- Joined
- May 28, 2013
- Messages
- 77
Hey, players!
I haven't posted here often—most of my reports I write in my journal here
Now, frustratingly enough, my first version of this post was lost. But hopefully my mildly abridged iteration will still kick some ass.
---
This approach occured at Starbucks today. After ordering my drink I noticed a cute girl, so I wracked my brain for any information on a smooth way to meet her. Luckily recalling one piece of advice on meeting women in coffee shops, I made my move.
"Wow! This place is crowded," I began, positioning myself by the wall next to the table where she was sitting. Her head slowly rose, so I reciprocated by equally slowly turning my head towards her, and waited a moment before I made eye contact.
After we quickly acknowledged each other, I leaped into the plan since I didn't know what else to do. "By the way, could you watch my stuff for me while I go to the restroom?"
The idea was to get her a bit more comfortable and like we already knew each other. I think. In any case, it worked out fine. She agreed, even asking me if I wanted to place my stuff on her table instead of the one adjacent, which showed a bit of investment on her part. "Sure, you can keep a closer eye on it there," I said, totally cool with it.
As soon as I came back I quickly thanked her and asked, "Is this seat taken?"
She gave me the okay, but she seemed a bit uncomfortable, so I adjusted my positioning. I pulled my chair a bit farther away from her so I was seated about one-and-a-half feet away instead of directly adjacent, and I angled the chair about 45 degrees away so my body was slightly turned away and I was talking to her over my shoulder. Hopefully that made it feel much less overwhelming for her.
"So what are you working on?" I asked. We talked, very normally, for a few seconds before I realized we didn't introduce ourselves yet, so I quickly added in, "I'm Alex, by the way" before I continued.
We talked pretty normally. I got to know a bit about her dreams and her perspective and some details about her life, but I didn't deep dive too much. I asked questions like "What do you do for work?" and "So, are you a native here or do you come from faraway lands?" and "Where'd you go for school?" and "What else do you do besides working on presentations at Starbucks?"
Now that I think about it, I only breached the very surface of those questions. I never really got into the meat of why she made the decisions she did, though I did learn that she loved travelling and dreamed of doing it more in the future. Not sure if I should be cool with that or not...I recall that I shouldn't really deep dive on a cold approach unless we moved somewhere more datelike. Then again, a coffee shop IS pretty datelike.
Our conversation continued pretty quickly. I employed the baiting I learned from Chase as best I could by probing for details with questions until she realized she knew nothing about me and reciprocated, wherein I then briefly replied with a couple of lines before asking her another question. Waiting for her to ask as a response to my questions actually wasn't too bad. Before I would try to force baiting a lot, but perhaps I can afford to allow social pressure to push her to ask for more about me.
After what felt like five minutes, but was probably more like ten, it was time to push for the close. I was pretty nervous, but I was already here so I figured, "Why the hell not?" I wasn't going to go bonkers over it though; I still followed Chase's advice and waited for a high point when she was laughing at something silly I said before I went for it.
"Right, right. So, I have to get running soon, but you seem like a cool girl...would you like to grab some coffee sometime?" I asked.
Immediately she became more nervous than before. She babbled for a bit and started talking a lot, saying something along the gist of, "Wait, are you asking me on a date? Because if you are then this might be a bad time but I have a boyfriend."
I didn't know what to do. I was floored. Stunned. Blown away. But, since I didn't know what to do, I just gave her a smile and waited until she finished before I said anything.
"I've just never really talked to a kickboxer before," I said, referencing something we talked about earlier. I think she bought my bluff, because I even tricked myself into thinking I was cool and nonreactive. Truthfully I was just covering up for my ineptitude. Also, I think this is me totally unintentionally doing that "sounds like an answer but not really an answer" response to her question, which was "Are you asking me on a date?" So that was pretty cool.
Eventually she agreed, though she did commented that she was unsure of whether we were going out as a date or to just talk. Which means I didn't make my intentions clear. It's also my fault for not building up as much attraction and focusing mainly on connection building tactics instead of tension. I should really start using Chase Framing as an avenue to resolve the imbalance.
---
So I got her number and left, but there's a few important details I really want to take note of.
1) I didn't introduce myself right away, or right when I came back. I should be exchanging names as soon as possible.
2) I didn't make my intentions clear. Most likely a consequence of my indirect-ish game. I should've commented on her gorgeous hair or her enchanting smile to make it more obvious to her why we were talking. Hint: It's because she was cute and I liked that.
3) My eye contact was SO KEY. Usually I shift my eyes away when I'm nervous, but I forced myself not to this time. Strangely, I find it relaxing to focus intently on the bridge of her nose. Like I'm thinking less about what to say and more about how she reacts. It felt really powerful and really easy to talk when we had such strong eye contact going.
4) I lied at one point when she asked me what I was doing. I told her I had to go meet up with friends when I was leaving, but I had also just told the cashier I planned to read at the coffee shop a minute before I met her. I reason that it's possible she was listening in and noticed the discrepancy, since she did ask me if I was reading when I told her I needed to go. This may have lowered her respect for me a lot. Oops, I should just tell the truth next time (or a partial truth anyways), like I was planning to read for a few minutes before I left but now I had to go.
5) I had this noticable smile going on the whole conversation. It was closed mouth, but it probably killed a lot of tension I had going. Perhaps I should reduce how big my smile is until it's a subtle smirk. Barely noticable.
That's it for today, fellas. I sent her a text, but don't think she'll be replying.
