FR Supermarket Approach

[Beam]

A few weeks ago I moved from a smallish town (90,000) to a big city 2 hours away after getting a new job. While telling myself I was going to start cold approaching in earnest when I moved here, the last few weeks have been miserable with me chickening out constantly, especially at night despite clear IOIs from a decent amount of women.

Today I saw a cute redhead at the supermarket - we made eye contact - I didn't smile and walked past, chickening out.. again. But I stayed in the isle since I needed to get something and I noticed she was coming back. Knowing that I would go home and hate myself if I didn't do anything again - I turn and walked past her again - this time I initiated conversation. And when I say conversation I mean I fumbled through a string of nonsense which probably made her think I was having a stroke before finally telling her that I was new to town and looking to meet some new people. She was patient and smiling, but dropped that she was living with her partner when we discussed what it was like living here. Also turns out that she had lived with a doctor who had worked in the small town I just came from for a little while.

I didn't really push things further and ejected from the conversation after that - and she wished me luck. Whole interaction was a few minutes but I'm so proud of myself for finally pulling myself out of the no approach rut.
What I've got to work on is opening in a way that doesn't feel forced. I know Chase recommends complimenting her on something in particular that you've noticed about her - but I'm so new to cold approaching that I want to approach regular looking girls. And, well, I can't lie to myself and compliment them on something that doesn't actually strike out to me - it's not genuine and she will feel that it is not genuine. Maybe should start using variations of the "what would you want a guy to say if he approached you" line like O'Pry did.

Anyway, thought I'd share that one.

 

[BigS]

Hey man!

Great job! I think its the greatest feeling ever to cold approach during the day--it turns your boring routine into something exciting and new.

When thinking of an opener its okay to have one planned as a beginner. A standard is "I thought you were cute so I wanted to meet you". Also, if you go to the Beginners board, there is a post called "Newbie Assignment". You can start there if you really wanna get cold approach down, which you do.

After about 30-40 approaches you will be more comfortable approaching and the opener will not be as big a deal to you--you will already be thinking several steps ahead in terms of moving the interaction forward.

One technique I have is that when Im out and I know there will be cute girls around, Ill tell myself "the next girl I see that I want to approach, I HAVE TO approach." Doesn't matter what the situation is, and doesn't matter what I say.

In reality, it doesn't matter what you say. It is more about the nonverbal skills that you will inevitably develop: ESPECIALLY IMPORTANT is eye contact. I have a theory that all game comes from eye contact. You first need to get comfortable looking girls in the eyes when you are talking to them, and not breaking eye contact first or looking down.

Another thing you should have is good fashion and facial hair when you are approaching. Additionally, I like to use a lot of pauses when I am doing cold approach to make the girls "hang" on my every word. Think of it as you are speaking but intermittently you are having trouble finding the right word to say.

My standard daytime cold approach goes something like this:

Me: [tap on elbow, looking away, girl looks to me first] Hi! I just saw you.... [pause, smile, turn to make STRONG eye contact] and thought you had the most incredible fashion ive seen all day, Im BigS.
Her: [laughs, tilts head, and returns hand shake] Im so and so.

You can see here that I pre-open by tapping her on the elbow and allow her to look at me first. Then, when Im speaking I take my time and introduce pauses in the middle of sentences (not the end).

After you open, you want to continue giving value to the girl. One mistake new guys make is going straight to asking the girl a lot of questions (e.g. where are you going, how old are you, etc.). I like to continue giving value to the girl by making more observations about her fashion or about something in our surroundings. Just talk and show her that you are an interesting person to talk to!

She will then hook and start asking you questions assuming you are still making strong eye contact. This is when I like to banter/flirt. Tease her a little while being humble at the same time.

Then, after about several minutes, go for the number close in a natural way by suggesting things you like to do in the city which will allow her to say things that she likes to do. Then say you should do them together!

You can also go for the instant date, which I highly recommend. Going on several daytime instant dates really skyrocketed my game to the next level. It requires compliance from her and strong, definitive leadership on your part. If you want to get better at game, this is how to do it.

Anyways, I could write about this stuff forever. Hope this helps!

Best,

BigS

 

[Beam]

Thanks man! Unfortunately it's one step forward and two steps back - I regressed again yesterday and didn't approach this cute blonde who I locked eyes with... I honestly don't know what's wrong with me. It's like something is just not clicking in my brain.

