfriend lol...

 

[Mr STIF]

Hahaha. You just made me remember my first girlfriend when I started reading GC. She told me she wants to see me thrice a week. I laughed and she cried that I didn't take her seriously.

I got angry because she cries at everything, especially when trying to lure me into what I won't give in to(female strategy). She saw how angry I was and she calmed down, begged for my forgiveness.

I told her we'd only see each other once in ten days, thrice in thirty days. Period! She swallowed the hard pill. She was a virgin and was totally clueless as to how relationships work. She basically thought that we should start behaving like couples and meeting each other, every time.

Meanwhile, I hate commitments. I even tried breaking up with her but she came crying at my door several times. I thought it was funny because that was my first legit relationship: where the woman was chasing the hell outta moi. I didn't know this other side of a woman.

When I left that part of the country I just gradually ghosted her: she told me I would do that when I leave the town. I only proved her right.

Mr Stif