Peace out!
Alex
I haven't posted here often—most of my reports I write in my journal here
Now, frustratingly enough, my first version of this post was lost. But hopefully my mildly abridged iteration will still kick some ass.
---
This approach occured at Starbucks today. After ordering my drink I noticed a cute girl, so I wracked my brain for any information on a smooth way to meet her. Luckily recalling one piece of advice on meeting women in coffee shops, I made my move.
"Wow! This place is crowded," I began, positioning myself by the wall next to the table where she was sitting. Her head slowly rose, so I reciprocated by equally slowly turning my head towards her, and waited a moment before I made eye contact.
After we quickly acknowledged each other, I leaped into the plan since I didn't know what else to do. "By the way, could you watch my stuff for me while I go to the restroom?"
The idea was to get her a bit more comfortable and like we already knew each other. I think. In any case, it worked out fine. She agreed, even asking me if I wanted to place my stuff on her table instead of the one adjacent, which showed a bit of investment on her part. "Sure, you can keep a closer eye on it there," I said, totally cool with it.
As soon as I came back I quickly thanked her and asked, "Is this seat taken?"
She gave me the okay, but she seemed a bit uncomfortable, so I adjusted my positioning. I pulled my chair a bit farther away from her so I was seated about one-and-a-half feet away instead of directly adjacent, and I angled the chair about 45 degrees away so my body was slightly turned away and I was talking to her over my shoulder. Hopefully that made it feel much less overwhelming for her.
"So what are you working on?" I asked. We talked, very normally, for a few seconds before I realized we didn't introduce ourselves yet, so I quickly added in, "I'm Alex, by the way" before I continued.
We talked pretty normally. I got to know a bit about her dreams and her perspective and some details about her life, but I didn't deep dive too much. I asked questions like "What do you do for work?" and "So, are you a native here or do you come from faraway lands?" and "Where'd you go for school?" and "What else do you do besides working on presentations at Starbucks?"
Now that I think about it, I only breached the very surface of those questions. I never really got into the meat of why she made the decisions she did, though I did learn that she loved travelling and dreamed of doing it more in the future. Not sure if I should be cool with that or not...I recall that I shouldn't really deep dive on a cold approach unless we moved somewhere more datelike. Then again, a coffee shop IS pretty datelike.
Our conversation continued pretty quickly. I employed the baiting I learned from Chase as best I could by probing for details with questions until she realized she knew nothing about me and reciprocated, wherein I then briefly replied with a couple of lines before asking her another question. Waiting for her to ask as a response to my questions actually wasn't too bad. Before I would try to force baiting a lot, but perhaps I can afford to allow social pressure to push her to ask for more about me.
After what felt like five minutes, but was probably more like ten, it was time to push for the close. I was pretty nervous, but I was already here so I figured, "Why the hell not?" I wasn't going to go bonkers over it though; I still followed Chase's advice and waited for a high point when she was laughing at something silly I said before I went for it.
"Right, right. So, I have to get running soon, but you seem like a cool girl...would you like to grab some coffee sometime?" I asked.
Immediately she became more nervous than before. She babbled for a bit and started talking a lot, saying something along the gist of, "Wait, are you asking me on a date? Because if you are then this might be a bad time but I have a boyfriend."
I didn't know what to do. I was floored. Stunned. Blown away. But, since I didn't know what to do, I just gave her a smile and waited until she finished before I said anything.
"I've just never really talked to a kickboxer before," I said, referencing something we talked about earlier. I think she bought my bluff, because I even tricked myself into thinking I was cool and nonreactive. Truthfully I was just covering up for my ineptitude. Also, I think this is me totally unintentionally doing that "sounds like an answer but not really an answer" response to her question, which was "Are you asking me on a date?" So that was pretty cool.
Eventually she agreed, though she did commented that she was unsure of whether we were going out as a date or to just talk. Which means I didn't make my intentions clear. It's also my fault for not building up as much attraction and focusing mainly on connection building tactics instead of tension. I should really start using Chase Framing as an avenue to resolve the imbalance.
---
So I got her number and left, but there's a few important details I really want to take note of.
1) I didn't introduce myself right away, or right when I came back. I should be exchanging names as soon as possible.
2) I didn't make my intentions clear. Most likely a consequence of my indirect-ish game. I should've commented on her gorgeous hair or her enchanting smile to make it more obvious to her why we were talking. Hint: It's because she was cute and I liked that.
3) My eye contact was SO KEY. Usually I shift my eyes away when I'm nervous, but I forced myself not to this time. Strangely, I find it relaxing to focus intently on the bridge of her nose. Like I'm thinking less about what to say and more about how she reacts. It felt really powerful and really easy to talk when we had such strong eye contact going.
4) I lied at one point when she asked me what I was doing. I told her I had to go meet up with friends when I was leaving, but I had also just told the cashier I planned to read at the coffee shop a minute before I met her. I reason that it's possible she was listening in and noticed the discrepancy, since she did ask me if I was reading when I told her I needed to go. This may have lowered her respect for me a lot. Oops, I should just tell the truth next time (or a partial truth anyways), like I was planning to read for a few minutes before I left but now I had to go.
5) I had this noticable smile going on the whole conversation. It was closed mouth, but it probably killed a lot of tension I had going. Perhaps I should reduce how big my smile is until it's a subtle smirk. Barely noticable.
That's it for today, fellas. I sent her a text, but don't think she'll be replying.
Peace out!
Alex