When thinking of an opener its okay to have one planned as a beginner. A standard is "I thought you were cute so I wanted to meet you". Also, if you go to the Beginners board, there is a post called "Newbie Assignment". You can start there if you really wanna get cold approach down, which you do.

After about 30-40 approaches you will be more comfortable approaching and the opener will not be as big a deal to you--you will already be thinking several steps ahead in terms of moving the interaction forward.

That's a good and simple opener. As far as the Newbie Assignment - I've known about it for a while now but over the last few months I"ve been moving constantly and haven't committed to doing it. Entirely my fault.

One technique I have is that when Im out and I know there will be cute girls around, Ill tell myself "the next girl I see that I want to approach, I HAVE TO approach." Doesn't matter what the situation is, and doesn't matter what I say.

In reality, it doesn't matter what you say. It is more about the nonverbal skills that you will inevitably develop: ESPECIALLY IMPORTANT is eye contact. I have a theory that all game comes from eye contact. You first need to get comfortable looking girls in the eyes when you are talking to them, and not breaking eye contact first or looking down.

I actually told myself that yesterday but still chickened out.. Do you have any other tips for holding yourself accountable for not approaching? You'd think coming home alone and mentally beating yourself up daily would be enough but that's not enough for me apparently...

So, I'm actually pretty good at looking girls in the eyes when I'm having a conversation with them. I generally don't have problems talking to people and usually come across as cool and confident - I have been like this for years - but there are two glaring problems for me.

1. Approaching. I have a resting asshole face and really have a tough time smiling at women in the street when making eye contact with them. I've been described as intimidating on occasion. I also inevitably am the first to break eye contact. These issues cause me not to approach. I know they are a result of my mindset - at this point I should probably just approach even if I don't have a smile to get the reference points and to break the cycle. I don't think I smiled at the woman in the supermarket until talking with her and that turned out alright.

2. Escalating. On dates, in bars - this is still an issue. Getting better at it slowly though but that's for another discussion once I can sort out this damn AA.

Another thing you should have is good fashion and facial hair when you are approaching. Additionally, I like to use a lot of pauses when I am doing cold approach to make the girls "hang" on my every word. Think of it as you are speaking but intermittently you are having trouble finding the right word to say.

My fundamentals are decent. I've got quite a solid body (not shredded though) and dense stubble. I dress pretty well when going out at night and day but I guess that could always be improved. One thing that is not good is when I go to the gym. I've always just worn a plain grey tshirt, hoody and cheap flat soles - but where I currently am I have to walk through a main street in a nice area to get to the gym - and I usually go at night so other people are dressed really nicely.

My standard daytime cold approach goes something like this:

Me: [tap on elbow, looking away, girl looks to me first] Hi! I just saw you.... [pause, smile, turn to make STRONG eye contact] and thought you had the most incredible fashion ive seen all day, Im BigS.
Her: [laughs, tilts head, and returns hand shake] Im so and so.

You can see here that I pre-open by tapping her on the elbow and allow her to look at me first. Then, when Im speaking I take my time and introduce pauses in the middle of sentences (not the end).

After you open, you want to continue giving value to the girl. One mistake new guys make is going straight to asking the girl a lot of questions (e.g. where are you going, how old are you, etc.). I like to continue giving value to the girl by making more observations about her fashion or about something in our surroundings. Just talk and show her that you are an interesting person to talk to!

She will then hook and start asking you questions assuming you are still making strong eye contact. This is when I like to banter/flirt. Tease her a little while being humble at the same time.

Then, after about several minutes, go for the number close in a natural way by suggesting things you like to do in the city which will allow her to say things that she likes to do. Then say you should do them together!

You can also go for the instant date, which I highly recommend. Going on several daytime instant dates really skyrocketed my game to the next level. It requires compliance from her and strong, definitive leadership on your part. If you want to get better at game, this is how to do it.

Anyways, I could write about this stuff forever. Hope this helps!

Best,

BigS

Good advice! I think the most annoying part for me is I know this already on some level but just struggle putting it into action. I really piss myself off sometimes, ha.

 

[BigS]

Hey man,

This is a marathon so I don't think talk like:

I honestly don't know what's wrong with me. It's like something is just not clicking in my brain.

is going to get you anywhere. You will see that guys who have been doing this for a while and have seen results rarely talk to themselves this way. This kind of self-flagellation will only help you associate going out and gaming with negative emotions.

I suggest the following:

First, cultivate a lifestyle that supports getting girls. This includes not masturbating, working on your style and grooming, exercising regularly, and eating a healthy diet. As a bonus, myself and other GC writers do advocate for some sort of meditation practice, but this is up to you.

Second, I am constantly working on my eye contact, voice, and posture/walk. During times when you are not gaming, practice holding eye contact with people and not breaking first, ever. Work on speaking from your diaphragm, and staying in control of your vocal tonality. Lastly, practice walking with pride--slowly and with a puffed-out chest.

Third, realize that approaching women to pick them up is only one kind of approach. You can work on being more social with others you interact with, and if you follow the first two steps you will find yourself naturally flirting with the cashier at the grocery store or the staff member at your gym.

Fourth, go out to game with a goal that you think you can achieve. If you think you can give one girl a compliment, then do that. Try to avoid setting yourself up for failure, because it will only end in the self-flagellation that you are experiencing now.

Lastly (and most importantly), you should view this as a long-term practice that will be FUN for you! Make your gaming practice something unique to you, that fits into your lifestyle, and that you ENJOY!

I believe that that is the key to long-term success. If you are constantly beating yourself up for not reaching your short-term goals, you will never be able to take a step back and appreciate when you have reached your long-term goals.

When I first started reading GC 6 months ago, I hadn't slept with a girl in months, and if I did, I would become needy and obsessed with them. Now, I regularly meet new girls and sleep with them.

If I was constantly beating myself up for (for example) not approaching anyone during my lunch break one day, then I would never be able to appreciate how far I have come since I first started reading GC.

Let that sink in for a bit and realize that practicing game is just as much about the journey as it is the end result. Hope this helps man!

Oh, and one last thing. If you choose to go on this journey, you are going to fail, fail, and fail some more. I have come to love failure because it is an opportunity that the universe is giving you to improve. I believe that it is an actual skill to be able to learn from failure. Appreciate and master this skill, and you will be able to master any other skill.

Best,

BigS

 

[Fuck This]

Yeah it can be tough to think of something witty. Unless It is crowded, I will say a simple "hello" as I pass people in the aisle. I mean we are in close proximity, it is only polite to acknowledge them right? And the little kids....I ALWAYS say hello to little kids. Maybe it is the Dad in me. I'll engage people even if they are NOT attractive women because 1) it helps me warm up, 2) it creates a social vibe especially if it is somewhere that I'm a regular. 3) sometimes someone will over hear a convo I'm having in say, the liquor aisle and chime in with a recommendation.

If a woman sees you having a conversation, you automatically are marked as a someone who is open to engaging with her. If she is not open you will see her AVOID the conversing couple, but if she is looking over you can engage her. "what do you prefer? Bourbon or Tennessee Whiskey?" then segue into plans for the week, and "oh you should come by" BOOM...

re: little kids. One of the cutest girls I've ever seen in a grocery store had her 2 year old engage ME. "I like your boots". Had I not been married at the time I would have grabbed that number then and there. She had the puppy dog eyes BIG TIME.

Some of the best practice is engaging with other guys. There was a big black dude standing right in front of the rice I wanted one day. Not my usual Social group to say the least....

"Excuse me , gotta grab that rice here by your knee"
"Man that'sa lot of rice! "
"yeah gonna do a big pot of Jambalaya."
"Alright brah! when's the party?!!"

ummmm indirect opener anyone?


Plus in a community as small as mine, it is entirely possible that the woman who looks at me may rocognize me form somewhere else. The Gym, friends in common, a speaking engagement , her kid's school. I'm always giving off a warm open vibe to give them an opening to engage on that premise....

 

[Beam]

Thanks guys, I appreciate your tips. Didn't want to post here again until I had something to say. So BigS, I took your advice and set myself a small goal - the first cute girl I'd see during the day on her own not wearing headphones I'd approach. Since I've been working late and it gets dark early this doesn't happen frequently - but yesterday when I was walking to lunch I spotted a short redhead (R) with glasses. I hesitated for a short second but remembered I'd set myself a goal and just went ahead and did it.

I stopped her and the conversation went like this:

M: "Excuse me"
*she stopped and looked at me expectantly*
M: "I saw you walking over there and thought you looked cute, so I wanted to say hi"
*she gave an embarrassed little laugh and looked away but in a good way, like she was saying "oh stop it" with her body language*
R: Thanks

I paused and smiled before continuing:

M: I just moved to town and I'm looking to meet some new people. I'm M.*shaking her hand - should practice holding it rather than shaking*
M: What are you doing at the moment?
R: I'm going to get a coffee, but I should let you know that I'm actually married! (I think I'm subconsciously more confident around older looking girls because younger ones still intimidate me due to not having much success with them in the past and feeling like a creeper, even though I'm still 26.. In retrospect this one was probably around her early 30s)
M: That's ok! Well, I hope you have a great day. It was nice to meet you
R: You too!

*as we both started walking away she started to praise me a bit*
R: This is great though! More people should do this. Nice confidence
M: Ha, thanks

I was proud of myself for that one! And I set myself a new goal - talk to a girl walking at night, as long as it's in a well lit area with other people around so I don't freak her out.

But I regressed again. Every girl I ran into was either wearing ear/headphones or talking to someone using a bluetooth headset, and even though I made eye contact with a few I hesitated and didn't approach. Got so horny afterwards and depressed that I didn't approach that I came home and relapsed to porn.

Like you said though, this is a marathon...

 

[BigS]

Hey man,

Great job!

M: "Excuse me"
*she stopped and looked at me expectantly*
M: "I saw you walking over there and thought you looked cute, so I wanted to say hi"
*she gave an embarrassed little laugh and looked away but in a good way, like she was saying "oh stop it" with her body language*
R: Thanks

I paused and smiled before continuing:

I think this is great--you probably had great fundamentals and she was interested in you immediately. Overall no critiques about this part.

M: I just moved to town and I'm looking to meet some new people. I'm M.*shaking her hand - should practice holding it rather than shaking*
M: What are you doing at the moment?

So you are getting some investment from her by her reaching out to shake your hand. I would say that before asking your "what are you doing?" question, you want to increase her investment/compliance in the interaction in a stepwise fashion.

One way I am experimenting with doing this currently is by using push-pull. This creates intrigue on the girl's part and is more likely to make her invest/comply with future requests.

I see the opener as a pull: you are bringing her into the interaction and qualifying her. What you can slowly start to do is introduce disqualifiers. A disqualifier would work really well in this interaction because she showed immediate interest in you and disqualifying her after you know she's interested will only make her chase you.

For example, after your opener when you can tell that she's interested in you, it could've gone something like this:

M: I just moved to town and I'm looking to meet some new people. I'm M.
R: I'm R
M: actually I don't normally go after girls named R (disappointed look)
R: but why??
M: idk, bad experiences
R: well I'm not like other R's!
M: okay, all I can promise you is a fair shot then
R: hahaha, whatever
M: [touching her shoulder/arm] I want you to win--im routing for you!

What you've done by disqualifying her and having her qualify herself is set up a nice chase frame where she is "a contestant among many girls now trying to seduce YOU".

This also works well because it is making a "teamwork" or an "us vs. the world" frame. You two are solely working together against all odds to make sure you two end up together.

I know she was married, but the fact that she complimented your approach means that if she wasn't married she would totally be down to go on a date with you. Good work.

As for not doing more approaches during the night, I tend to stay away from night street approaches, but go for it. Also, don't get yourself down for not doing more. Try to focus on the things you did well and congratulate yourself for improving a little bit each day. How does the saying go? Rome wasn't built in one day? Idk. But anyways man, great work and start introducing push-pull a bit.

Cheers,

BigS

 

[zappbrannigan]

Good job on the goal setting, man! Respect. Just keep it up. You'll have ups and downs, that's all part of the game.

Regarding girls wearing ear buds; if she looks interesting enough, there's a small trick you can do. When you make the approach, first smile and make eye contact (which I hope you're doing already anyway), then you can make the motion of pulling out your own (imaginary) ear buds. When she's done that, then you start talking.

I also dislike approaching girls that are intentionally closing themselves off by wearing headphones, but if they look like they're open but just listening to music, I've occasionally approached like that. You will find they don't mind if you make it worth their while (which you do, as you're paying them a compliment to brighten their day!).

 

[BigS]

zappbrannigan,

Really interesting technique for having girls take out their headphones by having them mirror your actions! Ive gotta try this one.

Also, I agree with regard to girls listening to music--this fact alone does not make them more or less "closed off". Some will still be happy to stop listening and talk to you. I will just say that its a little more complex as a transition: you need to wait for them to take the headphones out, pause the music, or even wait for them to find a place to put their headphones away if they become more engrossed in the conversation. Nonetheless, it is great practice being able to handle this transition smoothly.

 

[Beam]

Thanks guys. I made another supermarket approach today. I spotted a tall, attractive brunette (B)in a nice white dress (wearing earphones!) in the isle, but there was another guy right there and she looked closed off, and when I tried making eye contact she didn't return it, so I didn't approach. Later, I saw her in another isle on her own, so decided to go for it. But as soon as I started walking towards her another girl entered the isle right where she was so I bailed and we walked past each other. My heart was pounding a million miles a minute. But not to be deterred, I waited in the isle, hoping that she would start walking back again (not good, she could have easily gone the other direction and that would have been it. But I wanted to naturally engage her as she walked back so I didn't come across as too invested- my ego coming into play again), and she did. I took the chance this time, walking directly up to her. I made eye contact and because I was in front of her, she was clearly expecting me to say something and started to smile.

M: Excuse me
B: *stopped, smiled and took out her earphones, waiting expectantly* (this was a big win for me, because this girl looked quite intimidating before with her earphones, not smiling and not making eye contact. I've bailed out of approaches because of girls with this exact same vibe)
M: I noticed you earlier in the isle and I thought you looked really attractive, so I wanted to say hi (fumbled over these words a little bit)
B: *she beamed and gave a little laugh. At the same time I noticed a man walking past us with a smile on his face - he'd clearly overheard me*.
B: Thank you! But I'm married! (damn, again. I have a knack for approaching married women)
M: Haha, that's ok.
B: That took a lot of balls though!
M: Yes it did (I started to walk away but not in a dismissive way, more of a "that's fine, I'll leave you to it" way)
B: *still smiling* It was nice meeting you!
M: You too! See you later.

And I walked. At this point I started to tremble a bit even though I wasn't while talking to her - must have been the adrenaline pump. Afterwards I saw the same man that had walked past us and he smiled at me.

This was a pretty good approach and it was a bit eye opening. I didn't approach her the first two times mainly because there were other people around, but the third time when I was talking to her someone was there, overheard and just... smiled. That was it. Chase did say this - he noticed people would enjoy seeing you try because it's so unusual but I guess I had to experience it for myself. Of course there will be judgemental people in the future and the girls might not be as warm but this was still a great reference point.

Also, this girl was wearing earphones and didn't make eye contact until I was in her space. I guess I just expected that if a girl didn't look my way she wasn't interested in talking at all. I still need to improve my fundamentals but in the meantime when girls aren't looking at me of my own accord I can still engage them. Might seem obvious, but to me this is a big deal.

 

[zappbrannigan]

Hey SpookyTannedMoose, you did a great job! Next time you'll have this reference experience in your back pocket and it will be just a little less intimidating to do something like this. Keep practicing like this and a year from now you'll look back on this post and see how far you've come!

 

[Beam]

Thanks man! Yeah, gotta keep at it.

 

[Space]

Maybe should start using variations of the "what would you want a guy to say if he approached you" line like O'Pry did.

Where to find more info on this? It may be interesting.

Whoops. It seems I didn't manage to quit the forum even partially as I promised myself. No problem.

 

[Fuck This]

STM,

It's funny I'm in a town of 60,000 and I feel like it is more acceptable talking to strangers in the smaller towns. Welcomed in fact.

My opener has always seemed to be eye contact and "hello". The way she responds tells me how interested she is. I'll usually do an indirect comment at that point, and do an introduction. Then the conversation is "are youfrom around here?" "No, i'm new in town trying to figure out where the cool places are"

At that point most available women will expound on bars and restaurants. I'll ask for details on location and feign ignorance (most women are shitty at giving directions) "You may just have to show me" with a sly grin...

Now if she has a boyfriend or husband this is where she brings him up...To which you say "does he have a cute sister or cousin I should meet? I think you should be the social chairman and introduce me to your crew. "
What this does is show your social confidence, take the pressure off of her, and gives her some social proof.
You would be surprised how many taken women will whore out their available friends...